Chapter 8: Mending Ties; Living Lies

A/N: This chapter marks a very important turning point: this is where the story becomes entirely my own! It was about fifty-fifty before, but now it's all me! Woot woot ^^

One of my reviewers for one of my other Bleach fics has informed me of the fact that I am using the wrong accent on my 'o's. You've noticed I've been using "ô" all this time, but from now on, I will be using the correct form, "ō". So, thank you Coffee Papers for the correction advice _^ Thank you as well to new reviewer kyrie!

The rest of you, I don't know how many times I have to say it: I wanna hear from you! So, let's have it. Read, enjoy, and, PLEASE, review!

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Hitsugaya Tōshirō

I looked down at Hinamori. She slept peacefully, and her hand was relaxed in mine. But what she'd said rang in my head, a sinister echo:

I saw you die!

I should have been able to dismiss it as an errant nightmare…if it weren't for my own vision.

I don't believe in coincidence. This had to mean something…I moved my gaze back to Hinamori.

If the idea of my death really tortures her so much…

I'd never had any idea that it would make any difference to her if I were gone. If anything had happened to her – if she had died after Aizen---I didn't know what I would have done. When I'd seen her, on the floor, unmoving, bathed in her own blood, I felt as though I'd been hit repeatedly in the stomach with a sledgehammer. If the roles had been reversed…would Hinamori have felt something similar?

If this was true…I could help her. If I could help her to see me in place of Aizen, then she could see past her delusions, and realize the truth about that abhorrent traitor. I vowed to myself, then, that I would heal the damage done to Momo—mind, heart, and soul.

Hinamori Momo

At last—a sleep without dreams. I awoke feeling as though I'd slept for a year.

I sat up and looked over at Hitusgaya-kun, only to see him asleep, his white-haired head leaning to one side and resting on his shoulder. He looked so different asleep; his face was so calm in the absence of its usual scowl.

He saved my life…

And the way he'd said my name, right before I fell asleep – softly, gently, almost tenderly. The one word, so familiar to me, yet seemingly different when it came from him, had warmed me from the inside out and whisked me off to sleep, like a lullaby.

Sleep, with no dreams – because he was here now.

Tōshirō…

He would make everything all right. He'd always done before. He'd help me to make it all okay –

--once I could make him see the truth.

I would make him see – and then, together, we would bring Aizen-sama back.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

I didn't realize I'd dozed off until I opened my eyes. I looked over – Hinamori was still sound asleep. Regarding her for a moment, I thought about what I would need to do to help her. And then, it came to me…

I rose quietly, so as not to disturb Hinamori, and then I began to make my way down to first division quarters, for my plan required a discussion with Commander Yamamoto.

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Soon after, I went back to Hinamori's room. I wasn't sure, but I thought a small smile touched her lips for a moment when I sat down next to her again.

I sighed. She wasn't going to be smiling after I told her what I'd done. It was necessary…but that didn't change the fact that she was going to be furious.

Hinamori Momo

I gasped.

I blinked.

It felt like something had caught in my throat.

I couldn't believe it.

Gaping at Tōshirō, I choked, "You did what?!"

He would barely meet my eyes. "I told Yamamoto to demote you. Temporarily," he added hastily.

"W-why? Hitsugaya-kun, how could you?"

"You need to rest and recover, Hinamori. And you can't do that when you're practically drowning with all of a lieutenant's responsibilities piled on you."

"But I told you, I'm fine now!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"You're not," he said, his gaze drilling into me. "I've known you my whole life, Hinamori. I think I know when you're not all right."

I paused. This was true…but I felt fine.

It was plain to see I wasn't going to get through to him this way, so I tried a new tactic.

"But I have to keep my rank! I have to keep the fifth division running until Aizen-sama comes back! What will he think if--?"

"'Aizen-sama' is not coming back," said Tōshirō scathingly.

I had meant to say "-taichō", but that wasn't the point, was it?

"Of course he is!" I protested. "He wouldn't leave me here forever!"

"He already did, Hinamori –"

"No! He's coming back!"

"He did more than just leave you alone—"

"Just stop!"

"—he left you—will you listen to me?!"

"No!!"

"He left you for dead, Hinamori—"

"Because Ichimaru-taichō—"

"Shut up! SHUT UP!!"

Shocked by this uncharacteristic outburst, I fell silent.

