A/N: It's time to get Danny home, don't you think?
I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Jesse turned to where Danny was seated and began asking him questions about his injury, and what he had accomplished so far in his recovery. Steve was actually surprised that Danny admitted to his earlier jackass behavior, but Jesse understood it.
He told Danny of stories of pushing his wife away – practically demanding that she leave him for someone who wasn't broken. He laughed as he said that his wife had basically told him off, which was one of the catalysts he needed in order to truly start his recovery.
Danny asked him how he had adjusted to using the cane, as it was still the most disorienting feeling trying to walk without being able to see. He constantly felt as if he was off balance.
He grinned at Jesse's response. "I walked around, and when I knocked into things, I moved. It took a while – and a lot of bruises – before I finally got the hang of it."
Jesse was quiet for a moment. "Danny, I can joke about it now, but it wasn't easy. Not by a long shot. I also had to deal with some partial paralysis that did resolve, but that just compounded my anger issues. But there came a point – and I'm not sure if you're there yet or not – where I just decided that I didn't want to be that person who wasted everything that was ever given to me. I didn't want to throw away how hard I'd worked my entire life. So it took one painful step at a time, but eventually, I was able to physically heal enough to get out of the hospital. The mental part of things came later, but if I can offer you any advice, it would be to absolutely not push the people who care about you away. Let them help you, however they can."
Danny shook his head. "I wish it were that easy, Jesse. I really do."
Jesse understood – but knew that he had to push Danny just a little bit more. "I get it, Danny. I do. But let me ask you something. If it were Steve on the other end of things, would you want to help him? Or would you just let him push you away and not care any longer?"
Danny bristled. "Of course not! That's not the kind of man I am. If my friends need help, I'm there for them, no questions asked."
Jesse was quiet for a moment. "Isn't that what your friends are doing for you? They're not asking for anything in return…you just need to let them in."
Danny turned to where he thought Steve was. His eyes were bright. "Steve? I…I mean…"
Steve cut him off with a gentle hand on his arm. "It's okay, Danny. I promise you, it is. Being a SEAL, I understand a little about where you were coming from - I've seen men have everything taken away from them in an instant – and trust me, I know how hard it is to accept help."
Danny snorted in response to that. He wanted to say, no shit, but figured it wasn't the time or place.
Steve just grinned. "Yeah, yeah…my point is…we all want to help, however we can. We know that you would do the same for us if we were in your situation. So just try, okay? That's all we are asking."
After Danny and Jesse had time to chat for a while, Jesse had to end things in order to get to his next appointment. "Listen Danny. I have to go, but I'm going to leave Steve my card with my number on it. I want you to use it…for anything. If you want to scream obscenities loud enough to peel the paint off of the walls, I might be convinced to join you. If you have a question, call. If your daughter has questions, she can call. I told Shari that when you get ready to get out of here, I would go to your house and do a walk through – give her some suggestions of potential trouble spots."
Danny nodded. "That sounds good…I'll be staying with Steve for a little while, but I appreciate the assist."
Jesse stood and got his bearings. "If you only remember one thing, Danny, I hope you remember that blindness doesn't define you. It's something you hopefully only temporarily are – not something that determines your worth. I'm married. I had two kids after my accident. I've surfed solo off of Diamond Head. I went back to school and got my Master's Degree. What I'm saying is that there is nothing that you can't do, with or without your sight. Just don't let it hold you back – you're better than that. You deserve better than that. You only have one life – you can either waste it, or you can live it. The choice is yours."
Jesse clapped him on the back as he turned to leave, and Danny was too deep in thought to even register that he had left. Jesse had certainly given him quite a bit to chew on. Danny knew that he had been wasting his time here, and now, he had to figure out a way to get the most out of his therapies so that he could get back home to Grace.
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All told, Danny spent another week in the hospital while they figured out a regimen of medications that made the headaches tolerable. While they hadn't completely subsided, Danny was somewhat okay with tolerable. He had been through so much poking and prodding that he was beginning to feel like a lab rat. So far, they could only tell him what the headaches weren't…they just had no idea what they were. So the plan for now was to get Danny to Steve's house to start, and that was something that suited him just fine.
