WARNING: I know that there are spoilers floating around about what was supposed to happen after The Thin Line… Please remember, I hate spoilers. If anything I write resembles those spoilers in any way, I don't want to know—and it is pure coincidence (which HAS happened before). Please respect my wishes and do not refer to them in any reviews.

Thank you!  XOXO Sharon


Monday, February 4th 12 days until the Sweetheart Gala

There was a knock on her door.

Serena took a deep breath before going to answer it. She didn't know why Nate wanted to talk about Blair. She hoped…no, she wasn't going to hope that Nate wanted to get back with Blair. If she hoped for it, it might not happen. Although she really wanted that to be the reason Nate was here.

Blair had been going through so much lately. She needed a little love from the guy she loved.

Serena finally forced herself to turn the door latch and opened the door halfway.

"Hey," Nate said nervously. He looked everywhere but at Serena.

"Hey," Serena said just as nervously. She'd been in this position before about three or four months ago. The Masquerade Ball seemed so far in the past now.

"Well?" Nate muttered before finally meeting her gaze, "Can I come in?"

"That depends," Serena said stonily.

"On?" Nate asked.

"Are you really here to talk about Blair?" Serena asked. She didn't know if Nate still harbored feelings for her. She was so not inviting him in if there was any other reason behind this little visit.

"Yeah," Nate responded somewhat impassively.

Serena opened the door the rest of the way and gestured for him to enter.

Nate hesitated briefly before walking over the threshold and making his way quickly to the couch to sit down.

Serena slowly shut the door, taking another deep breath, before turning around and going to join him.

"So, what about Blair?" Serena said, trying not to snap at him as she settled onto the couch far away from him.

"I don't know," Nate said, sighing and running his hand through his hair.

Serena waited.

"I just…I saw Blair today," Nate winced. "For the first time in a while I didn't try to get away. I just stood and watched her leave school."

"So?" Serena asked.

"So…" Nate trailed off as he tried to figure out what to say. "She's not Blair any more."

Serena gave him a weird confused look.

"I mean…she used to be so full of life and happy…so confident," Nate tried to explain.

"And that bothered you? Seeing her like that?" Serena asked, trying to hold back her hope again.

"No, I mean, yes…I mean," Nate sighed. "I don't know what I mean."

"Nate," Serena said, telling him with her tone that he wasn't making much sense.

"I know I'm not making any sense. I've just never seen her that way before," Nate tried to explain.

"Well, what did you expect?" Serena said, trying not to snap at him once again. "She was publicly humiliated."

"I know," Nate winced again.

"And she lost everyone—all her friends, even you," Serena said pointedly.

"I just couldn't…" Nate trailed off. He couldn't forgive her. He could hardly look at her for so long. How could he be there for her after what she did to him?

"You couldn't what?" Serena asked. She wasn't going to second guess his thoughts. He was going to have to lay it out himself.

"I couldn't even look at her after I knew the truth," Nate said finally. "She lied to me. She made me think we were finally going to be able to start over. And we did. She just neglected to tell me we were starting with a lie."

"Nate…" Serena trailed off.

"She slept with him, Serena," Nate said, finally looking at Serena. She winced at the hurt look in his eyes.

"Blair slept with Chuck," Nate said, emphasizing the name. It made him sick to his stomach just saying that out loud.

"She did," Serena agreed.

"Why? How could…? Ah," Nate closed his eyes and ran both hands through his hair as he hunched forward again.

Serena was quiet. She couldn't answer those questions for him, even if she knew the answers. Those were things he needed to ask Blair. The only time she'd ever brought up the subject with Blair they'd had a huge fight that almost ruined Thanksgiving.

"I just wish I knew…" Nate trailed off, not really wanting to ask this question but he knew it was at the forefront of his mind. He had figured out Saturday that Blair hadn't wanted Chuck…but she had slept with him. Maybe she did want him at some point and still harbored those feelings somewhere…even while she was with Nate. Chills ran up his spine again. This was all too much.

"Does she…or did she…have feelings for Chuck?" Nate finally managed to ask.

Serena honestly didn't know. But she didn't think so.

"Wait, you slept with him?!" Serena looked at Blair completely shocked.

"Shhh!" Blair whispered loudly, looking around.

"Blair!"

"What happened to no judging?" Blair said sarcastically.

"I'm not…but," Serena tried to overcome her shock to ask her question. "I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special?" That had been Blair's dream all along and she respected her for it.

"Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?" Blair said, getting huffy and defensive.

