Ian was feeling anxious, waiting for Mickey to get home. Phil had been texting non-stop all day, demanding to see Ian. He wished he'd been on the bipolar medication for longer. A couple of days did make a difference, and it was a mix of medications that had worked magic on him last time he'd been on it, but it took a while to take full effect and he was worried if he got worked up enough he'd spiral into a manic episode.
Finally, he called Mickey, hoping that hearing his voice would help him calm down.
Mickey picked up after a couple of rings. "Ian? You okay?"
Ian gulped a few big breaths. "Phil's been texting me all day. I'm worried he's going to start up the threats again."
"Okay. Text him or email him and let him know you can get away to run in the park tomorrow, but I'm a control freak so I have to know where you're going and how long you'll be so you can only meet for like ten minutes. Cuts down on the likelihood he'll try to do anything to you. We'll have someone watch the meet. He might know who Jordan is by now and he might have someone follow you back to my place, so it shouldn't be either of us. All you'll say to him is that you're still under my thumb. If I'm right about this douchebag, he'll try to get you to get information about the investigation from me. So you just agree you'll try and that you'll be in touch, and then you run back to my place."
"That doesn't sound so bad," Ian said.
"I'll make sure you're safe. We've got the wife's cooperation, and as soon as we have the information we need from her, we'll see if there's a need for you to feed info to Jorez."
"As nerve-wracking as this double-agent shit is, I hope there is a way for me to help. He threatened my family and he kept me from getting treatment for my condition and stalked me and got me addicted to drugs and forced me to sleep with him when I didn't want to. He's fucking terrible! I hate him so much, Mickey," Ian said. He realized he was in tears, and a part of him recognized that he finally felt safe enough to tell Mickey exactly how much he hated that dick Phil. It was like finally he believed that he wouldn't have to go back to Phil, so he could actually stop making excuses and trying to find good things about him and actually just be honest with himself and Mickey about how bad it had really been.
"You know, that shit he did to you is illegal. You could file a complaint with the police right now."
"Nah. I want to help you use him to take down everyone involved in this human-trafficking ring. I get the feeling he's not the worst of them, and believe me, he's bad enough. Besides, I don't want to take the risk he could actually hurt my family from inside of prison. He says he has people who would do that stuff for him, and I don't know if it's true."
"I really admire your commitment to taking this guy down, Ian. I do," Mickey said.
Ian couldn't remember the last time anyone had found anything he did or said admirable, and he couldn't help but feel warmth somewhere in the centre of his chest at the thought that he was maybe changing. Becoming a person again, instead of whatever he'd been when he was with Phil.
"Listen, I'll see you at home, okay? We can have leftovers. And I want you to show me your favorite video blogs."
"You mean my video blog?"
"Yeah, like your favorite episodes or whatever. I'm going to be your biggest fan, you know," Mickey said.
"Okay," Ian said. He hung up, wrote the text that Mickey had requested he write, and looked at the clock. There was about an hour until Mickey got home, and he was still feeling jittery. He sat down on the floor, his back against the sofa, and made a list of things he could do to calm down, like one of his therapists had suggested he do when he felt anxious a few years ago.
1. Meditation/deep breathing.
2. Exercise.
3. Take a sedative.
4. Take a hot bath.
5. Call Fiona.
It was stupid to even put number five on the list. That was something to do when he was calm, not when he was keyed-up. But the longer he spent getting his life together, the more he realized not telling his family where he was was fucking terrible. Sure, they weren't his children, but disappearing out of their lives was what Monica had always done, and he'd hated it. He'd had a good reason not to get in touch with his family the last couple of years; he didn't want them on Phil's radar any more than they already were. But he'd been a little shit to stay away before then.
On impulse, he shot Fiona a text. She'd texted him for about five years and he'd never replied. He wasn't sure why she had stopped texting him. She might have gotten a new phone number, or maybe Mickey hadn't been kidding when he'd said they'd had a wake for him.
His phone rang immediately.
"Ian?" she asked.
"Yeah Fiona. It's me," he said thickly.
All they could hear for the next few minutes was each other crying. Finally they managed to pull themselves together and Fiona asked where he was and what he was doing and was he okay.
"I'm okay, Fiona. I'm not very proud of some of my choices, but I'm turning my life around. I don't want to come back and turn everyone's life upside down and then take off again like Monica used to. I have to get out of some trouble and then I'll be back for good. I promise," he said.
"What kind of trouble? Is it the bipolar? Drugs? Do you owe someone money? Ian, let me help you," Fiona said.
"I'm okay. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm on meds for the bipolar but I just started them. I've got…I made some bad choices, and I've got a psycho boyfriend who I'm helping Mickey put in jail," Ian said.
"Mickey? Mickey Milkovich?" she asked.
"Yeah. So you know…You know I can count on him."
"Can you believe he works for the cops?" Fiona asked.
