Title: Reconfiguration
Summary: A few minutes delay is all it takes to change the course of lives, and Atem is not certain if he should thank the gods or curse them for this shift in his destiny. For what did it mean for his fate, this chance to know the world again in his own flesh? What good might come from this chance to linger so solidly in a world he was meant to leave? [Puzzleshipping, Canon Branch-Off]
Rating: T for Teen. Language, etc.
Author: Phoebe Delos
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! DM
Spoilers: Pretty much the full series (manga edition).
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! isn't mine. Neither is Ringu.
Notes: And I'm done catching up to my Ao3 releases! FYI, I'm currently working on chapter 9, but illness and family situations have cost me a lot of writing time recently. I'm afraid it's more realistic to just say I'll have it up when I can, than to give a release estimate.
:: Sunday, June 21 ::
"…Run. Run, damn it! Don't just stand there and ask why and keep watching– oh crap, don't answer the phone!"
"Is Sadako going to come right up to the screen?"
"Would you guys shush?"
"That looks so weird."
"Why is he still watching the TV? If I were him, I would be running the hell out– holy shit!"
"Did she just come out of the freaking TV?!"
"Why the fuck isn't he running?! RUN, YOU IDIOT–"
"Oh, he is dead."
"Well duh, he's dead! What was he thinking, that– oh, look at her nails!"
"And he fell… and now he's crawling. He's dead. He is so dead."
"Will you guys shut up? I am trying to watch– Ah!"
"What is with her eye?!"
"Bakura, what the hell were you thinking with this movie?!"
"Oh?" the named boy finally broke his silence amongst the cluster of screaming teens to look down at Jounouchi with a taken aback stare. "Are you not enjoying it?"
The blond twisted about on his spot on the floor to gawk at Bakura, the movie scene changing behind him and highlighting his stressed yells against the sudden quiet. "No, I am not enjoying it! I told you I hate ghosts,remember?!"
"Huh," Bakura… remarked, popping some popcorn into his mouth as he turned back to the screen. "I guess I thought you'd warm to it."
Jounouchi scoffed, stumbled over some comeback… and ultimately gave up verbal retribution in favor of reaching up and swiping the snack bowl. "Stop hogging it already, will you?!"
Unfortunately, Bakura wasn't the one holding it.
Anzu quickly reached down and yanked the bowl back, glaring hot fire at the would-be thief as she settled back on the couch. "You've had more than half of it, Jounouchi-kun. And will you shush?! I haven't heard a word said for the last minute!"
"The cop said Ryuuji is dead, and Reiko's asking that student girlfriend of his about finding his body," Honda filled in, apparently having caught the dialogue from his arm chair, well removed from the couch and its squabbling occupants. "She was going on about his dead face looking unnatural, and now Reiko's freaking out. Nothing pertinent missed."
"Still, she's trying to figure out the curse, isn't she?"
Yuugi, sitting on the couch on Anzu's other side, paused mid-popcorn sneaking to look down at the last speaker– the man sitting on the floor between his and her feet.
Atem didn't look back, but waved indicatively at the image of the woman running around her own apartment, clearly distressed. "Something triggered the curse for Ryuuji, and not her, and she's worried that her son will die too, so–" He was cut off by the television making that sharp, jarring noise that always accompanied something scary in the film.
Yuugi looked up, instantly alert and curious, but he must have missed it because all he saw was the Reiko lady's shocked face and– and his mind blanked out as Atem belatedly jerked.
Jerked, pressed his shoulder into Yuugi's knee, and clutched his ankle.
No one else must have noticed, given their collective gasps and Jounouchi's "What the shit?!" but Yuugi sure noticed… was left pointedly aware of the arm pressed against his calf, the tight grip squeezing the rough cotton of his sock into his skin, the touch warming him through the fabric.
Yuugi stared at the back of Atem's head, waiting for… something.
Something to signify why he was holding onto him.
The seconds ticked by, the movie rolled on, his shock ebbed, and in its place came logic and dismissal. Because obviously, there was no why. The grab was a thoughtless, distracted impulse on Atem's part, the contact lingering only because the movie wasn't over yet. The former pharaoh might be restrained about it, might curb his own outbursts instinctively, but he was just as prone to shock and fear as the rest of them, so… he just got scared. Simple.
But a new question flowed through Yuugi's mind in place of the first, heavy and abstract and wordless and itchy as his own nerves. Because… even as he dismissed his shock, and Atem's touch, he couldn't… he couldn't pull his attention away from the contact.
