Jude (age 17, December of Junior year)

I went back in the house after Connor left. I went into the kitchen and got a water from the fridge. I needed to clear my head. I had thought this was all cut and dry. Connor had had sex with Wilke. He had given Wilke something that was supposed to be mine, but maybe it wasn't what it seemed. I really wanted to believe Connor when he said he didn't remember any of it. I wanted to believe that Wilke had forced him. I never really liked Wilke all that much anyway, so it was pretty easy to believe he was the bad guy I the situation.

I sat down at the table and sighed. Connor had picked a fight with me last night, which he often did when he was drinking. I hadn't thought anything of it. I thought he'd just call in the morning like he always did and apologize and everything would be good. The phone call at three am had thrown me for a loop. I had thought his tears had just been his guilt eating at him but maybe it was something more. I wondered how much he actually remembered form last night.

I noticed the computer on the table and I grabbed it. I opened it and search date rape. As I was reading over the results momma walked into the kitchen. she glanced at the computer before I could shut it. I panicked for a second as she sat down next to me. She looked at me like she was trying to think of what to say. I took a sip of my water and got up to leave.

"Jude is there something you want to talk about?" she asked.

I had my back to her and I sighed. I turned to look at her and she had a concerned look on her face. I was sure she had seen what I was searching on the computer. Great I couldn't tell her any of this. It wasn't my place to tell her. I struggled for a minute with how to approach this conversation without giving too much away.

"Why were you looking up date rape?" she questioned me.

"Someone I know said it happened to them and I was curious about it," I said as I sat back down at the table.

I knew this conversation would get intense quickly. She looked at me like she thought I was lying. After people always used that when they were really talking about themselves. I thought for a minute I knew I had to choose my words as carefully as I could. She grabbed my hand and smiled at me like you know you can talk to me about anything.

"Don't worry it's not me. I promise I'm still a virgin," I tried to assure her.

"If you know someone this happened to you need to encourage them to report it Jude," she said.

"He won't," I answered.

She raised her eyebrow when I said he. I could tell now she really thought I was lying about it not being me. She sighed and squeezed my hand gently. She looked worried and I didn't know how to tell her it wasn't me without telling her who it was Connor.

"I just didn't think a guy could be raped," I said honestly.

"Jude if anyone is forced to have sex without their consent its rape," she started. "And date rape is a big thing that goes unreported a lot because most people know the rapist."

"Yeah I read that," I said. "Can I go to my room? I really don't want to talk about this."

"Okay but it you need to talk later I'll be here," she said as I got up and left the kitchen.

I laid on my bed and grabbed my phone off the night stand. I looked at the time and realized it had been about two and half hours since Connor left. I was worried about him. He hadn't been in the best emotional state when he left here. I tried to call him and got his voicemail. I had given him enough time to get back to LA, so I called three more times only to get his voicemail all three times. That was when I decided to call his mom.

"Hello," Maggie answered.

"Hi did Connor make it back yet?" I asked.

"No Jude. He called me and asked if he could stay at his dad's tonight. I said yes," she said.

"Oh okay I was worried about him since he wasn't answering his phone."

"Jude did you two have a fight or something? He sounded really upset and like he'd been crying," she sounded as worried about him as I was.

"Sort of, I mean we did have a fight but it wasn't really a fight. Does that make since?" I asked.

"A little."

"I gotta go make it right or at least try too," I said.

"Okay I don't like to see him so upset."

"Me either, bye."

"Bye Jude."

I hung up and got my car keys. I went downstairs to the kitchen. Momma was still sitting at the kitchen table and she had some papers in front of her. I watched her for a minute. I wanted to tell her everything. I really needed advice on how to handle this. It was such a delicate and sensitive subject and I wasn't sure how to handle it properly. But I couldn't tell her and it made me sad that I was put in this situation in the first place. I didn't blame Connor though. I blamed Wilke!

"Momma, Connor is at his dads. Is it okay if I go over there?" I asked.

"Of course,' she answered.

A few minutes later I pulled up behind Connor's car. Adam was home too because his car was in the driveway. I shut off the car and got out. I walked slowly to the door. I didn't know what I was going to say to Connor because I still wasn't sure how I felt about all of this. I needed to know what he remembered about what happened. I knocked on the door and Adam answered.

"Oh hey Jude," he said. "Come on in."

He stepped aside and I entered the house. I was still nervous around Adam when we were alone even though he and I had come to an understanding a long time ago. He was finally accepting of mine and Connor's relationship and we even had a mutual respect for each other now.

"What's wrong with Connor? Do you know?" Adam asked.

I sighed. "Yeah I have an idea."

"He came in here crying and just went up to his room. When I tried to ask him he told me to get the hell out," Adam told me.

"I'll go talk to him."

I headed up the stairs to Connor's room. When I got there the door was closed, so I opened it without knocking. I found Connor sitting on the bed hugging his knees rocking back and forth. His hair was wet like he had just gotten out of the shower and all he had on was a pair of boxers. He had his head turned away from me and he didn't even turn to look at me when I came into the room. I sat down on the bed and he turned his eyes to me.

He had this sad look in his eyes. They seemed so flat. All I wanted to do was hug him until all of this went away but I was afraid to touch him. I didn't know how he would react to my touch and I would be heartbroken if he pulled away from me. So I just sat there waiting for him to talk.