Dr. Parks was pleased enough with his progress that he agreed to discharge him, provided he followed up on an outpatient basis. For the time being, Steve would drive him back to the hospital three days a week for therapy, and would bring him to any appointments that he had. At this point, Danny would have agreed to sleep in a tent in the parking lot if it would have meant him getting to leave.
Before Danny was released, Shari had arranged a meeting with Steve and Grace in the PT room. Chin and Kono were at the office, following up on a case that they had given HPD. Shari wanted Steve and Grace to get a sense of what it was like for Danny – they both had been extremely supportive of him, but she thought that if they could put themselves in Danny's shoes, then perhaps they would understand even further when he had moments of frustration.
Danny was seated on one of the large low tables, just listening to the sounds surrounding him. The one that he immediately picked up on was Grace's giggle as Shari tied the blindfold over her eyes. "Now Grace. This is kind of what it's like for your dad, but his eyes aren't closed – so imagine it being dark, but having your eyes open."
She helped Grace stand up and then handed her a small cane. They didn't have a white folding cane short enough for Grace, so they just used a regular aluminum one instead. "Now, what I want you to do is try to get from here to your dad without any major disasters. Okay?"
Shari had only put a few obstacles in her path, and none of them would hurt Grace should she fall. Shari also had no intention of letting her wander off on her own – she would shadow her and catch her just in case she stumbled and potentially hurt herself.
Grace nodded, ready to see what this felt like. She tilted her head, trying to get her bearings. Gingerly, she stepped forward, and immediately bumped into a small bolster with her cane. She tentatively moved around it and inched her way ahead. She was feeling fairly confident until she suddenly was met with resistance on all three sides. Abruptly, she stopped. Her brain knew that there was possible danger ahead, and no matter how much she tried to move around it, she couldn't figure out how to move out of the path.
She started to get a little anxious, feeling more and more lopsided as she tried to step her way around the cushions. "Danno?"
He could immediately tell that she was a bit afraid, so he called out to her. "I'm right here, Monkey."
She turned her head towards his voice. "I'm stuck, Danno. I know it's kind of a game, but I can't get to you. Where are you?"
Danny could hear the nerves and tried to reassure her. "It's okay, baby girl. Why doesn't Shari take the blindfold off of you and then you can come and find me."
Grace felt Shari's hands at the back of her head, and waited until the cloth was off before looking down at the debris field, surprised to see only one area of cushions surrounding where she was – the rest of the path was relatively clear.
She ran over to where Danny was seated and threw her arms around his neck. "I'm so proud of you, Danno. Even though I knew it was pretend, I got stuck and was scared to move. But you've gotten so much better –you've even gone outside all by yourself. You should feel proud, too."
Danny just blinked, not realizing just how much Grace's words mattered to him. He didn't have a choice in being blind, but hearing his daughter say that she was proud of him was like a balm washing some of the pain away.
Grace's giggle brought him back. "What's so funny, missy?"
Grace grabbed onto Danny's hand. "Shari is putting the blindfold on Uncle Steve. It's his turn now."
Grace watched as Shari added even more obstacles to Steve's path before gently turning him around a couple of times. She wanted to disorient Steve, knowing that in many ways, his SEAL training put him at an advantage when it came to using his senses.
Shari pointed at Grace, and she called out, "We're over here, Uncle Steve. Come and find us."
Steve started out okay, moving the white cane back and forth, feeling his way through the initial pile of obstacles with little problem. But, much like Grace did, he became disoriented and off balanced as he encountered the majority of the obstacles in his way all at once.
He was determined to figure it out, so he called out, "Grace? Where are you, sweetheart?"
At her answer, he was stunned to realize that he had been moving in the complete wrong direction from where he thought she was. He dropped his head and shook it, realizing just how strong his best friend was. He pulled the blindfold off and grinned wryly at the complete and utter disaster that was on the floor of the PT room.
Shari just shrugged her shoulder and winked. She realized that most of Danny's situation would not involve the sheer amount of destruction that she had placed in front of Steve, but wanted him to get at least a sense of what it was like.
Steve walked over and sat down on the other side of Danny. "Danny, man. I have to say – my respect for you is off the charts. I get what you mean when you say that you feel like you're constantly tilted – it's a very weird feeling not being able to use your vision to keep yourself upright. I'm like Grace – I'm really proud of how far you've come." He threw an arm over Danny's shoulder and squeezed, giving him a gentle hug. He couldn't help but smile as Grace did the same on the other side, sandwiching Danny between them.
