Sophie was refusing her calls.

Sian sighed in frustration as she hung up on Sophie's voicemail, again. It had been weeks since she'd seen Sophie, weeks since she'd spoken to her, weeks since she'd told her about her and Ryan. When she'd mentioned it to Sophie the day it happened, Sophie had acted strangely, making noises about needing to tidy the house before her parents got home and that it was best if Sian left her to it. So Sian had left, saying she'd call her later, and when she did, all she got was Sophie's voicemail.

Panic immediately set in around Sian's bones, and she redialled frantically, only to get the same result. She slumped down on her bed, glaring at her phone as if it was somehow to blame for all of this. But really, she knew it was her fault – her fault for being too scared to love Sophie, and for running back to Ryan because it was so much easier. Though, she reasoned, if Sophie had been so upset with her over Ryan, then surely she would've said something top stop her from going back to him. She sighed, turning up the volume of her phone so if Sophie was to ring, it would wake her up, and then settled down on her bed to wait.

But Sophie didn't ring, and Sian slept through to the morning. The second her eyes opened she was reaching for her phone, desperately scrolling through her call log to see if she'd missed anything.

Nothing.

And nothing the next day.

Or the next.

Or the following week.

Or the week after that.

Sian felt divided by hopelessness and anger. If Sophie was really this upset with her then why couldn't she just tell her? It was all Sian needed – just that one, tiny bit of encouragement that maybe, just maybe, Sophie felt the same way.

Her grades were suffering, she knew that much. She turned up to exams not even realising that she had completely missed half the syllabus off her revision list. She sat tapping her pen against the isolated desk in the school gym, not really caring much about photosynthesis or trigonometry, and gazing distractedly out of the window into the playing field, imagining Sophie racing through the paper at the speed of light, having time to read through at least twice afterwards, and then sitting patiently at her desk as she waited for the exam to be over.

'Eyes front Powers!' would come the stern orders from the invigilator, pacing the rows of hunched over, scribbling students.

It was completely by chance that Sian crossed Sophie's path one day in the street.

Sophie saw her, and immediately tried to change the direction in which she was headed, causing her to do a panicked swivel on the spot and to march off straight into a cluster of passing pedestrians.

'Watch it!' one of them snarled as Sophie tried to correct her balance.

'Sorry,' she muttered, glancing over in Sian's direction to check if she'd seen.

'Sophie!' Sian called before Sophie could move off again.

'What do you want?' Sophie asked as Sian walked closer to her, stopping once she was directly in front of her.

'I want to talk to you,' Sian said. 'Why've you been avoiding me?'

Sophie sighed, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. 'I 'aven't,' she lied. 'I've just been busy.'

Sian looked at her sceptically, wanting to get to the truth, but not wanting to push her luck. She decided to change her tactic. 'How are your exams going?' she asked.

'Fine,' Sophie answered dismissively. 'Yours?'

'Rubbish,' Sian admitted. 'Turns out I know even less than I thought I knew, which wasn't a lot in the first place.'

Sophie failed to smile. 'Well ... good luck,' Sophie said before trying to walk off.

'Sophie!' Sian demanded. 'Will you stop? I hate this. You're meant to be my best mate and I've barely seen you.'

'Why do you care?' Sophie asked, clearly angry. 'Thought you'd 'ave all your time taken up with Ryan now you's two are back together.'

'I'm just going to the ball with him. We're not exactly back together,' Sian clarified.

'Sounds pretty together to me,' Sophie snapped back, folding her arms.

'Look Sophie I don't want to fight with you,' Sian said, with the tiredness of someone who never saw a break from conflict.

'Yeah well you should've thought about that before you went running back to Ryan!' Sophie shouted back. She said his name like she was trying to spit a bad taste from her mouth.

'What do you want from me Sophie?' Sian asked, at a loss as to how she could fix this. 'I don't know what you want! And all I seem to do is the wrong thing!'

Sophie gave her a peculiar look, like she was trying to read her thoughts through her eyes. And then, completely unexpectedly, she said: 'Come to the ball with me.'

Sian's face took on an expression of utter surprise. Of all the responses Sophie could have come up with, she definitely wasn't anticipating a proposition like that. 'Come to the what with you?' she asked, despite having heard Sophie very clearly.

'The ball,' Sophie repeated, like this was a perfectly rational request.

'I ...I ...' Sian stuttered.

Sophie stared back at her expectantly. Her arms were still folded.

'I can't,' Sian finally admitted. 'I've already said yes to Ryan.'

If Sophie was disappointed, she didn't show it. She remained stood in the exact same position, fixing Sian with her unrelenting stare.

Sian fidgeted awkwardly under its intensity. 'I'm sorry,' she found herself saying.

