Alright, I got this one out by my 48 hour deadline, because my manic reviewer songreader put the fear in me. Death-threat reviews are surprisingly effective...but it's really hard to write when you're constantly looking over your shoulder and jumping at small noises. Anyway, here it is.
And I apologize for the ridiculously long entry with Alice, but...you know you love her.
10:20pm
I guess Edward's return triggered some kind of chain reaction, because the remaining four Cullens found their way home within the hour.
Carlisle had gone to the hospital to visit one of his patients who had called him in hysterics, insisting she had found a tumor in her foot. Esme had driven down to Olympia to pick up an antique vase she'd found online. And Alice and Rosalie really had had a good reason for leaving me alone to fend for myself for the day.
They were buying me a car.
It was Alice's idea, but Rosalie tagged along to make sure it was in perfect condition.
They forgot about it for a while when they came back planning to surprise me and found me and Esme on all fours scrubbing blood off the porch. Things like that have a way of detracting from the surprise gift-giving mood, though Alice didn't seem as surprised as she should. She'd probably seen the whole thing and still not come home to help. Thanks, Alice.
I'd taken one look at the sleek, black, expensive looking piece of machinery and told them to turn it right back around and drive it back to whichever car salesman they'd made deliriously happy that day. I'm serious, this thing looked like someone's college tuition on wheels.
"I knew you'd say that," Alice said. Of course she had. "But I also know what you'll say when I tell you that I did not get my dream wedding yesterday. Therefore, the whole reason for you doing it—to make me happy and let me have a lttle fun for once—has been defeated. Are you really going to deny me again? Don't you care at all how much it hurts me to—?"
I groaned and slapped a hand over my eyes--then regretted it, because I had Clorox all over my hands and my eyes started burning.
But that was all the answer Alice needed.
"Yay!" she bounced up onto the porch and scooped my up in a hug that cracked three vertebrae. "So…how long are they staying?"
Oh yeah. Our unexpected guests. "I don't know. Carlisle's looking him over again now, so I guess you'll have to ask him. By the way, my rib cage is stabbing my lung, so if you could--"
She finally let go and took one step toward the front door, then said, "Nevermind."
I rolled my eyes and was about to ask what the verdict was when Carlisle stepped outside. "We'll keep him over night. You did an…interesting job bandaging him, Bella, and I'm very proud that you managed to do so even with all the blood. Thank you."
I flushed and nodded. "But wouldn't it be better to take him to the hospital?"
"Actually, the wounds weren't as bad as I would have expected, considering the amount of blood he lost. I'm surprised. It's not even infected. It will leave a few scars, certainly, but he should be just fine in a few days and I had Katarina call her father and tell him where they were. We'll drive them both home tomorrow. A visit to the hospital shouldn't be necessary."
"A week or two?" I'd seen those wounds. They weren't exactly small. I hadn't even thought he would survive! "Are you sure?"
Carlisle smiled kindly. "Maybe the severity of the bleeding misled you, but the gashes were only scratches, really."
"Scratches?" Okay, now I knew we weren't talking about the same guy. There might have been blood all over him, but I had seen the gashes and they weren't scratches.
But I didn't bother to argue the point. Carlisle was the doctor, and if he said Ben would be fine, then I was sure Ben would be fine.
Just then raised voices shattered the quiet outside and then there was the sound of breaking glass and Ben screaming.
I take it back. Ben will recover all right…if Kat doesn't kill him first.
10:22pm
But it turned out that Kat had only gotten a hold of Paddy and held him up to Ben's face while he was resting.
Ben had taken a flying leap over the back of the couch and knocked over a lamp.
So he wasn't dead.
But you haven't seen funny until you've seen a six-or-so-foot guy running away from a girl brandishing a duck.
10:25pm
So now I'm upstairs, in bed, feeling like I've just run around the entire state of Washington twice. I'm that exhausted.
After I made Edward carry me up to our room (there was no way I was climbing those stupid stairs again), which he'd been all-too-glad to do, he'd hurried back down to talk with Jasper or Carlisle or someone about…something. I forget what. I don't think I was listening. Actually, I'm sure that I wasn't.
