The hot water was getting me dizzy, and lost between sickness and comfort. Submerged up to my neck in foam and hot water, I could see under my closed eyelids every face I have ever hurt, I could hear in the quietness of the water every scream of pain, or maybe of despair, or maybe both, or maybe more…Please stop it! Please stop from screaming, Matsumoto Rangiku, Gin Ichimaru, Kaname Tōsen, Momo Hinamori, and all of you I can not be sure who you are, I can not recognize your voices in the screams….but please stop from this constant screaming, I beg of you, I beg of you. I have hurt you; I have pushed you to the length of despair; I know, I know, but please stop, I can not take it any longer.
Submerging my head in the water I hoped to wash all those memories and screams, but it got even worse. I saw then their crooked faces of torment, despair, hopelessness; I saw them break into pieces. And it was my entire fault, my fault, my fault….. My fault, my fault! Calm down Aizen, and remember the fact that it was your job, so it's not your fault; you were bound to do that, it was your duty. But, if that is true, why do I feel like this, I want to cry, and to cry, and to scream, and scream, and scream, and to punch a wall, and to punch the wall, and to cry, and to scream, until I can not say a single word, until I am not able to speak at all, until I have no hands left, until I have no eyes to cry…..
I can not breathe, I can not stay awake, and this is it, now I know they are not coming for me, this was not a test, I was not suppose to wait for them to give me a new job, I was just suppose to "die", in this strange way to "die". I failed, and apparently they did not overlook, not this time, this time my immortality is killing me.
Someone is at the bathroom door, telling to someone else that I have stayed in the bathroom for too long, and peace from the inside is worrying them.
"Aizec! Are you Ok?" Someone asks me, but I can not answer, because I am too weak and to busy, slipping into silence.
Someone opened the door, someone pulled me out of the water, and someone dressed me and put me in a bed, a man, Isshin probably.
For two hours I saw only darkness, and heard only the buzzes of the medical devices, until I was again able to see through the eyes of this body. It was too much for me, it was way too much, I could no longer understand why they left me this way, how could the Spirit King betray me in such a manner.
"Isshin." I pronounced his name seeing him next to my bed.
"Take it easy, it will be fine, just a bad day, it will pass, but please stop talking, and conserve your energy.
I sighed, maybe of the pain or maybe of disappointment, I do not care anymore.
"No, it will not be ok, not this time, Isshin. This time I will go, but it's ok, I guess, I have lived enough."
The man pulled a chair next to me, and frowned.
"Do not speak that way kid, you are way too young to go. And everybody from here feels like you are part of our family, so please do not speak that way in front of me, my son. It hurts."
The interesting fact was that he was not joking, and not fooling around, he was…..he was serious.
"Your son, I am not your son, Isshin, you know nothing about me. And trust me, if you will know, you will never call me your son again. You will be disgusted that you ever said it or thought it."
With a parental sigh he pulled a chair, sitting next to my bed much closer, and looking at me with a sympathetic look saying he knows something I do not know in my young naivety.
"Things always work themselves out; you must learn to trust, boy, to believe it. Because the obsessions and the regrets are always pulling us back. It might sound like a cliché, but yes, they are the reason of our suffering and degradation."
I did not wish to have a talk with him, fact I was certain about; but know that he started it, as much I am trying to fight it, my fallen emotions in this pool of despair begs for this conversation like a last gasp for air.
"To believe in what? There is absolutely nothing out there that is left for me to believe in. Nothing, this is an end and just an end."
"Kid, believe in whatever religion you believe in, because it was given to you with a purpose, believe in yourself, this is not over, there are so many things left for you to do. Please, I beg of you my son, forgive and forget all of your past mistakes, give yourself peace and move on, because this is not an ending. Out there, there is something you will learn to believe in."
Was he giving me the soon to be dead speech especially written for poor humans?
"Oh my God, I am I actually going to die now. I know it, yes, but it is so different to hear it so crystal clear for someone else's words."
He made his eyes huge and started talking, trying to repair the damage he thinks he made telling this "little boy" Santa died. But the truth was way more sadistic for this kid, because Santa was not the one that will or has already died, but it will be the kid, and even more, for this kid the gates of haven and hell were close forever, and he will be stuck in his little body waiting forever so that Santa will come with a present he calls freedom, or life, or forgiveness. I am going crazy, look at what am I thinking.
