Hey, little monsters! I haven't left a note for you guys in a while, so sorry! I honestly keep forgetting to! So, here you go, to you guys who read my story! I would just like to thank you for your reviews, ALL of you! But I have a special shout-out to someone called EsmeAliceRose, you were my very first reviewer, and you've stuck with it every chapter! Thank you so much for your continued support! I hope you all are enjoying the story, because I am enjoying writing it! If you have any suggestions for me, there is a little box down there that says type your review for this chapter here, so it gives you directions anyway! Thanks a lot!
Seven: Painless
All was still and quiet as I surveyed my surroundings. I was not anywhere that I recognized; I was lying on a couch that didn't seem very soft for some reason, and there was light shining through a closed window. But it was the sun like I'd never seen it before in my life. The pockets of light seemed to be moving, shifting in vibrant, delightful colors, an ever-so-soft orange, yellow, even pink, and there was one color I couldn't even give a name! I stared out into space, realizing that I could pick out each and every dust mote in the air. I stared at every aspect of the room at the same time, the lamp, the dust motes, the light. All at one time, I could see EVERYTHING!
Suddenly, as if just by thinking about it, I was against the wall, flattening myself against it as if camouflaging, and letting out a sound I'd never made out of my mouth. A hiss? It sounded just like my old cat, Frost. But deeper, and more menacing. I crouched – had I ever crouched this way before? – and tried to make myself look small at the threat in the room; the only other being that was sitting in a chair beside me. I let out another hiss – possibly because I was frightened, but it just slipped out.
The intruder was the blonde angel. He was tall, slender but muscular. I could only describe him as looking like a perfect mannequin in a shop window, no imperfections, not a mark or divot. He looked – perfect. And familiar.
"Esme." He spoke. He knew my name. But things just weren't adding up. He was my angel, the one who sat with me through my entire trip through the fire. But what was he doing in my Hell? Wasn't he an angel? Why had he accompanied me to the underworld? "It's alright. You must be so frightened. Come and sit beside me." he patted the couch where I had just been. I had no idea how to move, because I was still shocked that all I had to do was think about moving, and in an instant I did. "Come. We have much to discuss. I know you must be very afraid."
I didn't dare move, and decided to stay flattened against the wall. It seemed much safer here, and I didn't have to lift a finger. I didn't even remember how I got here – all I remembered was the burning, the flames, the fire. The pain. I pressed farther back into the wall as if I could somehow melt into it.
"Where am I?"
He cleared his throat, rising slowly to show me that he wasn't going to come too close too fast. He walked small, slow graceful steps towards me, not answering my question.
"Angel?" I called him. He was still nameless to me. He was just angel. "Where am I?"
"I know you're very disoriented. Please, come sit on the couch. I shall explain." He extended his hand to me, but I shied away, not so sure. He seemed to understand, but took a step back. Like he had some reason to be careful around me, like I was an upset snake that would unexpectedly strike.
Suddenly, it all rushed back to me. The broken leg, the dreams, him. He must have noticed my expression change, because his did too, to a concerned look.
"I know, you feel overwhelmed. Come, please sit with me." he motioned to the couch, still slowly stepping backwards, away from me. Why was he being so careful? He must be a head bigger than me! And most likely much heavier. "You might feel a bit better."
Yes. I might feel better if I remembered how to move. Luckily, he took my arm gently and pulled me forward. I stumbled on the first step, nearly falling, but I caught myself just in time with another foot forward. Suddenly, I was at the sofa, next to him. The window was not in the sun, though I wished it was, because for some reason I felt cold. He tried to take my hand, but I scooted to the opposite end of the couch. He sighed a drawn out sound but didn't say anything.
"I'm sure you're very confused, frightened. Anxious. I was too. I didn't know what was happening to me either. But we'll just need to take this slow. If you don't remember me – my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen."
