Charles looked surprised: "Well, it seems like this is the moment."

He cleared his throat: "When I was in Kabul, I heard an extraordinary story. It was about an argument between Smurf's mother, Candy Smith and Dawes. I heard Candy had accused Dawes of disrespecting Smurf's memory."

"And?"

Damn Kinders, he was not making it easy.

"I also heard Candy had approached you?"

There was another silence.

"Is there any truth in it?"

Kinders sat up. "Candy did call me a few months after Smurf's funeral. She was hysterical. She, well we, were under the impression Molly had been Smurf's girl. She told me a story about seeing Dawes in the street. According to her…"

He broke off and took a nervous sip from his water bottle: "Well this is a bit embarrassing Sir, since you are a stickler for regulation and it appears to involve you…"

Charles pursed his lips: "I was your Captain, Kinders, but I'm not infallible. We all make mistakes. But I'd rather know what happened before I cock it up tomorrow with Candy. It's important I support her, I was the officer in command of her sons, and they've both gone."

"I can't imagine that, Sir. My little boy, he's only six months old. But if anything happened to him…"

There was a silence as they looked out over the sea and contemplated what it must be like to be Candy.

Charles could make out both ships clearly now, with their masts and sails spread before the wind, heading for shore.

Kinders continued: "I got a hysterical phone call from Candy a few months after Smurf's death. She told me she'd seen Dawes and you embracing each other in the street."

"I kept asking her if she'd got it wrong. But she was adamant and… devastated. She claimed there had been tension between you and Smurf in Afghan over his relationship with Dawes." Kinders paused and asked carefully: "Perhaps you were trying to tell him to back off until they got home Boss?"

Charles didn't respond, so Kinders continued.

"Candy claimed you had charmed Dawes away from Smurf. 'Seduced' – That was the word she used. She was furious. She had expected Smurf and Dawes to get married; at the funeral she'd treated Dawes as if she was one of the family, her son's fiancée. She felt the pair of you had disrespected her son's memory. I didn't take much notice of that. But then she told me she intended to call the Royal Military Police to tell them that Dawes' Military Cross was undeserved, that you only rewarded her because you were sleeping with her."

"I'm sorry Kinders. That must have been very awkward. What did you do about it?"

"I could see an RMP investigation would be difficult for all of us. There was the shoot out on the bridge, which to be honest, didn't bear close investigation, in my view. You were leaving the army injured and needed a clean record to start civilian life. Major Beck was and is still in no fit state to testify for anyone. Dawes had only been on one tour, she'd made a brilliant start, but she wasn't well known at that point. Without you and Major Beck, she'd have had few senior officers able to support her."

Charles began to see Kinders' point of view. In any investigation, Kinders' word would have been pivotal. He would't have wanted to testify. No soldier wants to go against the word of their CO and risk gaining a reputation for being disloyal, as it tends to follow them around wherever they're posted.

"Whatever happened between the three of you, I thought it had nothing to do with the RMP. Dawes deserved that medal, which she got for saving Smurf's life. Removing it would have just been unfair."

"But I couldn't persuade Candy. So I rang Dawes. I told her what was going on and suggested that whatever had happened, she ought to get in touch with Candy to reassure her, and do it quickly. I told her I didn't want to know if there was any truth in Candy's accusations, I just wanted her to sort it out. It would have been embarrassing if people had started asking questions. Dawes told me she'd deal with it. I imagine she must have, as neither she nor Candy has ever mentioned it again."

Kinders' words hung awkwardly and then faded into the sea air.

Charles was quiet for a long time. When Qaseem had alluded to Candy's astonishing demand, he hadn't quite believed it. He'd been inclined to feel there had been a misunderstanding, somewhere, something lost in cultural translation. But Kinders' disclosure was astounding.

He sat for several moments recalling the precious days he'd shared with Molly that summer. It was hard not to think about them without also tasting the bitterness of their break up – the reason why, most of the time he avoided thinking of her at all.

He remembered their falling in love had been in a series of magical, heady moments; the warm weekend they'd cycled round the old city canals in Amsterdam; the unlikely day they'd found a dented French horn in a builder's skip and spent hours blowing it, sky-high with happiness and stupid with laughter; the affectionate evening he'd sat squirming – yet secretly pleased – as she joyfully exchanged entertaining stories about him with Justin, his oldest friend from prep school; the night she'd hung back, hesitant, as he introduced her to his mother; and the thunderous moment he'd realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, sitting alone in the quiet mists above Tintern Abbey.