"Aizen tried to kill you, Hinamori! He decided you were nothing to him, and yet you stand here like a little lost puppy, waiting for someone who hasn't given you a second thought since—"

My anger flared up again. "You're wrong! He cares about me! He told me! He said he was happy to have me as his subordinate!"

"That's all you were to him, a subordinate! Nothing but another pawn for him to manipulate!"

"You're lying!!" I screamed. Then I realized it.

"You're jealous!" I accused. "You're jealous of Aizen-sama—" I meant to say "-sama" that time; there was no point in hiding how I thought of him now – "because you wish Matsumoto-san was as loyal to you as I am to him!"

He had the audacity to roll his eyes, as though I were being ridiculous and unreasonable.

"Matsumoto has absolutely nothing to do with this," he snapped. "And, for the record, she is as loyal to me as any captain has a right to expect."

"More so than me?!"

"Now who's jealous?" he asked with a smirk.

"I can't believe you!" I shrieked. "Is this some kind of joke to you?"

To my surprise, he immediately sobered. "No," he said quietly. "Far from it."

I just stood there, fuming, and not sure what to say next.

But it was Tōshirō who broke the silence.

"You're a mess, Hinamori," he said flatly. "This only proves to me that I'm making the right decision."

I remained silent.

"Give me your badge."

"No."

"Hand it over."

"No!"

With lightning speed, he unsheathed Hyōrinmaru and rested its tip on the white band that bound the badge to my left arm.

"Give me your badge," he demanded, eyes blazing.

Tears welled up in my eyes. Looking the other way, I tore the badge off my arm and flung it at him. Then I threw myself down o my futon, sobbing.

Tōshirō stood there for a minute, before I heard the footsteps that meant he was walking away.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

I'm doing the right thing; I'm doing the right thing.

But, when Hinamori had started crying, it was harder to believe…

I'd wanted to say something, but no words would come, so I'd simply left.

Now, hours later, I wandered between buildings, aimlessly, wondering what my next step should be. The only thing I'd decided on was that I would not tell anyone about Hinamori's hallucinations – I'd given Yamamoto the same excuse I'd given Hinamori, about needing more time to rest. There would be many who would think they could help her, but not one of them knew her like I did.

I reached into the pocket on the inside of my haori, unconsciously fingering Hinamori's badge.

What now…?

I rounded a corner, and saw Abarai walking towards me.

"Hitsugaya-taichō," he said, "I was looking for you. What's going on?"

"You'll have to be more specific."

"I was just talking with Yamamoto," he clarified. "He's asked me to temporarily take the place of fifth division lieutenant."

That makes sense…the sixth company suffered no losses; Kuchiki can manage things on his own for a short period of time.

He continued, "I asked why, but I was told to discuss it with you." Abarai stood, waiting for an explanation.

"I asked Yamamoto to demote Hinamori for the time being," I said. "I didn't think that she will be able to recover properly if she's overworked, and he must have agreed with me."

'Why was I picked?"

"Yamamoto was not influenced by me with that decision. It's common sense, though – sixth division is, more or less, the only one that can spare a lieutenant right now. First and fourth divisions are overworked; third and ninth are, of course, relying solely on their lieutenants to run things, and none of the others are fit to lead a company in the absence of their captain."

Abarai smiled wryly. "You include your own vice-captain in that statement?"

'I shudder to think what Matsumoto would do if I didn't set her limits."

Abarai looked thoughtful. "Since I'm a friend of Hinamori's…maybe Yamamoto thought that she would respond better to her replacement if she knew him well. And Kira can't do this job, obviously."

"Perhaps…"

"How did she react? I'm guessing you were the one who broke the news to her, since you went behind her back…" he trailed off.

You don't have to make it sound so malicious.

"She was furious," I admitted, "but she doesn't realize yet that it is for her own good." Suddenly, the badge in my pocket felt extremely heavy, its weight increased tenfold by…guilt?

I drew it out and offered it to Abarai. "Here," I said. "You don't have to wear it; however, until Hinamori is reinstated as lieutenant, this is rightfully yours." I added, "Keep it safe."

Abarai took the badge carefully. "I will." He looked down at it for a moment, tilting it so that the light reflected off the polished copper. All at once, he stated, "I'd better report to fifth division."

I nodded his dismissal, and he left. I was alone with my thoughts again.

