LOSS AND GAIN

By milesprower06

Chapter 7 – Loss and Gain

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My parents told me after I passed out at the crime scene, I went into a coma for three days. To me, it seemed…instantaneous." he told Dr. Morgan.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He heard voices in the blackness.

"What if one time you fade away and don't come back? I'm scared, Guilmon"

"Ta-ka-to-mon?"

"There are some mysteries we never solve, Takato"

"Guilmon…what have I done to you?"

"What's wrong? Your eyes are leaking, Takatomon"

"If you mention that dream again I'll send you to dream world for good!"

"Thanks for doing that, Takato. Wait, you didn't put any hearts or anything after it, did you?"

"If we're gonna be Digimon and his Tamer, you're gonna have to learn to listen to me more, Guilmon"

He woke up in the sheets of a hospital bed. He heard the beeping of a nearby heart monitor. The dizziness; the nausea…gone now.

But his mind was not at rest. Questions and thoughts about that night remained…why did they stop at that food mart for something to eat? His family owned a bakery. If they had just kept going…they were just a block away. Fate had dealt them a bad hand.

And now here he was…alone.

His mom and dad came into the room. They asked him how he was feeling. That was the worst question in the world. He didn't bother answering it.

"Takato…we're so sorry about-"

"Home…" he said just above a whisper. "I want to go home" he said. His parents nodded, said they would try to make that happen as fast as possible. Not as fast as he wanted. He heard the doctors cautioning them against removing him from medical care so soon after a coma…that he was emotionally unstable.

No…his emotions were stable…stable enough for what he just went through.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt so lost. Alone" he continued.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once he returned home, he began falling back down into the pit of despair that Rika had tried so hard to get him out of. He didn't eat; didn't sleep. At times he wondered if the last several days was just an illusion. Two days later, it got to it's worst point yet. Early one morning, he went to the bathroom, and got one of his dad's shaving razors. He went back to his room, and stood looking out the window, his back to the door. He took the razor and dug it into his right wrist. This physical pain felt better than the emotional pain he was lost in. Suddenly, he heard his bedroom door open.

"Takato?" his dad called from the doorway. "Yeah?" he said, keeping the razor and bleeding wrist out of view, but didn't turn toward his dad. "Listen, son. I know it's hard. It's one of the hardest things you'll have to deal with. Just know…we're here for you. Don't be afraid to come to us if you need anything. Alright?" he asked. Takato stood there for several moments. "Yeah" he said. His dad slowly closed the door.

The events of the past days flashed before Takato.

"Find a way. Please…find a way"

Takato dropped the now bloody razor. He stared at the cut he had made, as blood trickled down his hand.

This was a way…but not the way Rika would've wanted. Takato cleaned the cut and bandaged it. He picked up his phone and called Henry.

"Hello?" Henry said upon picking up.

"Hey Henry." he greeted. "Takato" Henry said, sounding surprised to hear from him. "Look, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything that's happened." Henry said. "Henry, look. I…I need help. Awhile back you said you knew a psychiatrist nearby?" he asked him. There was a short pause in the conversation. "Yeah. Yeah, Dr. Morgan. I'll give you the number"

He called and set up an appointment for two days later. He went downstairs and told his parents about his wrist, that he was very sorry, and that he was going to get help.

"You made the right choice, son" his dad said. "There's no shame in admitting you need help" his mom told him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was two days ago." Takato said. He looked at the scar on his wrist. "Now here I am" he said. Tears pricked his eyes, but he wiped them away. "When I came here today, I told myself I wouldn't cry. I've already done enough of that" Takato said.

"You don't know that. Takato, if you need to let something out…" Dr. Morgan said.

"I didn't come here to let something out. I came here for answers." he said, pausing to think of what to say next. "My mom always used to tell me, whenever I lose something, I gain something in return, even though I may not notice it immediately. I've been searching and searching for the past days – what have I gained from this?" he asked. "Takato, there are a lot of times I wish there was a manual of every single problem that people have that I could just open up and tell them what to do. But everyone is different. What I can tell you is this: You still have people who love you, who care about you. There are some people who've come in here with absolutely nothing left. You've lost very dear loved ones, and you decided to come here on your own. Your mom and dad are there for you. I know you feel lost. That's why you're here. You're not as alone as you think. I know if you try with all your heart, you'll find what you've gained, and your way; the way that Rika wanted" Dr. Morgan said. Takato lay there for several moments silently. He sat up and got off the couch. "Thank you, Doctor" he said. Dr. Morgan stood up, and shook his hand slowly. "Good luck, Takato" she said. He walked out. On his way out of the building, he thought back to earlier today, before he left for his appointment. He didn't tell Dr. Morgan what happened that morning…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He got up that morning and got dressed. His wrist still throbbed lightly. He still wondered if this was the right way.

"Takato" a familiar voice said from behind him. He turned.

"Renamon" he said, surprised. Rika's partner walked toward him. Standing in front of him, she towered over him a good 6 inches. Takato noticed, in her hand, she held Rika's D-Arc.

"Despite everything that's happened, Takato, you are still a Digimon Tamer. And I am a Digimon without one. I offer myself…to you" she said.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He shook his head in disbelief. He walked right past her out of his room, not looking back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, he was disgusted by Renamon's offer, because he thought it was dishonoring Rika's memory. But now, as he walked home, he looked at it differently. What if he refused, and they went their separate ways? He still wasn't sure what to do with himself, and what would become of Renamon? Maybe, just maybe, together they could find their way. But he was having trouble fighting off the thought that doing so would be 'replacing' Guilmon, something that he never wanted to even think about doing.

He was still lost, and without a very special friend, he would remain that way. Yes, his parents would be there for him, but they couldn't be the companionship that he needed…

The companionship that a Digimon could be.

He got home, went up to his room and shut the door. He had spent an awful lot of time in here the past couple weeks. For the first time since everything happened, he glanced at his D-Arc on the corner of his desk. It hadn't moved since he returned from Egypt. At first, everything after that seemed to happen so fast.

Now it seemed like an eternity ago. He slowly walked over to his desk and stared at his Digivice. The gold ring was gone – replaced by the original red circle. He picked it up, and stared at it; seeing his reflection on the blank screen.

"Renamon" he said, under a whisper. He didn't turn, but the short 'hiss' sound let him know that the kitsune Digimon had materialized a few feet behind him. He still didn't turn. "When you made me that offer this morning…you didn't think that it would be disrespecting Rika?" he asked.

"I had thought about that long and hard for a few days, while you were in the hospital, Takato. I've come to a single conclusion. With the situation we have ourselves here, I honestly believe that it's what she would've wanted." Renamon said. Takato turned to Renamon.

"I accept." he said. His D-Arc's screen came to life. The compass hologram appeared and rotated for a few seconds, focused on Renamon, and dissipated. The Digivice beeped an acknowledgement signal. It was now connected to Renamon. Takato walked toward Renamon and embraced her. She returned it. In his heart, he knew this is what was to be gained.

Together, they would find their path.