He should be watching the movie. Instead, he kept staring at the back of Atem's head, imagining the hand at the ankle he couldn't see, caught in the same mental white space he… he found himself falling into more and more often. The space he had once called shock but was clearly shifting to distraction because, even if they did not touch often, it had happened enough across the last week that it shouldn't be a surprise anymore. Atem just… touched him sometimes. Could touch him. And he touched him… when it was called for. Their arms or shoulders would brush when they sat together, or their fingers would catch as they passed things between them, and sometimes Atem would even purposely reach out to him, and yeah it had always startled Yuugi, but… but instead of growing used to it, it felt like… it was getting worse.
And that earlier? At the paintball game? That had been different. Or, not different just… warm. A warm smile and warm red eyes and warm, sharp elbows under his hands and warm hands in his hands and–
Yuugi shut his eyes, huffing out a silent breath as he strove to shake off the thought without any visible movement.
Seriously, why was he thinking like this? About it at all? Yeah, it was still weird, but Atem had been flesh and bone for over a week now. It wasn't a novelty anymore. He just needed to get used to it already. Stop thinkingabout it so much! There was no reason to feel so… weird about it.
…But logic couldn't change how that touch scratched at his nerves. How it distracted him. How Yuugi jumped – just a little – when Atem's grip twitched.
And yeah, he might have yelped.
Just a bit.
Atem instantly looked back, whatever movie-prompted fear might have been in his eyes replaced by true concern. "Something wrong, aibou?"
Yuugi smiled, forcing himself to relax under everyone's sudden gaze. "No, this movie is just really creepy."
"You're telling me," Jounouchi huffed, words muffled around a mouthful of popcorn. He'd apparently managed to claim the bowl at… some point. "The guy's dead, and now if Reiko wants to save her kid, she's got to curse her dad?"
…Is that how it works? Yuugi wondered, finally looking back to the television.
The credits were already rolling, though, and someone turned on a table lamp. Light flooded Bakura's living room and Yuugi blinked through the glare to discover a mess of wrinkled sleeping bags, opened snacks, and abandoned games still strewn across the floor, just as they had left it.
Bakura stepped over an empty chips bag to reach the television, ejecting the tape and shutting off the screen before asking, "Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun gave their verdicts, but what do the rest of you think?"
"Not bad," Otogi piped in first, stretching his legs with a strained sigh before leaning back in his own armchair, hands folded behind his head. "Just your basic spook flick in the end, but the cursed tape thing was pretty unique– and that ending was quite a twist."
"I think so, too," Bakura smiled, only to turn back to Jounouchi. "And to answer your question, I don't think Reiko would just let her father die. She would have told him to copy the tape, too, and pass it on to someone else… which you could call amoral as well, but it you read the sequel, you know it doesn't really matter what she intended him to do."
"Wait," Jounouchi froze, gawking at the teen with tension running visibly up his back. "There's a sequel? You– you're not going to make us watch that too, are you?!"
"And what do you mean by read?" Honda added, cutting in and earning a sudden, tickled smile from their host.
Jounouchi made a strangled, frustrated noise as he answered Honda, instead.
"Oh! I mean the book. This movie is actually based on a book series, and Ringu was the first story in it." Bakura laughed a little as he fished around for the VHS box, putting up the tape as he admitted, "Honestly, I'm happy all of you agreed to watch this, but I really think the book is better– though it might not be fair to compare them, really. They're just so different."
"How so?" Atem asked, readjusting on the floor so that his head was resting against the seat cushion, just by Yuugi's knee.
He still hadn't let go of him.
But even if Yuugi noticed, Bakura didn't seem to, even as he smiled right at the lounging king. "Well, for starters, it's less scary and more like a mystery, even though they make a bigger deal of Sadako's death and her powers. And, let's see, Reiko's last name is still Asakawa but he is actually a boy and–"
"Wait, wait– what?" Anzu cut in, and even Yuugi looked up and stared Bakura with shock at that claim.
"Then… was Ryuuji still a guy?" he tried, but the pale-haired shook his head with an uncertain eye.
"Yes, why would you think otherwise?"
"Uh, because Ryuuji and Asakawa Reiko, or whatever he's called in the book? They're Yoichi's parents and all into each other?" Honda clarified, earning a couple considering blinks, and then a laugh from Bakura.
"Oh, that! No, no… Asakawa was the only parent in the books, and he– he's called Kazuyuki, by the way. He and Ryuuji were old friends, nothing more. The romance stuff was just added for the movie."
"Pffft, typical," Jounouchi scoffed, relaxing back against the couch's side with crossed arms, his face not visible from Yuugi's angle, but a glower clear enough in his voice alone. "What's the point of making the main guy a girl for the sake of romance if they don't even bang in the flick– hey!" He jerked back and glared over his shoulder at Anzu for swatting him in the ribs with her heel.
