8 Death Can Wait

Rocking back and forth on my bench before Sam, I wept for my dead friend.

As the doctor departed, he glanced back from the door towards Helena. "Lucky her."

Helena pointed at the barrel-chested man, who immediately began resisting Moxie, but the giant easily restrained him, dragging the combative man from the room. The intensity of the struggle grew in the corridor, causing Helena to investigate. She called from the hallway for assistance, and the Peacekeepers departed the room.

Turning to the young man with the broken nose, I found his face pale and unresponsive, unable to help me. I lunged forward and put my high school lifeguard training into action. I began chest compressions until I silently counted to 15. I blew two breaths into Sam's mouth and returned to chest compressions. When I reached 15, I blew into her mouth twice more. Before I could return to the next set of chest compressions, I watched Sam gasp for air as her hands reached out at nothing.

Hushing her, I took hold of one of her hands and made her look at me. I whispered in her ear. "You were dead."

With the cacophony continuing in the corridor, she eyed her surroundings as she labored to breathe. "I figured as much as soon as the prod touched me. I had a close call with a faulty power outlet when I was younger. The doctors told me that I have a conductive heart disorder and should avoid electric shocks."

I wiped my eyes. "That looked to be quite the jolt."

Sam squeezed my hand. "It's like getting hit by lightning. They let you bring me back?"

"They're distracted with a fight in the hall. They don't know." From the sound of the commotion, I could tell that they had gotten the man into the procedure room. Looking down at Samantha, I came to a dreadful realization and turned my eyes away, crying. "I'm so sorry."

Catching her breath, Sam sat up. "What?"

"I should have let you die? I only brought you back to hell."

Smiling, Sam wiped away one of my tears. "If I'm not giving up, then neither can you. Death can wait."

Remembering a similar promise to my father, I nodded. "Okay."

The commotion in the procedure room ceased, and I pulled Sam to her feet. We returned to our spots on the bench moments before Helena and the Peacekeepers returned.

Helena turned her head in surprise. "Well, look who's not dead." She approached us, dangling her electric prod inches from Sam's bowed head. "Avox, look at me."

Sam lifted her face, but her eyes remained locked on the electric prod, following it as Helena moved it side to side and then up and down.

"Avox, how many fingers am I holding up." The instructor held up three fingers.

Using her hand, Sam held up three fingers.

Helena laughed. "Aren't you a fast learner. I thought that I would get to test your heart a second time."

The giant entered the holding cell, dragging the barely conscious barrel-chested man by his wrists. Moxie set the man on bench and stepped away, wiping blood from his own swollen lip.

Groaning with eyes shut, the man on the bench slumped down. His face did not look broken, but it had swelled.

The instructor stepped before the noisy man. "Avox, stop your moaning."

Whether he heard her or not, the man fell silent.

Helena moved to Moxie and inspected his face, caressing it. She wiped away fresh blood from the giant's lip with her bare thumb. "Are you okay, my pet?"

He nodded as he passed her his handkerchief.

After Helena cleaned her thumb, she returned the handkerchief to the giant and gestured towards Sam. "She can go next. Let's hope our ghost doesn't give the poor doctor a heart attack."

Taking a deep breath, Sam stood up on her own to the approval of Helena. When Moxie stepped up to take hold of her, Sam volunteered her arm for an escort. However, before they reached the door, Sam fainted into Moxie's arms.

Cold sweat covered my body as I prayed for Sam not to wake up, hoping that the procedure would be completed before she knew what had happened; I prayed for a miracle.

Sam's screams proved that no such miracle existed. The screams did not last long as I assumed she blacked out.

Moxie returned, carrying Sam in his arms. He gently laid her on the floor before me. The giant looked into my eyes as if to tell me he was sorry. He stood, turned, and received his orders to take the young man with the broken nose, who also collapsed into the giant's arms.

