I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.

Italics indicate thought.

I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. .

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Just Ludicrous: Chapter 8

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NOTE: This chapter is the reason this fan fiction is rated M. I wanted to be cautious.

-o-o-o-o-

It ended up with Ningyo and Sasayaki frog marching Neji out of the room. Sakusen was given instructions to wait ten minutes before venturing out after them. In the mean time, he was left with a copy of Ningyo's favorite book and was told to study it. The boy had been very wary about reading it, until Ningyo reminded him that it was for the good of the mission. They left him cautiously peering at the first page.

Ningyo dragged Neji down the street by the wrist. The blond was trying to dig her slippered feet into the dirt, all the time mumbling things like, "why is it that when there's a festival in honor of me, I'm miserable?!?" and "why me?". When they arrived at the brothel, Neji took one look and immediately started trying to make hand signs. Ningyo smothered this attempt with one hand, while at the same time asking for the manager of the fine establishment.

The mama-san arrived, and aged beauty of maybe fifty, and asked immediately, "So where's the little whore?"

Neji stopped struggling to stare, openmouthed, at the woman. "Who're you calling a whore, you bi-" Her outburst was cut off by a kick from Sasayaki. The following muttered string of swears and insults were ignored.

Mama-san raised a painted eyebrow. "I'd suppose that'd be the one?" she asked, gazing at Neji.

"Indeed," murmured Ningyo. "She's feisty, though."

The woman shrugged. "All the better." Neji groaned.

"Now, does she have the proper clothes?"

Ningyo nodded.

"Good," the mama-san said. "I will need a day to collect the proper amount of money. Bring her back tomorrow, with the clothes, and I'll pay you then."

Ningyo nodded. "Very well."

The mama-san turned away, then turned slowly back to them. "And is she a virgin?"

Ningyo nodded.

"Hmm . . . " Mama-san gazed at Neji, then turned to the other two. "Try to have her broken in by tomorrow. I find they are better that way." She lowered her eyelids fractionally, "I also pay more for those with more experience in their younger years."

Ningyo nodded again. "Yes, Mama-san. We will return tomorrow."

She turned, and led Neji away, Sasayaki trailing along behind.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji was limp with shock. This couldn't really be happening to her, could it? She followed Ningyo silently back to the inn, lead by the hand. Was she going to be the first Hokage in history to be raped on a mission?

As though capable of reading minds, Ningyo said cheerfully, "Oh come on, you aren't going to get raped or anything!"

"And how do you know?" asked Sasayaki.

"Because, you'll only be there for a week."

Neji remained silent.

"That's plenty of time," argued Sasayaki.

"No, she'll need training, so she won't be advertised for at least four days."

Neji only sank deeper into depression and horror. By the time they got to the door of Ningyo's and Sasayaki's room, Neji had sunk so deeply that she didn't seem capable of noticing anything around her. This was a pity, because she didn't truly witness what happened next.

Ningyo had just been saying as she opened the door, "And besides, it'll be with Sakusen-" when a small, hard-covered book collided with the side of her head, knocking her sideways with the momentum. Sasayaki peered around the door to see Sakusen, still standing with his arm extended, blushing furiously but with an expression of determined justice all over his face.

The sensei was carried sideways by the small, orange, flying missile, and collided with the far corridor wall, then slid down with comic slowness. Sasayaki stared at her furious team mate, her sprawled, unconscious sensei, and the form of her other usually hyper and obnoxious team mate.

The shout started Sasayaki out of her shock.

"I heard EVERYTHING over the radio, and I swear I was following you word for word in that book! A-and you want me to . . . to h-have . . . s . . . s . . . se . . . " the boy's rant ended in choked blushing, as the boy attempted but failed to finish the sentence. He didn't seem to notice that his sensei was incapable of acknowledging his shouts.

The sensei, (who was actually alot more aware than she looked), decided that it was safest to lie low until the enraged ninja had calmed down.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You want us to- to . . . ?" Sakusen gaped at the recovered sensei. Neji had recovered enough to watch apathetically the scene before her.

The blond sat hunched up on top of the bed of her and Sakusen's room, her gaze resting intermittently on the sensei and the pink haired boy, and the wall beyond them. Sasayaki stayed out of the way, yet again in a corner reading.

"Now, Sakusen. It's for the mission." Chided Ningyo. The boy didn't listen.

"And once I'm done with the mission, Naruto and I will report this to Tsunade-sama, and she will aid in a lawsuit against you for child abuse, and non-consent, and we will sue you for emotional distress. I'll also have to check for STDs, and-"

"QUIET!" Ningyo held her hand up, and with the other pinched the bridge of her nose. "To be perfectly honest, I don't give a damn anymore. I wish this mission had never been assigned to us. But it was, and to get it over with as soon as possible, Neji cannot be a virgin by the time we arrive at that brothel tomorrow. As soon as this week is over with, we are going home."

Sakusen stood silently, staring past Ningyo and out the window. Neji, meanwhile, blinked a couple times and seemed to become a little more aware of her surroundings. Or, at least, her eyes were tracking moving objects.

"So unless you can think of a way for you two to have sex without having sex, there's really nothing I can do about it." With that, Ningyo turned and strode out of the room, eventually followed by Sasayaki.

Sakusen glanced at Neji.

"So, ahem, do you have any ideas?"

" . . . no . . . "

Sakusen groaned again, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger. Suddenly he removed his hand and snapped his fingers.

"I've got it!"

Neji stared morosely at him. Her eyes had the flat look of those doomed to death. "What?"

"Shadow clones!"

Neji blinked her eyes, then the life began to seep back into them.

"Then we wouldn't have to-"

"And no one would know the difference-"

"And we'd be safe-"

"Would stay virgins-"

"Okay!" they chorused. Both of them brought their hands together, and produced a shadow clone of themselves.

Neji turned to Sakusen. "But what'll happen if Ningyo turns up?"

As though on cue there was a knocking at the door. "Hey, you two, are you doing what I told you to?"

Panicked looks were exchanged between Sakusen and Neji, and they made a leap for the futon closet simultaneously. The clones stood in the middle of the room, looking slightly bemused. The proceeding crash-thud made by Sakusen and Neji, was, by pure genius, followed up by a moan from the Sakusen clone.

Apparently satisfied, Ningyo walked from the door, her foot steps heading back down the corridor.

Everyone stayed still until they heard a door close, then relaxed. Sakusen and Neji lay in a heap just in front of the futon closet. They boy found it painfully obvious that he was laying on top of the girl, and hauled himself upright, and hauling Neji up.

As they turned to face to clones, they noticed that each of the clones had a knowing smile all over their face.

"You feel weird- "said one clone

"About the different genders-"followed the other,

"Don't you?" The clones chorused.

"How about this," suggested the Neji clone, "I turn into Sakura,"

"And I become Naruto." Finished Sakusen's clone. "So that it won't be so weird."

The two ninja stared at the clones wordlessly. As if taking this as a sign of consent, the clones henged into the opposite person.

Sakusen and Neji stood staring at the clones, No only had they gotten their every appearance correct, they had also henged into very little clothing. Naruto stood in undershirt and boxers, while Sakura stood in underwear and slip. Blushes spread across the two ninja's faces.

The clones smirked. "Why don't you two go for a walk, okay?"

"s-so you are really going to . . . to . . . " stammered Neji.

The smirks widened. "You can stay and watch if you like."

That was the motivation they needed. Sakusen and Neji quietly sprinted for the window, double checked that no one was watching, and ran for it.

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Yes, yes, haha, they did do what you think they did. Who knew Shadow clones had such sex drives?

Uahahahahaha!

Much longer than usual.

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.