LifeTimesAddendum3
Serena Cole had the hot-to-trots for MI6 agent Geoffrey Smiley. Graham Beck had seen the internal security tapes, heard their mutterings and the sights and sounds of their lovemaking. "Turn it off, Macy. I get the picture. Just give them their privacy."
"Just so you know, Beck, she's a spy through and through and you're just her mark. She likes you but you're still just a mark to her. See, that Limey is the kind of guy that melts her butter, not you, Beck. I'm not doing this to be mean to you, just to educate you. They're all alike, girl spies. Stand 'em on their heads and they all look alike. Get 'em on their back and they do what comes naturally. He isn't the first and won't be the last."
Sarah stared at the laptop screen, not seeing anything written there. 'Why did he have to remember that of all things? It wasn't about Chuck and me, it was about me needing someone that I could relate to in a physical way. Why did he have to remember it? And why did Casey/Macy have to be so…vulgar in his description?'
Chuck was dozing and she kissed his ear and washed it with her tongue. "Damn it, Sarah, I'm only human! Please cool it with the PDAs for a while."
"I'll try, Chuck. But I love you and I can see you outside the cover now. There is not cover. But I wanted to ask you…to tell you…about Cole. It wasn't an emotional thing with me, Chuck, it was just a physical fling, an release, nothing more."
"I don't want to hear anything about Cole Barker or what you felt. Just edit the chapter, Sarah. What's done is done. It's a work of fiction, nothing more."
"Please, sweetheart, let me explain…"
Chuck rolled off the bed where he'd been dozing while Sarah edited the most recent compilation of dreams set in the world that he'd invented to record and analyze his dreams.
Turning them into a novel had obviously been someone else's idea, certainly not Chuck's. Not that he wasn't smart enough. No. He just wouldn't think of merchandising his dreams in such a creative manner. It must have been Lou's.
He walked into the living room muttering something about 'Cole buttering her muffin' and Sarah leaped from the bed and followed him into the living room, mad as hell.
"Damn it, Chuck, will you please let it go? That was a long time ago. Barker is history, bad history. I'm sorry but I'm only human and that was such a difficult time in our relationship. I could have gone to Fiji with him but I chose to stay with you because I loved you even though we couldn't be together. I couldn't give you any hints about how I felt other than staying with you."
"Thanks for that, I guess. I'll just get out of your way and let you edit it any damned way you please. Just keep the tone the same, though. I'm going to run over to the gym. I need to work off some of this nervous energy. See you around 2pm."
She watched him close the door harder than he normally would. She knew this was her fault, not his. She was pushing him and she'd been warned to ease off and let things progress naturally as his mind reintegrated his memories into his consciousness. She hadn't been kidding when she told Chuck she wasn't known for her patience.
'This isn't going to work. This isn't fair to him. He was better off with Lou. I love him. I have to do what's best for him in the long run and I don't think I'm what's best for him.'
Before she can do more than finish the thought, Chuck opens the door and slams it, startling Sarah. His facial features are like a stone carving, hard, angular and cold, so unlike her Chuck.
"Get packed. We're going to Vegas. Not another word, Sarah. Not one more word. We'll finish the book and then that's the end of it, understand?"
"But Chuck, you said…"
"Never mind what I said. I can't live like this. I can't wake up and face the crushing despair in my life any longer. Every time I think it's over another load of crap drops out of Fate's ass and I'm done with it. If you really love me, and if, as you say I really love you, then it's a done deal. I can't live with this…this constant soap opera my life seems to have become. It's supposed to have a happy ending so let's give it one. Pack, Walker. I'll make reservations." "
"But Chuck, stop and think about this for a couple of minutes. You're overwrought. You're getting to the most difficult time in our relationship and you need to experience it while we're…apart like we are now. I don't think a marriage, especially under these circumstances, would survive. These next months are horrible, Chuck, and it's no one's fault. Please, don't make me…"
"I'm calling Ellie and if she and Devon want to be there, fine, otherwise it'll be the big-haired-trailer park-trashy assistant who witnesses it. It's not what I want but by God it's what I need. Move your ass, Sarah Walker."
"No, Chuck, not like this. Please. Think it through. You have to have your heart and your mind in the same place and baby, they are months apart. We'll wait and finish the book as your memories reintegrate. Please. I won't marry you under these circumstances."
"Then go back to wherever you were and whoever you were with before my 'resurrection'. I'm sure you can explain it to the general and slide right back into your old life. From what I've seen, that seems to be your strength, Agent Walker, retreating to your comfort zone."
He didn't care that she was upset, crying, sobbing into her pillow. He didn't give a damn about anyone anymore. No one would tell him a single truth until he'd confronted them with the evidence from his dreams. Dreams? Fucking nightmares.
He threw his stuff into his bags and was out of the suite in less than 5 minutes. In another 5 minutes he was heading southeast to Palm Springs. He had arrangements to make, a life to finalize and he needed someplace safe, secure and isolated to do it. He flipped open his cell and speed dialed a number.
"Augie, Chuck. Not good at all. Listen, your offer of using your place in Tahoe still open? I need to rethink some things and this place is just too crowded and too close to be objective."
He listened, made some notes, and then closed his cell after thanking her. He made a U-turn and headed for the 5. He'd be in Tahoe before dark.