The rest of the morning passed fairly quickly, as there were a few last minute details to take care of before Danny was officially released. While Danny was having one final CAT scan for the road…his third of his stay at Tripler…Steve, Chin, and Kono spent almost two hours getting all of Danny's belongings packed up and his discharge papers signed.
They finally got all of the therapy equipment loaded into the truck and had arranged to donate most of the bouquets of flowers that he had received to the various nursing units in the hospital. Danny wanted to keep one of the freshest bouquets to give to Rachel, thanking her for allowing him unfettered access to Grace while he was at Tripler.
Shari had agreed to bring Jesse and meet Danny at Steve's house later that afternoon, once Danny officially left the hospital. She wanted to make sure that Danny's environment was not going to be counterproductive to his therapy. She quickly confirmed the directions to Steve's house before guiding Jesse out to her car. Because the exit to the staff parking lot took her on a different route, she was able to arrive a few minutes before Danny.
She smiled as she took in the sight of the well-manicured lawn and the smooth stone pathway leading up to the front door. She noticed that there weren't a lot of stray rocks or debris that might trip Danny up. They had practiced navigating through many types of obstacles, and as long as Danny took his time and didn't rush, he would be okay. It was when Danny tried to do too much too quickly that he ran into trouble.
After a few more minutes investigating, Shari heard a truck pull into the driveway. She watched as Danny opened the door but waited for Steve to come around and help him out of the cab of the truck. Steve held his arm steady, helping him slide down, but allowed him to do most of the work before shutting the door behind him. Shari saw Steve lean down and say something to Danny, but Danny shook his head. Giving in, Steve stepped behind him while he opened the cane and got his bearings.
Shari could see that Steve desperately wanted to help Danny, but he was determined to do it himself. One of the things that Shari had reminded him about was his struggle to ask for, or allow someone else to help him. While she admired his independence, Shari needed her to truly get that asking for help was not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of knowing your own limitations. He was getting better at it, but Shari wanted to make sure that nothing happened to him while he was still trying to get it into his head.
So it was with some trepidation that Shari watched Danny navigate his way to the front door. He started to get off track at one point but quickly righted himself. To Steve's credit, he didn't hover too much. He stayed within reach in case he started to stumble, but for the most part, he let him do it by himself.
The stairs leading up to the front door proved to be the most troublesome for Danny for some reason. Whether it was because the height of the stairs was different than the ones he had practiced on during therapy, or because there were no landmarks like there were at therapy; Shari wasn't sure.
She did notice some hesitation on Danny's part as he started to climb the first of the four steps, making her wonder just what would happen next. She grinned to herself as she watched Steve. He didn't just jump in and try to lead him…he merely stepped behind and verbally gave him hints that he could follow, waiting until he was on the porch before moving to stand next to him.
It was then that Shari could see that Danny would do just fine at home. No, he was not one hundred percent better, but until he was more comfortable with the rest of his senses taking over for his eyes, he had people around him who would be there, and who would help pick up the slack. And Shari could now see that Danny was reluctantly willing to let himself accept help. That, in and of itself, was the biggest hurdle to his recovery.
Shari was a big advocate of independence…it was what she wanted for all of her patients. But careless independence was worse than total dependence. Carelessness could get someone hurt, while a willingness to accept help could prevent disaster. As tired as Danny had become of her pounding that thought down his throat, Shari knew that she couldn't let up until she was sure that Danny understood and accepted his limitations.
Jesse cleared his throat. "So how's he doing?" He had heard the truck pull up, and knew that Shari was sitting back and observing, making sure there would be no major issues. It was what she had done at his house without him knowing she was there – now, it was Danny's turn.
"He's doing pretty well, so far. Steve's giving him space, but not too much – enough that I think Danny can feel that sense of independence that he needed to feel, but not too much that Danny's going to fail miserably."
She smiled as Steve caught sight of them and waved them in through the now opened door. He leaned down to whisper their arrival to Danny. As Danny turned to greet them, he looked uncharacteristically anxious. Shari had a feeling that she knew what was causing that fear, so she immediately stepped forward and placed her arm on Danny's shoulder.
"Danny, I'm so happy that you're finally out of the hospital. You already look more confident and more relaxed here. I'll just be a couple of minutes and then I'll get out of your hair and let you get settled, okay?" She pulled Danny into a gentle hug and whispered, "Don't worry. I have no intention of changing my mind. You're home for good."
