A/N: Okay, this time I have a REALLY good excuse for not updating! The internet in my apartment was out for over a week, and before that I just didn't have the story ready. I'm so, so, so, so, so, sorry! I grovel at all of your feet for forgiveness. Anyway…on with the story.
Buffy didn't sleep that night, not much at least. Angel had tried his best to help her relax, and for a while it had worked, but now the tension in her neck and shoulders was back, and she was developing a headache.
She sat in front of Kathryn's cradle, rocking it gently back and forth. She softly hummed a tune that Angel used to sing to her, in the earlier days of their relationship. She couldn't remember the words, but the tune was something she would never forget. Sweet and slow, full of love.
Kathryn's face was peaceful as she slept, her little button nose crinkled slightly. Angel swore that Kathryn had all of Buffy's looks, but Buffy swore that the baby looked like Angel…even though it wasn't possible.
"Buffy, come back to bed," Angel whispered from the doorway. Buffy looked over her shoulder at him.
"I can't sleep. I feel like I should be out there, stopping Angelus." Angel laid a gentle hand on Buffy's shoulder.
"Buffy, you need to rest up, conserve your strength. If you don't get any sleep, you're not going to be any help against Angelus."
"I know. I just…ok. I'll be in after a second." She squeezed his hand and he left.
"Goodnight my little one. Sleep well."
The next morning, Angel agreed to stay with Kathryn while she went out to gather information on where Angelus might be staying. The first place she hit was Willy's. As usual, there was a crowd of demons and vampires sitting at tables and in booths, as well as a smattering of humans. Willy was behind the bar, wiping it down with a cloth that probably, at one point in its existence, was white. Not anymore though. Buffy purposefully walked through the bar, leaning on the counter.
"Hey Willy." Willy's beady eyes glanced quickly up at her, and then back down at the counter.
"Slayer. How ya doin' kid?" Willy's voice went up a few octaves. Buffy smiled lazily.
"Where's Angelus staying Willy?" His hand stopped wiping. He looked up slowly and laughed.
"What makes you think I know? Last I heard, you and Angel boy were shackin' up." Buffy frowned.
"Willy…"
"Seriously Slayer. I had no idea Angelus was even around. Didn't you send him to hell?" Willy started wiping again, looking cautiously at the patrons of his bar.
"Willy, I really don't want to beat you up. Where's he staying?" Willy hesitated and Buffy balled her fists on the counter. Willy noticed and swallowed hard.
"I heard he's staying somewhere in Docktown. But don't tell him I told you, ok?" Buffy smiled.
"Thanks Willy. Want me to punch you just in case?" Buffy winked as Willy laughed.
"Sure, yeah. Make it look real, but not too hard…ow!" Willy found himself on the floor with a bloody nose.
"Damn it Slayer!" Willy scrambled to his feet and wished he'd said no to the whole 'punch Willy in the face' thing.
"Thanks Willy."
Buffy left the bar and headed towards Giles' house. Willow and Xander would already be there, researching what was happening and how to possibly fix it without killing Angel. She thought Riley might be there too, he wanted to make sure Kathryn was safe. She walked in without knocking, knowing that Giles wouldn't mind.
"Buffy, good afternoon," Giles smiled kindly. He was pouring two cups of tea. "Would you like one?"
"Sure, thanks." She walked farther in and saw Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya around the living room reading books and writing in notebooks.
"Hey guys." Willow looked up with a sympathetic smile.
"Buffy, how are you?" Buffy shrugged.
"Alright I guess. I really just want to get this done." Giles came up and handed both Buffy and Tara a cup of steaming dark tea. Then he went back for his own. Buffy sat down, grabbed a book, and started reading.
Just before sunset, Buffy took Riley back to the mansion. He agreed to take Kathryn back to his apartment, a place where neither Angel or Angelus had ever been invited. Buffy and Angel then accompanied them there, and then set out to patrol.
"It's still so hard to believe," Angel muttered. Buffy looked sideways at him with a slight smile.
"Because you haven't come face to face with your evil twin? Trust me, baby, it's real." Buffy felt a familiar tingle at the base of her spine, and looked around.
"What?"
"He's here."
"She's right…I'm here," Angelus said with a slight laugh as he stepped from the shadows.
"Buffy, can you tell which is which?" Angel asked. He didn't bother to whisper, Angelus would be able to hear it.
"It's like night and day just looking in your eyes. I can tell."
"Good, then let's finish this."
"Yes, let's," Angelus smirked.
The twins sprang into action at once. Angel and Angelus were perfectly matched, because they were essentially the same brain. Buffy waited for a moment, watching for any weakness in Angelus, or Angel. She studied the fight intently, watching, but Angel and Angelus were at a total impasse.
"Angel! Time to go!" Angel jumped backwards and danced out of the way. Angelus didn't press the attack.
"See you around lover," Angelus winked at Buffy.
The rhythmic sounds of Buffy's fists hitting the punching bag were soothing to her. It was what she knew, and it would never change. It seemed to be calm Kathryn too. The baby had been crying all day, and the only thing that had quieted her were the sounds of Buffy and Angel working out.
"Maybe she's got colic," Buffy suggested. Angel shook his head as he held the bag for her.
"No. If she had colic even this wouldn't calm her down." Buffy shrugged as Angel went back into brood mode. He'd been like that since his fight with Angelus, and Buffy figured it was because he couldn't beat him.
"Angel…" Buffy sighed as she stepped back.
"What?"
"We're never going to get to be truly happy, are we?" Angel raised his eyes to her and was met with the most sadness he's ever seen.
"We'll get through this Buffy. I swear we will." He reached out and pulled Buffy into a tight hug.
"Sometimes I wonder…" Angel kissed her, long and deep. In her high school days, this would've made her forget her problems instantly.
