He had the dream again.
He was walking in the meadow, holding hands with Iasus. He turned to him, saw him smile, then he turned away. At this point in the dream, he began to feel that it was not Iasus' hand he held, but the hand of someone else. Each time he tried to look back, he failed, and he would be so anxious the dream would wake him, leaving him with an deep sense of loss.
It was early morning, and he was in his bed. Iasus was with him, snoring softly, he was lying on his side, otherwise the snores would have been louder.
He studied the man as he slept, and wondered why, when he knew he loved him, he could feel no deep emotions when they were together. He was almost glad when Iasus moved over him, covered him, knowing it would not take long. He wanted to please, but he felt almost removed from the act, and Iasus never seemed concerned if he took pleasure from it, so long as he was satisfied.
Sometimes, afterwards, he would hold him, kiss his face. 'If you only knew,' he would murmur, then laugh softly. He wondered what he meant, maybe it was because Iasus loved him, and perhaps he did not know how much.
He would feel guilty then, and decide to be more loving the next time. He wanted Iasus to be proud of him, although sometimes he felt like a possession. He was flaunted at banquets, and felt uncomfortable when Iasus groped at him, while looking at the other guests saying he was sure they all were jealous.
Iasus was a good man, but he did not mind the time he spent alone.
He put his hand up to Iasus' face, tracing the outline of it. Iasus' hand batted at him, as if there was a fly in the room. Then one eye came open, then the other.
"Amphion," he breathed. "Are you awake so soon?"
"It's light outside," he replied, moving closer, knowing he was offering himself to Iasus' morning erection. He ran a hand along his erastes' chest, feeling it inflate as Iasus took in a lungful of air, and yawned. He kissed his belly, then moved up, knowing Iasus would kiss him.
At this point, his resolve to be more loving dissipated.
"Take me in your hand," Iasus instructed.
He hesitated, before obeying. Iasus pushed in to his hand, grunting a little, then put his large hand behind his head, pulling him close, his mouth opening for a kiss. His breath was sour, stinking of last night's supper and heavy wine. He wanted to please, he closed his eyes, wanting to find the meadow, to see the man beside him.
Iasus' tongue pushed in to his mouth. He pulled back and forced a smile, before turning, lying spooned up against Iasus, his back to him, offering himself. He felt Iasus' hand slide down his waist, to hold his hips, and was thankful it would soon be done.
OOXXOO
The port of Athens was bustling, and the small ship that had brought Ptolemy and Alexander there, had trouble finding space to dock.
Triremes stood at port, slaves and servants hurrying to load supplies. Despite the fact that this likely battle would be on land, Athens navy would still patrol the shores.
"You've been here before, with Hephaistion," Ptolemy noted, watching Alexander looking up to the Parthenon.
"To the games," Alexander replied, scooping up his bag of clothing and disembarking with a final farewell for the captain, who had been well-paid to have his ship wait to leave on the tide when needed.
Ptolemy grabbed his things and hurried after Alexander. Philip had made him promise to watch over his son and it was a promise he did not intend to break.
"So, this is where Demosthenes spins his web," he said, then looked to Alexander again, getting no answer. "Do you know how to find Schedius' house?"
Alexander shook his head. "We should ask someone."
Ptolemy looked around, and seeing a merchant went over to him, getting directions before returning to Alexander who was looking over the city which rose up before him.
"You'll see him soon enough," Ptolemy soothed. "Let's deal with first things first. Schedius is not far from here, his house is just a couple of streets away with a statue of Poseidon at the front of it.
Ptolemy led the way, looking back to Alexander, never having seen him look so lost. He threw his arm around his shoulders and pulled him to him. "We're here," he said, "I never thought you would be allowed to come, but here you are, so cheer up for all is not lost as you thought it might be a while back."
Alexander smiled but said nothing as they made there way through the narrow streets, locating Schedius' house and knocking on the door.
Not knowing who could be trusted, they asked the servant to fetch Schedius, saying they had business with him. The servant led them through to a courtyard then disappeared.
Ptolemy prowled around the area, looking in to rooms and counting the servants. "He does well for himself," he said.
Schedius appeared, introducing himself, then showed them through the house to a small room with a desk, chair and scrolls, closing the door and then studying the men before him.
"I take it you have travelled far," he said, cautiously.
"From Macedon," Alexander said, handing the man a letter his father had written.
Schedius smiled. "Philip has sent you?"
Ptolemy grinned. "More that he could not stop Alexander from coming."
Schedius stood open mouthed, then laughed nervously. "Alexander. Of course. I had not thought…I did not think that you would come in person, but I know you now, even dressed the way you are, like a merchant's son, not a prince." He turned back as if to check the door was closed. "But it is dangerous here. Demosthenes has gone, but letters are read from him, daily in the square. The young men of Athens talk of nothing but battle, they leave the city daily to reinforce the Thebans. If it was discovered you were here…"
"My father has granted me seven days," Alexander said. "Have you seen Hephaistion since you wrote the letter?
"Oh, many times," Schedius laughed, "Iasus is out at banquets and dinners every night. I did not think that you would come here. What do you intend to do?"
"Take him back with me," Alexander said, resolutely.
Schedius shook his head. "He is under some spell. He would not answer to you if you called him by his true name, he believes that he is Amphion. If you try to take him from Iasus by force I believe that he would fight you, or worse still, alert others to your intentions."
"We were hoping we could rely on your hospitality," Ptolemy interrupted.
"Of course," Schedius replied. "But we must make up some story, that you, Alexander, are my nephew, that's what I'll say you are, and…"
"Ptolemy. My name is Ptolemy."
"Ptolemy is your friend then," Schedius said and smiled. "Oh, and good news, I am dining out tonight and Iasus and your Hephaistion will be there."
OOXXOO
He climbed the steps up from his bath, dropping the towel so that he could dress, glancing over at the bed, the sheets in disarray since Iasus had claimed him that afternoon.
His hands still shook as he opened the wooden chest and reached for a light blue chiton, embroidered with gold thread, he still felt nauseous and tried to let go of his memories of the afternoon. Iasus moving over him, the wet kisses, the grasping hands.
Holding the chiton to him he sat upon the bed, leaning forward, rocking himself in a comforting motion, trying to comprehend how he could love Iasus and yet feel such revulsion every time the man touched him, telling himself that so long as Iasus took pleasure from the act that was all that mattered.
For a long time he sat, then he poured some wine and drank it down, undiluted, calming himself.
He stood up and dressed, braided his hair and then went to find Iasus, not wishing to keep him waiting.