Danny stepped back, his eyes bright with unshed tears. He hadn't realized just how much he needed to hear Shari say that he was home…even if it was at Steve's home. A part of him had been afraid that Shari would rescind her recommendation and would force him to return to the hospital. Now that his fear had been unfounded, he was able to relax and focus on his surroundings.
He used his cane to try to figure out just where he was in the room. Feeling the couch to his right and the dining room chairs to his left, he figured out that the kitchen was diagonally to his left, ahead about ten steps. He retraced those ten steps and once again found the couch. Keeping the cane in front of him, he plotted a route that would take him to the spare bedroom on the first floor.
Steve, Shari and Jesse just sat back and waited for Danny to find his way. He was in no danger of hurting himself, as long as he took his time. They watched as he maneuvered his way down the hallway, pausing every so often to reach out and touch a knick-knack that he remembered was on a table, or a picture frame that was on the wall. He would get a nostalgic look on his face as he tried to remember what he might be seeing, had he still been able to see. He knew that Steve had a couple of pictures of Grace scattered around – he was starting to have an emotional time thinking about not seeing her again.
Steadying himself, he kept on going until he reached the bedroom. Standing in the doorway, he inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of the tropical flowers just outside the open window. He also could vaguely smell a bit of the ocean spray as it hung in the air, and almost laughed to himself to think back to how much he used to hate that smell when he first came to Hawaii, but now, the smell equaled freedom for him.
While Danny was getting his bearings on the bottom floor of the house, Jesse was going through the kitchen and onto the lanai, pointing out a couple of potential trouble spots for Danny to be aware of.
Steve was torn as to where to go – a part of him wanted to follow Danny to make sure he was safe, but he knew that he had to trust his partner. One of the things he had learned in his own conversation with Shari was that not putting trust in what Danny had accomplished during therapy would be the absolute worst thing that anyone could do for him. It could cause him to retreat back into a shell of himself, which would frustrate everyone around him, including Danny himself.
So he just listened to what Jesse was saying, and tried to figure out ways to make things a little safer for Danny, and waited until he came back into the kitchen before letting out his breath.
Jesse picked up on the sounds of Danny's cane before anyone else did, and quickly made his way to the kitchen. "Hey, Danny. Did you get settled okay?"
Danny nodded. "Yeah – looks like things are set up in the closet and drawers so that I can find them, and everything seems to be in the right spot in the bathroom. It'll take me a little time to figure out the kitchen, but in the meantime, I'll just make Steve do all of the cooking."
Steve chuckled at that. "Or, we could just order in. Whatever you want, Danny." Steve would do whatever Danny wanted or needed – he was just so grateful to have his best friend back.
Jesse and Shari said their goodbyes, and left so that Danny could find his way without an audience. Shari new that Chin and Kono were due to stop by sometime later tonight, and Grace was supposed to come and visit tomorrow – she knew that Danny needed to get some real rest and start to build his strength back up. He was still not resting well with the headaches, but maybe being home would be a more healing environment for him? At any rate, Danny was home now, and had family around him who would look out for him.
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The next couple of weeks had become a routine of doctor's appointments and therapy. Steve was even considering returning to work part time. Danny had progressed with his therapy enough that he felt safe staying at home for short periods of time.
He had gotten to spend some quality time with Grace, which he realized that he sorely needed. They talked about everything and nothing, healing some wounds along the way. Danny couldn't ignore how he had treated Grace, but he vowed to do everything in his power to make sure that she always knew that she was loved, wanted, and treasured.
One morning, Steve left for a quick meeting, promising to be home in a couple of hours. Danny had nothing planned for the morning, but Rachel was going to drop Grace off around lunchtime and they were going to spend some time at the beach. Danny missed the sounds of his daughter playing in the ocean…the repetitive sounds of her laughter soothed his tortured soul.
He was in the midst of putting some clothes away in his room when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. "Steve? You're home early. Is everything okay?"
When he didn't answer, his senses kicked in and he started to panic. Feeling a pinprick in his arm, he suddenly realized that things were most definitely not right. The last thing he heard before he gave in to the effects of whatever he had just been injected with was the chilling sound of a familiar voice saying, "Hello, Danny."
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