Surprise, The Surface Sucks: Chapter 8
Asgore smelled ketchup. It wasn't unusual, though himself didn't care for the food.
It was Sans. Despite being nothing but bone he gave off an unmistakable odor.
It was normal to find. Sans was his judge and at times even royal advisor.
But to find the smell creeping up all the way to the barrier room was alarming.
He walked briskly, a bit disappointed.
Sans had disobeyed his orders if he had exited the mountain. He made it clear that no monster was to leave until he said so.
It just wasn't safe until they knew more about the surface.
Asgore sighed. Sans was one of the most patient monsters he knew. If he couldn't wait, no doubt others of more rash character were lining up behind him.
It was decided then. Asgore had put off exploring the surface himself, but now he had no choice but to go while he had the time.
Normally he would have sent guards, but from what Frisk had told him, he suspected they wouldn't last long.
And he couldn't bear the grief of more monsters dying in his name.
No, he left that era behind him.
*Knock knock!*
Asgore opened the front door.
It was Papyrus!
He was dressed in his designated ambassador robes, though the white cloth was stained a variety of colors.
Papyrus himself was as well. Apparently the news that he would be apart of a surface expedition sent him into a packing freezing.
Bags upon bags were topped against his spine and he slouched, looking much shorter than normal.
"Papyrus, welcome!" Asgore pursed his lips as he silently counted the bags. "Now are you certain all of those bags are...necessary? Asgore said politely.
Papyrus beamed, as if he didn't think Asgore would notice.
"Oh yes your majesty! I made sure to pack everything possible we would need!"
He then leaned it close, keenly serious. "And I brought tons of spaghetti. Surely we will win over the humans with such a culinary revolution!"
Asgore blinked and nodded, not sure what to say.
"Perhaps Papyrus, perhaps."
Being as old as Asgore was, he long accepted that eccentries concerning later generations were things he wasn't likely to grasp. Papyrus's obsession with spaghetti being one.
"Come, you can join everyone in the next room. The meeting is just starting."
Papyrus found himself in a room with a huge stone table in the center. Undyne and Gerson were seated and each looked over in greeting.
"Papyrus, about time you showed up!" Undyne patted the seat next to her, where Papyrus sat. As he did so, the various packed bags creaked against the ancient wooden chair.
It was a miracle it didn't break.
"Geez Papyrus! You weren't kidding about being prepared for anything!" Undyne viewed his baggage with awe. Herself only had a small toolbelt, dotted with pouches of dried fish and a canteen of water.
"Whoooahaha!" Gerson whistled. He leaned back, equally awed. "Wow Sonny, if you can carry that-" He paused, tapping his shell. "-you might want to get yourself one of these." He pulled out a thermos from his shell. "A little more practical too!" He began drinking the contents, which smelled strongly of seaweed.
Seatea.
"Oh tea sounds great!" Undyne said, eyeing the drink. "Say Asgore, you have any golden flower tea?"
Asgore smiled solemnly. "Of course, always! It's a nice idea. I'll be right back with some!"
Asgore left the room with false bravado. A part of him wanted to get going as quickly as possible, but he'd been stalling the expedition for so long, waiting a bit more didn't matter much.
He watched the kettle boil, a bit impatiently. Setting up the tray, he provided some cookies.
Might as well make a party of it, he figured.
*Knock knock!*
Asgore stilled. He wasn't expecting any other visitors. And he wasn't about to let any other monsters join the expedition...no doubt Papyrus's attire attached some attention...
Grumbling, he went to the door.
Asgore wasn't sure whether to be terrified or delighted at who showed up.
It was Toriel, looking beautiful and fair, as she always had been.
Toriel, welcome! What can I do for you?"
She crossed her arms, looking stern.
"Now don't you play coy with me, mister! You know very well why I'm here!"
Asgore blinked. He didn't. The activities of his ex-queen weren't his business.
"I don't."
Toriel sighed, her arms going lax. She rubbed her head in frustration.
"The expedition, Asgore, the expedition! I'm coming with! I cannot bear to linger here."
Asgore swallowed nervously, having his queen on such a dangerous expedition didn't settle well with him.
"Are you sure? You've seen the outside. It's dangerous!"
Toriel scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Please, I can handle myself."
"Very well then, the meeting has just begun in that room there. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be along shortly."
As Toriel walked passed, Asgore couldn't help but to sneak a peek at her bosom. Her tail twitched indignantly.
He blushed red as he stumbled back to the kitchen. His paws rubbed his face vigorously as he set his wits about him.
