Author's Note:
I've been holding off this story for too long. The last few months had been busy with my temporary job which I recently ended and an awful case of writer's block and the lack of motivation. I had planned to post this chapter as a whole, but I decided to split it into two parts, no longer wanting to keep you guys waiting.
Please enjoy, like and follow, and leave a review!
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! :)
Friday, May 25th – Mid-Afternoon
What was once a place of blissful chaos had now become a dwelling of gloom at the Loud house.
A curtain of silence surrounded the nine kids as soon as they woke up that early morning. None of them could eat their breakfast. Something was being eaten though, but it wasn't the bacon and eggs their father prepared: it was something inside each of them. Their souls were nibbled away bit by bit, staring down at their full plates with empty eyes. Together, they shared the weight of misery on their shoulders, and the reason was all too clear. The kids looked to one another, then glanced up at the ceiling, their thoughts on the only sister who had yet to rise from bed. And who could blame her? Luna had taken the heaviest blow from yesterday's turn of events. Within their endless chain of eleven links, hers was struck the hardest, rattling the other ten. When one sibling was hurt, that pain spread to the others like a sickness, as if they shared one body. They had to find a way to get her back on her feet before the gig with Sam and Tabby. In most matters, the cure was simple: encouragement, love, and support by the other ten siblings. However, Luna's ailment was worse. She was in charge of the whole operation. She found her Freddie Mercury, put together her junior Queen group and led rehearsals for the last month. But just like that, it all went up in smoke. She was now left without a front man, and with a broken heart. As far as her siblings knew, they were running out of time, and she wasn't going to come out anytime soon. They needed to do something and fast, which was why after their parents left to run some errands, Lori called for an emergency sibling meeting.
Over in Huntington Manor, Jamie was no better. With everything that fell apart before his very eyes, he spent the rest of the evening yesterday in his room with the door locked. He hardly slept that dark starless night with the shroud of guilt over his head. He wouldn't forget this. He would never forget the look on everyone's faces the moment he was made to leave them behind, especially Luna's. Her tearful face was forever carved mercilessly into his heart with a dull rusty knife and her cracked raspy voice continued to ring in his ears. He stared at the wall next to his bed blankly for hours. He hugged himself, shivering as if the room had gotten cold, and pulled his knees to his chest in a shameful fetal position. His stomach was in too many knots to take off his clothes or brush his teeth. All because of one stupid mistake, he lost it all. Every aching moment from that day hammered against the inside of his head. He wanted to sleep. That's all he wanted to do: sleep and hope that the next day would be easier on him.
That morning, he felt worse than before. It was Mister and Missus Loud's first date anniversary, the day he was suppose to join Luna, her siblings and their friends to play and sing for them. But it was only a painful reminder that he would never join them on that little stage. The only thing he was thankful for was not having to see his parents and be reminded of the recital. One stab in the stomach was enough. It was better than a stab in the back. Alan and Marie left for the university in Ann Arbor while he was still in bed, leaving Rosalita to look after him.
There were doubts she could do anything to help the boy. That same afternoon as she prepared a salad in the kitchen, she kept her ears open for any sound of movement from upstairs. Soon enough, the door from his bedroom opened with a slow and long creak. Rosalita paused her lettuce chopping to listen. Faint and slow footsteps made their way down the upstairs hall before the shut of a door; the bathroom door most likely. It was quickly followed by running water. If she knew him and his moody bathing habits, it was going to be a long one. Perhaps when he was done showering and finally come down, she could try and talk to him.
The water ran like music down the echoing tiles while Jamie stripped down to the first shame of mankind. The chill of the air conditioning nipped his vulnerable skin. Leaning over the sink, he stared himself down in the mirror. The first thing he saw were the dark circles under his eyes. He raised a finger and sloppily pressed into one of them, pulling his eyelid down and exposing the bloody red underside. He let out a defeated sigh, delving into what was once himself. All he could see now was an empty shell with vacant eyes. One trembling hand gripped the sink tightly. He felt nothing but disgust by his reflection. He turned his attention to the shower as the water was running long enough. The Queen fanatic took a step in, meeting with chilling water raining down from the nozzle above. Naturally, goosebumps quickly formed on his skin in reaction. His body begged him to back away and warm up the water, but his will forced it to remain under the pummeling droplets. Jamie grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he fought against the shivering shower. As far as he knew, he deserved this. His soaking hair fell over as he stayed under there for a full twenty minutes. Detesting the day to come, he had no choice but to get ready for what would be the end of his world.