Stroking Sam's hair, I noticed that she looked well compared to the others. I touched her lips with my trembling hand and carefully pulled her chin to expose her teeth, which were all present despite the tracings of blood between each tooth. Opening her mouth further, I saw an unnatural void where the end of her tongue had been. I was going to look at the wound when the young man screamed, causing me to shutter. I looked up to see Helena staring at me, grinning.

My breathing increased and my cold sweat made my skin clammy to the touch. I gripped tight the edge of the bench, knowing that I was next.

The young man returned, still conscious with his arm draped over Moxie. The giant helped the weakened, pale faced man sit on the bench. With drooping eyes, the young man looked up at me revealing that he was not the same person from before.

Every muscle in my body shook. Had they fed me, I would have vomited my stomach contents. It was my turn, and Moxie knew it as he turned to me with his sullen eyes.

They were taking everything away from me, except for one thing: my anger. If I had to go to the gallows, it was going to be me who puts the noose around my neck.

Before Helena could speak, I rose to my feet. The instructor's brow rose with surprise. "Well, look at who's taking the initiative."

Moxie moved towards me, but Helena caught his arm, stopping him.

The instructor stepped towards me. "Moxie dear, you won't be needed for this one. Not only is she special, she's smart, she understands."

Trying not to hyperventilate, I struggled not to urinate from fear. I was no hero; I would have given up earlier if they had let me, but I had no choice now but to move forward. I focused on my legs and took a step towards the door. Concentrating, I took more steps until I was at the entrance.

Helena stood behind me. "Go on, Avox. Report to the procedure room."

Stepping into the corridor, I saw traces of blood on the walls and floor from the earlier struggles. I pushed each foot forward as my eyes focused on the open door at the end of the passage. When I reached the doorway, I took a deep breath and stepped inside. What I saw horrified me.

The room was the size of an average office. In the center, a converted dentist chair with wrist and head restraints sat empty. Blood splatter was everywhere. Dr. Ocelot sat on a rolling stool next to a tray of surgical instruments.

The doctor did a double take at my voluntary entrance. He looked to Helena standing beside me. "Free will?"

The instructor nodded. "She's a clever one. Moreover, she's pretty. If things go right, she'll find a nice servants position somewhere prominent."

"Didn't you also say that she was special?"

The instructor brushed some of my red hair behind my ear. "She is. I might keep her for myself."

The doctor finished wiping clean one of his tools, tossing the towel onto a pile of bloody laundry in the corner. "Royal mess those first two made. You should have left the plastic ties on. It's just as easy to cut out their tongues when their hands are tied behind their back."

"It's part of the training. They need to be broken when their instinct for flight is highest. Look at this pupil. I can tell that she was broken before she was put into my care."

Turning away, the doctor made sure his tools were in order. "Well, it was a lot easier when we did this under more secure conditions."

"But the resulting Avoxes were less obedient and more rebellious. You cannot take away someone's hope when it's buried deep within. You have to coax it up to the surface before you can crush it. The removal of plastic ties also weeds out the hopeful from the hopeless so that I can make individual adjustments to training. My statistics back me up. No one has ever produced the numbers of obedient Avoxes like I have. President Snow says that there has never been a better instructor."

"Hmm, but more die in training than in the past."

"Those who die here would have only caused trouble in service."

Listening to the madness, tears began pouring uncontrollably from my eyes. My trembling hands came together in prayer. My knees shook to such an extreme that I staggered when my sobbing became wailful. I looked to the heavens and silently pleaded.

The doctor gave the signal that he was ready.

Helena nodded and moved next to the procedure chair. "Avox, sit down."

Stumbling forward, I slid onto the chair and began rocking back and forth, crying.

"Avox, put your legs through the bottom restraint."

Looking down at the footrest, I found a leather strap that was extended open. I slid my feet through the loop and watched the instructor tighten the strap.

Knelt before my feet, Helena looked straight into my eyes. "Avox, place your hands through the wrist restraints."

I placed my wrists through the leather straps attached to the armrests. When the second strap tightened around my wrist, the panic overwhelmed me. "I know names! I can tell you all who had helped me. I'll tell you anything you ask. Please. Please!"