What now…?

Hinamori Momo

For two weeks now, I'd barely surfaced from the confines of my room, so determined was I to avoid Tōshirō. Ironically, I'd been sleeping more than ever over the course of these days, not having any other way to pass the time. I'd had some dreams, but never of the darkness. The only things I could remember upon waking were two faces – Tōshirō's and Aizen-sama's—and an intense, burning longing.

If anything, my left arm felt heavier without my badge. There was an even greater irony here: Tōshirō had been the one to take it from me, when he'd been the initial reason I'd worked to obtain it…

Do you remember that day? That day many, many years ago? When we were but children, in mind as well as body…when the world we live in now didn't even seem a possibility…until that day.

Tōshirō, do you remember?

That day when everything changed…

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and I started, my heart missing a beat.

Tearing my eyes away from the ceiling, I rolled off my futon and stood up.

If it's Tōshirō, he's getting the door slammed in his face…

But, when I opened it, I was struck by surprise, then I calmed, and managed a small smile.

"Kira-kun…"

Kira Izuru

How can I face Hinamori-kun? The last time I saw her, we were crossing blades. And she blames my captain for everything.

But, with her captain gone, too, we have common ground, the best place to take the first steps to repair a friendship lost.

But will she hate me? Because I didn't allow her to attack Ichimaru? If I'd stood by and let her fight him, would Aizen still have been able to trap her in the circumstances where she nearly died? Or would my ex-captain have killed her himself?

We will never know. Time cannot go back; we can only go forward, and move on.

I earned Matsumoto-san's forgiveness, but she and I have little history. It's easier to forgive someone about whom your knowledge of their character, their strengths and weaknesses, is limited. The more complex a structure is found to be, there are more methods that can be seen in which to break it.

Hinamori-kun knows me well – can she forgive me?

I will never know, unless I cease to fight for the past, and take the next step forward, and move on.

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'Is this a bad time?" I asked.

"No…" Hinamori-kun replied. "Would you like to come in?"

I entered the room, and she closed the door behind me.

"You weren't busy, were you?" I asked.

"No," she replied, her voice hard. "I haven't had a lot to do since I was demoted."

"Right…" I trailed off awkwardly. "Well, it's not because you were doing a bad job that you lost your position. You just need to heal."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? No one seems to understand that I am fine. I'm fine."

"In that case, I'm happy for you."

Her eyes lingered on my upper left arm. "At least you had a choice as far as wearing—or not wearing, I guess—your badge goes."

"I'll start wearing it again, someday, when all of this is over," I said. "For right now, though – I don't want any connections with my former captain."

'Of course not," said Hinamori-kun, smiling. But her eyes were filled with – pity. For me. She felt sorry for me, even though she'd suffered more damage than Hisagi-kun and myself combined. But she didn't seem to realize this; it was like she wouldn't even admit the possibility to herself.

I looked away; her gaze was too disconcerting. It wasn't…right, somehow. "Hinamori-kun…the real reason I came here is to tell you – I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be," said Hinamori-kun. She was smiling still, but it didn't look like her. She appeared as someone else; she was Hinamori Momo in appearance only, not soul.

She continued, "I can't fault you for loyalty to your captain. I would have done the same thing. In a way, I still am, aren't I?" She laughed; the sound did not belong to the Hinamori-kun I knew, and I almost shivered. "I'm the only one who believes in Aizen-sama, it seems! But you believe, don't you, Kira-kun?"

I could not answer. "Will you accept my apologies anyway?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

'All right, if it will make you feel better, I accept your apology, Kira-kun." Her pretense at a smile faltered. "And I hope that you will, in turn, accept mine. I'm sorry, Kira-kun. It was not you I was angry at."

"Of course. I understand."

"Good. I'm so happy you're yourself again, Kira-kun."

There had been a time when I was somewhat corrupted by my position and power as a lieutenant, and had closed my eyes to what was right. But no more.

Now that I have opened my eyes, though, I see Hinamori-kun, and she has been blinded. Worse, she doesn't seem to care, or even notice.

I don't want to risk breaking what has just been mended…but a true friend wouldn't let her live like that. And I would rather see the real Hinamori Momo than this – shell.

"Hinamori-kun…have you ever thought to consider—" I paused, losing my nerve.

'Yes?" she said, eyes wide with curiosity.