He'd spent the last three years despising her for casually throwing away something so momentous and meaningful. Now he just felt confused; torn between regret that she'd had to deal with Candy's accusations on her own; admiration for her quiet, stoic handling of the situation; and then utter fury at the way she'd caved in to Candy's insistence without telling him. Would she have been able to withstand such pressure alone? He doubted it. She had balls – there was no doubt about that. But at that time she was too new a recruit, too unfamiliar with army procedures, and too junior in the army hierarchy to risk such exposure.

But why, oh why the hell hadn't she come to him? She hadn't needed to protect him. He could have defended them both, if only she had bothered to tell him about it. Damn it! He thought their relationship had been worth defending! But, after all this he had to wonder. Had she ever felt the same?

He lifted his head back to the horizon. It was no surprise that Molly didn't want to go to Newport. Were the aftershocks of his relationship with her, of Smurf's death ever going to end?

He turned back to his former corporal who was quietly looking out to sea, clearly wishing he was anywhere but the top of this sea stack. He felt a flash of indignation. Why the fuck didn't Kinders tell him? Why the hell had he had to wait three years to find out, for God's sake?

But beyond the anger he knew Kinders wasn't to blame. And not only that, he, Charles also had some explaining to do. There was only one way to deal with it now. That was with complete candor.

"Did Candy say where she'd seen us?"

There was a long pause before Kinders replied: "Some of her friends had taken her on a daytrip to Bath to cheer her up." Kinders' reluctance to continue was so obvious Charles winced. "It was in the Royal Crescent."

"I'm sorry Sir," he added quietly.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Kinders. You and I both know that my family lives in the Royal Crescent"

"Yes, Sir."

"And that was where I was staying at the time."

"I thought so, Sir."

Charles looked down onto the water crashing against the rocks far below. The two ships were turning to go round the coast below them now. Sailor's shouts drifted upwards, carried by the wind as they adjusted their rigging.

"Well, as you've already worked out, there was something between Molly and I. I fell for her at the FOB. I can't answer why it happened. I was in the middle of a divorce and she was an irritating, mouthy newcomer who started out like an itch and somehow, I don't know how, got under my skin." He grazed his thumb over her watch in his pocket and smiled, remembering her brilliance.

"I was dazzled by her bravery, her willingness to take issues on and get involved and before I knew it, she was dangling dangerously from a helicopter and I was falling in love with her. It didn't take long to realise she felt the same way. Well I don't have to explain how intense life is out there. You know it yourself."

Kinders conceded with a nod.

"But I was determined not to let feelings interrupt the good workings of our unit. Two Section was – is still – something special. I was resolved to wait out till we got home before we started anything. Dawes was finding that difficult to cope with, she didn't understand fully why – probably due to her inexperience – and in addition, she was sitting in on the US interrogations to find Badrai, which was undoubtedly tough for her. And then Smurf came to see me. He revealed he was in love with Dawes. He wanted my permission to ask her to marry him."

Kinders let out a low whistle. "Tricky. I wouldn't have wanted to be in your boots then, Boss. What did you do?"

Charles sighed. Sometimes he still found himself weighing over the events of that day, unconsciously seeking out a more effective response – anything that could have changed the day on the bridge.

"I told Smurf to wait until he got to Brize Norton – ironically what I was desperately trying to do myself. Perhaps it would have been kinder to give him my blessing and let him ask her, but I wasn't confident enough that she'd refuse. Most of all I just didn't want to be dealing with any of it until we came home."

"It was a God-awful situation. On the day we went for Badrai, I made the fatal error of trying to reassure Dawes. Smurf saw us together and, well, you saw his reaction and the resulting shoot out with Badrai on the bridge."

"There are some people who would say being injured, like I was, was a lucky escape. I was airlifted out of the mess, barely alive and pretty useless, and you and Dawes were left to deal with the after action report. But I didn't feel that way. I felt intensely responsible. It was my watch and I blew it. The mistakes I'd made were so elemental I could barely stomach it. The only thing I could do to make it better was resign. That way I'd never again be in a position where I could fuck up so badly and put other people's lives at risk."

He was silent for a long time and Kinders realised for the first time that his former colleague and friend had been shouldering an enormous burden that he'd known nothing about.

"I always wondered how you squared it with Major Beck. By the time I'd come round in Birmingham, you and Dawes had answered whatever questions needed to be asked. Wading in at that point to hold my hand up and confess would have undoubtedly eased my burden of guilt. But then an investigation would have been inevitable and yours and Dawes' reputations would have suffered. I was out of it, and so was Smurf, why make life difficult for you two, who hadn't done anything wrong?"