Helena smiled. "You can keep your names. The government probably already knows them."

Between my sobs, I continued to wail. "Why! Why!"

"Treason I presume." The instructor moved behind the chair and fastened a strap across my forehead. "But I don't really care." After the head strap had secured my head, the instructor whispered in my ear. "You'll have to remind me later to punish you for talking."

Terror erupted inside me. "My name is Lavinia Paxum." My panicking body struggled against the restraints. "My name is Lavinia Paxum!" I looked at the doctor. "My name is Lavinia Paxum!" I had lost all sense of reason.

The doctor scooted his stool towards me. "This will be quick. If you want to keep your teeth, allow me to place the oral spreader into your mouth." The doctor held up his right hand, revealing that the end of his middle finger had been bitten off years ago. "I learn from my mistakes."

I realized why I felt compelled to say my name: I would never hear my own voice ever again. I took a deep breath and spoke one last time. "My name is Lavinia Paxum!"

"Very good." The doctor held up the oral spreader. "Now open up, deary."

I opened my mouth and the doctor quickly inserted the oral spreader. He made adjusts to the tool until the opening was sufficient. Tensing from the terror, my jaw strained against the device.

The doctor picked up a surgical clamp and scalpel. Reaching into my mouth with the surgical clamp, a sharp sting surged through my tongue as the clamp pinched the end. Locking the clamp, the doctor tugged to test the grip. When I saw the scalpel come towards my mouth, my eyes closed as every muscle in my body pulled against the restraints.

I felt a strong tug on my tongue, and then...nothing. Opening my eyes, I watched the doctor drop the surgical clamp into a steel tray with the end of my bloody tongue still clamped in its metal jaws.

The doctor looked into my eyes. "And now, you are Avox."

Searing pain and blood exploded inside my mouth. The intense pain took hold and shook me; I howled like a wounded animal. Inevitably, I began choking on the blood that was filling my mouth.

The doctor inserted a curved suction tube through the oral spreader and retrieved an electronic device. "I have to cauterize the wound to stop the bleeding."

Before he could insert the cauterizer, I blacked out.

...

The searing pain in my mouth woke me. I lifted my head off the holding cell floor and clasped my mouth with my hand. The pain was unbearable. I moved the remnant of my tongue and could feel the void, and yet, my mind could feel a phantom tongue.

My skin began to sweat, and I suddenly felt nauseated and cold. I crawled to the hole in the center of the room and vomited. I could see that I was vomiting blood I had swallowed from my wound and vomited again.

Sitting up, I found the door to the holding cell closed with the Peacekeepers absent. Behind me, I found Sam curled up on the floor shivering in pain. The gangly man was still lying face down, moaning. The barrel-chested man was where I last saw him on the bench, and the young man with the broken nose was lying face down on his bench.

I began crawling towards Sam, but the pain caused me to sit up and grip my mouth. I turned around and suffered through several bouts dry heaves.

Sitting upright on the floor, I shuffled over to Sam's side. She placed her head on my lap, and I began stroking her hair. We cried together as the searing, throbbing pain irrefutably made it clear who we had become.

After what felt like an eternity, the door to our holding cell opened. Helena and Moxie entered, sans Peacekeepers. The offending odors caused the instructor to scrunch her nose and pause.

Taking a moment to compose herself, the instructor stepped forward. "It's time for the next part of your training. If you thought that the electric shocks hurt before, you will be amazed how much more they hurt after your surgeries, so you had better listen closely. Avoxes, sit on your benches."

Sam and I climbed to our feet and sat down on our bench. I watched the young man with the broken nose sit up on his bench. Even the gangly man made an effort to return to his, but he struggled.

Moxie approached the thin man and gently aided him to his bench.

The giant shifted over and tapped the barrel-chested man to bring him to attention. The unconscious man did not move. Moxie gently slapped his face, and the man slid over onto his side.

