AN/ Hey. Sorry for the wait guys but it's that time of year again and exams are coming. Updates will probably be slow but I will get them out when I can :)
Thank-you so much for your continued support.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except an overly-affectionate cat.
MJ
Xxx
The entire room grew quiet, or at least it felt like it did. People continued to grind against each other and the music still pulsed through the room in a deafening beat but there was a strange ringing in my ears that drowned everything out.
Again? I thought bleakly. Where we really going to do this again?
I'd been called a bloodwhore more times in the past two days than I had in my entire life. The prejudice displayed filled me with mortification and shame.
And anger. Oh there was defiantly anger.
I stood up slowly, latching onto the feeling and pushing down the embarrassment. The short Moroi didn't even blink, showing no fear whatsoever. Idiotic moron.
"What, did you call me?" I asked slowly, my voice low as I met her simpering gaze head on.
"We all know what you are," she spat, her face twisted in disgust. "It's all over school; how you'll give it all up for a little teeth, how your mother liked to take her fix with her sex and how your following in her dank and dirt footsteps, how-"
I didn't let her finish, the rage becoming overpowering. Insulting me I could deal with – sort of – but bringing my dead mother into it was a step too far.
I didn't ever pause to think before I thrust my curled fist out in a perfect arc and connected with her face. As expected she lurched back and cried out as her nose exploded in a bloody volcano.
This time the room really did stop. Every gaze turned on us, each filled with curiosity, fear, horror and...respect?
I didn't care; their gazes meant nothing. I was still filled with anger and desperation – a desperation to prove them wrong, to honour my mother, to protect her memory.
However my lunge was stopped by two large hands clasping firmly around my wrists. I was pulled back against a hard, familiar body and despite my struggling I was too angry to formulate a constructive way to break free.
"Let go of me!" I hissed, pulling wildly against my restraints.
"No," Eddie said firmly in my ear, tightening his hold on me so I was flush against him. "You need to calm down."
"She called me a bloodwhore," I spat. "She called mom a bloodwhore." Despite my anger my voice cracked a tears of mortification and fury burned the back of my eyes. I screwed my eyes up tight, determined not to show any weakness in front of the Moroi, despite the fact she was now a trembling, bloody mess.
Eddie stiffened behind me, obviously realising the reason for my rage but he didn't relinquish his hold on me.
"You still need to stop," he replied after a beat but his voice was monotone; he was saying what he thought he should say not what he believed. Not what he really thought. Even as I realised this my anger ignited further until it felt like an inferno raging across my skin.
"Fuck you!" I snapped and gave him a sharp kick in the shins. His hold loosened; whether due to hurt at my words or actions I didn't know, but I used the opportunity to break free. I raced past the sobbing Moroi who was now hanging pathetically onto Lissa, whose eyes were wide with astonishment. I ignored the gaping stares and Eddie's voice calling me back as I bolted for the door and raced down the corridor.
Years of training had made me quick on my feet and I was outside within minutes. The morning sun beat down, momentarily disorientating me before I continued to run across the open courtyard. However there was no outrunning the blistering shame and soon there was glistening tear tracks on both my cheeks.
When breathing became difficult I collapsed breathing heavily on the edge of the tree line. I knew I was still in view of the school building but the sun was comforting in a homely sense and I couldn't bring myself to enter the darkness of the trees.
I tucked my legs up to my chest and buried my face in my knees. I didn't sob – I refused to lose control completely – but I couldn't stop the tears from slowly leaking from my eyes. I had managed to repress everything the past few days between travelling and new surroundings but now everything was coming back to bite me. No pun intended.
I saw my mother's eyes, desperate and scared as she begged me to run. To get away. To leave her. I saw the dead bodies in the street; their empty faces staring blankly from their hollow bodies. And a new image, one that was only my imagination but was just as terrifying. Mom with pale cold skin and red-ringed eyes; cold and immortal.
"Rosemarie?"
I jumped, my head snapping up at the voice. I hadn't heard the approaching footsteps despite the leaves and twigs that littered the ground. My eyes locked with the compassionate and curious gaze of the man who stood above me.
"Are you okay?" He asked shifting uncertainly on his feet.
I thought of snapping at him, swearing, taking my anger out on him. But I was suddenly tired, so, so tired as I just shook my head slowly.
"No Dimitri," I whispered. "I'm not."
I heard him sigh and the ground rustled as he sat down beside me. He didn't touch me, for which I was thankful – I didn't think physical contact would agree with me right then.
"What happened?" he asked when I didn't offer up the information myself. I shook my head at him, my throat again feeling tight and making it impossible to speak. I kept my head down but I could feel his gaze on me, burning.
We were silent then but it wasn't uncomfortable. His presence alone seemed to calm me and my tears began to ebb. I turned my face so I could see him and found his eyes still on me. He didn't speak but I could clearly see the questions in his expression along with something else that I couldn't decipher. It looked like confusion and...longing?
"Am I always going to be the bloodwhore?" I blurted out before I really thought it through. Dimitri's eyes widened with shock and his mouth fell open. Any other time I would have laughed, but I wasn't feeling particularly cheerful so the smile never graced my face.
His face hardened after a beat and he sat up straighter.
"What do you mean?" He demanded. "What's going on?"
"Since I've been here everyone has done nothing but whisper about me and make assumptions. I just want to know if I'm always going to be 'the filthy bloodwhore,'" I used my fingers to put quotation marks around the words, "or if people are eventually going to get over themselves and actually talk to me?"
My eyes dropped to my lap again as I finished. I could scarcely believe I had just said that; that in a roundabout way I had just admitted how hurt I was by everyone's beliefs and that in reality I just wanted people to like me. Not even that really, I just wanted then not to hate me.