Ian laughed. "No. No, I can't. But in a way it makes sense. He's always been pretty protective of the people he cares about. I guess now he's just protecting more people."
"He never stopped loving you, Ian," she said. "None of us did. Thinking about you out there on your own has been like an open wound for all of us."
"I'm so sorry for worrying you," Ian said, his voice cracking. "At least for part of the time I had a good reason to stay away. I can't talk for long. I think Mickey just got home and we have things to plan. I just wanted to let you know I'm okay and we'll see each other soon."
"I'm so happy you're okay, Ian. Call me soon. Text me like once an hour, okay? You don't even need to send words. Emoticons are fine. Love you," she said.
"Love you, too," he said.
He looked up to see Mickey had walked in and was looking at him, his face impassive. "Jorez?" he asked.
Ian shook his head. "Fiona."
"I didn't know you were planning on calling her," Mickey said.
"I wasn't. I was just…I just wanted to," Ian said. He couldn't stop smiling, although he imagined he looked a bit crazed, considering his face must be puffy from crying. "I feel so fucking good right now, Mick. I haven't felt like this in years. Like maybe I'm worth something."
Mickey gave him a disapproving look. "Of course you're worth something. Don't fucking talk like that about yourself."
Ian shrugged. "I never felt like I was worth much, Mick. You always tried to tell me I all the good things I deserved and how I shouldn't let people use me. I told myself I was using them back, but even if I was, it's a shitty way to live. I'm so glad you found me again."
"Ian, even if we don't end up hooking up after all this, you know you're going to have to stay in touch, right? With me and the rest of your family," Mickey said.
Ian smiled a little at the way Mickey had said that. Mickey and the rest of his family. Mickey had called Ian his family so many times, but he hadn't realized that Mickey would still think that way after an absence of ten years. "I think Fiona's probably going to have me fitted with one of those tracking chips you put in dogs. She always said she was going to put one in Carl just in case."
"Speaking of which, we should probably turn the GPS on on your phone. If god forbid Jorez tries to grab you, we'll be able to track where you go," Mickey said.
"You think Jorez turned on the GPS?"
"I had the IT guy check your phone for spyware. Some guys like Jorez have clones of their obsession's phone so they can see everything they do or text and everyone they call. There's nothing like that on there. If he did track your GPS there's nothing much he can have learned from knowing your address. What you told him is too close to the truth."
"Obsession?"
"It's not normal to threaten to kill your boyfriend's family to get the boyfriend to stay with you. Even I didn't do that shit, and I did really crazy shit all the time when I was younger," Mickey said.
"So you don't do crazy stuff anymore?"
"Not really. Although, I'm taking care of Yevgeny and Inga this Saturday, and that's usually pretty eventful."
"Inga?"
"Svetlana's sister. I take her when I take Ev. They're like brother and sister now and it just seemed cruel to take him and not her, especially when I always do things with Ev like take him to the zoo and stuff."
"Where are you taking them this time? Can I come?"
Mickey looked momentarily embarrassed, and then said, "We're going to the Field Museum. Ev likes it there, and it helps Inga learn English, I guess."
"That's adorable," Ian said.
Mickey scowled. "Shut the fuck up and load your blog. Vlog. Whatever. And of course you can come."
Mickey heated them up some of the leftovers from the previous two days' dinner, and Ian queued up the vlog entries he was most proud of. Mickey put the food down on the coffee table in front of Ian and himself with two glasses of water. "So what are your videos about, anyway?"
"Classic horror movies. You can watch so many of the old classics online now that I could watch them from anywhere and the internet has so much information I could do a lot of research just using google. And I always have a link to the movie, so people can watch the commentary and then watch the movie themselves. Makes the comments section pretty cool."
"Holy shit! Look at all your followers. You're fucking famous, man," Mickey said.
"Some of the videos for the more famous movies I've discussed get lots of hits because people are already searching for the movie. I wish that more people would go from watching my videos to watching some of the more obscure titles out there."
"Wanna watch one of the movies? After I watch like ten of these vlogs, of course," Mickey said.
"Yeah. I'll think about a title you'd like," Ian said.
Ian watched as Mickey sat and watched his vlog. His friend ate absently as he watched, and he seemed absolutely enthralled, and laughed and smiled at Ian's little jokes. He remembered Phil constantly telling him he spent too much time on his vlog and saying it wasn't worth it because he didn't make enough money to live on from it. It shouldn't surprise him that Mickey was more supportive than Phil had been—Phil was a horrible person. But Mickey hadn't always thought the ways he spent his time were worthwhile, either. Although maybe he'd had selfish and understandable reasons for not wanting Ian to be a soldier or a stripper.
It had kind of never occurred to Ian that if he was doing something that Mickey didn't consider dangerous or that made him worried and jealous, he'd, well, be Ian's biggest fan.
So it was Mickey's own fault that Ian kissed him.