Helena approached the man. "Check for a pulse."

The giant knelt down and placed an ear to the man's chest. Moxie straightened, shaking his head.

The instructor stomped her foot. "Dam it! I'm not going to make my quota this month. Leave him for now. You can remove him after this training session."

Taking care not to drop him, the giant moved the slumping man from the bench to the floor.

The instructor rested her hands on her hips as she returned to the center of the room. "Today, we will learn about eye contact and observations. If you please me today, all of you will get a little reward. First up for today's lesson, Avoxes are not to make eye contact with the citizens of Panem unless asked to do so. You will begin following this rule as of now."

Shifting my eyes to the floor, I felt unsure if I had done the correct action.

"Why are you looking at me?" Helena moved towards the young man, and the zap from her disciplinary prod caused the young man to howl.

Groaning like a wild animal, the young man fell to the floor.

The instructor strolled around the holding cell. "If an Avox makes unwarranted eye contact at any time, they may be punished if the citizen feels offended." There was a long pause as the instructor took the time to stop before all of us. When Helena's feet stopped before me, I kept my eyes focused on the floor. "Good. We will move on to observations."

After helping the young man back onto his bench, Moxie moved to the center of the room and removed a white handkerchief from his pocket.

"Your voice has been taken away from you, but you are permitted to make observations if it assists a citizen." Helena took slow strides as she began to circle the giant. "To make an observation, all an Avox needs to do is raise their hand or point. If your observation is not obvious to the people nearby, you may respond to questioning with head gestures. Let's say I'm looking for a man holding a white handkerchief. What would you do?"

Seeing no one else responding, I raised my hand.

"Yes, Avox?"

I pointed at Moxie.

"Correct." Helena stopped in front of the giant. "Class, did my last question receive an answer?"

All the Avoxes nodded.

The instructor clasped her hands together and smiled. "See how easy it is."

Sam took my hand as her body leant against shoulder. From the sound of her breathing, I could tell that she suffered worse from her mutilation than I.

"Let's see if a particular Avox can make up for their prior mistake so that the room can receive their reward." Helena moved before the young man with the broken nose, who now kept his gaze down. "Avox, look around the room and tell me when you spot a female Avox"

The young man lifted his head and looked at me. He raised his hand.

"How many female Avoxes did you find?"

The young man raised two fingers.

"Splendid." Spinning around, Helena returned to the center of the room. "Now all of you can receive your reward. I know this initial training has been difficult, but for those of you who have made it this far, you have earned a special kind of respite." Helena pulled a glass vial of light green liquid from her pocket.

When Sam saw the substance, she sat up straight with her eyes locked on the vial.

"I see that someone recognizes the morphling in my hand. This is not the weak, synthetic crap that doctors prescribe. This is the real thing. As a reward, you each get a dropper. Who would like some?"

Sam jumped to her feet and raised her hand. The young man and the gangly fellow soon followed. I stared at the vial unsure if this was what I wanted. Unlike Sam, who seemed to know what to expect, I had no understanding.

Helena circled the room, using the dropper to dispense a droplet of morphling into everyone's mouth. Moments after receiving hers, Sam's face reddened and relaxed. She laid herself face down on the bench.

"Pay attention everyone. This Avox knows that you must lie on your stomach when experiencing the benefits of morphling. We don't want to choke in case we vomit in our sleep." The instructor stepped before me. "Avox, do you want your reward?"

I had been an avid athlete and model student. I had lived a clean life. Though I had never tried it, I knew what morphling did to people, how it destroyed them. I had even promised my parents never to try it. But what good are promises, I thought. I stood up and opened my mouth.

Helena dispensed a droplet of the green liquid into my mouth. Immediately, I felt the need to sit down. A comforting warmth spread throughout my body, and I felt my muscles relax. Even the searing pain in my mouth melted away. The last thing that I remember was my brother positioning me face down on the bench as Mother began stroking my hair. Holding my hand, Father kissed my cheek and gave me a most loving goodbye.