She frowned right back, clearly ready to say something– but Otogi got there first, mumbling aloud that, "Well, they must have banged at some point, since they had Yoichi. But if you ask me, they definitely hooked up after that kiss on that boat."
"Off screen doesn't count!" Jounouchi snapped, not looking back again as Anzu slumped in her seat with a frustrated sigh.
"Why do I like you guys again…?"
"Though, back to the book," Otogi went on, ignoring Anzu's jab in favor of musing aloud… and making all of them jump and look at him as he said, "If the movie director wanted to be really edgy, he should have kept Asakawa a guy, and added a romance with Takayama Ryuuji anyways."
Jounouchi choked audibly on air, Yuugi felt Anzu jerk into a tense standstill, and he himself couldn't do anything but stare at his friend with a blank mind and struggling comprehension.
If Honda or Atem had some reaction of their own, they did not voice it, and Yuugi did not notice. But he was certain they were all staring at Otogi when he shot them a laughing, unperturbed smirk, as if to ask Well, what are you looking at me for?
For his part, Bakura just considered Otogi for a few, silent moments, then shook his head before moving to retake his seat on the couch. "That probably wouldn't have been a good idea. Asakawa in the book was married with a baby girl, Yoko– the novel's version of Yoichi. If he had gotten involved with Ryuuji, it would have been considered an affair. And it would have been too cruel to kill off or ignore his wife, Shizu… Besides, the book version of Ryuuji isn't really a nice person."
Otogi nodded, sobering under the sincere reply… only to frown belatedly at Bakura. "Could you call him Takayama? Using my name for him and all… I know that's what it is, but it's just weird."
Honda gave a sudden, loud chuckle from across the room. "That's right, Ryuuji was killed by Sadako, wasn't he?"
Otogi shot him a dirty look, but didn't deign to reply… and he, and everyone else, quickly shifted their focus when Atem of all people spoke up with a humming, thoughtful, "Still, even if it would have been unpleasant, it would have been interesting if the movie kept Asakawa married to someone else, and showed him - or her - involved with Takayama anyways. Their affair would have been an ironic mirror to Sadako's own parents."
Someone hiccuped in shock.
Anzu… probably.
Yuugi didn't look up to check. He was too busy pinning an astounded look on the back of Atem's head. Because, yeah, he didn't sound approving of his own point, but still the very suggestion seemed so very… un-Atem-like.
So it was honestly much more understandable when he followed up the thought with a "But I don't really get why you'd want a romance between them in the first place."
" Yeah, Otogi," Jounouchi agreed, seeming to ease into the shift of focus as he leaned back against the couch between Anzu and Bakura's legs. He grabbed a soda from somewhere down near their feet Yuugi couldn't see, popping it open as he shook his head. "You really think the movie people could get away with something like that in a mainstream flick? Two guys involved?"
Atem finally let go of Yuugi, and the boy shut his eyes with a silent, shuddery sigh as his chest finally relaxed… a weird, listless sort of feeling rising up in place of the distraction that had plagued him.
He pushed it out of his mind, and when he opened his eyes again, he found Atem had turned to sit sideways, where he could face Jounouchi and shake his own head while looking directly at him. "No, I mean in the movieor the books, man or woman. Either way, I don't see what the romance adds to the story."
Jounouchi snorted in apparent, amused agreement, but… even as the blond said, "Here's to that" with a raised bottle, Yuugi could hear the uncertainty creeping into his voice. Because he must have noticed what Yuugi himself did almost instantly.
Even in profile, Yuugi could see it… Atem's expression wasn't dismissive, or irritated, or disagreeable.
He looked… confused.
Honestly confused.
It was a subtle thing, but it shone clear enough in his eyes that everyone must have seen it, and a lost sort of quiet fell over the living room… until Anzu dared to broach it.
"Well, um," she tried, and when Yuugi turned her way he saw that she was staring at Atem with an oddly anxious sort of look– a look Atem returned with a neutral sort of attentiveness, Yuugi saw, when he flicked his gaze back to the confused king. "Asakawa in the movie, Reiko? She really cared about Ryu– I mean, Takayama, so that made it a lot sadder in the end when he died. And more meaningful when he apparently helped her from beyond the grave."
Rather than look resolved by the fine explanation, Atem just shook his head again. "I understand that, Anzu. What I meant was, why does it mean more for them to be lovers, when they could have been friends, like in the book as Bakura described? I know I would be just as upset, if not more so than Reiko was there, if something like that happened to any of you." He instantly turned his gaze about with the group, the serious but appreciative glint in his eye cutting through the baffled hesitance in the air and making all of them slowly grin.