"It is ok, you are not going to die now, no, no, but later after 40 years, and if you do, you will go in a wonderful place where your family is waiting and everything you want will be there. All you have to do is forget about regret, disappointment and obsessions, my son, Aizec."
I've had enough, this conversation has no purpose.
"Isshin, Isshin enough. There is no need for all your concerns, and I do not need this kind of speech, because I am not a human, I am a shinigami."
He looked at me surprised and without words, and then he said:
"Then why not get out of that body? Must hurt like hell, that body is dyeing, so why are you still in it, are you some kind of masochist?"
I sighed with billions of regrets drowned in my soul.
"I can not get out. And I can not ever get out, I am caught here and I have no escape, I will die with this body, because this is their wish, and my betrayal."
For a few moments he stood caught in thoughts, making an assessment on those thoughts.
"I have a solution, you should have told me. I have a friend, Urahara, he could have tried to get you out from that body. And knowing him he would have succeeded, and you would not have had to suffer so. Why did you not tell me? Are you somehow hiding from Souls Society? Because if that is the case….."
I took a strong breath of air, the pain mixed with despair, making it difficult for me to speak.
" Isshin, it is me Aizen Sosuke, and I doubt that any of you burn with impatience to help me."
He stopped and he looked at me stunned for a few seconds. I must confess that I expected him to jump from his chair and do an act of aggression. But once the shock had left his being silent, he became sad and inert in the chair.
"So you are seriously Aizen Sosuke, hmm I did not expect it. But I do not understand why. Why did you stay in this house, I thought we disgusted you, and most of all why are you telling me now? I could kill you in one move."
His voice was sad and serious, and his eyes sparkled with questions. The answers were so obvious to me, but apparently our philosophies are divided on different paths, and we do not see and do not understand the same things. But shock is missing from my contact with this achievement, I just feel so tired, alone and yes, haggard.
"It was not my decision to come or stay here. I would have left if I could physically, but I am just too destroyed to care anymore. And about the fact that I'm telling you now it is just another proof to the fact that I do not care."
"What would happen if I killed you now?"
I sighed, trying to hide the fear to make it seem like it does not exist on my face.
"I'll be forever trapped in this body, without any chance to escape ever, ever, ever. Enjoy Isshin, seeing this image that you and Ichigo have always dreamed about, in your every disgusting second of your."
He gave me a cold look, and those bleak eyes stood upon me like I was the last think he could look at in this entire universe, and it annoyed him so much.
"Why do you talk about us like we are some cold bastards that only love to hurt and to destroy? Aizen, you are the one who tried to pulverize a city, to kill, to exterminate thousands of souls, souls of innocent people. Innocent! And yet you talk like you are the martyr."
If I had power, I would laugh and he would have died with nerves. But I settled just to smile like someone who knows the truth, and listen to someone else's arguments, which are strong and true and valid only for a quarter of truth.
"What the hell is with the smile? There's nothing funny, believe me!"
"Isshin I have fallen so low, I can not believe. I've lost, I failed, mission orders have been broken, I was handcuffed, abandoned by teammates, I was locked in a broken body, I can not get out of here, I took drugs and drank substances that reduced me to nothing, and destroyed this body even worse, the only things that could reduce the regrets that grind my soul and reasoning. And above all, I am forced to die like a dog in front of people who want to see me suffer, so please, I know I do not deserve forgiveness or mercy, but please, please I can not take it any longer, if you desire to kill me, please do it quickly."
He looked at me surprised by the weakness in which I had fallen, and I do not think his mind knew how to react any more.
He closed his eyes and said:
"Some time ago, I would have executed you without having to blink, Aizen Sosuke. For all the evil you have done, now, right now I should kill you in awful pain, but you had to come in my house, and live here, and eat with us, and save my daughter's life, and I got to know this hurt you, full of drugs and pain, and I got to see you cry in regrets in the middle of the nights, so many nights in which I was trying to save your life. So how can I kill you now? Wait here. I'm going to bring Urahara."
"Thank you…"
I muttered quietly, time in which he disappeared. I do not know what explanation he gave to Urahara, I did not realiz when the door opened violently, hitting the wall, but I felt when Urahara started to injecting me with a solution that in a single second caused each of my wound to convulse in the pain of death.
Isshin caught him by the shoulder and pulled him off me. Not letting him finish the injection.
"Urahara what are you doing? Have you lost your mind? I called you here to help him!"
Isshin pinned him to the wall, and spoke through the teeth.
" Isshin, he is Aizen Sosuke! I help him? You must be joking; after all he did, this thing, this infected creature? I want him to suffer and die, that is all he deserves!"