Sophie let out a sarcastic laugh, 'Yeah, me too,' she said.

'Don't be like that Soph,' Sian pleaded.

'You know what Sian?' Sophie said as she uncrossed her arms in order to jab a finger at herself and then Sian in turn, 'I may be confused about how I feel about you, but if I'm confused, I don't know what the hell you are.' Then she turned from her and walked away.

Sophie's words sliced through her like blades. In her mind she grabbed hold of Sophie's arm as she turned from her, pulled her close and showed her exactly what she was. But in reality, she stood very still, watching her go, until she couldn't even make her out through the crowds of people.

...

The pangs had started a few days before the ball, small and inconsequential at first, but increasing so greatly in intensity that by the day of the ball they felt like about ten knives twisting inside her. They came and went in waves. One second she was absolutely fine, getting ready for the ball, running curling tongs through her hair in front of the mirror; and the next she was writhing in agony, the abandoned tongs singing a hole in the carpet beside her.

She didn't think at that point that it was anywhere near as serious as it was, convincing herself it was a symptom of stress caused by exams and her disintegration of her relationship with Sophie, or even more simply, just something she'd eaten.

But not even Ryan was fooled as she stumbled beside him, clutching her side on the way to the bus stop.

'Are you sure you're alright?' he asked as she doubled over in pain for the fifth time since he'd appeared at her house to pick her up.

'I'm fine,' she insisted again, straightening up as the pain subsided and starting to walk forwards again.

Ryan gave her an unconvinced look, which she ignored, focusing instead on the bus stop which was now only a few paces away.

'Look if you didn't want to go with me you didn't have to make all this drama up,' he told her grumpily.

Sian stopped walking and spun round to look at him. 'Excuse me?' she demanded. 'Drama?' she repeated. 'I am not making this up Ryan. Stop being such a sulky little kid!'

'Well do you want to go back then?' he asked, as Sian's face contorted in pain again.

'No,' she replied through gritted teeth, finally reaching the bust stop and sitting down. It relieved the pain slightly. She closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to ebb.

'Sian?' asked a small voice somewhere to her right.

Sian opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to see Sophie stood beside her. 'Sophie?' she asked uncertainly.

'Are you okay?' asked Sophie, sitting beside her on the cold metal bench of the bus shelter.

Sian gazed at Sophie, the way her hair fell effortlessly around her face, skimming her shoulders and the tops of arms, the way her dress hugged her slim frame, the makeup that lightly dusted her skin, intensifying the blue of her eyes and the pink of her lips.

She was beautiful.

There were no other words for it.

And that's when the most blinding, searing pain that Sian had ever felt erupted inside of her. It felt sharp and hot, like a bullet had been fired through her. She cried out, tears springing immediately to her eyes and she reached forward desperately, clutching at Sophie's arms for support as her body felt like it was flowing with acidic poison.

'Sian?' Sophie and Ryan shouted in unison, both rushing to get closer to her as she crumpled onto the bench .

All she could do was cry in response.

'What you standing there for like a massive pillock?' she heard Sophie demand of Ryan. 'Go get help!' she ordered, shifting herself so Sian could rest her head on her lap rather than stainless steel.

'R..right,' she heard Ryan say, followed by the pounding of his footsteps.

'S..s...sophie,' Sian managed to get out, the effort of actually forming words almost making her pass out.

'Ssssh,' Sophie replied, a delicate hand along Sian's hair. 'It'll be okay. You'll be okay. I'm here.'

Even though Sophie's voice was stricken with panic Sian, believed her.

Time passed. Minutes, hours maybe. Sian couldn't tell.

All she was aware of was the pain now. Somewhere she could hear voices, and the buzz of movement around her, possibly concerning her, but it drifted in and out of her consciousness. She felt a firm grip around her hand. The only rational thought in her brain, the only one that wasn't drowned out by the pain, was that Sophie was there with her.

...

Sian woke up in a bright white room that smelled of disinfectant.

She felt numb.

She flexed her fingers and toes to reassure herself she was still alive.

Squinting against the bright light, she noticed a figure sat beside her. 'Sophie?' she asked. Her voice was croaky, stinging her throat with its vibration.

'I'm here Sian,' said the figure.

The light was so bright that Sian had to close her eyes again.

Somewhere, through the haze of sleep and narcotics, Sian felt a soft, warm pressure against her lips. She heard sounds – not words exactly – but the soft lilting of a voice, curling around the sounds of hopes and promises. She struggled to clamber back into consciousness, wanting to hear those sounds more clearly. And then she heard it.

So soft, but so sure:

'I love you.'

And with that Sian let herself fall back into sleep, letting that love surround her, and carry her through to the morning.

...