I nearly jumped. His first name! It was even more perfect than I'd imagined! I opened my mouth to speak but a stinging burn in the back of my throat prevented me from talking again. I hadn't noticed the burn before. It felt a bit like a sore throat, which I'd had many times, but it also felt like somebody was lighting a fire back there.
After I didn't answer, he started to talk again. "This may be a lot for you to fathom at the moment, and your memory mayn't be working properly right now. But I was the one to save you, Esme."
Save me? What did I need to be saved from? Again, I opened my mouth, but the burn persisted. Finally, I found the words. "I – I don't remember. Save me from what?"
He spoke very gently and soothingly in his perfect voice that sounded just like hallow old ancient wind chimes. "Esme, I know it's hard to remember. But please try to recall your memories before all of this."
I thought very hard. My brain seemed to work so differently, though! Like it worked so fast I could think of more than ten things at once and keep track of them! But I tried my hardest to remember my final memory before I'd been dragged into Hell.
"I… remember the darkness. And this – impact?" I asked as if it were his memory, not his. He nodded slightly, a piece of his combed-back blonde hair falling onto his forehead.
"Yes, that's correct." He nodded and the small smile left his face. "I believe you meant to die that night, Esme. Do you know why?"
I didn't. All I could really remember was feeling such an empty, nothingness inside of my heart. I still didn't understand why. "My heart hurt so badly."
"Why?" he pushed his hair up with his hands.
I was feeling very frustrated. "I don't know."
"I'm so sorry. I know how discouraging this is for you. You don't even remember."
"I thought I was dead." We simultaneously looked at each other, inching our heads around so we're looking directly into each other's eyes. His were just as soft and flaxen as I remembered, preserved in my memory, but it did not make sense for him to look nearly exactly the same as when I'd first met him. The doctor didn't look a second older. "Am I dead, Dr. Cullen?"
He softly sighed, and I heard the air hiss through his teeth perfectly. I had never been able to hear this magnificently before! I could hear the water running downstairs! And I could hear someone else moving too, shuffling. I could even feel the floorboards below slightly shift. And oh, the smell! I could smell so well, I could tell how old the house was by the smell of the materials it was made of!
"I'm sorry, I am taking this so slow. But it takes time to explain, Esme. You were meant to die that night, so I saved you."
"How?"
"The only way I know how. But I'm not entirely certain that you'll appreciate my way of doing." He shook his head, like he was nervous. Why was he nervous?
None of my questions were being answered! Becoming more and more frustrated than I'd ever been in my life, I stared at him, never blinking. As if I might get him to answer. "You said I was not dead. But I know I went through Hell, Doctor."
He sighed, shaking his head again. No answer.
"You were there."
Still no answer.
"You said you would stay with me. I made you promise."
He looked up at me with his knuckle pressed to his top lip like he was thinking. "Yes. I am still here."
"Then why don't you give me answers?"
"I'm not sure you are willing to accept the truth."
"What truth? Dr. Cullen," I sighed, still trying to be polite, "You will not answer one of my questions!" anger boiled up in me. my vision started to slot over to red, and I was suddenly on my feet, in the corner again. How did I possibly get here in the flash of seconds? Faster than even I noticed! It must have been some miracle, but I hissed through my teeth again, flattening myself into the corner.
"Esme, Esme, please." He was suddenly beside me, in the blink of an eye, holding up both of his hands as if in a surrender. "Please, listen to me. I'm trying to help you."
Relying on instinct alone, I lowered my stance, untensing my muscles and letting the air out of my chest. He still seemed inaccurately afraid of me. Carlisle took my wrist gently.
"I don't want to hurt you, that is something I will never do. But if you want answers, you must sit quietly and answer my questions first. I promise, but you must be patient. I know, it hurts, doesn't it. your throat. That is what is making you so angry."
I suddenly remembered the branding burn in the back of my throat, and my hands almost automatically came up to cup my neck. "What is it?"
"Come, I will tell you." He motioned for me to sit again.