'Have you ever--? What I mean is, Hisagi-kun and I—we're moving on. We are working to get through this. Our captains have abandoned us –" I said this unflinchingly "—but we have accepted that."

She remained silent.

"But you—you are desperately clinging onto a belief that is – it's not going to happen, Hinamori-kun. Aizen has not only gone; he was the leader of the traitors." Hinamori-kun was staring at me in shock and anger. "It may not be what you want to believe, but it's the truth," I said hurriedly—but as gently as I could.

Her eyes narrowed. "Truth?" she said. "Truth is relative to belief. What I believe – that is what is truth to me. And I believe in Aizen-sama."

How passionate she was! Her words were sharp and cutting, unlike anything Hinamori-kun had ever said.

All at once, she calmed herself. "I'm sorry, Kira-kun. I didn't mean to argue with you just after we made amends."

"That's okay…I should probably go now, though."

'Duty calls, right?" Another lifeless smile.

"Right." I went to the door.

'Kira-kun?"

I turned around.

"Thank you for coming," said Hinamori-kun. "I've missed you."

I managed a small smile. "Me, too."

I stepped out of her room, closed the door behind me, and sighed.

I still do.

Abarai Renji

Good freaking god.

Has it seriously been a month already? One month since we learned of Aizen's plans—one month out of the four we have until the inevitable battle versus the masses of Arrancar he will be sure to have created by then. One month, gone so quickly.

One month. Little more than four weeks.

For three of those weeks, I'd been working three jobs. Yes, three. In taking over for Hinamori, I had shouldered the responsibilities of both the lieutenant and the captain of the fifth company. On top of that, I still had my duties as lieutenant of the sixth division.

Do you think you know the meeting of the word 'exhausted'?

Trust me, you don't.

But, every night, as I prepared for my on-average-two-hours of sleep, I thought about Hinamori's badge. Hitsugaya had told me to keep it safe – I'd just put it in an empty drawer. No one knew I had it, and, even if they did, no one would be stupid enough to try to steal it from me.

In thinking of Hinamori's badge, though, I thought of Hinamori. Then I thought of the badge again, Hinamori again. And I decided that, at the first opportunity, I'd go and see her.

Hinamori Momo

I stood on the balcony, allowing the winds of the dying summer to embrace me. Belying their warmth were hints of a chill, a promise of autumn. In this medley that was the wind, I savoured the colder notes. For autumn was coming, and after autumn was winter.

"We must prepare for battle, come winter," Yamamoto-sōtaichō had said. But there would be no battle; I was certain. He must be mistaken, and winter shall simply be when Aizen-sama returns, surely…? For, in my latest dreams, snowflakes were falling, and then we were reunited…

I sensed someone approaching me from behind, but there was no hostile intent. I turned to see Abarai-kun. He met my eyes and said, "Hey, Hinamori."

"Hi, Abarai-kun," I replied.

"You look good, Hinamori," he said. "Though, the last time I saw you, you were still in the infirmary."

"Really? They never told me anyone came to visit me. But you did?"

'Yeah, a couple of times." He stared out over the balcony for a minute. It was dusk, and the lights of the Rukongai glimmered like fallen stars in the distance. "It doesn't exactly make up for lost time, though," he said finally.

"Well, no…but it's not your fault I was in a coma," I said brightly, trying to lighten the mood.

His face darkened. "No, it wasn't my fault…"

I was gripped with a feeling of dread. "Abarai-kun…please. I don't want to talk about Aizen-sama. I know what he did to you and Kuchiki-san and Kuchiki-taichō, but I still think it was just a misunderstanding. Please don't say you're only here to make me think differently, because I don't want to argue with you, and I can believe what I want to believe, right?" My voice rose, and broke on the last word. "Right?"

Abarai-kun didn't respond for a long time. He finally replied, "You can believe what you want, Hinamori. But if you set your sights on one belief only, and close your mind to all others, you're going to get hurt again."

"'Again'?" I'm fine." Why doesn't anyone believe anything I've been saying?

I felt a prickle of irritation as he pretended not to hear me. Instead, he said, "I would ask how you've been doing all these years, Hinamori, 'cause I came here hoping to catch up a little. But, with everything that's been happening, it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, it seems like it was never important anyway."

"Not for me!" I cried. "Those years were the best of my life!" And I will have many more, once everything is better. Once Aizen-sama comes home. Once everyone realizes that he is still a good person.