"Lazarus is on the move. Bravo, pick him up and stay on him. Check back in every 15 minutes. Charlie and Delta, deploy north. Alpha is going to the Love Nest for consultations."
John Casey flashed his ID to the security guard and got on the elevator. This whole op was screwed up. He hated watching his ex-partner go through such mental agonies after what he'd done for the Team.
He banged on the door and he brushed by a crying Sarah Walker and sat down on the couch. "Well, that could have gone better, Walker. I told you not to push him. He's going to crack like an egg if we can't get this under control."
"I didn't push him. You heard the argument. He was pushing me. You know what the shrinks said. You know how these next few dreams are the critical ones. We have to know what he knows, Casey, and we can't wait for him to dream it."
"I've got a unit tailing him. He called his lawyer. He's going to her place to sort this all out. I don't know, Walker. Maybe we should have left him with Lou for a while longer." He held up a hand forestalling her objections.
"I know, she dumped him. We could have made contact, explained the situation and asked her to reconsider in the short term. I don't know what we'd have done if the moron had actually given her the ring. That would have been uncomfortable for all concerned."
"Colonel Casey, he's not a moron. He's been out in the cold all this time without any real support. You didn't see the look on his face. He's holding in so much pain. John, I need to talk to him. Let me 'follow' him to his lawyer's place. I can wait outside the office and approach him in public."
"You misunderstood. His 'lawyer's place' isn't her office, it's her vacation home in Tahoe."
"He – he's going away with her? Jesus, what is it with Bartowski and brunettes?" She needed to stay close to him, keep her in his mind, and keep him focused.
Uncharacteristically, Casey laughed. "Idiot! She's married and he…might as well be. He's taking her up on her offer of using it to 'write' away from things. Didn't you read the briefing package we'd prepared for you?"
"Casey, find out where this get-away is and get me a spot near it. I'll be there when he needs me. I don't care about protocol. I'm compromised, so what. It's not going to get in the way. The mission objectives and my personal objectives coincide. We need him healthy and I just plain need him."
"That's a good idea. I'll get right on it. Your car's in the lot. The key's under the mat as usual. Just don't get there before he does. And keep a low profile. Delta team is going to the cabin via chopper to wire it for sight and sound and check for any security problems. He'll be safe while he's there."
"He would have been safer here, Casey. We shouldn't have let him bolt like that. We have no idea what he's thinking or his short term intentions."
"Actually, Sarah, he made his intentions quite clear. It's not my place, but you should just go with what your heart tells you. Maybe Vegas wasn't such a bad idea. At least then he wouldn't be running around the playground with scissors in his hand."
"He's not a child. Could you have done what he did? Could you handle things falling apart around you as well as he has? No, you couldn't and neither could I. Vegas would have been a mistake for us."
"Yes, a mistake for Chuck and Sarah but the right thing for Agent Walker to do with her asset, and that's what he is until he gets his memory back – our asset."
"Agent Walker has no intention of marrying the mark. That was all for the mission. Sarah will marry Chuck and it's forever, not just until the mark is no longer 'viable'. Understand the difference, Casey? I wouldn't have four years ago."
"Before you take off, here's his cell number, a GPS locator and his shield and weapon. Stay in touch, Agent Walker. Remember the bugs and cameras. I don't want to see any porn coming across the monitors. My temporary associates are all virgins."
"Thanks. I need to stop by and talk with Ellie. She has no idea I'm back in his life."
"That should be an interesting conversation. I'll update the General. Y'know, she'd have gone to Vegas."
"She's not marrying him, I am. Yech, what an image."
Casa Woodcomb
Burbank, CA
Sarah was unprepared for the 'welcome' she got from Ellie. Sarah said "Hi, Ellie, I'm back" and Ellie started to cry and then tried to take her head off. She hit all the high points in her rant.
"You bitch! You left us without any way of getting in touch with you. Casey just said you'd been reassigned. You never tried to contact me. Even after he came home you ignored him. What kind of love is that, Sarah? The spy kind? He didn't deserve being abandoned. It was all a lie, wasn't it? The 'cover', right? Casey left without even a goodbye, too. Well, get out! You left him, Lou dumped him and now he's somewhere alone and I can't find him."
"He's on his way to Lake Tahoe. I'm going to join him. The hospice reported that he'd died. The NSA and CIA purged his files. I found out he was dead and I almost lost my mind. I was on assignment but I just didn't care anymore. Then Carina gave me a copy of his book and Casey started looking for him. You know about that."
"You left him. You left him to die alone." She harped on the one thing she could. Sarah hadn't even tried to contact Ellie. If she thought Chuck was dead, why didn't she even call or send a condolence card – anything.
"I had my orders. I had to get away. My lover was dead, Ellie, and I was on a deep cover assignment. I left it when I got suspicious when Casey told Carina he might be alive and I called Beckman. The general told me to 'go home' and I have come home but now he's so torn up over things he's remembering that it's falling apart around us."
Sarah held up her hand. "We're engaged, Ellie. As soon as his memory catches up with him, we're getting married if he'll still have me after all of this."
Magic words. Healing words. Hopeful words.
"Ellie, I need your help with something…"
APR
