"I think that went rather well, all things considered," commented Tetch, when he, Crane, and Joker were safely in the back of the van. "Disaster averted."

"If you say so," muttered Crane.

"Why are you so glum?" asked Tetch, puzzled. "I thought everything went the way you wanted. Harley certainly wasn't disappointed in you."

"She thought I was acting, Jervis," muttered Crane. "I told her how I truly felt, through Joker, and she thought I was just making it up, as if I could improvise feelings like that. The great irony is although she knows it wasn't him who said those things, she doesn't believe I meant them either."

"And that's the joke, pal," spoke up Joker, beaming suddenly.

They both stared at him. "You…how did you break the mind control?" stammered Tetch.

"I hate to break it to you, boys, but I wasn't under mind control," retorted Joker. "I spent all of the drive up here listening to you idiots in the back talking about how you mind controlled me this afternoon. Now see, normally I can block that kinda control if I know it's coming – my mind is pretty special, y'know. Can't be so easily tamed if I ain't caught off guard, but I was distracted by my work earlier. Anyway, when I showed up at the party, I fully intended to crash it, but then I remembered you were still hoping to get that mind control working, and I thought the better gag was to pretend I was still under it, let you pour out your heart to Harley, and have her think it was me. It woulda been a great joke on you even without Harley figuring out the mind control gag and thinking you acted the whole thing, but that's actually made it even funnier. And by funnier, I mean more painful for you, which is funny for me."

"So…you just repeated everything I said in order to humiliate me," said Crane, slowly.

"Yep, pretty clever, huh?" chuckled Joker. "And the whole time you were thinking you were controlling me! I think that's quite a gag!"

"You'd risk people thinking you can be genuinely caring and affectionate towards Harley just to humiliate me?" asked Crane.

"Well, yeah," said Joker, shrugging. "It's like Harley said – if anyone blabs, I'll kill 'em. And nobody is gonna trust the word of a buncha randomers who claim the Joker was being sincere anyway. People will just think they're crazy."

"What if somebody filmed it?" asked Tetch. "On their telephone, for instance? Such things are common, I'm told."

"You can claim it's doctored footage," said Joker, waving his hand. "Go on YouTube sometime and watch people argue over the moon landing. People believe everything is falsified. It's just part of the skeptical age in which we live, full of all kinds of fake news. Although you'd honestly think people who live in a universe where we have alien superheroes would be a little more open-minded…"

"What about those secrets you told?" asked Crane.

Joker snorted. "Right, like I'd actually tell anyone any real secrets I have. I made all those up, for the most part, but I ain't telling you which ones were real and which were fake. Anyway, I ain't really a secretive guy – I'm pretty much an open book. You can ask me anything, and I'll give you an answer. It might not be the truth, but the truth is kinda overrated anyway, if you ask me."

"I don't believe you," snapped Tetch. "The machine is working properly, and I've never met anyone yet who could block its power."

"Well, there's nobody out there like me, Tetchy," retorted Joker. "I'm a pretty unique test subject, and I react very badly to people trying to control me, either mentally or physically."

"But wouldn't you actually have found it funnier to crash the party?" asked Crane.

"Well, it was a choice between pissing off Harley and her parents, or pissing off you," replied Joker. "And it's more fun to annoy the person I like least. Frankly, it was kinda a no brainer in your case. Quality of jokes is more important than quantity of jokes, you know, and this little trick has ruined your day much more than me crashing the party ever could have. You witty types would probably call it ironic – you couldn't bear to disappoint Harley by not keeping me under control, but the result of you thinking you could control me was even worse for you. There's a lesson in that, probably. Though I'm not really about the lessons – I'm about the pranking people, and I got you good!"

He laughed hysterically, and was suddenly punched in the face by Crane. "Jonathan, don't fight him in here!" exclaimed Tetch, trying to separate them. "There's some very expensive equipment!"

"Everyone ok out here?" asked Harley, opening the door to the van suddenly. "Why, Mr. J, you're back," she said, surprised when she saw Joker holding Crane in a headlock and punching him repeatedly.

"I never left, pooh," said Joker, dropping Crane and beaming. "I just told the boys, I only pretended to be mind-controlled. It was all an act."

"Why?" asked Harley, puzzled. "Didn't you come all this way to crash the party as revenge for not being invited?"

"Yeah, I did," agreed Joker. "But then I saw you, surrounded by your parents, and I realized I didn't wanna break up that happy family. So to save face after barging in there, I pretended to be mind-controlled. But all those things I said, I really said 'em, baby. For you."

Harley stared at him. "You…you really did?" she stammered.

"No, he didn't!" snapped Crane. "I said them, and he just repeated them, mind-controlled or not!"

"So why would Mr. J say those things?" asked Harley. "Where's the joke in that?"