The tea was ready and he fetched another cup for Toriel.
Placing the tray on the table, Asgore moved slowly as he set out the cups. He was struggling to organize his thoughts.
As king, he was to make a plan, but he only had an inkling as to what each monster would do.
Thankfully the tea gave him time to think.
*Ahem*
"Now that we are all properly refreshed. I shall be going over the expectations of this expedition."
A huge scroll unraveled before him, full of notes and concerns he mulled over the night before.
The scroll was so long, Gerson held it at the end to keep it off the floor. He keenly looked over the notes himself.
"Firstly, we are not to engage with any humans, period!" His gaze lingered on Papyrus. The human ambassador didn't lack for enthusiasm, but he had much to learn still.
"While peace with humanity is our objective, we do not need to make those negotiations without knowing the lay of the land. Much has changed on the surface since my rule."
"Secondly, as said prior. The goal of this expedition will be to map out the land for eventual monster expansion."
He set out two blank journals. "Toriel, Gerson. Your jobs are to make note of landmarks and any possible settlement areas."
His claws ran through his beard as he thought.
"And Undyne, as current captain of the royal guard, you are expected to keep watch for any threats." He too passed over a blank journal. "Be sure to keep in touch with Alphys and to record fauna data she may find useful."
"You can count on it!"
"Good...lastly, Papyrus. Seeing how you've ensured we won't have want for supplies, you're in charge of setting up camp as well as defending the area."
"Consider it done your majesty!" Papyrus saluted.
The group was enthusiastic, though Toriel's eyes reflected the fear Asgore himself was feeling.
It was too early, Asgore felt. The expedition members lagged behind. It was morning and their eyes lacked the initial wonder of seeing the sun. Instead, they blinked angry-likely from lack of sleep. Excitement over the expedition had been palatable last night.
"Alright everyone! Our first task is to encircle the entire mountain. That way we know what terrains are nearby."
The group hummed in agreement. Already Toriel and Gerson were scribbling down notes.
Climbing down the mountain was a huge untaking. Undyne had to take on some of Papyrus's baggage, else the wind would have easily sent him falling down into a ravine.
Both Toriel and Asgore had neglected to bring shoes and their feet quickly grew sore against jagged rocks and pools of acidic water.
Gerson seemed to be the only one enjoying himself. He craned his long neck to view things in full detail. Already a beautiful map was started.
It wasn't long before reaching the bottom that the group had to stop.
"Undyne please, scout the area. You too, Gerson." Asgore placed his feet in a bucket of salt water, sighing at the relief. "And stay together." He called after them.
Undyne and Gerson had their weapons out. Both had experience as a captain and didn't dare to underestimate the enemy.
Who knew what they would find?
The landscape was largely desert, though a thin forest flanked their right.
Already they've seen a mouse or two scurry by, which appeared malnourished.
Their hopes of finding a paradise for monster-kind was dwindling.
Gerson was careful to construct his map, so they wouldn't get lost.
Eventually they found something. It wasn't pleasant.
A wooden fence stretched from the desert.
It looked innocent enough, but at they followed it, found it was decorated in a collage of bones.
"Oh my stars! Are you seeing this Gerson? What kinda sick freak would do this?!"
Gerson didn't seem alarmed. He just shrugged, looking a bit amused. "Humans. Lots of the folks do it-say it's for good luck...or bragging rights...not sure."
Undyne stayed silent. Clear disgust was on her face as a spear dislodged a collection of bones.
All shapes and sizes came apart. Femurs, spines, even skull bits popped loose.
"Wow, it's a good thing Papyrus isn't here to see this."
Gerson grumbled in agreement.
"Hey Gerson, you go follow the fence in one direction. I'll go the other."
Undyne felt a hand on her shoulder. Gerson shook his head grimly. "Not a chance, snaps. King's orders was to stay together"
Undyne was about to protest, but Gerson held up his map.
"Besides I can doodle down the details while you stay on guard. Sound good?"
It did.
Undyne sighed. "Alright, you're right. Stay close, okay?"
They walked along the fence, but paused when they found a gate-embellished with even more bones.
It was so macabre, that Gerson began sketching the gate in detail.
"Gerson! Don't sketch that! Asgore won't wanna see it!" Undyne moved to grab Gerson's quill.
He let her, thought easily produced another quill from his shell, seconds later.
"Awww man, come on, it's so gross! How can you keep looking at it!"
Gerson chortled. "This gate isn't that bad! You should see when they still got flesh on 'em!"