I'd changed into a pair of pajamas I was borrowing from him (they're way too big, but they smell like Edward, so what do I care?) and crawled into bed, prepared for a long night of sleeping like the dead.
I'd been out for what felt like seconds when something I couldn't name woke me up. I don't know if it was intuition or just that dark shivery feeling you get when you know there's evil in the room. But when I turned over to see who was staring at me, I nearly screamed.
Alice sat cross legged on the bedspread, watching me intently. And beside her, looking bored, was Rosalie.
"What are you doing?" I asked groggily.
Alice stared at me some more, then sighed, then shifted, then sighed again. "Well, Rosalie and I—"
"Don't include me in this," Rosalie interrupted. "I want no part of your perversion. I'm just here to make sure you don't break out the thumbscrews if she won't talk."
Alice scoffed. "We're just going to have a nice, sisterly chat. Bella and I never get to have girl talks."
I groaned. "Do you think we could keep it that way?"
Alice looked hurt.
I sighed. "Fine, what do you want to talk about at ten o'clock at night?"
Alice smiled. "Oh, nothing too serious…you know, girl stuff. Periods, boys…" she looked up innocently and mumbled, "…wedding nights."
I gasped and sat up as comprehension dawned. "Is that what this is about?"
"No, its just girl talk," she insisted, not trying very hard to stifle her grin.
"First of all, you don't have periods because you're dead. Second, you don't have any boys to talk about because you're married. And third, I am not telling you about my wedding night because I don't want to die of mortification. So if you value you my life, you'll agree that this girl talk is officially over." I rolled over and pull the covers up over my head
"Oh, come one, Bella, don't be that way," Alice pleaded, throwing herself on top of me and peeling back the covers so she could look at me. I clenched my eyes shut against the awesome, heart-melting power of her Bambi eyes.
"No!" I shouted.
"Come on!"
"No!"
"Please! Pretty please!"
"No!" I sat up, pushing her off so suddenly a normal person would have been thrown over the side of the bed. Alice just settled gracefully back into her cross-legged staring position. "Alice, there is a half-dead stranger sleeping in our guest room and I spent the better part of the afternoon wading through a sea of bodily fluids. And now that I've finally got a chance to take a break from all the crazy, you want to pry into one of my most intimate moments with Edward?"
"Yes," Alice confirmed, completely unashamed.
I leaned close and whispered, "No." Then pulled the covers back over my head.
There was a brief moment of silence, and then Alice sighed heavily. "Fine. Ruin my fun." I sensed more than felt her weight leave the bed. "I guess I'll just have to settle for the bits and pieces Jasper told me about it."
I clawed the sheet away from my face. "Jasper? What would Jasper know about it?"
She shrugged, looking innocently over her shoulder at me. "You didn't think the boys went all the way to Mexico just to hunt, did you?"
"Um…yes."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, they didn't. Good night, Bella."
"ALICE!"
She suddenly appeared on the bed again, beside Rosalie who hadn't moved and didn't look like she gave a rip.
"Yeeees?" Alice sang.
Evil, I tell you, she is four feet, ten inches of pure EVIL.
I glared at her. "What. Did. He. Say?"
Alice was enjoying being on the other end of the interrogation now. "Not too much. Edward was very close-lipped, and trying to get what he DID say from Jasper was like pulling teeth from an overly-loyal horse."
I mentally bumped Jasper down a few slots on my People To Kill list. Which put him a good few spaces down from Edward, my soon-to-be-sorry husband.
Wow, that word is getting a lot easier to say.
Anyway, Alice was grinning so wide I thought her face might crack. "Well…" she drawled, tracing patterns on my bedspread. Her eyes darted quickly toward Rosalie, who sighed.
"Just tell her," she muttered, inspecting one of her fingernails. "She's going to find out eventually and kill him anyway. You know you can't keep a secret."
"Hey," Alice protested. "I've been dead for 90 years and managed to keep it a secret. Look me in the eye and tell me that's not talent."
Rosalie didn't bother.