And when Atem craned his neck around to look up at him, Yuugi felt the confused tension in his own mind seep away under the warmth in that red gaze.
There just wasn't room for anything else but an answering smile.
"Dude," Jounouchi hissed, prompting Yuugi and Atem alike to turn his way and blink in the face of his grimace. "Don't even joke about that! Something like that happening to one of us… I'm going to have a hard enough time sleeping tonight as it is… especially with that TV right there!"
A laugh came surprisingly easily to Yuugi, and he let it loose as he grinned at his best friend. "Then it's a good thing we're all sleeping here together, right? We can keep an eye on each other and keep the ghosts away."
Jounouchi huffed at the mandatory humor in Yuugi's words, but his glance was genuinely grateful all the same.
At his feet, Atem chuckled, too, shaking his head… but even as he laughed, his complaint flowing more easily and casually than before, he still said, "The point remains, I still don't get it. How is it 'less sad' or 'less meaningful' if the characters are 'just' friends? That seems demeaning somehow."
Yuugi's own smile curled with fondness, and… something heavier, that he himself didn't understand, or feel any urge to scrutinize. But before he could press the sensation fully aside and reassure his other, someone else spoke up first.
"It's not about friendship meaning less, man."
All heads in the room turned with soft surprise to look at the speaker, but Honda's expression didn't shift with the sudden attention. He kept his surprisingly serious gaze set soundly on Atem, and said, "Being in love with someone is just special, so the loss of that person would just… It's different. And it would feel like a much bigger deal to a lot of people."
…If it had been quiet before, when Atem surprised them all, it was now dead silent.
And Yuugi… he was still looking at his friend, just like the others, but his mind had blanked out. Short-circuited on the sudden, unexpected input. He just… he didn't know how to take it.
And when the word 'loss' echoed through his ear… he just didn't want to think on it at all.
His eyes flicked back to his other self amid the impulse evasion, and he drank in Atem's profile… the strange emptiness of his expression.
He didn't know what to think of Honda's comments, either.
Yuugi was sure of that, so there was no surprise or confusion to upset the strained stillness of his mind when Atem breathed a flat "Oh."
A hand slapped down on Atem's shoulder, and Yuugi jerked nearly as violently as he did with the shock of it.
"Eh, who cares?!" Jounouchi dismissed, giving Atem a reassuring grin before his face twisted with recollecting distaste. "The important thing is, guy or gal, romance or not, that movie was horrifying, and no friendship or love story was going to salvage that! I swear, I know we said you could pick after that awesome Monster World campaign, but why did you have to steal my sleep and peace of mind?"
The last he aimed at their ever patient, ever terrorizing host, and in answer Bakura just laughed.
"Haha, sorry, Jounouchi-kun. Would picking the movie to watch while I finish dinner help?"
Jounouchi sniffed in reply, letting go of Atem to wave dismissively at Bakura, and once again the spell holding the group frozen broke. Atem leaned away from Jounouchi's sharp touch and glowered at his ignorant back, Anzu gave a weird little sigh at Yuugi's side, and everyone shifted their attention from speaker to speaker, once again free to move.
And Yuugi made himself join them, shaking off his own odd, scattered feelings like a layer of dust as he listened to Jounouchi say, "What about a game, instead? I'd rather not look at a TV screen or a tape right now, you know?" He gave a shudder, shooting a wary side glance at the benign, shut off television set.
"We told you," Anzu cut in before Bakura could answer, pinning a clear warning look on the blond at her feet. "We don't want to watch you guys duel all night. This sleepover is for all of us to do things together, and Honda-kun, Otogi-kun, and I don't duel."
"Oh, come on, Anzu!" Jounouchi snapped, scooting around on his butt to glower right back up at her. "I want to duel Atem! I haven't had a chance since Battle City ended!"
Beside him, Atem jerked to attention, his own ire washed away by instant intrigue.
Yuugi, too, sat up straight in his seat at the suggestion.
But Anzu was having none of it. "You could have done that anytime this week before the sleepover."
"Well I didn't know you'd put a stupid ban on it this weekend! And I bet it would be fun to watch!"
"Not when we all know what the result is going to be from the start," Otogi taunted, raising an arm to protect his face from a sofa pillow-turned-projectile.
"Oh, what do you know?! And come on, I know I'd enjoy seeing a duel, even if I'm not in it! And… oh! What if Atem and Yuugi dueled? I would totally watch that!"
If Yuugi hadn't already been sitting down, he would have tripped.