"Dawes had done more than enough to deserve her Military Cross. So I kept my mouth shut, resigned my commission and then quietly got together with Dawes. It was an awful year. Just about everything else – my marriage, my career, my health – had faltered and then Smurf died. Dawes and I remained tight, close all through that period of Smurf's untimely death and her second tour and then suddenly, about five months after Smurf's funeral, she disappeared, walked out of my life and it was all over."

"She left a note claiming she realized was still in love with Smurf, and she couldn't be with me any longer. I suppose that could have been true. But after everything that had happened, it didn't ring true."

Charles paused, wondering how much he should confide in his former Corporal, of the agony he'd felt; his initial disbelief, his frantic attempts to contact Molly, and when that failed, the dull pain of accepting she'd gone. His mind drifted back to that autumn after she'd left, when he felt lost in a helpless, angry, drunken haze. He smiled sadly; less was definitely more in this case.

"After a while I stopped trying to work out why she'd gone and focused on building a new life. I started working for UNICEF, moved to Geneva and left Dawes, Smurf, the army and Afghan behind."

"So when did you hear about Candy and Dawes?"

"The night after I met Dawes in Kabul. I spent the evening with our old interpreter Qaseem and he who told me. At first I didn't believe it. But he'd earned a reputation for speaking the truth when he'd worked for us in Helmand and he'd heard it from the horse's mouth herself, Miss Molly Dawes."

Kinders looked embarrassed: "I'm sorry Boss. Perhaps I should have called you, rather than Dawes, when Candy first contacted me?"

"I don't blame you Kinders. I imagine that if you had called me, we'd have had to deal with it officially. You kept it under the radar, which was the best thing for everyone. And you're not responsible for any of it. It was my mistake and I paid for it, one way or another. Poor Smurf might have paid the ultimate price. Dawes has gone on to do really well. I'm pleased for her."

"You're too hard on yourself, Sir."

"It's nothing compared to the way I feel about Candy. It was a disgrace that she got away with such manipulative behaviour. She must have taken leave of her senses."

Kinders let out a low whistle: "Tomorrow's going to be pretty awkward then."

"Yes. I can't pretend I was looking forward to it and now I'd like to haul her sorry arse over hot coals, to be honest, but Smurf's anniversary isn't the moment for that. But really, what can I say? I wasn't technically in a relationship with Dawes, but even not being in a relationship was enough to have affected the events on the bridge and possibly contributed to Smurf's death. The only thing I can do is remind her that Dawes went through a minefield to save Smurf and then talk to her about interfering with Dawes and threatening her army career. And I will bloody well do that, believe me."

"But not tomorrow?" ventured Kinders.

"Let's see." Charles put away his water bottle and looked down at the ships. One was disappearing around the headland. The other was meandering in the opposite direction.

"And what about Molly?"

Charles got up. He didn't have an answer to that question, so he decided to ignore it: "Shall we go on to the next climb?"

As they belayed down the stack, the other members of two section rounded the nearest point in their kayaks. The wind dropped and Molly rested her paddles on her kayak. God, she had aches in places she didn't know had muscles. She'd been paddling round points and small bays for hours now and it had been fun, but now she just wanted to stop.

"Are we nearly there now?" she shouted over to Nude-Nut who was leading the way. "I'm bloody knackered."

"See that stretch of sand over there? That's where we get off."

"Thank Christ," she breathed, leaning back to rest her shoulders on her kayak. "Fingers, you might have to carry my arms along with the paddles. I'm not sure I can, anymore."

"Look, there's Kinders and the Bossman coming down the face of that stack."

Dangleberries raised his voice: "Yo, Kinders mate, what an almighty big crack!" His taunting voice echoed all over the cliffs, followed by bellows of laughter.

Jammed in a chimney high up on a sea stack, Charles heard the shouting behind him.

He saw Kinders lean out and flick two fingers in the direction of the sea. He guessed his old mates from two section were shouting obscenities from their sea kayaks and he felt a warmth spread through his body as he realized that Molly must be down below.

Charles relaxed his back against the side of the chimney and unexpectedly laughed out loud at Dangleberry's joke. For the first time in years, he felt content. The thrill of danger, the intensity of the climbs they'd done had definitely contributed to that feeling. But somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he felt calmer, less angry than he had for a long time. He was beginning to understand that his relationship with Molly had failed for some colossal reason that had little to do with either of them, and he was already wondering what he might be able to do about that.


A/n There is a bit of naughtiness in the next two chapters, so I'm going to have to rate them as an M. Instead of re-rating the whole story, and sending it to the M section, where it's much more difficult to find, I'm going to try to rate just those chapters. Anyone who is following the story should be directed to Chapters 9 and 10 automatically, but if you are not following it and instead of reading some smut, you arrive straight at Smurf's graveside, then the smut is in the M rated section of the Our Girl site.