"It hurts so bad." I whispered as he led me to the sofa and I lowered myself down. The words came out barely a whimper.
"I know." He said flatly. In a tone that hinted that it would not go away any time soon. "I will start by telling you what I know. I was leaving my shift at the hospital when some out-of-town doctors brought you in to my emergency room. You were so bent, broken. They pronounced you dead. But I could still hear your heart beating, Esme. And I remembered you, from a decade ago, when I mended your broken leg. I knew I had to save you."
"I – I was dead? You said I wasn't." I questioned, then remembering that I had to listen to him before he would give me any answers.
"You weren't." he said flatly.
"If I was not dead – then was I unconscious?"
"Yes. For about a day. Then you resurfaced." He nodded, folding his hands in his lap. "Do you remember?"
"I do." I nodded. This didn't seem very logical, was I dead, or was I not? "I do remember burning pain. But please, explain to me! How did you save me?!" I exclaimed. I could feel the red anger boiling down beneath the surface again, the wild, out-of-control kind that had me flattened against the wall, hissing at the only one who seemed to be able to give me the answers I needed, a moment ago.
"It will be easier for you to see for yourself." He said, inching closer to me, taking my hand. I tried to pull away, still seizing with anger, but he shook his head. "Remember. I will not hurt you." He promised, taking my hand and moving it towards his chest. Then he placed it on the granite-feeling plate of his muscular chest and nodded as if to tell me it was okay. "Tell me, what do you feel?"
Wondering if it was a trick question, I thought about it for a moment. All I felt was his chest under my hand. So I didn't say anything. After a moment, he patiently looked at me again. "What do you hear, then?"
I listened. Trying to hear anything other than the world around me that I could suddenly hear every bit of. But there was something there that I detected. Actually, it was something that was not there.
"Carlisle, you – your heart!"
"Yes, Esme. Now, feel your own."
I placed my hand on my chest where my heart was. I started to panic and boil with anger again at what I didn't feel.
"Carlisle, what's going on? What's happened to me?!" I exclaimed, my eyes darting around anxiously. "Explain, please!"
"Shhh," he soothed. "Take in a breath for me."
I did as I was told. It seemed like I could take endless breath and never need to breathe out again!
"Now hold your breath." He said, and I narrowed my eyes, trying to grasp the idea of what he wanted me to see. Feeling silly, I held my breath. And held it some more. And some more.
"Have you noticed that you don't need to breathe essentially?" he cocked his head slightly.
Angrier than I had been, even before, my machine-like mind could come up with no explanations!
"Dr. Cullen – am I even me anymore?" My mind, my reflexes, my voice… none of them seemed my own.
"Yes, and no, Esme. Please, don't get angry." He reached for my hand again, and this time I let him take it. Like a stray dog to a stranger offering food with an outstretched hand. "That's the last thing you want – to get angry. I promised you, didn't I? This will all make sense in a little while."
"Who is this person? This isn't me! I don't even remember how I got here!" I exclaimed in exasperation, as we were getting nowhere. "What am I? I have no heartbeat whatsoever. I don't feel the need to breathe, and there is this – horrible burn in my throat. Please, tell me. If I am not dead – how can I possibly be alive?"
"Come, Esme." He took my hand and stood up. Once again, all I did was think about moving to get up, and I was suddenly on my feet, barely an effort. "I must show you something. This way," he coaxed me down a hallway, and into an room with only a bureau and a large mirror gilded in aged bronze stood against the farthest wall. The only other object in the room was a beautiful piano.
"What is this room?" I asked, picking out patterns in the dust motes as he led me to the mirror by the arm.
"This is my son Edward's room." he smiled slightly. "He is here, as well. You can meet him soon."
"Oh." I nodded, listening to the sound of my voice that didn't even seem mine. It was the exact sound of beautiful, expensive crystals tinkling on the edge of a wine glass, the sound of the thought of loving somebody, or something so dearly, if that even had a sound. But if it did, it would be my voice.
