CHAPTER 8
(its eerily quite, as the teacher takes his seat, ready for the kids to enter the room)
(cricket chirps)
(suddenly the pencil on his desk begins to tremble)
Teacher: "….well this tranquility isn't going to last long---"
(The door bursts open and the kindergartners race in, flooding the desks and seats like a ravenous plague of locusts. paper air planes and pens and pencils and spit balls fly across the room as the storm of children begin devouring the classroom and all of its inhabitants. Somewhere in the distant background, you can hear Barrel screaming. Oogie is swinging on the ceiling light. Jack and Sally are sneaking off to the corner…and the Mayor is curled into a ball sucking his thumb. Even Zero is busy, peeing in the corner fern. It is indeed a dreadful day….for Math class.)
Teacher: …."SHUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Children: O.o (sit quietly in their seats)
Teacher: "Thank you…now. I've heard a lot about you hooligans. How terrible you guys all are. Well I'm here to straighten you out. I'm going to teach you guys math no matter what it takes!"
Oogie: "I FARTED!"
(Children boo)
Teacher: "THAT'S ENOUGH!" (pulls out ruler) "ONE MORE OUTBURST AND I'LL BEAT YOU UP WITH THIS RULER!"
Oogie: "Nu uh! That's illegal you stupid teacher! You cant lay a hand on us!"
Teacher: "Only in ammmeerrrica!!!"
(Kids straighten in their seats with wide, fearful eyes.)
Teacher: "Good. Then that's settled."
Oogie: …..ninny.
Teacher: "Now, open your text books to page 342. We will begin our lesson on shapes. Can anyone tell me what this shape is? (holds up an eight sided figure)
Sally: I know what that is! It's a stop sign!"
Teacher: NO! IT'S AN OCTOGON! YOU ARE WRONG! AHAHAH."
Oogie: "Hahaha the teacher just dissed you!!!" (throws a crayon at sally's face)
Teacher: "Now, what about this shape?"
Shock: "It's a square!"
Lock: "Yea! square like the mayor!"
Mayor: "I am so totally not!" (valley girl voice)
Teacher: "Good job kids…now we'll move on to algebra!"
(Jack whispers to Sally) "Why are we doing algebra in kindergarten?"
Werewolf: "Whats algebra? Is it a type of Italian dish?"
Jack: "Those damn Italians…." (shifty eyes)
Teacher: "Repeat after me class! One plus one equals???"
Oogie: "YEEEEAAAA TOOOOAAAAAAAST!!!!!!"
Jack: "Shut up oogie!"
Barrel: "I'm hungry…"
Teacher: "Why don't we let someone come up to the board?"
(Oogie shoves Zombie Dad's hand up)
Teacher: "Ahh Jack! Come up to the board and solve this equation for us!"
Zombie Dad: SHT! (walks sadly up to the board)
(grabs chalk in hand and is about to write the answer, but suddenly stops, staring slackjawed at the piece of chalk.)
(children give blank stares)
Oogie: "This ought to be good…hehehe."
Shock: "What's going on?"
Sally: "Mr. Zombie are you alright?"
(Zombie's eyes start to tear up)
Zombie dad: "……WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oogie: (Over the crying) "It was a sad and terrible tale….one cold and windy storm that tragic Halloween night. He just didn't see it coming….the chalk….and then…then the motor boat….and the Kit Kat Bar wrapper….it was all so quick."
(children lower their heads in shame)
Zombie Dad: "THIIIS FRIIIGGGIN SUCKKS!"
(bell rings)
Teacher: "NOOOOO…the fun was just starting!"
(Zombie dad pounces on him and starts a brawl)
Oogie: "Horraaay! Blood and destruction!"
(Lock, Shock Barrel and Oogie all start doing a jig)