As it was, he nearly fell off of the sofa arm from whipping around so fast towards his friend, making Anzu jerk back with a yelp to find him suddenly kneeling on the cushions facing her, but looking right over her lap atJounouchi, who just kept grinning up at him expectantly.
…Slowly, Yuugi turned to look at his other self.
Atem hadn't moved at all, much less in surprise. No… he looked frozen stiff in shock.
But he must have felt Yuugi looking at him, because he instantly turned his head and stared back at him, the pair caught in their gaze and the mutual, surprising thought.
Duel each other…
It was kind of ridiculous that it hadn't occurred to Yuugi sooner, to be honest.
But rather than regret that fact or consider the multiple reasons why that was so, Yuugi just… smiled questioningly.
And Atem switched from flat surprise to shining elation so fast that he should have rightly hurt himself with the suddenness of that smile.
And it made it oh so hard, then, for Yuugi to shake his head. "I'd like that, too… but Anzu is right. If we play another game, we should pick something we can all enjoy."
To his relief, Atem didn't mirror Jounouchi's overt, loud disappointment. His smile ebbed down, yes, but the delight and approval still lingered in his expression, showing he understood Yuugi's reasoning… and still appreciated his general willingness at the idea.
Which could have spilt Yuugi into a fit of giggles, because of course he would be happy to duel him! He'd been too caught up in still thinking of them as a unit to consider it before, sure, but now that Jounouchi had voiced it…
Man, he hoped school didn't give him too much homework tomorrow. He wanted to keep his evening free, now.
For the time being, though, he turned to Bakura and his input without a single reservation.
"I have a copy of Clue you guys could play, if you want. It can only take six people, but I'll be busy in the kitchen anyways, so you guys can all play without a problem."
"But Bakura-kun," Anzu protested, turning to the boy with open, friendly disapproval. "You shouldn't have to make dinner all on your–"
"Oh! Oh!" Jounouchi suddenly yelled, jumping to his feet as he spoke over Anzu. "I call the red piece!"
"The red one's the Scarlett woman, Jounouchi," Otogi reminded him, smiling as Jounouchi's smile slid into uncertainty.
"Oh… which color isn't a girl?"
Half the room chuckled – Yuugi included – while Anzu just sighed. "Do you hear yourself when you talk?"
"Shut up!"
––––
Atem leaned into the sink as he scooped the running water into his hands and splashed his face.
He breathed out into the cool liquid, letting it run down his nose and chin and plaster his bangs to his cheeks… until the discomfort of leaning over overwhelmed the relief of the water. When he stood back up, the shift made him flinch and wonder if it had all even been worth the effort.
He sighed and reached blindly for a hand towel, less to dry himself and more to press the fabric against the pain in his brow.
His head was pulsing.
The ache had started some point in the middle of that movie, and had only grown from there, shifting from a mild, dismissible pang as the closing credits rolled to a throbbing torment that he could barely conceal as he and his friends played and ate dinner. He was sure he wouldn't be able to hide it much longer, and he suspected his partner had already noticed, given the frown Yuugi had shot him when Atem abandoned the table just as dessert was being served, claiming to need to use the bathroom.
Perhaps he was getting sick?
It doesn't feel like any of aibou's colds or flus, he mused, sighing as he re-hung the towel and shut off the faucet. It could just be that his new – or rather old – body didn't process things the same way Yuugi's did, but something told Atem that wasn't it. Something… something in him knew the truth well enough to deny the wrong solution, even as the right one alluded him. Whatever the cause was behind his pain, it had been prompted by that movie, not a virus.
And even if this was by far the worst he had ever felt, he had had other, milder headaches across the week.
They had been passing, though, and simple enough to ignore, while this one had settled somewhere behind his eyes, and Atem pinched the bridge of his nose for a long, centering moment, before finally steeling himself and turning for the door.
Maybe he could pull Bakura aside and quietly ask for some painkillers or something.
As he slipped out into the bathroom, though, his wary considerations on how to keep his friends and partner from seeing and worrying about his state ran smack dab into the realization that the hallway wasn't empty.
"Hey," Honda greeted simply, remaining as he was, leaning against the wall opposite the door with his arms crossed and a calm gaze set on the bathroom– and him.
What was he…
Atem blinked through his surprise and asked, "Did you need to use the toilet?"
"Yeah. Bakura offered to let me into the bathroom in his bedroom, but it felt weird to intrude."
"Hmm… right. Sorry for making you wait, then. It's all yours." Atem stepped to the side in a clear offering gesture of the vacant room behind him, then turned to go.
"Right… hey, Atem?"
He stalled, and turned to find Honda still there, leaning against the wall… and frowning down at the carpet.