The faint stampede of muffled footsteps drummed softly in Luna's ears, stirring her from the slightly refreshing slumber on Luan's bed. Her eyes cracked open to the dim atmosphere of the room. The only source of light came through a small slit from the curtains and under the door. She rose from the bed, loosening her hug of the pillow she clung to for comfort all night, now stained with her dry and smeared eyeliner. Looking down at it, the Rockstar let out a heavy sigh as memories of yesterday flooded her mind. The pressure within her small chest and the knots in her stomach returned. She stayed slouched and spaced out for a minute, expecting a lump in her throat and another fit of sobs to escape from her lips…
But there was nothing. No cries. No tears. Nothing. Last night had drained her essence to the point of total exhaustion. The wells in her eyes had dried up and her broken voice was gone. Unable to stay up any longer, her weakened body surrendered to the comfort and warmth of her sister's bed and the desire to sleep. In no time at all, she was out like a broken light.
As good as the sleep was, it still didn't change the fact today was her parents' first date anniversary and she was without Jamie. She needed to figure out a new plan and fast, no matter how slow her mind and body were going. Time wouldn't wait for her to catch up. And speaking of the time… She peeked under the blanket and around the bed, searching for her phone. Her eyes then glanced over to the beanbag from across the room. There it was, sitting perfectly on the cushioning with the screen facing her. With another tired sigh, she climbed out of bed. Her legs trembled the moment she planted her feet to the floor. The burden of her exhaustion dragged her down like weights. Slouched over still, she stumbled over to the beanbag. Even reaching for the phone proved difficult with every muscle in her body aching. With the phone now wrapped in her fingers, Luna pinched the bridge of her nose and took a third long sigh as she saw the time on the opened screen.
"A quarter to one…" she mumbled morosely.
Wasting no more time, she stripped down and slipped on her robe before heading to the bathroom, dragging her feet across the carpet. Just before she could step in, she stopped in place, picking up muffled voices coming from Lori and Leni's closed off room. Her head turned towards the door. Were her siblings having a meeting without her? What were they discussing? Why would they leave her out of it?
Unless it was about her… After everything that happened, it would make sense.
Creeping up to the door, the rock star held a hand up and leaned her ear in. She took a silent breath and listened in closely.
"Here's the thing, guys…" she heard first. It was a no brainer whose voice it was.
Inside, Lori stood before her siblings while they sat near and around the beds, sharing worried and distraught expressions.
"Because of yesterday's… incident, it's most likely that our show's not gonna happen…" Everyone's frowns deepened. "And Luna hasn't come out of her room yet, so… we don't know if she's even gonna want to play at her gig anyways…"
"But we can't just give up now!" Luan exclaimed, hugging her legs close to her chest. "We worked really hard to get this far!"
"I understand, Luan. I know you're all disappointed-"
"Oh-ho-ho! We're more than just disappointed!" Lynn interrupted, grabbing a pillow and jumping to her feet on Leni's bed. "We're downright peeved! And we all know why!"
"Yeah! It's all Jamie's fault!" Lola growled angrily. "He ditched us! And he made Luna cry!"
"Nobody makes any of our sisters cry!" Lana added. Charles snarled aggressively in her lap as if agreeing with her.
"I say we teach that jerk a lesson!" Lynn said, slamming the pillow down and cracking her knuckles. "
"I know a spell that would render his hands useless so he can't play tonight…" Lucy suggested, her voice more bitter than usual. "He will not get away with this…"
"Forget spells! Let's kidnap him and lock him in the closet until he agrees to perform with us!" Lola blurted out, rubbing her hands together and gnashing her teeth.
"I believe a mind controlling device would be the better solution." Lisa implied. "I could easily put one together within an hour."
"No magic spells!" Lori yelled. "No kidnapping and no mind control! What's done is literally done! It's not like we can go back in time and change what happened!"