Serena closed her eyes briefly. "Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge?"

"Well it wasn't because I liked his natural musk," Blair said snarkily. "Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right S?"

"Way to prove a point," Serena said.

"I…I don't think she was thinking clearly…" Serena began.

Nate knew that. Blair had told him that herself. He waited for Serena to continue. She seemed like she wanted to say something else.

"I think she might have seen it as a way to get back at you," Serena continued, trying not to wince at the words.

"What?" Nate looked up, shock flooding him. Yes, he had that thought once, but he couldn't believe Blair would do it. She'd made him wait for so long; he couldn't believe she would turn sex into a way to hold a grudge.

"She needed someone and I was there!" Chuck explained.

Nate couldn't really accept that she had sought comfort with Chuck either, but that was the conclusion he had come to after Chuck's words. Between seeking comfort, having feelings for Chuck, and holding a grudge… seeking comfort—though still just as bad—somehow made it just a tad easier to think about.

Serena wouldn't look at him.

"Is that something you think or something she said?" Nate spit out the question.

"Nate," Serena said, looking at him again with pleading eyes, "I think you need to talk to her. Ask her these questions."

"What did she tell you?" Nate insisted, turning toward her, his eyes flashing.

"You hurt her Nate," Serena said firmly. "We both hurt her. You owe it to her to explain everything herself."

Nate turned away and stood up. He started pacing. He just couldn't believe she'd do it. He didn't know what was worse: that she might have feelings for Chuck or that she'd slept with Chuck because he'd slept with Serena.

"I can't talk about this anymore," Nate finally decided. He turned to start toward the door.

"Nate!" Serena shouted to get his attention.

"What?" Nate turned back, a little angry at her for not answering his questions and just making everything even more confusing.

"Just think about it, okay?" Serena said gently, her eyes pleading again. "Just think about it." She really wanted him to at least talk to Blair. If only to give Blair some closure that she desperately needed. Even if Blair and Nate could only be friends…Blair needed something, anything, right now to not make her feel as horrible as Serena knew she felt.

"Oh believe me," Nate said with disgust. "It's all I can think about." He turned and finally left.

Serena sat quietly after the door slammed shut.

That went well, she joked to herself. But she didn't laugh. This wasn't a laughing matter.

Blair really wasn't herself anymore. She tried to go through the motions and get on with her life, but she still had to fight the girls at school always giving her a hard time. Serena was there for her as much as possible, but she knew that she could never be enough.

At least Blair had a new friend. Elise was sweet and adorable. She was bouncy and fun and probably the best medicine for Blair at the moment.

Blair had explained that she didn't want everyone else at school to know that she was friends with Elise. She didn't want to bring Elise's reputation down with hers. Serena understood, but she still wished Blair had someone else to hang out with at school. It would make Blair so much happier.

Serena still hoped that Nate would come around—the hope wouldn't go away. She thought that he might be more open to listening to Blair soon…especially if Blair was still on his mind so much.

Maybe he just needed a little push.

She snagged her phone from her purse and dialed the familiar number.


"Hey S," Blair said, answering her phone and trying to fake enthusiasm. She was still feeling low about her dark thoughts of Chuck and Nate. "What's up?"

"You know that PVD party Matt's having this Friday?" Serena asked. PVD was otherwise known as "pre-Valentine's Day". Matt wasn't ripe with the wit for sure.

"Yeah, I heard about it," Blair said, trying not to sound glum. It wasn't like she'd been invited.

"I think we should go," Serena said, enthusiasm in her voice.

"Serena…" Blair said with a warning. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on Blair," Serena insisted. "Remember? People don't tell you who you are! You tell them."

"I wasn't invited," Blair said.

"So?" Serena said. "When has that ever stopped you before?"

Blair didn't respond.

"Come on Blair," Serena said. "I'll be with you. Everything will be just fine. Let's show them all that Blair Waldorf can't be beaten down so easily."

"I…I guess," Blair said softly. Serena had a good point. It was one she made before, but it never got old.

"Great!" Serena exclaimed. "Don't worry Blair, everything will be just great!" And Nate and Blair might get a chance to talk! Serena tried not to get too excited. Nate had been at the last party, so more than likely he would be at this one… and if he wasn't? Well… they'd make an appearance then leave.

"Yeah, great," Blair said dryly. She was beyond forcing enthusiasm. What she was feeling was closer to dread…but she knew Serena was right. If she was ever going to get her life back, she was going to have to push a little publicly and not just with her scheming.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school!" Serena said cheerfully now that her plan was falling into place.