"Who said that to you?" Dimitri barked, the harshness in his voice surprising me. I turned my head to stare at him again and was surprised to see his face contorted in anger. What was he so upset about? It wasn't his life that was essentially ruined.
I shrugged trying to remember names.
"Aaron something. And Natalie. Plus dozens of nameless faces, whispering as I walk past. I'm not deaf; I can hear what they're saying." I sighed and stared blankly out across the campus. There was very little movement out with the building due to the late – or early – hour, just the occasionally guardian doing their rounds. I was overwhelmingly thankful for the silence.
"They had no right to say that to you," Dimitri spat his aggression again surprising me. "You are so much better than that, Rose. You know you are."
Did I? I continued to stare out blankly over the grounds. I used to think I was, that I was decent but two days in the 'real world' and I was starting to doubt everything that I knew. Was giving blood for pleasure wrong, even if it was consensual?
A strong hand gripped my chin and pulled my face round so I was level with Dimitri again.
"You are," he stressed, somehow guessing my inner thoughts. "Please don't ever doubt that. If I can see what a strong, good, person you are then so will other people. At least the one's worth knowing will anyway."
I didn't answer, half of me still not entirely convinced. The other half of my seemed to be screaming in electrical excitement at the feeling of his strong, capable hand on my skin. I had that overwhelming urge to lean in a touch him, run my fingers across the hard lines of him face and wind them through his hair. I wondered if he would moan or if his breath would catch as I pulled on the silky strands while locking my lips firmly onto his...
I lurched back, stunned at the direction of my thoughts and felt an unfamiliar blush coat my cheeks. What was I thinking? He was hot, God, there was no denying his sex-appeal, but he was also very much my mentor and thoughts like that were very much illegal.
But it would be so worth it...
Stop it!
"I punched her," I blurted out, trying to think of anything that would distract me from my thoughts. It was only after I had spat the words that I realised what I had said. My eyes widened and I froze, shock rendering me immobile.
Dimitri dropped his hand and leant back. I was immediately thankful and mournful for the lack of contact.
"Who?" he asked cocking his head to one side.
"Umm, no one," I replied hastily, hoping he would drop it. No dice. His eyes narrowed and his expression turned suspicious.
"Who did you hit, Rosemarie?"He asked his voice less gentle and more authoritative. I internal punched myself, knowing he wasn't going to let it drop.
"The Moroi girl; Natalie," I muttered, feeling suddenly ashamed of my actions. Yes she had provoked me but she didn't stand a chance when it came to combat. And yet, I couldn't find it in myself to regret what I had done; the bitch deserved it.
"You hit a Moroi?" Dimitri barked his voice suddenly cold. His tone amped up the shame factor and I stared at the ground at my feet. I nodded once.
"You shouldn't have done that; she's a Moroi. Your job is to protect them not injure them! If you don't think you can control yourself then you have no place here."
I flinched at his harsh words. I knew they were true but sometimes the truth hurt.
Normally I would have back lashed with anger and insult but I was already so emotionally drained that his reprimand caused more moisture to swell in my eyes. I clutched my arms tightly around my legs and held myself tightly, keeping my face hidden from him.
"She insulted me mom," I muttered into my legs. "I don't care if she has a go at me but I won't let her talk bad about my family. I won't let anyone say anything bad about her. I know you might not agree with her lifestyle but it was her life. It's not like its catching. I just don't understand why everyone is being so...so..." Mean was the word I was looking for but it sounded petty and childish when said out loud so left the sentence hanging. My meaning was obvious anyway.
Dimitri sighed and I felt his arm on my shoulder. The tingle returned full force and I sighed, relaxing into his heat.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
I nodded, showing that I'd heard him.
"She had no right to say that, it was wrong and if she was a dhampir I wouldn't be protesting your right to fight back. But she's a Moroi and you can't hurt them, no matter what."
"I know," I muttered sullenly. Just because I understood didn't mean I had to like it.
We sat quietly after that, his arm remaining loosely on my shoulder. A light wind picked up and caused my hair to dance across my face and Dimitri's arm. I watched the tendrils float across the skin of his hand and wished it was my fingers.
"You have beautiful hair."
My face snapped up and I saw I wasn't the only one watching my hair dance across his arm. Dimitri's expression was thoughtful and confused, as if he didn't understand something. I felt my cheeks heat again when he raised his head to look at me. What was it with this man?
"Thanks," I whispered, not knowing what else to say. He continued to stare at me before he cleared his throat and looked away. His arm dropped from my shoulder and he stood, his demeanour suddenly uncomfortable.
"You should get to bed, Roza. It's getting late."
I stood beside him, feeling cold without his touch and cocked my head enquiringly to one side.
"What does Roza mean?" I asked softly. I had a feeling it was a term of endearment but I wanted to be sure; it could have been an insult for all I knew.
Dimitri's twisted and I had a feeling he had never meant to say that in the first place.
"It's Russian for Rose. It doesn't matter, you should get inside. I'll walk you up."
He moved off without giving me a chance to respond and I followed him quietly through the corridors. There was an uneasy tension between us that I didn't fully understand and when he turned to me at my door his face was carefully controlled, all emotion once again locked away.
"I'll see you on Monday then I guess," I stated when he didn't speak.
"Yes, I'll send you a schedule tomorrow for the times and place," he said formally before hesitating. "And Rose? Don't worry about what people say, you'll make friends with the ones that count."
He turned and left once again before I could respond but I found myself smiling as I readied myself for bed. As far as I was concerned I already had a friend; he was Russian, 6'7 and he defiantly mattered.
AN/
You know what to do :)
MJ
Xxx
