"Ara ara, Usagi-chan..."

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Tuxedo Jack
- and -
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions
- present, with many apologies to Takeuchi and Akamatsu -

Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
A Crossover that Should Never Be!

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Disclaimer: Yosh, togg, ara ara, myuu. Miya, aaauu, and wocka-
wocka-wocka!

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Chapter 6.21
"But hasn't it ended already?"

* * * * * * * * * * *

Diary,

It's been quite a while since I wrote in you, hasn't it?

I'm sorry it's been so long, but with the Todai exams and all,
and what with my moving in to Hinata-sou (which, while temporary,
served its purpose), it's been busy lately.

Then there's the whole thing about me turning into Sailor
Yakusoku. Ara ara, it's weird, turning into a Sailor Senshi,
but if that's what happens to me, then it happens.

The whole thing ended about a week ago, though, and it was
very messed up through it all.

Should I tell you about it, diary?

Ara ara, I guess I should. After all, so many people know about
it already, and it can't hurt to tell anyone else, ne?

It all started when Kei-kun went missing. I'd tell you about
what had led up to it, but I've already gone into detail about
it in other entries.

Besides, I'm low on ink, and I don't have any other pens. I'd
borrow one from Naru-senpai, but she's... occupied.

* * * * *

Anyway, ever since I became Sailor Yakusoku, strange things
have happened to me, like the whole Kanako incident.

Like I said, the night that Keitaro and I kissed under the
arch at the stairs... well, I didn't get the completion I
wanted, but it was nice, and later, Shinobu and Su told me
that they had seen a white aura around us, and that's what
sparked my curiosity.

Ara ara, but I told you what happened after that. ^_^¿

So, like I said before, the rest of the Senshi and I found
the Hina Blade in the attic, and it channels the energy of
the Yakusoku. Supposedly, only two people could use that
sword - the Promised two. What's odd, though, is that I found
out that I was wrong - _really_ wrong. Since I could tap into
the Yakusoku, I took the sword from Naru-chan and left the
house with it.

I didn't notice that there was a Kei-kun following me at first.
When the rest of the Senshi left, I knew that they were being
followed, but I didn't know what was going to happen to them.

However, I had a hunch of what the clone was going to do to me.

Anyways, he followed me to the teahouse, and the Kei-kun clone
had a cup of tea with me. Haruka-san was curious about him, and
why he wasn't with Naru.

'Naru's not the one I'm interested in,' he said.

Haruka-san's eyes opened a bit.

"Oh?"

"That's right," he said. "Ever since the time we took Mutsumi
to Okinawa, I've been interested in her, and after Liddite
attacked, I thought more and more about her and the sweet taste
of her lips..." He blushed and sipped at his o-cha.

I smiled, but something inside he told me that it was wrong,
that this wasn't how Keitaro would act, so the clone and I
finished our tea and went off towards the Dark Storage Shed,
where Liddite had said that his mistress Queen Kanako had
kept Kei-kun.

On the way over, he slipped his arm around my waist. I didn't mind,
but the fact that his other hand had a knife in it kind of bothered
me. The odd things about it was that I didn't do anything about it.

Well, not really. I did faint, but I didn't really do that on my own,
ne?

* * * * *

Keitaro-clone screamed in agony.

Mutsumi's soft body was on top of his, her buh... buh... brea...
The clone nosebleeded. Even the thought of them was enough to
drive him mad! He decided to have them, and he tried to raise
his arm to cut her dress off with his knife -

- Only to realize that he couldn't lift his arms, because Mutsumi's
slight (though mostly top-heavy) weight was pinning him down quite
effectively.

The clone sighed. "Why me, God?"

* * * * *

When I woke up, I found the clone wincng and straining to move.

"Ara ara, Kei-clone is so bold!" I said, then stood up and
watched him rush at me with his knife.

I smirked. "Yakusoku Doukasen Power, MAKE UP!" (7)

"YAKUSOKU CANNON!"

He faded into dust, and then reformed into a shard of a mask.
I picked it up and kept going towards the shed.

When I got there, a cute little black cat was outside, and I
wondered for a second if this was a parody of a sentai anime
from the early 1990s, but I shrugged it off and went inside.

It was right about then that someone outside - or inside,
I don't know which - turned on some music. It sounded like
it was that song... you know, diary-kun, the one from "Sailor
Moon..." That's it, it was called "Ai no Energy wo Ubae!"

It scared the heck out of me.

But I went in, and after going through a few dark rooms -
one was filled with youma, which were really just cardboard
cutouts; the second was packed to the brim with nice lingerie
(I grabbed a few bras on my way through. They were a bit small,
but they looked nice, and besides, I want to see how they look
on me - and if I can't fit them, I'm certain Shinobu-chan will
in a few years); and the last one... well, it had some odd
black mist floating in the air. I passed it and went into the
next room.

An unusual sight greeted me - Naru-chan had her hand down
Kei-kun's boxers and was kissing him busily, while Kei-kun
was nosebleeding like a stuck pig.