"Dude... you're kidding...y-yuck. Right?"
Gerson said nothing, just smiled cheekily.
Undyne poked a spear into the mess, popping off bones like before.
*Creach*
The gate swung open, falling apart from neglect and age. Dust burst into the air and both stumbled back in disgust.
"Oh bah." Gerson stopped drawing, no point now.
Curiosity pulled at them. Undyne stepped through the gate and Gerson followed behind, ink dripping down into his footsteps.
"Okay, we'll explore this place a bit and then turn back."
The next thing they noticed was the heat. The temperature was worse now that morning had passed. Undyne reluctantly poured some of canteen onto her face and gills. Otherwise she'd faint.
Gerson needed some too. Both were too used to the pleasant humidity of Waterfall.
Just as they were about to go back, Undyne spotted something disturbing.
In the distance, a figure stood still and had clearly spotted them.
Undyne raised her spear and slowly approached, not daring to turn her back or to take her gaze off it.
The figure began moving closer. It too seemed to have a weapon in hand.
"Heyo~!" The figure spoke.
"You're some of the fanciest hallucinations I ever did see!"
Undyne didn't let her guard down. The figure was running towards them now, hooting and hollering as if the sun melted its brain.
Undyne almost threw the spear. She had a clear shot, but Gerson placed his hand on her shoulder, steeling her nerves.
The figure was then in clear view. It cocked its head, curious. A small knife glinted in its hand.
"Like I said, fancy." It was a child. The voice cheery and high-pitched.
It wasn't human however. It was a hirsine!
"Oh wow…" Undyne choked. She paled, imagining what would have happened if she'd thrown the spear.
The hirsine child had fluffy white fur and light spots of brown. It was young as it had no sign of horns.
It smiled up at them with eerie light blue eyes. Its ears were raised in curiosity. Most alarmingly, the child was naked.
"Wow, been a while since visions talked."
"Excuse me whipper-snapper. What are you doing out here? Where are your clothes? Your parents?" Asked Gerson.
The child kicked at the dirt. It didn't seem keen on answering.
"Oh, you talk now, but you ask nonsense. Damn!" The child plopped down into the dirt, pouting.
Just shut up, okay?!"
Undyne and Gerson were stupefied. Such a heated response wasn't expected-and from a child no less.
"Do...you need help?" Undyne asked carefully.
Gerson and Undyne shared a look.
"You need food, water...clothes? We have some to give."
The child seemed speechless. It looked past them as if they weren't there, though its twitching ears signalled it had hear them.
"Well sure!" It stood up. "Help sounds great! It gets bothersome when I do things alone."
It turned around and gestured for them to follow. "I'm in the middle of my chores. You can help with!"
Undyne and Gerson shared a look. Child or no, they weren't following it into unknown territory.
"Sorry little snaps, following you is a no go!" Gerson paused, "But, if you follow us, back to camp...we can give you some clothes and a meal. Looks like you need it."
The child starred up. It frowned, suspicious; however, a small smiled creeped onto its features.
"Well…" It began slowly. "Alright! You guys haven't steered me wrong yet!"
The way back was full of tension. Gerson took the lead with the map and Undyne made the child follow in front of her, keenly aware of the knife.
She also kept peering behind, anticipating bumping into the kid's family or something of the sort.
Toriel rubbed her sore feet. "We shouldn't have sent them off like that…it's so horrible out here.."
Asgore frowned. He had little words of comfort. "Now, I know things are rough...but-"
"Oh worry not queen-clone of Asgore! Things will get better!" Papyrus interjected excitedly.
Toriel looked sternly towards Papyrus. "Excuse me, my name is Toriel, not clone anything!"
Papyrus appeared confused, but was quick to be apologetic. "O-oh! Apologies queen...Tor-toor-iel? Toriel, apologizes!"
Papyrus bowed. "Allow me to make you a plate of apology spaghetti. You're sure to love it!"
Papyrus didn't wait for a reply as he threw himself into his work. A pot brimming with spaghetti was quickly prepared.
Right on time too. Gerson and Undyne approached, along with the child.
"Oh my!" Toriel screeched as she noticed the child. "What happened to you you poor dear!? You're nothing but bones!"
The child looked gravely confused. "Yes, I'm 'nothing but bones.' What's wrong with that?"
Toriel crouched down by the child. She seemed on the verge of tears and it was clear she wanted to lather them in affection.
But the confused, almost angry expression of the child kept her at bay. "Here darling, an outfit you desperately need."
Toriel draped a purple robe over the child, one of her own.