"Alice, if you don't tell me what you know right now I will never let you buy me anything ever again."
She looked horrified at the very idea. "Alright, alright. He let slip that you're a…um…" I could tell she was trying to choke back a grin. "You're a screamer."
I nearly swallowed my tongue. I'd apparently reached the physical limit of blushing, because my whole face went completely numb instead.
Edward hadn't. He wouldn't have…couldn't have…he was not that stupid. I'd misheard her.
Oh, who was I kidding? HE'D TOLD THEM.
"That—!" For the sole purpose of keeping this journal as clean as humanly possible, I won't bother to relate all of the names I called him. Let's just say that even Rosalie had to turn and gawk at my foul language and I may have to apologize to Esme tomorrow for inadvertently insulting her when I called him a son of a—
Well, you know.
"How dare he?!" I ranted, trying to forget my mortification.
"Bella, calm down," Alice said. "I told you, Edward was totally tight-lipped. He let that one slip completely by accident. Just don't hurt him too badly when he gets up here, okay?"
"I make no promises," I growled.
Rosalie snorted. "Well, at least your husband won't be the only one getting in trouble tonight. I'll have to have a little talk with Emmett about contaminating your vocabulary. I know you didn't learn those words from Edward."
I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."
"Forget about that," Alice said impatiently, waving the subject away. "Now that we're already talking about it…please tell me about your wedding night."
I hesitated and she rolled her eyes. "I'm not asking for the X-rated IMAX version. Just tell me if it was what you expected."
I wasn't sure how to pick my way through the events of last night without giving away anything embarrassing. I wanted to ask Alice if what I'd felt that night was normal, but now that I was face to face with her I didn't think I could do it.
So I just said, "It was…nice."
Alice crossed her arms. "Nice? That's all you're going to give me?"
"Alice, what am I supposed to tell you?"
Apparently she'd been waiting for this exact question, because she unrolled a mental list three meters long. "Was it awkward at first? Did he go fast or slow? Did he ever lose control? He didn't bruise you did he? How many times did you—?"
"Alice!" I interrupted. "He's your brother!"
"So what? I'm not allowed to know?" She scoffed again. "Look Bella, before you came along Edward was always so bookish and anti-social. I always thought he was kind of…asexual. It's hard for me to imagine him…having sex." The look on her face was incredulous enough to make me believe it.
"Yeah," Rosalie chimed in. "Before he met you, we thought he was gay."
"Rosalie! We did not!"
"Well, I sure did," she grumbled.
I laughed at the two of them, but something inside me felt the need to defend Edward. "I may not have much to compare it to, but for his first time, I think he did…exceptionally well." Alice raised an eyebrow, as if to say "Oh, he did, did he?" I rolled my eyes. "His having the grace of two people in one kind of balanced out my having all the grace of a wooden spoon."
"Answer all the questions, in order," Alice commanded.
I sighed. "Fine, but after this—"
"I promise I'll let you sleep and I won't badger you until tomorrow."
"Until tomorrow?" I whined. "Alice—"
"I can only control myself to a certain point and I'm not even going to be able to sleep away most of those hours of anticipation. Meet me halfway."
I didn't like it, but there wasn't much I could do except catch as much sleep as possible before tomorrow's inquisition. "Fine. No, it wasn't awkward. We sort of, simultaneously jumped each other. I meant to ask you about that, but it can wait for tomorrow—no!" I held up my hand as she opened her mouth to plead with me. "Tomorrow. As for his pace, please don't make me answer that. I only have so much dignity left to me. He was really, really careful about his control and, as you can see, he didn't kill me. I haven't checked for bruises, so I don't know about that, but if I do have any, I'm certainly not going to tell him about them. And…" I paused over the last question. I really did think my head was going to explode. I probably looked like a tomato with hair at this point. "I kind of lost count."
Alice's jaw went slack.
"Don't you dare ask me about it," I said firmly. "I have no comment."
"But—"
"Out." I pointed at the door. "You've had your fun, now go."
"Fine," she grumbled, trudging toward the door. "But I'll be back first thing in the morning."