"I feel like such an idiot Jude," I began.

"Do you remember any of what happen?" I asked.

"Some like bits and pieces," he said as he sobbed. "I feel like I let you down Jude."

"Connor please tell me what you remember."

He looked away from me again. I watched as he tried to control his sobs before he spoke again. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know all the details but I needed Connor to tell me what happened. I needed his side of the story before I made any judgements on what to do next. My next move depended on what he had to say.

"I was really drunk Jude. We were both really drunk. I remember going up to his room with him and he kissed me. I'm so sorry I kissed him back…" he started sobbing again.

"Is that all you remember?" I asked.

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear anymore. I had never kissed anyone but Connor. Four years and over a thousand kisses all between me and him, or at least for me that's the way it had been. I felt betrayed but I knew there was more to the story and I had to get past the feelings I was having. Connor needed me right now and I had to be here for him.

"I asked him to stop and he just kept pushing me further and further," he paused. "He pinned me down on my stomach pushing my face to the mattress. I tried to fight but he had the upper hand."

He got up off the bed and stared at the pile of clothes on my floor. I willed him to turn around and look at me. I needed him to look at me when he spoke because I had to be sure he was telling the truth. He always looked away from me with his eyes when he was lying to me, that's how I always knew. He came and sat down beside me on the bed and our eyes locked.

"I begged him to stop, but he kept saying things like stop being such a tease and I like it when you fight. So I just stopped fighting and laid there…" he trailed off.

Tears were burning my eyes now but I fought them back. I pulled him into my arms and he wrapped his arms around me resting his head on my shoulder. Anger washed over me as we sat there. I was angry at Connor for putting himself in the position for this to happen to him. I was angry at my moms for not letting me go to LA last night and at Jack for getting grounded. Most of all I was angry at Wilke because he had taken something from me I could never get back something that was supposed to be mine. He had been the one to take Connor's virginity and that was supposed to be mine. So I was mad at myself too for holding back all these years and not just having sex with Connor.

Connor pulled away and we laid down on the bed. Connor laid on my chest and wrapped himself around me as he sobbed into my chest. I kissed his forehead as we laid there.

"I don't know what to say or do to make this right," I said.

"Just hold me," Connor said. "It helps more than you can ever know."

"Connor I love you," I whispered as I kissed his forehead again.

"I love you too," he said.

I don't know how long we laid there but soon his breathe became even and I knew he was asleep. I slowly unwrapped myself from him and got up to leave. I needed to get out of here and process all of this. It was too much to handle. I still didn't know what I was going to do about it. I mean I believed him but the fact was it had still happened.

I got in my car and just drove. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to think and clear my head. Talking to Connor had only made it worse not better. I slammed my fist on the steering wheel as I pulled up at Jack's house. Mike was coming out of the apartment as I walked up.

"Hey Jude, go on in Jack's in his room," he said.

I walked into the apartment and Jack was standing in the kitchen making a sandwich. He looked up when I came in and smiled at me. He had some nerve to smile at me. I knew it wasn't his fault but I needed someone to blame and he was on the list of people who had set this chain of events in order that had spiraled out of control.

"Is something wrong?" Jack asked as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"Have you spoken to Wilke?" I asked.

He put his sandwich back on his plate and looked at me confused. "No and I hope I never do again."

I wondered if he knew in that spilt second. I could tell by the way he said it that he and Wilke had had a fight or something. I didn't know if they had fought before or after the incident with Connor. He watched me as he ate his sandwich but neither of us spoke. He finished his sandwich and put his plate in the sink.

"Jude is something wrong? You look like someone kicked you in the stomach," Jack asked.

"Did you and Wilke break up?" I asked.

"Yeah he was being a real asshole Thursday when I told him I couldn't come to LA because I was grounded. He said something like, don't be surprised if I get drunk and fuck someone else then. I told him to eat shit if he was going to do that to me and he said we were done," Jack shrugged.

"I thought you loved him and he loved you," I asked

"Me too, I mean I love him but if he's gonna do that just because I am grounded and can't see him this weekend than he doesn't really love me like I thought he did."

He was right I guess. You didn't do that to someone you loved, if you really loved them. Cheating was never okay. I wondered if I should tell him what happened and who Wilke had sex with. I hesitated. Did he have a right to know since he and Wilke weren't together. He would have to go and face Wilke next weekend, that is if he still wanted to go with me to LA now that he didn't have a reason too.

"Yeah he licks to do things he isn't supposed too," I answered.

"What?" Jack asked confused by my statement.

"He raped Connor," I blurted out.

"Are you serious?"

I nodded.

"Wow, he was always kind of pushy when it came to sex. Always wanted to be in control but rape? Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah regardless if Connor said no or not he was too drunk to consent."

"What's Connor gonna do about it?"

"I don't know. So far we are the only ones who know and I shouldn't have told you."

"I'll take it to my grave if he doesn't want anyone else to know," Jack swore.

A/N: So did Jude do the right thing? Should he support Connor whatever his decision is? I know this is a sensitive topic but the title of the story is Broken right? And right now Connor is Broken. Can Jude help him fix it? What will happen? Will Connor tell anyone else? What will happen between Connor and Wilke?