Lisa parted her lips and raised a finger, only for Lori to shoot a scowled glare towards the four-year-old genius.
"And no time machine either!"
The kid genius turned away with crossed arms and a pout.
Unbeknownst to everyone, Luna continued her eavesdropping. She could feel the anger emanating from her sisters' voices. With her body and mind still uneasy from last night, she was vulnerable to any emotional influence outside of her own being. The more she listened to their rants, the more her coldness for Jamie grew in her heart. The knife gave another twist before being consumed by the ice. It was coming back: the knots in her stomach, the growing weight in her chest, and the lump in her throat. What was left of her drive to carry on slowly diminished. Luna hung her head low as she blankly stared at the floor. Maybe it was time to give up… Maybe she should go back to her room and forget about everything:
The first date anniversary…
The gig…
Their song…
And Jamie…
She turned to her room and took the first steps towards it, ready to enter darkness once again…
"Alright, that's enough! This is totes not cool!"
Luna was put to a screeching halt as if the voice was a hand firmly grasping her shoulder.
"You shouldn't say such mean things about him! Do you hear how unfair you guys are being right now?"
This sudden assertiveness from her second eldest sister drew her attention away from her room. For a moment, the discomforts within herself relaxed. Taking a moment to think, Luna decided to shift her way towards the closed door and away from the dark atmosphere of her room.
On the other side, Leni stood her ground as Lynn gave her an intimidating glare.
"You're seriously defending him?" the jock asked, gritting her teeth.
"Yes, I am!" Leni replied with her hands on her hips, returning the optical gesture. "The last thing he would want to do is hurt us!"
"In case you forgot, he did!" Lola whined.
"But not on purpose!"
"Leni's got a point." Lincoln stepped in. "We all saw what went down yesterday. We can't blame him entirely."
"Oh, come on! Not you too!" Lynn groaned.
"No, they're right." Luan added, looking to her younger sisters. "Jamie's parents gave him no choice. They were determined to have him go to his recital. We've been so caught up by Luna's misery, we forgot about his…"
The jock scoffed. "Sure. His misery."
"Knock it off, Lynn." Lori urged her sister, earning crossed arms a stuck-out tongue from her. "Let's hear what Leni has to say."
All eyes turned to her as Leni took a deep breath. "Like I said," she continued. "I think you guys are being unfair. Jamie wouldn't do anything to hurt us… And before you say anything, yes! I know he did! But… don't think he's not hurt by this either…"
Her sisters and brother kept their attention on her. Lynn and Lola still had their doubtful scowls, but Leni kept going. At first her voice was firm and confident. However, it wasn't long before it softened as well as her eyes.
"For the past month, he spent all his free time helping us prepare for this show. He even let us come over to his place and rehearse. We were having so much fun! We enjoyed every minute of it and so did he. And let's not forget we were helping him get over feeling self-conscious about his singing…" She glanced away with pained eyes, hugging herself tightly. An uneasiness stirred in her stomach. "I know how that kind of insecurity feels…" Her siblings' stares softened and grew with deep concern. "Sometimes I'm afraid to do things I enjoy because of what people might think… And it hurts… Like, a lot..."
Every heart in the room was caught in a firm squeeze as their strings were given hard plucks. From behind the door, Luna covered her mouth as a lump throbbed in her throat.
"This show meant so much to Jamie. This was gonna be, like, his biggest step out of the closet. He-" She let out a weak chuckle. "he's better at opening up than I am, that's for sure…"
"Leni…" Lori frowned. She held her hands up to her chest, feeling the urge to hug her sister.
"But anyways, I'm not expecting all of you to believe me when I say Jamie's more upset about this than we are…" She looked over to Lynn and Lola as she mentioned this. Instead of giving their big sister distraught glances back, they simply averted their gaze with the same soft and fragile eyes. "Yesterday, I saw him come outside just as we were leaving, and he had a look on his face that said it all: he made the worst mistake of his life and lost the closest friends he ever had…"
The room laid silent as the siblings pondered Leni's words with all eyes looking in every other direction besides hers. Part of them wanted to remain resentful over Jamie's decision of dropping out from their show, especially after seeing how it devastated Luna. It was torture to hear her cries of pain and heartbreak from the thin walls that night, and there was nothing they could do to help her. There was, however, always another side to the story, and Leni was the only one to tell it. Perhaps she was right to pity him rather than hate him, despite how hard it was not to. Luan let out a soft sniffle, wiping her nose with colorful handkerchiefs she pulled from her shirt, each tied together with the other. Lincoln scooched next to her and pulled her into a gentle and comforting embrace.