Atem arched a brow in silent question, but did not speak… and after a breath Honda looked up and ask, "I didn't weird you out back there, did I? You know, after the movie? By getting all serious in answering you and all?"
He stared at Honda in silent, honest uncertainty, unsure what he meant… until a quick mental review of Honda's comments after the movie brought him to only one answer, and he tensed with a whole different form of uncertainty.
Right. That.
"No, of course not," he assured, offering his oddly serious-faced friend a smile that… was probably pretty transparent and strained. "What you said made sense, I'm sure. I just didn't get it."
Honda's expression twisted with a sort of half-there bewilderment. "Didn't get what? How being in love and romance and stuff might mean more to somebody than friendship?"
"No, I know people might feel that way," Atem sighed in dismissive answer, his eyes already wandering down the hall, the direction he intended to walk as soon as the conversation ended.
"Well, yeah, and it's cool if you don't feel that way, you know. Flattering, really, speaking as one of your friends," Honda finished on a grumble, prompting Atem to turn back to him, and his mouth to twitch with fond humor for the embarrassment plain on the guy's face. "But, when you were talking back in the living room? And the way you looked at me after I talked? It was almost like you didn't get the difference. Like you didn't get the difference between friendship and romantic love enough to even know why someone would ever pick romance, you know?"
…Atem felt his smile falling, despite himself.
He stared too long, let the silence hang too long, and Honda noticed.
His expression faltered, too, and they were left just… standing there, watching each other… until Atem turned back to the hall and spoke, far, far too late.
"I know what romance is, Honda."
"Well, yeah, I know you're not stupid, Atem," Honda sniffed, and Atem watched from his peripheral as the guy stuffed his hands into his pockets and fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. "But that's not the same as getting it, is it?"
"Well, that would follow, wouldn't it?" Atem drawled, striving with all his might to keep his tone from getting defensive, and his headache from shortening his temper. "I imagine you'd have to go through it to really get it,right? Or at least like someone in that way."
Honda gave a… very noncommittal hum of a sound, and when Atem flicked his gaze back to him properly, he saw Honda was just… looking at him, and the opaque scrutiny of that look chipped at his patience.
Just what was Honda getting at, anyways? This definitely didn't seem like some casual curiosity.
But whatever his intentions or his thinking, Honda said nothing for so long that Atem finally felt compelled to go on himself, shrugging and crossing his arms as he acknowledged, "You would probably know better than I would, wouldn't you? I know you've at least liked some girls before. So, if you think it's that easy to 'get it' then you should be the one stating what 'romantic love' is, and why someone would pick it."
"Well, yeah, I guess you have a point." Honda rolled his shoulders, readjusting his lean on the wall as he grimaced at the far end of the hall. "If I'm going to ask you, then I should at least put my money where my mouth is. I just wanted to know if you knew, but if I had to say, I guess… what makes romance different would be… erm… just… how do you…" He choked on a lost word, cheeks flaming hotter than the hot pot Bakura served them for dinner.
And all Atem could do was look on, his own irritation slowly unfurling into bemused interest.
He knew he should probably just tell Honda it didn't matter. That it was unnecessary to hunt so hard for an answer. That Atem had pressed for one just because Honda had been badgering him, and he didn't actually careabout the answer.
Instead, he just stood there, waiting… Honda's struggle spurring a sort of secondary intrigue in the living pharaoh.
If he were honest, he was a little curious what the man would say.
Because he did know what romance was, and what it looked like. He had his borrowed memories, after all, and a fair year or two of opportunities to witness at least crushes via his partner and friends… not to mention an entire backlog of fiction he could draw on, like the movie that had prompted this weird chat in the first place, for example.
But, as with that movie, Atem could only observe secondhand, and even the rare chance to experience the physical and mental sensations via his partner provided only a pattern of behavior. He didn't… he didn't know what the inside of those feelings was supposed to feel like.
And something told him it probably wasn't something that could be conveyed, but still he found himself standing there as Honda finally found his voice, spitting out a long delayed answer as he gestured at the carpet between them. "It's something about… okay, when you see a friend who's happy, it's… it's nice! It's really, really nice, and good, but… when you see someone you love is happy?" he choked out, almost pained before Atem's riveted gaze as he dove on. "And they're happy, either because of you, or at least with you, or around you, or you had some part in that happiness, it's…" he trailed off, a surprisingly blissful, even dopey grin splashing over Honda's face for something only he could see.
It was laughable, really. Should have been hilarious.
Atem wasn't laughing.
He was waiting… suddenly and intensely worried that Honda didn't actually have words to finish his point.