Joker smiled at Crane, who realized he couldn't tell her what the joke was without revealing his feelings for her. The joke was in his own suffering at having said those things to her sincerely, but to have Joker take credit for them. And the only way he could reveal the joke was by revealing that his feelings for her were sincere.

"I…don't know," stammered Crane.

"Now would I ever do anything like that if it wasn't a joke?" asked Joker, turning back to Harley and smiling. "The joke was you expected me to crash the party when I showed up, pooh, but instead I was all sweet and romantic. Quite the joke on you, huh? Totally subverted your expectations."

"Yeah, I…guess it did," agreed Harley, slowly. "But that ain't your usual kind of joke. They're usually more cruel, or harmful to other people."

"Can't a guy do a nice thing for a change?" asked Joker, shrugging.

"Of course he can," said Harley. She beamed. "Oh, puddin', I love you!" she exclaimed, leaping into his arms and kissing him repeatedly.

"If you're in the mood for something naughty, pooh, we should sneak back to your parents' house and have a little playtime while they're out at the party," said Joker, smiling at her. "We could maybe do a little roleplay – how about the teenager and the stranger?"

"Oh, we couldn't do that, Mr. J," said Harley, grinning, and she continued in an even more high-pitched voice than usual. "I couldn't possibly let you in. I'm not allowed to have boys over when my parents aren't home."

"Well, I ain't a boy, toots," growled Joker. "I'm a man. And tonight, I'm gonna make you feel like a woman."

Harley giggled as Joker lifted her off her feet and carried her out of the van, kicking the door shut. "Right, let's get the hell out of here," muttered Crane. "I want to make it home before it gets too late so I can terrorize some Gotham citizens during peak nightlife hours. Maybe that will cheer me up."

"Yes, and I want to work on this mind control device some more," said Tetch. "I don't like the fact that it doesn't work on certain insane brain types – that's mostly all you'll find in Gotham. It needs to be a one size madness fits all thing."

Tetch left Crane in the back as he went around to the driver's seat and started the engine. Suddenly, the door to the back of the van opened, and Harley reappeared.

"Harley," said Crane, shocked. "I thought you and the Joker were…occupied."

"Yeah, he's waiting impatiently outside," said Harley. "But it didn't seem right to just head off and leave you like that, not after all the trouble you went through looking after Mr. J. I know what a handful he can be, and I just wanted to thank you properly."

"Well, it was…no trouble, Harley," said Crane.

"You're a terrible liar, Johnny," retorted Harley with a grin.

"Well, yes, I suppose it was quite a bit of trouble," agreed Crane. "But…as long as you're happy, it was worth it."

Harley smiled at him. "Look, I know it was a huge ask," she said. "And I swear I'll make it up to you somehow. I hate to think I'm taking advantage of my friends or their feelings for me."

"I don't know what feelings those would be," said Crane, hastily.

"Sure you do," said Harley, frowning. "Feelings of friendship. We are friends, ain't we, Johnny?"

Crane nodded slowly. "Yes, my dear," he said. "We are that. And we always will be."

Harley beamed, and hugged him tightly. "Thanks again, Johnny," she said. "I'll see you back in Gotham."

She skipped off, shutting the door behind her. "We always will be friends," repeated Crane. "And nothing more. It's about time I got that through my thick skull."

"You know, for what it's worth, Jonathan, I sometimes think true friendship is rarer than true love," commented Tetch from the front. "And certainly in both of our cases, more substantial and meaningful."

"How do you mean?" asked Crane.

"Well, since both of our romances are confined to our heads, they're not very substantial," said Tetch. "And even in normal relationships, romance can be such a fleeting thing, and laced with uncertainty. And in a romantic relationship, very often you're attracted to the superficial, like physical appearance, say, and the promise of taking advantage of that in some way. But with friendship, there's no such promise or superficiality. You're together because you genuinely enjoy each other's company, and you don't worry about if it's all superficial. Friendship can be stronger, stabler, and more dependable because you know your friends care about you as a person, warts and all. And in a way, isn't that a more meaningful relationship than an idealized romance which could fizzle out and die?"

"I suppose," agreed Crane, with a sigh.

"Think about it this way," said Tetch. "If Harley and Joker ever break up, they probably won't be on speaking terms in the future. But you and Harley always will. You'll always have her company, as long as you want it, and the same could not be certain if you were romantically involved. Those affairs of the heart, once over, can end very badly and acrimoniously, so I'm told. While friendships comparatively never do. Having said that, if you ever make me have to deal with the Joker again, our friendship will be severed instantly and very acrimoniously."

"Noted," sighed Crane. "I won't mention the unlocked door again if you don't ever mention this whole weekend again."

"Deal," agreed Tetch.