Isshin punched his face, judging him from the glances.
"Urahara, gather yourself, he is already near death, and in a very short time he will die, so why do you insist to stain your hands with blood? Look into my eyes and tell me it'll make you feel better, because I do not think so."
Urahara remained motionless with the hat covering his eyes seemingly swallowed by darkness and thoughts. Without showing his eyes, he got on his feet, and leaving through the door he said:
"I will not help him, ever. Actually, the fact that he is trapped there is a gift so beautiful that seems unrealistic. I hope his body decays and catches him between worms and earth for eternity. I do not understand why you want to help him, nor do I care. I will announce Soul Society and they will and they shall decide exactly what to do with him. A good day, Isshin."
He walked out the door leaving behind the grave silence that would bury me forever. I do not want that!
"Shit! Shit! Fuck the Spirit King, to hell with the shinigami, to hell being a shinigami! All my life in service of his Majesty the Spirit King, and I get to die like a dog! One hundred years of plans and tests, my attempts follow his orders, to test you, to keep you in shape, and for one moment of weakness, for one moment of mistake, I get this!"
Isshin's eyes were thrown upon a madman, trying to find meaning in the words of my despair.
Aizen, I do not know if you've lost your mind or not, but certainly do not understand what you are talking about."
"It was my job."
I placed a hand on my forehead to appease the pain which crushed my brain.
"What was your job? Talk Aizen, because soon they will come, and your time will not include words any longer."
I drew a deep breath, for the pain, for the major betrayal that I vowed never to do. But here and now, I do not care anymore… As soon nobody will care about me, or remember me….But it was just my job! I am calm now, and I have to say to this "enemy" the truth, even though I know what devastating consequences will be. These consequences will be proof that I existed.
"I am a member of special Division 0. I always was and always will be. Our mission was to infiltrate among you, to pretend to be shinigami, and from the inside to make sure that you stay fit and alert. From time to time active member had to betray and by fighting with you to bring back to mind the art of war and forcing you to evolve. That I did, by order of the Spirit King, the one who you listen to and work for."
Isshin looked at me silently, the thrill of possibility had shown on his skin and on his expression.
"Why should I believe you? You have done nothing but lie to us."
"You're right. Because that was my job."
He stepped a few steps back, shaking his head.
"Spirit King would not do something like that ever…He will…"
"Dad, I do not want to interrupt your speech, I am sure that is full of passion… No, actually I really want to interrupt your speech. But whatever, the captains and lieutenants from the Soul Society, invaded our living room. I told them all to leave. But they said that I am just a human ... blah blah ... and I do not matter and do not exist... They want you and him down stairs." said Karin.
The time had come, or it just ended for me… I can not tell...but one thing is certain, it will be painful and humiliating.
Suì-Fēng appeared out of nowhere, and with the brutality of an animal pulled me out of bed, throwing me down the stairs. Each step broke one of my bones until I fell at the feet of the captains and lieutenants.
I felt that there was no air around me and I was drowning in an ocean of agony, an agony which transcends all allowances.
"It is a perfect image for you, Aizen Sosuke. And I see that whatever we do, you will insist in not accepting defeat. You look like a dying dog..."
I hate the voice of the Supreme Captain! I hate his way of speaking, I hate those closed eyes, his old face I hate, and I hate the fact that he occupies a position that he does not deserve!
"Supreme Captain, you honor me with your presence. I am begining to think you fear me very strongly. Otherwise I do not see why so many for a man so hurt."
I tried to smile, but in my being all was lost to fear and pain.
"You were always defiant, Aizen. I see nor does the end, nor humiliation change you. Prepare to die. Got something to say before being trapped in that body forever? Or so I was informed by Urahara."
"And he is right, I will be trapped in this, as it is for words well…"
I stopped to think for a moment, the pain was making that simple procedure in an intense work. And for a moment my mind flew by Karin. My eyes scanned the room; she was up the stairs enjoying the show, leaning against one of the walls, watching us with the corner eyes.
I'd give anything to know what you are thinking right now Karin. I hope you do not fell betrayed by me, like all these souls in this damned house. You have not the face of an angry woman, nor the eyes of a disappointed and betrayed soul; you look so wise and cold. Waiting in a quiet defiance, to see the execution to the end. I am the man you heard so many bad things about; I am the criminal who tried to destroy you and your town. Watch me Karin! But I am also the one who was enchanted by your eyes, and I will die in peace, if only I knew what are you thinking of me right now.
