***Hello my darlings! I know it has been a while but finally i can add another chapter! It's short but i hope you still enjoy! I just want to thank you all for the comments, likes, and subscribes. I sqee a lot when i get i new one and you all warm my heart so much! Sending you all loves and hugs through the screen! And hang tight, the next is on it's way already! Maybe my muse will stay with me this time! Thanks as always to my wondrous Beta Acherubis..MWAH! Anyways...the story contiunes! Oh and Bioware owns all including my heart!*******
He thought he was awake but the scents and feelings that surrounded him were so dreamlike, so surreal, he had to be asleep. The scent of wildflowers and honey pricked his sense. He knew hat scent to belong to one woman. Aleria. It was her unique scent that both haunted and enthralled him and here in this dream it was so strong. Around him, beneath him, next to him... the scent intensified next to him where a warmth emanated from a soft body. It beckoned him like a moth to flame. With a tentative hand he reached out to touch the curious source and when his hand graced the smallest bit of fabric covering skin he sighed.
It was this dream again. He'd had this dream before. With a deep breath and closed eyes he slid one hand under the fabric of her gown and let out a long breath when his fingers found silken, bare skin. She felt so good like a balm to his soul.
In this dream he was hers... and she his. There was no hatred and complicated pasts just his hands on her sinuous body and her sighs as he coaxed her closer to him. He smiled a little smug smirk when she made a soft sound of approval and unconsciously moved closer to his caress. His hand continued its worship tracing little patterns on her skin, finding his way to those old familiar places that used to make her purr. He felt her breath hitch as she inched closer to him. This was usually the moment he woke from the paradise his tortuous mind created for him... but she was still there and he could feel her breath on his lips. Maybe just once he could finish the dream and let go of her. Before the vision and these feelings of bliss could fade he captured her mouth with his own, sinking into the oblivion that was his first love. She whimpered against his lips, a sound of pleasure and affection that drove him over the edge with desire for this apparition. He knew it couldn't last so for as long as the dream would hold he would hold her.
With his mind comfortably numb and his body fully alive his hands pulled his lover to him with a quick move, pressing there bodies together but for a moment before searing pain drove them apart.
He cursed in breathless pain and flopped on his back, suddenly wide awake and for the first time taking in his surroundings. The room was dimly lit and still heavy with that scent. Her scent. It didn't leave with the pain that woke him and sudden realization hit him as he snapped his head in the direction she had lain and just as he feared, there she was, staring at him in shock with her hand over her freshly kissed lips.
Sudden rage filled him as those damning emerald eyes bore holes into him.
"What the f**k, Aleria!?" he shouted, clamouring to get out of the bed while spitting insults at her. "What the void kind of stunt are you pulling? Do you mean to seduce me?" He chuckled cruelly at the notion. "Sorry to dissapoint you but I do not wish to partake in the king's sloppy seconds, " he hissed but didn't make eye contact. "I wonder how it felt for him being mine?" he said with a laugh that was cut off when he nearly lost his balance and fell in the floor. He would have if Ali's arms had not secured him to lay him back down gently on the bed.
"You kissed me, you insufferable a**." she murmured as she wrestled him back down in a laying position. He found himself unable to fight her because of the blur of blasted stars flashing in his vision. The pain in his body made him nauseous and instead of fighting he focused for a moment on not vomiting.
"You could have died, you know? I could have let you," she chided him but the look in her eye and the quiver in her voice said otherwise. Instead of a reply he clenched his jaw and pushed away the thoughts of hidden meanings in her words. She was a poison and a liar ad he wouldn't fall for her words, or her puppy dog eyes, or her subtle seduction. Not again. Not ever again.
He averted his eyes as he tried summoning his strength and readying himself to leave her presence. He couldn't stand her being so close. Lucky for him that when he did not respond, he felt her move from the bed to the other side of the room where she instead took her frustrations out on what sounded like a cabinet, some glass bottles, and a pitcher of water. After a bit of slamming and murmured curses his nose detected the scent of elfroot wafting his way. Was she preparing to treat his wounds even after their altercation? Of course she was... stubborn pain in the a** woman.
It was an act, it had to be. Maybe it was guilt or penance. Either way it would not be accepted. It would never be enough. She took his father's life and subsequently his own.
Aleria honestly didn't know what to do or what had just happened. She only remembered waking to his lips on hers and his hands all over her body, almost like when they were younger. It had shocked her to her core, so much so that she couldn't react until his venom filled words were flying at her. She was glad she had decided not to speak at all now. It was probably for the best until they could both get their wits about them.
Nathaniel didn't even bother to look her direction as she began redressing his wound. The only noise was a sharp gasp here and there from him and few gasps of her own as she drained the wound. Dead silent minutes felt like hours as she finished cleaning him up without a word. It all finally became to much and she broke the silence.
"Nate... I know... you hate me now " she started and the words felt so weird to say but if she didn't say it now she felt like she wouldn't ever get a chance. "But I'm not your enemy. I... I am sorry for your loss. For the loss of your home and station. I am deeply sorry you had to come back to this... but... I am not sorry for killing him," she said blankly, staring at the back of his head, waiting for more venom to spew. She wanted to say much more, that she was certain that whatever happened between them was also because of his father. That she had proof waiting in her room. A stack of letters in Nathaniel's script, all addressed to her... she hadn't dare read them for fear they would break her heart even more than she thought possible. He had gone and there was no reason to pour salt in an old wound. But now he was back and maybe they were worth looking over. Maybe one day he would stumble upon hers. Maybe those would be found too... she'd love to be the one to find them. To throw them in his face after all the hurtful things he said about her. To prove she loved him all those years. But what would that solve really?