I clapped my hands together, ending the whole thing, and spoke.
"Wai! Threesome!" (8)

At that, Naru's eyes turned venomous, and Kei-kun's nose spewed
out so much blood it looked like that old movie... what was it...
ah, 'Dracula: Dead and Loving It,' when the vampire Lucy was staked!

"NO! Keitaro's _mine!_" Naru shouted, and hugged him to her
chest - which caused him to squeak and lose even more blood.
Oddly enough, not a drop seemed to stain anything or get on
anyone - Kei-kun just turned white and died from the loss
of it all.

"Ara ara, Naru-chan, it seems you've killed Kei-kun, just like
that girl squirrel did to Liddo-kun in that one episode of 'Liddo-kun
and Friends,'" I said.

Naru grew furious, and all of a sudden, a huge ball of black energy
grew in her hands. "BAKA! _You_ killed oniisama when you said threesome!"
Her diguise melted away, and Kanako-san stood there.

Even when she's evil and she's trying to kill you, I have to
hand it to her - she is unbearably utsukushiku.

"Ano, Kanako-san, your chest killed him," I replied, and dodged her
ball of energy.

"You did it," she screamed as she fired off more and more bolts at
me. One shot hit me, and it knocked me back on top of Kei-kun's body,
which, for some reason, was still red, despite all the blood he'd lost.

"Itai... Mutsumi-san?" Kei-kun sat up, much to our surprise, and plotzed.

Of course, my breasts in his face didn't help matters at all.

"Ara ara, I guess that you didn't due from the blood loss, Kei-kun,"
I said, before getting up and aiming at Kanako. 'YAKUSOKU CANNON!'

The blast of pure energy hit her, and she went down.

Hard.

When she got up, she had a hole burned through her stomach, and
she was wincing in pain.

"You... you're not taking oniisama from me! I've come too far
in so long, and I'm not going to fail!" Kanako raised her hand,
and something black rolled into her wound, healing it completely.

"Adoptive Lusty Power, MAKE UP!"

Kanako-chan had a transformation sequence, and I think that
she was naked for a second - at least, that's what made Kei-kun
nosebleed again.

"I'm Sailor Yami, and I'll take oniisama back for myself!"
Kanako-chan - no, Sailor Yami, I forgot - leapt into midair
and fired off several bolts of energy at me. She didn't even
aim at Kei-kun, who by now had transformed into Sailor
Senpai again.

"Yakusoku CANNON!"

"Todai Exam SURGE!"

The combined attack hit her, and she was knocked back - but
Kanako-chan quickly fired off more attacks, and they knocked
me back into Kei-kun.

He caught me, and purely by accident my lips touched his.

The white aura surrounded us, and Yami's eyes grew huge. "NO!"

Suddenly, Kei-kun lost his fuku and appeared in a white dress.
He glared up with a flash of light glinting off his glasses, and
pulled an automatic pencil out of nowhere.

"Super Exam Grade Heartbreak Special!"

Thousands of exam papers flew at Sailor Yami, followed by a
giant "F," and she collapsed, unconscious. Kei-kun caught
one of the papers in midair and read it - "A perfect score!
We made it into Toudai!"

* * * * *

Ara ara, diary-kun, that was a long entry, wasn't it?

Oh, well, it's over and done with now. It was fun, though,
and Kei-kun found some watermelons in the storage shed, so
it was worth the trip.

Oh, and did I mention that Kei-kun and I completed the
Yakusoku?

That's right, we're in Toudai now, and we share a room at
Hinata-sou, despite Naru-chan's objections. She was turned
into an SD character for some odd reason, and Su-chan hasn't
fixed her yet. Come to think of it, she's enjoying her new
job...

* * * * *

The SD Naru sulked. "Why did I ever agree to this?" She
swung her paddle towards Kanako threateningly. "Oujosama
to oyobi!" (9)

I suppose I should state tha Kanako was naked except for wisps
of fabric covering her... erm, NC-17 spots... and SD Naru was
dressed in a white leather angel outfit with a paddle.

SD Naru grinned. "On second thought, this might be fun!
Oujosama to oyobi! OUJOSAMA TO OYOBI! Oh, hohohohoho!"

Kanako screamed in horror from her chained-up position on the
wall of the No-Longer Quite so Dark Storage Shed.

* * * * *

Off in other dimensions, Naga, Aeka, and Kodachi sneezed.

* * * * *

Off in reality, Kebinu's nose exploded in a fountain of blood.

Kana Himezaki passed out and was promptly taken to a nearby
hospital, where he once again drained the blood bank in an
effort to replenish his supply.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Like I said, there are alternate endings for each character. ^_^

There are at least two more endings in mind. I don't think I'll
write one for Shinobu or Su, and Kitsune... well, I'll leave
that to the author of "Foxheart," whom I believe is Eijentu.

I don't apologize for the Kanako/Naru punishment scene. You knew
what you were getting into when you started reading my stuff, and
you knew that I'm sick, twisted, and a completely eeeeeevil bastard.

Next up is the expected ending - and you know who it is this time.
After all, good couldn't defeat evil all the time.

Ja ne!

Tuxedo Jack
May 18th, 2003

"Call me Musashi now! Go, Jioh-Maru!"