"Aizen, are you still there?"
"Yes Supreme Captain. And yes, I admit my defeat and yes, I will die here today, but, and listen well, because this is a big but. From now on you will not be able to believe in anyone anymore. I am a member of the 0 division. I always was and always will be. Our mission was to infiltrate among you, to pretend to be shinigami, and from the inside to make sure that you stay fit and alert. From time to time an active member had to betray and by fighting with you to bring back to your minds the art of war and forcing you to evolve. That I did, by order of the Spirit King, the one who you listen to and work for. I do believe these are the same words I told Isshin a minute ago. My partners are still among you, still pretending to be you comrades. So was I before the so call betrayal. Will stand, and will claim because it is their job, their mission as shinigamis of 0 special division. Spirit king gave us the job, because he did not believe you will be forever in shape if war comes suddenly upon your peace. And he will continue to make us, live among you, and betray you, and kill those who do not deserve death. This was from the beginning, from the very first day of Soul Society existence, and many "traitors" you fought were our people. So yes, I admit my defeat and my death, because I will be prisoner in here, but in peace, unlike you so infested with traitors."
Everyone listened quietly, smoking with hatred and disgust.
"Do not listen to him. He is trying to turn us one against each other."
Cried with passion Capitan Suì-Fēng.
"You take us as fools, Aizen. We will never believe you, ever. And we will never question our faithful Spirit King. The pain must put you to desperate measures, to make such a story,"
Said proudly Sajin Komamura, in his usual manner.
"Believe what you will, but I have warned you. From this point I have really betrayed my comrades, by telling you this. But before the dying part, tell me one thing, who could lock me in this body, when I have such a strong hogyoku? Please respond in your minds to this.
"Aizen shut up. I've heard enough it is time for you to die."
"Yes supreme captain, I keep hearing that from you. But I do not see any of you, ow so powerful shinigami
"Yes supreme captain, I kip hearing that from you. But I do not see any of you, ow so powerful shinigami doing it. Or it was so fast I did not even feel it?
Suì-Fēng, walked slowly in front preparing her sword for my execution.
"I will do it, with your permission, Supreme Captain."
He nodded in approval.
"Good, prepare to die Aizen."
She stopped the sword in the middle of the air, looking at how weak I was, and how the blood was dripping from the corner of my mouth. I look so deplorable that she can not find it in her heart to kill me, now such a poor creature. I am convinced that lower than THIS I can not fall.
"Someone else do it, I can not stand to go so near him, he is disgusting."
She withdrew annoyed, taking back the spot where she previously stood.
"Then I will do it, with pleasure."
Rangiku Matsumoto's sword pierced my chest. Her gaze was cold as glaciers.
"If it was just your job, why did you kill Gin? I am the one who will end you, as you took the life of the man I loved. "
Her sword was continuously rotating inside my body, destroying the few remaining good organs I still had. I could not stand it any longer so I screamed in pain, but for her it did not matter.
"Suffer Aizen. And die." She said coldly
"I am sorry, Rangiku."
I muttered with my last strength. She pulled out the sword letting me fall in my nothingness. The last seconds of my life, I am looking at the floor, I hear what everyone is murmuring, and out of the blue, I feel her hands lifting my head and lying it on her leg.
Her fingers smooth as silk caressed my hair full of blood, so I forced myself to find the power to lift my head so I can look her in her eyes.
They were so sad, I felt my heart breaking. Why Karin?! Why so sad eyes, is that sadness for me? Did we manage in this short time, to belong to one another….Are you mine? Am I yours? Why are you having such sad eyes?
Isshin grabbed her arm and captain Sajin Komamura my leg, pulling us in different directions.
"Rest for now, Aizen. Your time will come, again."
I was socked by her words, and like a mindless dying fool I repeated them, as if they were mine.
Isshin pulled her into his arms.
"Karin, what are you doing?"
Everything darkened, sound began to clog, I could no longer do anything except to look as she is taken to another room by Isshin. And of course….to…. die…..
Karin…..
Greetings to everyone! I apologise for the long absence, the faculty demanded a lot of attention, and I simply did not find any more time to write this beloved story. But I am back in business and I'll try to post up a new chapter as soon as possible, perhaps every few weeks… I do not know. I am waiting your opinions related to the new chapter, hope you like it guys. And let us start the hunting of traitors in Soul Society. Who do you think are intruders sent by Division 0 ?
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