Author's Note - I know this one took me a little longer to write, and that may not make sense because it's one of the shortest chapters, but it was hard getting certain things to fit, and I eventually realized why. I don't want to mention it now, because it may ruin the chapter for you guys, but just make sure to read my note at the end.
When he was younger, back in his earlier years of high school, Lucas Scott had dreamed of being with Peyton Sawyer. He didn't know her at all, but just the idea of her haunted him. Even though popularity welcomed her, she always seemed the most reluctant to be under its power. Even though it surrounded her, it wasn't in her like it seemed to be inside the rest of them. It intrigued him, and he wanted to know her.
Little did he know that the vixen that was always by her side had something different inside of her too. He hadn't paid as much attention to Brooke Davis as much as he did her best friend back when he was a fourteen year old freshman. But he still couldn't help noticing her sometimes. He'd be watching Peyton when Brooke would skip to her side and start chatting animatedly. She'd always get a laugh out of Peyton, who nine out of ten times had been sulking before Brooke came along. He'd watch as Brooke's eyes would light up with pleasure at her friend's moment of laughter, her rare moment of happiness.
He hadn't picked up on it then, but Brooke was the most compassionate person he knew. Later on, as he thought back on those times when he'd paid some attention to Brooke, never the attention she deserved, but attention nonetheless, he realized that she showed it tremendously. The love in her eyes, the loyalty, and the devotion she had to those she let slip past the walls that guarded her heart, he'd never known. Never taken the time to see back then. But the more time he spent with her later on, the harder it was for him not to notice the real Brooke Davis.
Sometimes he'd wonder about what it would have been like if it had been Brooke that first intrigued him. In his book he'd written about his initial interest in Peyton, she'd been number one in his eyes first. He figured that was why everyone seemed to think they were so meant to be, that it was written in the stars since Lucas first realized that there was more to Peyton than cheerleading. But he'd realized the same thing about Brooke too, just later on. Did that automatically rule her out, because she came second? It shouldn't, but he guessed to some it did. And though he hated to admit it, it did rule her out in his mind for a little while.
But he'd come to his senses, he just had to prove it to her.
"Peyton?"
"Brooke? Brooke! Hi!" Peyton's voice was happy enough, but something in her tone was a little off. Maybe she knew why Brooke was calling?
"Hey Peyt. Can you talk?" She could hear voices in the background, saying Peyton's name.
"Yeah, hang on a sec guys, I need to talk to Brooke and then I'll catch up." Peyton's voice was distant as she talked to her companions, though Brooke couldn't displace the excitement in it.
"Was that Jake?"
"Yeah, he and Jenny are taking me to a movie, but it doesn't start for like an hour so I can talk. They like to watch the interviews and previews beforehand." Peyton's voice had complete adoration as she spoke about Jake and his daughter; Brooke hadn't heard it that way in a long time.
"So you really are over there. How are things?"
She could hear Peyton sigh, and for once it wasn't a sad sound but a happy one. "It's been really amazing to see them again. Jenny's grown up, and Jake…he hasn't changed at all." She paused, and Brooke sensed a change in the direction of the conversation. "How are things in Tree Hill?"
Brooke shook her head, pursing her lips in distaste. She'd been waiting for this question. "It's hard Peyton. Everyone is talking, everyone has their own story. Of course no one knows the truth."
"I told him this would happen, I really did Brooke." Peyton's voice took on that slightly condescending tone it did when she tried to take some type of fault off of her shoulders and place it on someone else's.
Brooke's voice was angry when she finally spoke up again. "You told him? Peyton you may have told him but it didn't change anything because you didn't stay to tell people the truth, you ran off to see Jake making me look like the homewrecking bad guy! How could you do that to me Peyt?" A knot was forming in Brooke's stomach and a lump in her throat, making her choke on her words.
"Brooke, I am so sorry, believe me. This is just something that Luke and I had to do before—"
"Before you break Jake's heart? Before you break mine? You can't just experiment with people like that Peyton! It's not how it works." She was angry now, this was a conversation years in the making and they were going to have it out.
Peyton was silent for several seconds. "Did you talk to Lucas about this?"
"I told Lucas that he's welcome to change my mind, but we're only friends and we're going to stay that way until you can tell me that the two of you are not getting married. I'm not going to let him in again only to have history repeat itself for the third time. I can't deal with it again Peyton, it nearly killed me before. I need you to promise me this time, promise me Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, that you are through with Lucas. That this time, you are going to be the bigger person and you're going to let me the selfish one. I need to hear you say it Peyt." Tears streamed across her cheeks as she plunged into her speech, not stopping for breath, not caring about anything at all anymore except for the fact that her heart ached and she needed to know, this time for sure, that she had him.
Minutes went by, long minutes. Neither friend spoke, only breathing could be heard on either end. Peyton's was heavy as well, raspy even.
"I'm sorry Brooke." She finally said, and Brooke feared the worst. It was all just a game and once she was back Peyton had every intention of marrying Lucas. "Lucas didn't tell you what we said before I left to see Jake, did he?"
"No." What an asshole.
"He told me that he didn't want us to say goodbye for good just then because he didn't want me to be upset while I was with Jake. And then I asked him if it really was goodbye, because you know even though you may not say it out loud because it's too hard, it hangs in the air. And he didn't say anything, and that's when I knew. And he knew it too Brooke, he did. Things have changed between us, and they can't be changed back."