Once Captain Ichimaru is dead – once I kill him.

I paused, then added, more softly. "I did miss you, though, Abarai-kun. You and Kira-kun." And Tōshirō…but I don't see him trying to makes things better.

"Yeah, I just talked to Kira the other day. It was a freaking miracle we happened to have a break at the same time, but anyway…" he became thoughtful. "See, I never thought that it would be something like this that would kind of bring the three of us back together, you know? But, here we are, talking – I mean, really talking—for the first time in years." He smiled wryly. "At least something good is coming out of all this."

"You're right," I replied. "Isn't it ironic, though. Chasing your dream parts you from what is precious to you. Only to reunite you when, suddenly, your dreams are torn from your grasp, and you're told that, no, something else is more important right now, and what you really want goes on hold, and you're thrown together with everyone else who didn't have a choice…" I faltered. "That's not exactly what I meant to say."

"I get it," said Abarai-kun. "But, someday—it may feel like all this was for the best."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"I kind of need to go now, Hinamori," Abarai-kun said. "I shouldn't even have stayed for this long – there are literally mountains of paperwork that need to be done."

"Okay…but you'll come again soon, right?"

"When I can…woah, hold up a minute!" He had been about to leave, but he came back abruptly. "I almost forgot what I came here for. That's what happens when I get all sentimental," he said jokingly. "Anyway, I thought you might want this back." He reached into the folds of his shihakushō and drew out –

"My badge!" I cried. "Abarai-kun, how did you get it?"

He looked at me, confused. "Didn't you know? I was made to act as temporary fifth lieutenant, until you came back."

"Oh…"

"You need to get out more – shutting yourself away isn't doing you any good." His tone was teasing, but, I could tell that, underneath, he was serious.

"Well," I managed, "I know that you'll do a good job, Abarai-kun."

"Thanks…but, here, take your badge back. I thought that it's only right that you should keep it, even if you can't wear it right now."

I reverently took it from his outstretched hand, then held it close. "Oh, thank you so much, Abarai-kun!"

"Yeah, no problem. If you ask me, I don't think it was necessary for Hitsugaya to take away your rank. It obviously is not doing you that much good." His words held hints of venom.

"Don't judge him so harshly," I admonished. "I think he's just trying to do what's best for me."

"No offense, Hinamori, but I don't really think that thoughtfulness is that guy's strong suit."

"It is, more so than you think! Did you know, he only takes a personal day once a year, to go visit his grandmother on her birthday? And he still sends her half his paycheck, even though she's so rich by now that she doesn't even need it, and he still writes a whole bunch of letters, even after all these years!"

He relented. "Yeah, I get it. I forgot that he came to visit you, too, when you were still unconscious."

My heart missed a beat. "He did?"

"Yeah…every day, so Matsumoto said."

"Oh," I replied, softly. I didn't know he cared that much…

"Well, as much as I hate to, I need to go back to work," Abarai-kun said. "Trust me—you're not missing much."

I smiled, though my heart wasn't really in it. I still missed my work.

Abarai-kun smiled back, more certainly. "Good seeing you, Hinamori."

"You, too," I replied, and then he was gone.

First Kira-kun…now Abarai-kun…

The sun would come out after a storm, it seemed. The first steps had been taken to repair the bonds of our friendship. Together, we would mend our past, and face our futures. This time – leaving one another behind would not be an option.

Kira-kun…Abarai-kun…

Tōshirō…

Our friendship hadn't been the same for a very long time. For a few terrible days, it seemed as though we may be enemies. Now, things were simply a mess.

But this was a time of healing, it would seem. My old friends had returned to me, bringing an unspoken promise of change.

I doubted that Tōshirō would come to me. But that needn't stop me from going to him.

"Don't judge him so harshly," I'd said.

Maybe it was time for me to take my own advice.

A/N: And, that's another chapter! Not the most exciting, I know…but essential.

And, yay for Hinamori/Kira/Abarai sidebar plots!

Next chapter preview: Even when Momo and Tōshirō are on speaking terms again, Shiro-chan struggles to make a certain Aizen-ized Momo listen to reason.

But, what is this? In the midst of impending chaos, the two are beginning to be drawn closer to each other than ever, and in ways they never expected.

Look out for "Chapter Nine- Falling Anew": Coming soon!