"This should keep you warm for now."
The child walked with its arms out as it struggled to move with the elongated robe.
Toriel couldn't bear to watch and picked it up, setting it near the campfire.
The child was shocked. It stared up at Toriel, furious. "Don't touch me, bitch!"
Everyone stopped what they were doing. Papyrus let a fork-full of spaghetti spill onto the ground. Undyne was mid-sip of some water and it dripped from her mouth like drool.
Gerson had been in the middle of explaining his notes to Asgore.
Asgore looked over the child with suspicion.
"Gerson, where did you find this child"
"Hrm, I swear it was just standing in the middle of nowhere. Strangest thing I ever saw."
Asgore's heart skipped a beat when he saw Toriel react so passionately, but...having the child curse, at his Toriel no less-threw him for a loop.
"Child, apologize, now." Asgore's voice boomed over the silence.
The child looked up at him, with no lack of fury.
"Oh, no thank you." It said cheekily.
"Child, please, we mean to be kind to you. You've got nothing to fear."
Asgore wasn't easy to anger. But the past few days had been testy.
"Kind?" The child stuck out its tongue, as if the word itself was disgusting.
"That's the best you can come up with? Lame!"
Asgore shook his head disapprovingly and went back to the notes.
Slowly everyone resumed their activities.
Toriel got over her shock. She approached carefully, looking apologetic.
"I'm sorry I startled you child. It was uncouth of me. Can you ever forgive me?"
The child said nothing, just stared furiously. Toriel backed off, dejected.
She sat away. Papyrus quickly approached with a brimming plate of spaghetti.
"Here your majesty! Perfect to keep your strength up." Toriel had to smile at that and graciously accepted the dish.
Papyrus's attention was then on the child. Another brimming plate was placed in front of it.
He held out a fork, which it tentatively accepted.
Papyrus was careful to say nothing. The child looked terrified under all its anger.
Something was wrong with it.
It examined each strand of spaghetti. The fork was put to the side and it ate each strand individually with a paw.
"It's real!" The child exclaimed. It held a noodle up, as if to emphasize a point.
"The food is real!"
Nobody had anything to say to that.
The child grew more disturbed by the second. It shoved the plate away and weaseled out of the robe.
It backed away from the camp, over to a pile of rocks. It sat on top, examining the group below.
Its eyes were wide, deranged, as it spoke.
"Are you real?!" The question was asked with such desperation, that it had to be answered.
"Yes, we're all real." Papyrus stepped forward.
"I am the great Papyrus! Human ambassador for monster-kind and spaghetti chef extraordinaire!"
"Is that so?"
"Yes, definitely! Are you real?"
The child seemed to consider for a moment that it wasn't.
"Huh...yep, I'm real!" It proudly exclaimed.
"Excellent! We're both in agreement then?"
"Hell no!" The child seated itself more securely on the rocks.
"You gotta prove it!"
Papyrus tapped his foot, at a lost. "Surely my excellent spaghetti was enough...proof?"
"Nahuh! Nope! Everyone line up! I'm gonna have to throw rocks at you!"
A rock bounced off Papyrus's skull. He was unfazed, if only a little confused.
"Whoa! Uncool, PUNK!" Undyne leaped up onto the pile. Her patience gone.
She grabbed the child easily by the scruff. It snarled and clawed at her.
Undyne let the child go…
*Snap!*
...It took a moment to register what happened.
The kid bit her! Its sharp teeth hooked into her arm!
"Ahhhhhhhh, oh goodness no! Bad!" Papyrus was first to the scene. He grabbed the child's legs in an attempt to separate them.
But it did no good. The child's teeth just dug deeper.
"Arrrruagh! You brat!" Undyne screamed.
A splatter of blood soaked the child's muzzle. It seemed to snap them out of their frenzy.
They let go.
Papyrus held them upside down by their legs. He held them far away, terrified of being bitten himself.
Thankfully the child calmed. They licked their chops with glum satisfaction.
"Okay, I believe you guys!" Chirped the child. "Only real things bleed!" They looked up at Papyrus. "Now let me go, please."
"Nope, I don't think so! You did a very very naughty thing!" Papyrus's eyes glowed furiously.
"I'm not letting you go no sirree! You're in time time out kiddo!"
The child smirked. "Is that so?"
"Yes!"
"Watch this!"
Everyone watched in horror as the child twisted their own head around.
*Crack!*
Suddenly, the child went limp.
Its blue eyes grew glassy and its fur turned gluey.
It was dead.