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a hand on her throat, trying to squeeze the life out of her. She didn't even see it coming. But for some reason she wasn't afraid. He couldn't kill her... just like she couldn't kill him.
"You're a cold hearted bitch," he hissed pulling her close to his face. "How can you sit here and gloat over me? Have you always been this way?" He spit as she clawed at his hand, gasping for air. "I should know the answer is yes. How long after I left did you wait before spreading your legs to Teagan, huh? Did you charm him the same way? Batting your lashes and pretending to be helpless. Did you wear that same green dress that made your eyes sparkle," he taunted.
It was a compliment he used to give her but the way he said it now made her insides turn. She finally loosened her grip on his hand long enough to slap him across the face and release herself completely. He didn't even move, only glared at her as she caught her breath.
"I... never... slept nor offered myself to Teagan or Alistair for that matter. That was some bullshit lie your wicked father invented. And as for the dress... if you wish to know it burned up with the rest of my life." She gasped for the words narrowing her eyes at him. He glared right back with a little smirk.
"To bad... It really did make your eyes sparkle." His every word is brimming with bitterness. She didn't let the hurt show on her face, just simply shook her head.
"You know, I never thought your father's plan would work. That no matter where he sent you, you could never turn out like him." She locks her eyes on his icy grey ones. "But I was wrong. You're just like him" she whispered, standing up to leave.
He seemed to stutter for a moment before finding the words and shouting back at her: "Better like mine than yours! Lying, betraying, manipulative, backstabbers! Orlesian lap dogs! Screw your high and mighty attitude, you're no better than I am!"
She shook her head as her fingers gripped the doorknob like a vice.
"One day you're going to find out how wrong you are... and I hope you won't have done something irreversible by then," she whispered. "Rest. You can scream at me more tomorrow when I come to tend your wound again. You know as well as I do that you are in no condition to argue."
With that she left before he could say another insulting word. She leaned her back against the door and heard him curse and the sound of glass breaking behind her. A little smug smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. At least she had gotten under his skin as much as he had gotten under hers.
It was a couple hours until morning and there was no way she was going back to sleep after all that had just happened. Instead she went to her office and began cleaning it up a bit. There were letters, bags, weapons, just everything laying everywhere so much that it took her a while to notice that the men must have brought Nathaniel's effects to her office. There sat a leather bag with the Howe crest. It was worn and full to the brim. She knew she should leave it alone but, Maker, it was just so enticing. He already hated her so what was the harm, right?
Carefully, she approached the bag as if it were going to jump up and bite her. When she was within arms reach she took a deep breath and opened he flap. Within, there were a plethora of things. Mostly trinkets he must have gotten when he was at the Vigil. She felt badly for him and understood. He was trying to find anything left of his old life or anything of value to sell. She sifted through the items gently, making sure nothing was out of place when she returned his things. She wasn't sure what she was looking for or why but when her fingers brushed vellum her hand stilled. A stack of letters. Her hands pulled away like they were scorched.
She sat wide eyed staring for a moment before gently tugging them from his bag. They were old and bore her script. Flashes of times past flooded past her inner eyes as the tears came rolling down her cheeks. Her letters. Every single one still unopened. Why didn't he read them? Why if he was so bitter towards her, why did he not toss them? She quickly placed them back in his bag and hurried to her desk, jerking open drawers and sifting through piles of paper until she found the stack she was looking for.
The tears dripping down her cheeks splashed the vellum and made the ink swell and begin to devolve. She quickly unbound the letters and read the last one first.
Ali,
please write me back and tell me it isn't true. Please tell me you aren't marrying Teagan. I understand its been years but you promised me. You swore your love to me and only me. Do you not remember the vows we spoke to each other? Did they mean nothing to you? I don't know why things have change but I can't let you do this! I'm coming home. I'm going to convenience you that you should marry me. Are your parents pressuring you? Do they no longer approve in our union? Tell them I'm coming back for you. Wait for me, love. Please just wait for me. I know you still love me as I love you. Its just been so long... when I hold you again you'll know as I do. We are soul mates, you and I.
Yours if you still want me,
Nate
She couldn't hold back the choked sobs anymore as she held the letter close to her chest and reality came crashing down on her. He waited all those years for her. He believed even when she had stopped believing. He sent letters as she did, begging as she did for a reply to never receive one. She slammed her fist on her desk. She was so tired of crying. So tired of hurting. Why couldn't it all just be over, no new hurt to discover. The past in the past.
It was then she had an idea. She would read them all tonight, drink a bottle of liquor to wash it all away. It may not be the best of plans but her curiosity would be sated and her pain would be dulled. Then she could let him go. After another moment of rummaging through her desk once more she pulled out a nearly full bottle of brandy and popped the cork.
"To what was and what will never be again," she whispered, taking a swig from the bottle before starting at the beginning this time.
To my dearest love, my life, my wife to be, Aleria