"Alice…"
"Fine, first thing in the afternoon! You're lucky I love you." She huffed out.
In the silence that followed, I realized that Rosalie hadn't made any move to follow her.
"Um…was there something else?" I asked cautiously. She wasn't exactly facing me, had been sitting casually on the edge of the bed with her back to me the whole time, but she turned to look at me now.
"Bella," she began, then halted. "I…I'm really…" She took a deep breath. "I'm really happy for you and Edward. I really, really am."
"Th-thanks," I stammered. The amount of "really"s she'd put into that sentence did a good job of convincing me.
She nodded and left.
This whole family is full of weirdos.
But I love them all. Every last, weird one of them.
11:05pm
Edward is still downstairs, which means that I can't sleep. I keep nodding off, then waking up every time I roll over and don't bump into him. What's he doing down there, planning a siege?
This isn't helping towards getting him off my People To Kill list.
11:09pm
The door opened during one of my brief periods of lying in the dark with my face buried in Edward's pillow.
I looked up, relieved that I would finally be getting some sleep, when I saw that it wasn't who I'd been expecting.
"Hey, are you still awake?" Kat whispered, inching into the room. "I know it's late, but this house is huge. I couldn't find your room."
I sat up warily, pushing the shoulder of Edward's shirt back up where it had slipped down. "Hello. Did you need something?"
I could see Kat's tentative smile in the bright moonlight. "I just wanted to thank you again for helping us. Most people would have panicked or thought I was crazy, showing up on their doorstep like that. If it weren't for you, Ben might be…" She trailed off, pulling nervously at the bottom of her T-shirt. I could see that someone had found a new shirt for her to replace the bloodied one.
"From the way you two were going at it, I wouldn't have thought you'd mind," I murmured, trying not to laugh as the image of Ben backing slowly away from Kat and Paddy popped into my head again.
Kat smiled. "Yeah. We fight sometimes. Well, a lot actually. But, believe it or not, I love the big dummy. He's pig-headed and has these insufferable he-man tendencies, but I love him. I guess he's just old-fashioned."
"I know what you mean," I whispered, warming to her. She had no idea how old-fashioned Edward could be.
"Yeah, well. Goodnight." She waved and closed the door.
"Kat," I called.
She poked her head back around the frame. "Yes?"
"Are you ever going to tell me what you were doing tromping around the forest in that dress yesterday?"
She suddenly looked down, biting her lip. "I can't. I want to, but…I promise you'll find out soon. G'night."
I probably would have spent a while brooding over that last foreboding sentence, but something else was on my mind. I almost hadn't caught it, because the room had been so shadowed, but when she'd talked about Ben, she'd gotten the strangest look on her face. I recognized it, too. I'm pretty sure that's the look I have on my face every time I talk about Edward.
I guess love does come in many forms.
Even violent ones.
I smiled to myself and snuggled back under the covers.
11:16pm
And then I remembered that I couldn't sleep and decided that Edward's name was going to start being associated with a significantly less pleasant facial expression VERY SOON.
11:17pm
Maybe I'll just try to hold still while I sleep. If I don't roll over, maybe I won't notice that Edward isn't there.
It's worth a shot.
11:18pm
I can't stop rolling over. It's an ingrained habit. If I sleep on one side too long, I get uncomfortable and wake up. But every time I roll over, I wake up anyway.
I just can't win.
11:23pm
Alright, I tried sleeping on Edward's side of the bed, hoping my subconscious would be satisfied and stay put.
Instead, I rolled off the side of the bed. Now my hip is bruised and I can't sleep.
If Edward's not here in ten minutes, we're getting a divorce.
I'm too tired to know if I'm joking or not.
11:32pm
I woke from one of my brief periods of sleep to Edward tracing circles on my stomach.
I think I forgive him. I can't really remember what I was angry about. Can't remember my name, either.
It's 'B'-something, I know it is…
11:36pm
I was almost completely asleep when something occurred to me.
"Edward," I mumbled into his neck.
"Yes?" he whispered, stroking my hair.
"Can we keep the duck?"