The phone rang, interrupting the mini make-out session. Buffy's shoulders slumped and she pulled away to answer it.
"Hold that thought. Hello?"
"Buffy," Willow said. She and the rest of the gang had been researching non-stop, chasing down even the most obscure leads. Buffy noticed emotional unrest in Willow's voice and it worried her.
"Will, what's wrong?" Will took a long pause, and it scared Buffy even more. She reached out for Angel's hand and he offered it, squeezing gently.
"It's not good Buffy. I talked to this shaman that Giles knows. He didn't have much to say, except that…" Willow dropped off.
"Spit it out, Willow," Buffy snapped. Angel pulled Buffy close.
"He said there's a mystical connection between Angel and Angelus. You can't kill one without killing the other, and you can't re-ensoul Angelus because there's only one soul, and Angel's using it. I'm so sorry Buffy, this is all my fault." A tear slid down Buffy's cheek. Her grip on the phone loosened and Angel slipped it from her hand.
"Thanks Willow." Then he hung up. Buffy started sobbing against Angel's chest.
"I can't do it, Angel. I can't kill you again"
"It'll be okay." Angel kissed the op of her head.
"The Powers just can't ever give us a break, can they? Are we destined to suffer? Because I'm not sure I can take it anymore."
"Shh. Everything will work out." Angel would find a way to spare Buffy the pain of killing him again.
That night, the entire gang went out patrolling for Angelus. The hope was that they could capture him and lock him in the cage that once belonged to Oz. It was the only solution a distraught Buffy could come up with.
"Is anyone else worried that he's just going to kick our ass?" Xander said in a stage whisper. Buffy glared and Willow slapped his arm.
"Shut up Xander." Everyone slowed as Buffy stopped short. Angel did too, and it didn't escape anyone's notice that their entire stance changed.
"Look at this, the gang's all here," Angelus sneered. Tara squeezed Willow's hand, and Willow took a ragged breath.
"Do it Willow," Buffy whispered.
Willow held up her closed dist and muttered a spell under her breath. Then she opened her hand and blew a silvery powder into the air. It swirled up and around, curling around Angelus until it flew in his ears.
"What the hell?" Angelus cried, slapping at his ears. Buffy and Angel jumped at Angelus, who was slow to react. The confusion spell had worked, Angelus couldn't decide which attacker to take on. The rest of the Scooby gang joined the fray, trying to beat him to the ground. Riley had a syringe full of a tranquilizer that he would use at buffy's say so.
Buffy was caught off-guard by Angel yanking her away from the fight. He held her upper arms tightly.
"Angel! What are you…" Angel cut her off by kissing Buffy with hard. He didn't let it linger, though.
"I love you." And then Buffy was on the ground ten feet away. Dazed, she sat up and saw Angel diving for Angelus, a stake in his hand.
"No!" Panic gripped Buffy's heart as she watched the stake pierce Angelus' heart.
She was up in an instant, running for the love of her life. Tears were streaming down her face. She was almost there. Somehow, she knew if she could just grab on to Angel, everything would be okay.
She grabbed dust.
The next few days, Buffy walked around in a stupor. She cried, and a few times Giles had found her trying to overdose on pills and alcohol. Willow had gone to the mansion to stay with her, to keep watch. Riley had taken Kathryn to stay with him.
"Buffy? I found something I think you should see," Willow said quietly, six days after Angel's death. She'd found a parchment envelope in Buffy and Angel's room. Buffy turned her head slightly from her spot on the couch.
"What is it?" Willow handed it to her.
"I think it's a letter." Willow walked away, leaving Buffy to read it in peace. Buffy's fingers trembled as she broke the seal. She pulled out the thick, yellowish paper, covered in Angel's familiar scrawl.
Buffy
You're probably really mad at me right now, and I understand. I'm so sorry for what I did, but it had to be done. You know that we wouldn't be happy otherwise. Things would always get in the way. My hope now is that you can find a way to move on and be as happy as you deserve to be. Make sure you tell Kathryn about me, and how much I loved her, even if I'm not her biological father. I left a letter for her as well, in the basinet, for when she turns eighteen. But most of all, I need you to know that I love you, Buffy Summers, even in death.
Always
Angel
Tears blurred the words on the page. Buffy quickly wiped the tears away and set the letter on the table in front of her, smoothing it out. Then she stood and went into their bedroom for the first time in six days. She didn't stop and look around, just went straight to the closet. She pulled out her duffle bag and started throwing cloths and weapons in until it would hardly zip.
"Buffy what are you doing?" Willow cried as she walked by. She ran into the room and grabbed Buffy's arm, trying to stop the upset slayer.
"I can't be here Willow. I can't be in this house or in this town if I'm supposed to heal. And that's what Angel wants me to do." Buffy didn't even look at Willow as she shoved pictures of Angel, Kathryn, and the rest of her family and friends in the bag.
"Buffy, you have a child now! You can't just run away again!" Finally Buffy stopped and looked up, sitting back on her heels.
"Willow, what good am I going to be to Kathryn right now? I'm a young, single mother who just lost her soul mate…again! Please, just let me do this. Kathryn is safe with Riley, and I'll send you guys postcards so you know I'm alive and well. Please, I can't be here." Willow softened and stooped to Buffy's level, hugging her best friend tightly.
"Be safe, Buffy. Please be safe."
"Make sure that when Kathryn's older, you tell her how much I love her. And tell her about her Daddy, and there's a letter from him in the basinet. I love you Will. Thank you."
A/N 2: Did any of you see that coming? I sure didn't when I was writing it, but I went with my muse, and as always she did not let me down! Yes, this story is finished, but I promise you a sequel…if you guys want it. Questions, comments, critizisms are welcome…as are comments that beg for the sequel!!!!!