Dr. Cullen led me in front of the mirror where I jumped back to the opposite corner of the room in fright. Who had been that person staring back at me?! I'd never seen a mirror as such! Frightened at the sight of the being that had stared back at me in the mirror, I held myself against the wall again, staring at Carlisle's understanding, compassionate face.
"Esme, I know… it's a bit shocking." He said, his voice layered with understanding, and he was by my side like he had been there all along. "Please, come look again."
"Please," I held my arm over my face, as if to make it so he couldn't see me. "Don't make me look in that mirror again."
"Trust me." I lowered my arm to see his hand extended again, and with a shaking frame, I took it and allowed him to lead me back to where I stood only moments ago. I could not help jumping again at the reflection. Who was this? How had I gotten in her body?
He cleared his throat. "This is you, Esme."
"No… this couldn't possibly be me." I shook my head in disbelief, raising my hand to see if she copied me. She did, down to every detail. I stared back at her. This woman had bare legs and feet, but her dress was blue and made of a soft fabric, fitting to each contour of her body perfectly. I never had such a dress, I could never have afforded one. My skin was pale and fair, not a spot nor blemish, much like Dr. Cullen's. My hair that had once been comparable to a mouse's coat was now a breathtaking caramel color and hung in large ringlets over my shoulders, falling perfectly even in its slight messiness. I no longer seemed stalkish, but I was slender and evened out around the curves. Being more of a tomboy as a child, I never paid close attention to my looks, though I never paid attention to looking my best. I would most likely always get dirty anyway. But I knew, though I didn't mind, that I was nothing but an average looking woman. But now, I was just so… breathtakingly exotic. I opened my mouth to see my teeth. Each crooked tooth had been sculpted to look perfect, my smile was so bright and white that I had to stare at their perfection.
I gasped, throwing my pale, small hand over my new lips that were more heart-shaped than anything. "Doctor – my eyes, they are so – they are so – red! My eyes, they are blood red!" I grabbed his arm as he was suddenly there again, by my side just as he'd promised.
He turned me around to look at him, a calm expression on his face like this was entirely normal. But his eyes were NOTthe same as mine. They were exactly the opposite!
"They're red. Oh, God, my eyes are bloodred." I spoke into my hands. Now I was sure I was a demon, this was just Hell.
"Esme, this is normal. Your eyes are red, yes, but not because you are evil." He said, just as though he'd read my thoughts. "They are red because of your leftover human blood."
Human blood? What kind of blood did I have now, animal blood? "Doctor, explain, please!"
"I know you're frightened. But as I told you, I cannot tell you all at once –"
I cut him off. "You must tell me now!" I could feel the anger threatening to bubble over onto the floor, seep into the floorboards, and burn straight through the ceiling into the next level, pouring out into the ground and flowing straight to the center of the Earth. It was drastic, yes, but I was thinking any way but rationally. "I have no heartbeat, I feel no need to breathe, I am in no way myself, and my eyes are red! RED!" I screamed at him. "And my throat is hurting so bad that I feel like I need to rip everything apart! What have you done to me, because I assure you, you were not helping me!"
He looked slightly hurt, but he put me before himself, taking my arm as firmly but gently as he could. I pulled away with all my might, and to my great surprise, he went flying across the room into the wall. I put my hand over my mouth, letting out a gasp. He seemed a little frightened at me, but not appalled, and he was beside me again. My head was in my hands.
"How on earth did I do that…" I hung my head, feeling my glossy new locks fall over my hands.
"I will explain." He said, and I leaned into him as if I needed the support. He stood there for a long time, letting my lean my forehead on his shoulder, not even breathing. "It's going to be alright." He spoke softly. "I'm not just going to let you go through this on your own."
