"No, no, no!" said Murderface. They were sitting on the floor cross-legged with the dethphone between them. "More like this!" He cleared his throat.
"Uhhhhhh…"he said.
Regan pouted. "My moan was a lot better."
"You know Regan," he said. "I've alwaysh conshidered myshelf the Dethklok artisht. I get thingsh." He pressed his hand against his heart and pursed his lips together. "In here."
She shrugged. "It's only a sex tape."
"Only a- only a shex tape?" he asked, raising his hands and waving them "We're dishplaying the greatesht act of passion between two people. Only a shex tape- this ish art! Sho repeat after me."
"Alright then," said Regan, taking a deep breath. He pushed the record button on the dethphone.
"Uhhhhhhh." Murderface closed his eyes.
"Uhhhhhh." She repeated.
He stopped the recording. "Bingo." He said, and fooled with the phone. "Now add some sexy music." A low saxophone melody played. "And maybe a splash or two."
"Murderface! That doesn't even make sense!" Regan snatched the phone. "We're gonna do this differently. Now try to touch your toes again."
"I don't want to-"
"That's because you can't, and never will."
Murderface turned bright red and began to grumble. "Damned woman," he said. He stood up and reached slightly downward. Regan pressed the record button, and then pushed down on his back so that his fingers just touched his toes.
"Oohhhhh!" Murderface cried out in pain, and Regan stopped the recording.
"Perfect! That's your part, finished," she said.
"You. Bitch." He squeaked, still stuck in position.
"You should be happy! You finally touched them." She played back the sound. "Oohhhhh! Oohhhhh!" It was very convincing.
"Help. Me." Gasped Murderface.
"Alright then, you baby." Regan rubbed his lower back slightly and guided him up. He narrowed his eyelids and folded his arms. "Now my turn," she said.
"Sheriously, that fucking sucked," groaned Murderface, rubbing his back.
Regan looked at him with a mix of amusement and pity. "I know, sweetheart, and I'm sorry." She quickly kissed his cheek. He reddened, and gave her a goofy smile, touching the spot where she had kissed him.
"Now shhh!" she said. This morning she never would have conceived of doing this. It felt so unlike her to be so free, so playful. But there was something in Murderface's odd features and funny mannerisms that brought it out in her. She looked into his eager eyes, and his smile of approval buoyed her spirits. She could do anything here, however bizarre. Regan cleared her throat and pressed record.
She shut her eyes. It started with a slow, deep moan, and escalated higher and higher. It was singing, and crying out- this emulation of desire. Her voice grew husky and low, in deep rhythmic sighs, and then rose again, peaking in a shrill call of unadulterated pleasure. She didn't know how long she had gone on, but she let out a deep sigh and felt a real chill settle down her spine. She opened her eyes and stopped the recording.
Beads of sweat rolled from Murderface's forehead, and he was breathing heavily. "Regan," he said. "That wash very good…acting."
She laughed nervously, and tugged on a string of hair. She felt self-conscious again. "You think so?"
"Ooo yeah," he said. "You coulda fooled me."
"We're only missing one part," she said.
"What is that?" he whispered.
"The mattress." Regan stood on one side of the bed, and motioned him to the other. "We need to make a creaking sound. I think it would be very realistic."
Their eyes met from across the bed. "Very realishtic," he repeated dreamily. "Yeah."
She laid down the phone on the bed. They pushed up and down on the mattress so that the springs creaked.
"That's great," she said, smiling. "Now let's put it all together."
They knelt side by side, their arms nearly touching. They toyed with the application so that all the sounds blended together. Murderface insisted on the splash sound, and a pig squeal, in spite of Regan's protests. They then pressed play and listened.
Regan blushed when she heard the sounds she had made interspersed with random cries of "Oohhhhh! Oohhhhh!" But it was so funny. She could barely contain herself when the pig started to squeal.
She burst into peals of laughter, and Murderface joined her. She found herself muffling her laughter in his shoulder, and she could feel his broad hand stroking her hair.
"Murderface…" she said, looking up. His strange green eyes fixed on her, and he took her shoulders in his hands.
There was a loud pounding at the door, and they jumped apart, startled.