But no, his friend finally shook his head, his expression sobering again as he looked right at Atem. "When it's that? You want to be part of that. To be part of that happiness. Because you want them to be happy with or without you, yeah, but… you want to be part of that, too."
Atem… stared, caught with no reply, nothing to express, because he rightly and properly didn't know what to say.
And so, when Honda's expression finally softened and he asked, "Do you get that?" All Atem could do was shake his head.
"No, not really… but I can tell there's… a difference. Something special," he answered lamely, digging for a proper word and only coming up with the same one Honda used earlier that evening.
And Honda accepted it, at least in part, because he did nod… but he also narrowed his eyes, and asked, "So, you've never wanted to be part of someone's happiness?"
And Atem narrowed his right back. "I like being happy with all of you– my friends."
But instead of looking thrown by the point, or like he doubted his own definition in the face of it, Honda just looked… oddly disappointed.
He only jolted out of his silent, strange judgment when Atem gave an emphatic "I mean it!"
"No, no, that's cool! It's just… that's not quite what I meant."
Atem's mouth pulled tight as he considered his friend, his determined frown and uncertain eyes… before finally edging into a calm, but very pointed, clipped reply. "Honda… I get the feeling you're trying to get me to say something. Or realize something. And honestly, I don't know what it is."
The other man remained silent for a long moment, clearly absorbing Atem's claim… then, without a single twitch of his expression, nodded. "Yeah, I kind of am."
Atem's features twitched with incredulous shock, but he did not let the feeling settle over his features. He kept his poker face, his confusion only showing in the pull of his eyebrows.
But rather than meet the silent intensity, Honda actually relaxed, shaking his head as he sighed and slumped back into the wall. "But it won't mean anything if I have to tell you what it is, man. And if I have to, then it's probably not true to begin with, and I don't want to go putting ideas in your head. That's… not what I'm going for here."
And the stain of lost determination, of running into a dead end that marked Honda's voice? That finally cut through Atem's resistance. He loosened and dropped his arms, and allowed his bewilderment to show openly before his friend.
And when Honda did nothing but smile awkwardly in the face of it, Atem just said, "You're not making any sense."
The brunette actually laughed, turning his smile up on the ceiling. "Yeah… You know, you and I have never really talked before, and this was a really odd place to start."
Atem nodded… though in his head, he reflected that he had never really felt that way with him– that they had never talked. But he had had the benefit of watching Honda talk to Yuugi one-on-one countless times, while Honda's exposure to him was… more limited.
There was no way Atem was going to disagree, however, that this was bizarre.
Still, even as they both admitted that, Honda didn't excuse himself, or go to the bathroom.
And… oddest of all, perhaps, Atem didn't take advantage of the silence to leave.
He just… couldn't. There was clearly something Honda wanted to say to him, about love for friends and not for friends, that he felt really strongly Atem should realize for himself, but… Atem just didn't get it!
But he couldn't walk away from the failure of leaving it unknown, either.
And so, after a few breaths of silently clenching his fists and watching Honda smile at the ceiling, he spoke first.
"Want to… be part of someone's happiness?" he repeated, prompting Honda to blink his focus back to him, focus on him, and finally nod.
"Yeah… You know, be the source of someone's happiness? Want to make them smile everyday, and be there when they smile, and just be there for them, with them, and… you know, kissing and stuff, obviously." Honda's odd calm cracked with the last, an embarrassed grimace striking his face before he… actually sobered. He broke their gaze, looked down the hall as he scratched the back of his neck, but there was still calm sincerity to his voice as he admitted, "It's a pretty amazing feeling, having even the hope of giving someone all of that, and getting it back in return. And… well, I can only imagine what it's like, actually getting it. I can't speak for that."
And the guy was actually blushing.
And despite himself, Atem had to smile, relaxing under the sudden reminder of Yuugi, turning red and bright and ruffled when he teased him about his feelings… and when Honda asked a defensive, "Is that weird?"
Atem shook his head. "No, that doesn't sound weird."
"Well, good," Honda grinned, only to grow serious again as he asked, "Then, do you get what I'm getting at?"
"No," Atem said, still smiling as he leaned back on a heel and stuck his hands in his jean pockets. "Clearly, you want me to understand love – romantic love – and what it's like to feel it, but I still don't know why." His smiled ebbed, just a bit, as he pinned his gaze more sharply on his friend. "It's hard to believe this is all because we watched and talked about that movie."
Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Honda had quite the poker face of his own. But he certainly used it then, as he looked back at Atem… his simple reply of, "I just don't want you to regret anything," offered without the slightest bit of inflection.
And if this had all been a game, Atem would have definitely lost.