"Go through what… oh, please tell me. I just want to know." I whispered. I just wanted my old self back. Even if that self was average and plain, it didn't have a nearly intolerable burn in the back of its throat, or a mind working at a million miles per hour, or a thousand questions.
To my surprise, I felt him gently stroke my hair. Carefully, ever-so-slowly, as if to not startle me, his large, pale hand came up to my ear, mildly tucking the now caramel strands behind my ear. I could even sense how much he cared about me at that moment, that he was going to tell me everything, even if it wasn't going to be okay. I let him lead me to the only window in the room, where the shade was down.
"Close your eyes." He instructed, still holding tightly onto my wrist as if he thought I was going to try and make an escape through the window. I could tell we were on the second story! How on earth could I make the plunge without breaking my bones? Still, I listened to him, closing my eyes. I had the feeling that he wouldn't be the type to push me out the window.
Suddenly, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my cheeks, warmer than I remembered. But it wasn't hot. It was a glowing warmth, and it didn't bother me at all.
"Open your eyes, Esme." He said, and I obeyed, immediately gawking at him. Each tiny faucet of light on his skin shone with such vibrancy, like a crystal cove of diamonds; the most magnificent thing I'd ever seen. His skin was glistening and twinkling so eerily like every human being had been like that all along. It was so mesmerizing to watch that I felt my mouth hang open at his extreme beauty and the glistening diamond faucets were flickering like tiny little lanterns, but much softer and even more beautiful.
"You're – you're so beautiful." I spoke, nearly breathless as he smiled slightly, such a caring, tender mien.
"You're beautiful too, Esme." He took my hand and guided it gently to the beams of sunlight. My other hand went over my mouth as I stared at the sparkling pockets of light wherever the rays touched my skin. "You're striking."
I pulled my hand away from the light coming in through the window, hiding in the shadows again. "NO, this isn't right." I put my head in my hands once again, trying to cry. But no tears came out whatsoever. Like I was dry. But the dry sobs came all the same, but hurt my throat even more. Whatever I was, Carlisle was as well. Why were my eyes red?
"I need to know, now, Carlisle!" the anger was back, the water level rising so high that I felt like I was going to boil over, or melt on the floor in a red, steaming puddle.
He took a deep breath. "You might have guessed by now that I am tearing myself apart. It was not an easy thing what I did to you." His face was so pained as he took me by the shoulders, turning me to face him. "I did the only thing that I could do to save you. I changed you."
Changed me? What in God's name… "What did you change me to?"
"Esme, you're not human anymore." He looked me straight in the eyes as I stared up at him like an expectant child. "You have advanced speed, and unimaginable strength. Your senses, they are enhanced beyond proportion. Your vision – you can see things you have never seen before. When I said I saved your life, I also ended it. You're a vampire."
A vampire! I almost felt like laughing in his face, but it felt so inappropriate for the moment. But it was so ridiculous! A vampire; a bloodsucking demon that preyed upon innocent human beings. That certainly didn't sound like me. And they most certainly didn't exist.
"A vampire?" I didn't even try to cover the sarcastic nature to my tone. I remembered a little bit form Dracula. Immediately, images of fangs, coffins, and blood popped into my mind.
"Please take me seriously." He was losing patience, but concealed it well.
"I'm sorry… Oh, Carlisle – my throat hurts so bad. Could I please have something to drink?" I begged, my hands clenching into fists as I tried to contain myself at the parched feeling.
"Yes, that is what you need the most right now. A drink. But what do you crave? Water?" he cocked his head and raised his perfect light eyebrows.
I thought about it for a moment. I felt no need for water. In fact, the more that I thought about it, the more and more I realized that water didn't sound like it would quench my thirst at all. I looked to Carlisle for help, a desperate look upon my face, I'm sure.
"Esme… I would not lie to you. Come with me, and I will show you how your instincts take over. So you can hunt."
"Hunt? Hunt what, Dr. Cullen?"
"Your instincts will take over. You will see then. You will understand."
