Disclaimer: If you think I said that I owned TMNT, do you think anyone would believe me? And just to get it out there, I do not own "Les Poissons" from Disney's "The Little Mermaid". You know the song…the one the French chef sings.

The Price of Pepperoni

Les Pizzas

Day 8 (general pov)

After the anticlimactic weigh-in of the day before, Donatello could be found at his computer trying to decipher several possibilities as to why the orange clad turtle had only gained a total of, yes…you remember, two pounds. The results had been baffling and began driving the brainy turtle to the brink of insanity…much like the one the rest of his family had already reached.

With a sigh, Donnie closed his logbook and picked up his notes. Quickly filing them in their proper places, he found it to be close to noon.

"What to do…what to do," murmured Donatello as he stood and cracked his stiff neck. Even after hours and hours of mathematical figuring and scientific guesses, he was still left with no explanation for Mikey's lack of weight gain. It just didn't make sense to him at all…the only logical reasoning was a high metabolism. Which led the purple clad turtle to wonder if it was a trait shared among his brothers and himself…but with the knowledge of what he'd have to do to test that theory, it left Don deciding he didn't want to know. He'd just continue to use his little brother as a lab rat…er, lab mouse, if he was trying to be politically correct in this household…wouldn't want to offend anyone…

Wisely deciding to keep clear of the kitchen, Don considered watching television, but immediately rethought that plan of action as he observed Master Splinter jump onto his feet and start viciously tapping the flashing screen with his walking staff. Yes, the turtles' sensei was becoming a rather avid sports fan very rapidly. At this rate, Splinter would be urging them to buy skybox tickets to see the Yankees for the entire baseball season.

"Yeesh, if I don't get out of here, I'm going to go stir crazy!" shouted Donnie, about ready to rip something apart due to the tension he felt from being around his family. "I wonder where Leo is…"

Deciding to investigate the whereabouts of his katana wielding brother, Donatello looked for him in the most obvious place first. Walking casually into the dojo, Don spotted Leo standing on one leg with his arms stretched out to his sides, and his eyes were firmly screwed shut.

Warily approaching his unmoving brother, Don cleared his throat to get his attention. "Uh, Leo? Hello? Leo…" Finding this ineffective, Donnie prepared to tap Leonardo on the shoulder, but was abruptly stopped as Leo's hand flew out and grasped his wrist.

Still balancing on one leg and his eyesremaining shut, Leo coolly asked, "What is it, Don?"

Uneasily pulling his arm back from his older brother's grasp, Donatello looked Leo up and down again analytically before responding. "I was just wondering what you were doing…and if you wanted to head topside with me to go to Casey's. We need to stock up on pizza supplies so Mikey can continue making his monstrous creations. So what are you doing? Meditating or something?"

Opening his eyes, Leo half-smiled at his brainy brother. "Sort of. I made this position up last night. Isn't it cool? I call it, 'flamingo at the ready'."

With a weak laugh, Don sent him back a frightened gaze. "Um, right…cool is definitely not theword I was thinking of. Why flamingo?"

"Why not?" Leo challenged. Bringing his raised leg to the ground, he stood once more and took a step forward. "You got something against those cute pink feathered birdies? What did they ever do to you?"

'What the shell? Cute "birdies"? Something is majorly messing with Leo's head…' thought Donnie nervously.

Don took a step back as he held his hands out in front of him. "Take it easy, Leo. It was just a question. Seriously, I have nothing against flamingos."

Leo seemed to accept this and relaxed his posture as Don let out a sigh of relief. "Where'd you wanna go?"

"The surface. We need Casey to do some shopping for us," Donnie explained again as they left the dojo.

His older brother gave him an uncertain look. "Why Casey? Doesn't April usually do the shopping for us?"

Don averted his gaze and shuddered. "Yeah, usually. But Casey is gonna do it for us this time. April and I had an encounter that I would not like to talk about or take the chance of repeating."

Shrugging, Leo led the two of them to the entrance of the lair. Before leaving, he shouted, "Master Splinter, Donatello and I are going topside for a few hours. We'll be back later!"

With an offhanded wave from the couch, Splinter didn't even glance at or question his sons as they left. He only yelled in return, "Fine, fine. Whatever. But if you're going out, bring back more guacamole. I'm almost finished with what we have left!"

Shaking their heads in disbelief, Don and Leo exited the lair and headed to the surface for a little grocery shopping.


Glancing about guardedly, Raphael tiptoed to his room with a collection of items bundled in his arms. After securing the door, he sorted through his horde of mysterious bits and pieces.

Nodding to himself, Raph was confident he had everything he needed. With an insidious chuckle, his eyes gleamed with the task he set out before him.


As it happened to be lunchtime, Mikey gracefully and knowingly made his way around the kitchen gathering the necessary ingredients to create his latest perfect pizza masterpiece. While collecting the items, the youngest turtle began humming to himself. And as he did so, he found it difficult to suppress the song that began building in his throat.

So in natural Michelangelo fashion, he belted out an original (but stolen) tune as he baked his beloved pizza. Of course, not all turtles are masters of perfect rhymes and lyrics…

Les pizzas

Les pizzas

How I love les pizzas

Love to chop

And to serve a little dish

First I cut up the olives

Then I pull out the sauce

Ah mais oui

Ca c'est toujours delish

Les pizzas

Les pizzas

Hee hee hee

Hah hah hah

With the pizza cutter I hack them in two

I roll out the dough

And I serve it up fried

Shell, I love little pizzas

Don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate

Prepared in the classic technique

First you pound the dough flat with a mallet

Then you slash through the cheese

Give the pie a big toss

Then you rub some spices in

'Cause that makes it taste nice

(Zut alors, I have missed one!)

Sacre bleu

What is this?

How on earth could I miss

Such a sweet little succulent sausage?

Quel dommage

What a loss

Here we go in the sauce

Now some flour, I think

Just a dab

Now I stuff you with cheese

It don't hurt 'cause you're covered in grease

And you're certainly lucky you are

'Cause you're gonna need a fan

In my big silver pan

Toodle loo ma pizza

Au revoir!

With one last sprinkle of cheese upon his pizza, Mikey shoved the pan into the oven and awaited the finish of his gooey creation.

Unbeknownst to him, Mike had acquired an audience during his baking session…

Around the corner of the kitchen, crouched low in the shadows, was a guffawing red clad turtle. Upon hearing the off-key notes of his little brother during his serenading of his precious pizza, Raph left his room to investigate and managed to video tape an…unforgettable performance.

Raph let out one more wheezing laugh, before slinking back to his room with his newly acquired footage.