The empty wells that were Luna's eyes began to flourish once again and fill to the brim with warm tears. It took her everything in her power to keep a choked-up breath from slipping between her trembling lips. Even with her hand over them, it wouldn't be enough. Every word that came out of Leni's mouth was like a flame that flickered underneath her frozen heart, melting away the cold bitterness towards Jamie. Though her heart was warming up, the flame couldn't melt the knife lodged within: a reminder of the pain he sent her way.
"We all make mistakes: big and small ones. I know he wants to take it back, and I know he wants to perform with us. If he didn't want to do it, then why did he put so much effort into this project?"
There was no arguing with her. In fact, no one said a word. Their eyes brightened, astounded by this rare occurrence. Leni wasn't one to make powerful speeches, but under the right circumstances combined with her pure heart, she could catch a crowd by surprise.
"For these last few weeks, we got to know Jamie for who he was: someone with the energy and passion to do great things, and he was willing to put those two things and his beautiful voice into something greater. He was doing what he loved to do, and I'm sure he wanted see the joy it brought to everyone. It certainly brought joy to us. And it's thanks to his assistance and guidance that we got this far to make this show a reality. Although he accidentally hurt us, I'm willing to forgive him." Leni's smile grew as well as her compassionate eyes. "If anything, he's one of the sweetest, generous, and most thoughtful people we've met, and I think Luna's lucky to have a friend like him~"
Luna's running eyes widened. In that moment, it was as if the knife in her heart unsheathed halfway. Lynn and Lola's frantic comments from earlier stirred the pain within like a heavy storm, but through Leni's kind words, it settled down to a mild shower and became an easier burden to bear. But the pain remained, still ringing. The thought of Jamie was the last thing Luna wanted right now. The show for her parents was the main priority right now. At this point, it was her only drive to move forward. She took a moment to regain her composure: standing firm and strong, wiping the river of tears from her cheeks, and taking a few needed breaths. At the ready, she rapped on the door. Without missing a beat, the muttering of her sibling's voices was cut short.
On the other side, nine pairs of startled eyes stared at the door. Their young hearts raced, concerned as to who was knocking. Their first thought of who was behind there was either their mother or father or both. If it was either one, why were they home so early? And how much did they hear? Within the thin doors and walls, they could've heard every word, no matter how quiet the kids were. If it was them, the surprise for their first date anniversary was now spoiled. The hope for discretion slowly died like a wilting flower under dark clouds. The knock had to be answered, but none of the nine Loud children could, as if their voices were taken by an unknown presence. They couldn't answer. They didn't want to answer. If it truly was their parents, they were done for. One of the siblings replied at last, but in this case, she wasn't answering to set up a joke.
"W-who is it…?" Luan asked. Beads of cold sweat formed over everyone's foreheads, biting down hard on their bottom lips.
"It's me…" a calm raspy voice replied.
The moist beads kept their latches strong. The Louds let out soft and stunned gasps followed by sighs of deep relief.
"That was way too close…" Lincoln said, wiping his forehead.
Luan was quick to rush over and open the door, finding her sister and roommate standing before her. The jokester's heartstrings were given another hard tug as she put her hands over her mouth and chest with the hope to ease the aching within her. But there was no avail. With brows furrowed up and eyes trembling in heartbreak, she and the rest of her siblings stared at Luna, wearing nothing but her signature purple bathrobe. Her eyes hinted with redness and her cheeks remained stained with smeared eyeliner.
"Hey, dudes..." Luna waved, giving a barely noticeable smile.
Worry and insecurity filled everyone's heads, figuring out a way to approach and speak without provoking any more stress.
"Luna…" Luan started, rubbing her arm. "… you doing okay?" She heard half a dozen smacks to the face and a few clicked tongues from behind, no doubt her siblings were reacting rather uneasily from her first and uncomfortably straightforward approach.