"Is it over Peyton?"
"It's over Brooke. You have my word."
"I talked to Peyton yesterday." At the sound of her voice his head shot right up from where he was sitting, reading something on his laptop.
"Yeah?" He didn't know whether or not to be nervous, whether or not it was good that they had spoken.
"Yeah." Brooke took a step further inside. "She sounded happy. She told me she asked you if it was really over, but you didn't answer her."
"I didn't answer her verbally. It's hard to say it out loud, she means a lot to me Brooke." He hoped that she would understand, that she would know he couldn't say it because it was hard to believe it was really over, though it really was. Not because he wasn't sure that he and Peyton were through.
She hugged herself tightly as she spoke. Lucas wished he could hug her instead. "That's what Peyton said."
He turned back to his computer screen, and typed one last sentence before turning back to her. "I want you to read something. Come here." He patted his bed, indicating that she should join him.
She hesitated, but sat down. He moved the laptop from his lap onto hers and pointed at the screen. Her eyes moved across the screen, her mouth fell open as she read. One hand flew up to cover her mouth. He knew what she was reading by heart.
Cheery,
I said the wrong words to you last night, and I shouldn't have. What I should have done was made you stay and try to convince you that you were wrong. I know that you didn't believe me when I told you I missed you, but it was the truth. Every day I was gone, you were all I could think about. I need to understand what I can do to fix this, and please don't tell me it can't be fixed.
Brooke, you told me that you stopped missing me. I didn't know how to respond…I wanted to say something, but nothing seemed good enough. Nothing seemed like it could cover the damage I inflicted. And though I didn't understand it last night, I do now. When two people are in a relationship they need to need each other. Because if they don't, then what's keeping them tied to that one person? And I need you to know that I don't need Peyton, I need you. Not to protect me, but just to be there. Because even if there isn't a meaningful conversation like you said, you being there is the most meaningful thing.
I feel like I'm babbling, and I know this sounds like I'm writing it as it comes into my mind, because I am, but Brooke, I don't want it to end. Ever. Can't you think back, can't you remember what you wrote in those letters? I know you still have them. Read mine too, read them over and over Brooke. If you forgot why we're in love I'll do everything it takes to remind you.
Love,
Broody
And then there was the line that he'd just added to the end, right after Brooke finished talking to him.
People who are meant to be always find their way in the end.
She was silent as she read, and silent after she'd finished reading. He didn't want to speak; he felt it was wrong to disturb her thoughts. After a minute, he realized that she was reading his letter again.
And again.
"You wrote this after we broke up?" She asked after several silent minutes.
He nodded his head, but then remembered that she still staring at the screen and not at him, so he spoke. "I was going to email it to you, but then I thought it'd be better to send it to you personally. I know we were finished with the letters at that point, but I thought it would be fitting."
"Why didn't you send it?"
Even though she refused to look at him, he didn't take his eyes off of her. "Because I was afraid it wouldn't work. And if you'd shut me down after reading this, I was afraid I would lose hope in us. I would've rather had you come back to me on your own, then turn me down after reading something like this."
Brooke put her hands over her face, and for a moment Lucas thought that she was crying. But she wasn't because she'd had enough crying to last her the rest of her life. And when she finally spoke again her words contained the confusion, hurt, and regret of the past five years, since their break up.
"Luke, I'm glad you didn't send this. It would only have made things harder." She said.
"I didn't send it because I was afraid of that, I thought—"But Brooke shook her head, cutting him off.
"No. I meant it would have made things harder with Peyton. She loved you then, and you two were becoming friends again. Keeping me with you would only strain our relationships with her, and it might have made us resent each other. Who knows where we would be right now." She sighed heavily and went back to staring at the screen.
He gave it another few seconds before asking the question he'd always wondered about, ever since Peyton refused his proposal years ago and he'd began reading and re-reading this letter.
"Would it have worked?"
Brooke's eyes met his own, wide with the fear of getting her heart broken again. It was already pretty mangled, largely due to him.
"I don't know Luke. I think I did need some reminding. With everything that was going on with me and on top of it I'd just lost my best friend…I needed to remember the last time I was really happy. I needed you to remind me that it had been with you. But you didn't, and that's why we're sitting here right now." She paused, cocking her head to one side. "We can't keep balancing our relationship like this Lucas."
"I know."
She looked down at her hands. "I miss us a lot. I miss when you used to talk to me like this." She pointed at the computer screen. "I know you're pretty late on this, and its horrible timing, but I still need you to remind me."
And he knew, he knew that their relationship had changed in that one moment. The hope he'd felt as he'd written that letter five years ago, it was back. But this time, he had to follow through on it.
Author's Note Part 2 - I realized that it would be totally out of character for Brooke to let Lucas in again without any solid confirmation that he was hers. Of course, there could never be complete confirmation, after all Peyton has promised to back off before, and we all know that's not what happened. But at this point in the story, this is what Brooke needs to hear. And also, Lucas's letter was really fun to write because there's this line at the end of the episode, when Brooke dumps him, when he says that there should have been something that he could say, that would change her mind. And instead of saying those words, he said "I'm sorry." So I thought I'd make him look like less of an ass, and have him write a letter becase BL + Letters = AWESOME.