Because his shock definitely must have shown on his face.
But Honda didn't even acknowledge it. He just peeled himself off of the wall, announced, "I'm gonna take a leak," and finally moved for the bathroom.
And Atem was too thrown to do anything but watch… and stare at the door after it closed.
…What was that about?
Atem shook his head, as if to shake the entire baffling mess from his mind, but it remained stubbornly hooked in his focus as he turned to go… and stumbled to a stop just a few steps away, glowering hard at the carpet before his feet.
What was that about?
In the end, Honda hadn't really… he really hadn't made any sense at all. Sure, he knew Honda wanted him to get… something… but why had he been content to walk away when Atem still didn't understand? He wasn't satisfied at all!
And really, when he thought back to what was said, Atem found he was right. He really… still didn't 'get' romance as Honda clearly wished him to. All of his examples had just… they just all sounded so similar to friendshipin Atem's mind. To things he had known in the bonds he already cherished.
…Except for the kissing 'and stuff' of course.
He huffed, pressing his fingers to the space between his eyebrows.
His head was killing him.
"You alright?"
His head jerked up, his shoulders and body already relaxing before his mind even processed and recognized the voice, or saw the boy standing at the end of the hall.
Yuugi.
As soon as they met eyes and a smile struck Atem's face, Yuugi moved, closing the distance between them… his brow creasing tight as he stalled just a foot away.
Atem shook his head, finally allowing at least a fraction of weariness to touch his voice amid his reassurance. "Yeah… I'm fine. The movie just messed with my head a little."
The movie and Honda.
Yuugi's eyebrows shot up with a twitch of surprise for that explanation– only to smooth out again as his eyes grew sharp again. Sharp, and knowing. "Then… it's not your own head messing with you?"
Atem tensed back into a quiet shock, question plastered across his face.
What…?
Finally, his partner relaxed into himself a bit, humor tugging at his mouth as he reached into his pocket… and held out what he found there, never taking his grin off of Atem. "I got some painkillers from Bakura-kun."
Atem blinked at the bottle pushed under his nose… and slowly eased back into a smile.
Of course.
"You noticed, then?"
Yuugi nodded, a stagnant trouble disturbing his own quiet cheer. "And I know you must have been in a lot of pain, since I did."
Atem sighed through a closed mouth, and reached for the bottle– looked at it, and not his partner, as he said, "I didn't want to worry you," acknowledging the truth in the bargain.
But Yuugi didn't let him move back. His just freed hand zipped out and caught his retreating hand.
Atem's breath caught in his throat at the unexpected contact of cool, quickly warming skin, and looked up– into a crisp plum gaze that pierced his own.
"It worries me more when you try to hide stuff like this."
…It would have been easy to tense, pull away, and get defensive if Yuugi was actually angry, or lecturing him. But his calm, distressed sincerity cut through any such protection, leaving Atem powerless to do anything but drop his eyes, and accept Yuugi's words for what they simply were… the truth.
But before it could sit too heavily on his chest, Yuugi released him, only to lean into the space cleared by their dropped hands.
…Atem couldn't avoid Yuugi's gaze when he leaned into his field of vision like that.
Wouldn't have, really, even if he had been capable.
And when he obligingly met his eye again? Yuugi smiled. "But, as for the movie– is it anything you want to talk about?"
…Atem's lips slowly stretched in a smile again as he breathed easy.
Yuugi was letting it go.
Such a little thing, and yet that tiny drop of gratitude trickled into an ocean already overflowing, and Atem let it wash over him as he smiled down into that face… watched Yuugi's own expression soften in return… then reached up and tapped the bottom of the pill bottle against Yuugi's brow.
The boy jerked back like he had been shot, and rubbed the spot as his nose and mouth wrinkled up, cheeks turning red with clear embarrassment.
And all Atem could do was bubble up with a laugh and call it adorable– in his own head, at least.
"Not right now, no. But maybe later," he allowed, smiling through the glower Yuugi shot him.
His partner huffed incredulously, but finally offered an allowing "Okay…" shooting him only a quick, disgruntled look before turning back the way he had come. "Come on, you should get a drink to take that medicine. And I hid a piece of cake for you, so Jounouchi-kun wouldn't eat it."
Atem nodded and started to follow, only to come up short two steps later as he realized… "You're not going to the bathroom?"
"Huh?" Yuugi spun on a heel to shoot him a slack-faced look… only to relax into an easy shrug. "Oh, no. I just came for you." And with that, he turned to go.
Atem didn't follow at first, mind caught in a quiet, abstract marvel… before a smile finally teased its way onto his face.
He followed his partner without another word.