"See you," Blair said before hanging up and sighing.

She'd already gotten a text from Elise that reassured her that the plan against Jenny was falling into place.

Why didn't that make her feel happier?

The Nate and Chuck memories wouldn't go away. And it was making her more depressed than usual.

She looked down at the table in front of her in surprise. She'd actually eaten the entire cherry pie. She put her fork down abruptly.

Stop, she needed to stop. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. She knew she shouldn't. She knew what all the counselors said.

She sat back and clenched her eyes shut. She tried to will herself to just forget about the pie. She could go for a walk or a run or do something to exercise the pie away.

But she could feel her stomach rebelling at the food. She was too full. She could feel the fat thickening on her hips and her thighs as she sat there, bracing her self, trying to keep from going up those stairs. She shouldn't do it.

I'm a Waldorf…I'm a Waldorf…I'm a Waldorf…

She shouldn't do it. She shouldn't do it.

When you were beautiful…

She shouldn't do it. She shouldn't do it.

I want nothing else to do with you Blair…

She was going to do it.

Just one more time, she told herself as she scooted her chair back and slid to her feet. Just one more time and then she would never do it again.

But even as she walked up the stairs to her bathroom and turned on the faucet before sinking to her knees, the end of a toothbrush poised to slide against her uvula, she knew she was lying to herself.

This wasn't going to stop anytime soon.


Wednesday, February 5th 10 days until the Sweetheart Gala

Jenny was the first to arrive home that day even though it was later than usual. She walked inside and almost slipped when her foot rested on something that was not hardware.

She steadied herself and flipped the light switch before looking down.

It was a plain white envelope addressed to her! Someone must have slipped it under the door!

She bent down and picked it up quickly, slamming the door shut behind her and racing to her room to flop on the bed.

She hadn't seen many glimpses of Nate in the past couple of days, but then she'd been really busy with the girls. And she didn't want any more rumors to go flying about the two of them. Gossip Girl's little post had been short lived because Hazel hadn't wanted that information to stick around for long—Jenny knew Hazel had a thing for Nate—plus there was no other proof that anything was happening between Nate and Jenny. Jenny didn't want that rumor to continue anyway…at least not yet.

Only because she knew that Nate didn't want that.

She had been so excited about the first Valentine and who sent it that she was about to pop! But she held it in. She hadn't told a soul! Not even Kati and Is!

She couldn't wait to see what she would find in this letter.

She opened the envelope slowly lest she ruin it. She wanted to treat everything that Nate sent her with the utmost care.

It was another Valentine's Day card. This one had a big red heart across the front with gold embellishment of the words "Happy Valentine's Day". It was plainer than the last one, but much more elegant.

Jenny smoothed her hand down the front to feel the raised letters of the words before finally opening it to read inside. It was, once again, a blank card that held a message from someone who wished to remain a secret.

Jenny,

I saw you yesterday at school.

I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

You didn't notice. At least I don't think you did.

No one else noticed where I was looking either.

Thank you for keeping this a secret.

You have no idea the relief I feel at knowing I can trust you.

I know you might want to talk about these feelings

I've begun to develop toward you,

But I wish to remain a mystery still.

I will unveil myself in time, like I said before.

Take care, Sweetheart.

Until I can write again...

Always yours,

Your Secret Admirer

Jenny looked at the teeny letter beneath the signature again and frowned, a little confused when she saw a teeny tiny "R" instead of an "A" like last time.

What did that mean? An "A" and an "R"? Were they short hand for something? Adam? Regis? Had she been wrong about it being Nate? Was there some guy from Regis High School named Arthur or Adam or Alex or Andrew?

"AR," Jenny sounded out the letters together. Could it be spelling something out? Artic? Argentina? That made no sense. Arthur, Arc, Archie, Arny?

No… wait… Archie… Archibald! She laughed to herself for actually thinking for a second that her secret admirer might not be Nate after all. Of course he saw her yesterday. She did eat lunch on the MET stairs. He could have been staring at her from across the street without her ever knowing it.

And he was even leaving an extra little clue in his letters to help her figure out his identity! He really was adorable. Jenny couldn't figure out why Blair would drop the extremely hot and sweet Nate for the vile and perverted Chuck.

She shuddered as she tried not to think about someone, namely Blair, willingly having sex with him. She'd actually kissed that sleaze herself! Or, truthfully, he'd kissed her and she'd been too uncertain and scared not to push him away and make him stop…at first anyway. And then he wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Even though she was currently fighting with her brother because he didn't believe her when she said she hadn't sent the information to Gossip Girl, she was so grateful to have a brother who would drop everything—even in the middle of a date with his dream girl—to come save her. She was going to be okay. Dan had gotten there in time. She didn't have too many flashbacks anymore, especially not after she locked Chuck on a roof.

But Blair had done the deed with Chuck, and poor Nate was still hurt by it. Not hurt enough to stop him from moving on in his feelings though! Nate Archibald liked her! Little Jenny Humphrey! The world was just perfect.

Now if only Nate could move on from the entire situation enough to come to her so they could finally be together! But the wounds were still pretty fresh. Jenny would respect his wishes. As long as he kept sending these beautiful little love letters, she was going to be putty in his hands.

She sank back onto her pillows with a dreamy sigh, clasping the card against her chest. Mrs. Nathaniel Archibald….Mrs. Jenny Archibald….Mrs. Jennifer Archibald...oooh, wait… perfect: Mr. and Mrs. Nathaniel Archibald. It had such a ring to it!

She hoped she'd get to see Nate on Friday at Matt's PVD party. She was excited at the prospect of talking to him again. She could probably just send him a text message…wait, she really could do that.

She snagged her phone and sent him a text.

hey there

She waited for a response.

hey

Not exactly the long extended response she hoped for, but oh well.

want 2g out 4 smoothies?

She would never be so bold as to ask him that before, but she had proof now that he really did like her, so she felt much more confident. Plus, if she was ever going to get him to finish moving on and stop worrying about the public displays, she was going to have to get him to go out first.

not a good time.

Jenny tried not to feel the disappointment. But hey, at least she asked right?

tis k. r u ok? if u need 2 talk…

Jenny didn't have to wait long for a reply.

im fine. g2g. bye.

Well, she couldn't say he wasn't abrupt.

bye.

She didn't get another text from him after that, but she hadn't really been expecting to…although she still wished she had. She wondered what he was so busy doing. Maybe he was writing her another letter? She laughed to herself. She was making herself far too giddy about the entire subject. It was time to start her homework anyway.


Nate put his phone in his pocket quickly.

He knew something like this might happen after the stupid Gossip Girl text. Jenny might start to get the wrong idea and then he'd have to let her down gently.

Well, he hoped that had been gentle enough. And he really was busy. He was in the middle of slowly going insane from a kaleidoscope of memories of being with Blair and hanging with Chuck…and his stupid imagination ran wild at the possibilities of different "exchanges" between the two of them.

Ever since his talk with Serena on Monday, his final words had proven true. He couldn't stop thinking about Blair. No matter how hard he tried. It was driving him crazy.

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if he'd never slept with Blair. At least then he wouldn't know what he was missing. Blair had been wild and eager and so perfect, he couldn't believe it.

Now he could. He winced inwardly at the thought, but he couldn't escape it. Blair had been perfect because she'd already had some practice with the most experienced guy at St. Jude's.

On the one hand, it sickened him to think that Chuck had done him an unwitting favor by "helping" Blair get so good. On the other hand, his pride was taking a terrible fall because he couldn't help but wonder if she thought Chuck was better than him in bed.

She had made Nate wait almost a month before finally forgiving and getting back with him. What was up with that month? The ball was perfect and then he'd gone to Monaco. When he came back, she wouldn't talk to him or have anything to do with him. Why?

Maybe Serena was right. Maybe he did need to talk to Blair. He just couldn't do it, not yet anyway.

He sighed. It was Wednesday. Friday was the PVD party. He almost didn't want to go, but he knew that he had nothing better to do. The guys had eased off considerably this week. The news had died a little and the guys were mostly done with getting their digs as they moved on to greener pastures. To say that he was relieved was putting it lightly.

He was going to check out the party. He was going to stay away from Jenny though. He did like her… as a friend. He needed to make a point with her so she didn't read anything into their friendship. He hoped she got the point quickly so he could go back to talking with her as just friends.

He didn't know who else was supposed to be at the party, but he was going to try to have more fun at this one than the last. He really needed to start trying to move on with his life. He'd been stuck inside a bubble for too long.

He'd managed to make it all week without indulging in a joint too. After Chuck had left, he realized that he'd only ever started enjoying the herb because Chuck had Nate on one of those invisible strings that Howard and Ann and Blair liked to pull on.

Nate was tired of being someone's puppet, someone's robot. He was moving on with his life and he was going to make his own choices from now on.


To be continued…