Luna took a deep shuddering breath, averting her eyes for a moment before returning her conflicting gaze back to Luan.
"I… could be better…" she replied, biting her bottom lip. She took notice of Luan glancing down and her frown dropping even further. The depressing sight gave Luna's stomach an unsettling churn.
The jokester and the rock star shared the closest bond and understanding of one another. After all, both girls were on top in the performing arts with the thrills of entertaining with music and comedy. It made sense for the two to share a room, using it to come up with new material. They would perform for each other and give peer reviews and advice to help better themselves and improve their skills for future shows. With great dreams, however, came the fears to stalk them. The biggest fear Luna and Luan shared was to see each other drop from their passions entirely. Outside influences such as heartbreak, writers block, lack of clients and gigs were major factors to their personality changes every now and then. When one sister was in a dim and inactive state that kept her from doing what she loved, it was up to the other to pull her out of the hole and get her back on her feet. Whenever Luan's heart was given the flashing light or when she had a bad show, Luna was always there to get her to smile with a few jokes of her own. They weren't as good as Luan's, but the effort was what counted. And whenever Luna had an achy breaky heart or was in the angry chair, it was Luan to help put out the fire. She would often play uplifting and inspiring tunes on Luna's guitar to bring the stage light back. The jokester lacked the expertise on playing the instruments kept in the room, but it was enough to cheer her sister up. There was nothing better than the love and support by a sister with similar goals involving a stage and a roaring or laughing crowd.
In the back of her mind, Luna somehow knew Luan would be the one to open the door. As much as she loved her other siblings, she always held a special place in her heart for her. She sought for Luan's comfort, but upon catching a glimpse of the jokester's anguish-filled eyes, she was in need it too. In that moment, it was up to Luna to make the next move.
"Sis…" the rock star whispered. Getting Luan's attention, she opened her arms with a more noticeable and reassuring smile.
Luan sniffled and wiped her eye while a trembling smile formed under her overbite. The grip around her heart finally loosened as she widened her arms as well. The two sisters locked each other in a long and warm embrace for anyone in their presence to see. This lasted for almost a minute. Their siblings witnessed the tender scene in blissful silence, nearly catching the tearful illness going around the room. A great relief settled within them to finally see Luna out and about. Like a magnet, the urge to join in the hug was strong, but they resisted the temptation, not wanting to ruin Luan and Luna's moment together.
"It's really good to see you up…" whimpered Luan, nuzzling her sister's shoulder. "We've been worried since last night…"
"Sorry…" Luna squeezed tighter as an ache throbbed in her still weakened heart.
"Don't be." Lori boldly said. "You had every right to be upset, it was harder for us because it was you that was hurt the most from all this." The siblings clamored and nodded in agreement. Luna's thankful gaze met with everyone, but when Leni came into her sight, the rock star's eyes went into a slight dullness.
"I… heard what you said about Jamie." she said, carefully breaking the hug.
"You did…?" Anxiously, Leni bit her lip, knowing well that the mention of the singer boy could stir another furious storm.
"Yeah… I may have been listening to you guys from outside the door…" Luna rubbed her arm awkwardly as her siblings joined Leni with their own lip-nibbling.
"How much did you hear…?" Lincoln asked.
"Pretty much everything..." Luna sighed. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do. And you're right: Jamie is a great and talented guy, and I'm lucky to have a friend like him, or at least I was…" She swallowed hard, as if someone tapped a reflex hammer against her throat. "After yesterday, I'm not so sure anymore… I understand some of you can forgive him, but I don't think I'll be able to... at least not now." She placed a hand over her heart, gripping her robe's lapel tightly. "I know it wasn't his fault, but in the end, he made the choice to leave us for his recital when we needed him; when I needed him. I-it really hurts." Luna plopped herself down on Leni's bed in a deep slouch, staring down at the carpet. "But right now, I don't want to think about him after everything that's happened between us…"
Lori joined Luna on the bed, carefully giving her a gentle pat on the back. "Then we won't talk about it anymore." she said. "You're more important right now, and we'll always be here when you need us. No matter what, we've got your back." Everyone clamored in agreement, joining in as well. The bed was a tad small for them all to gather on, but that didn't stop them from finally giving Luna the warm and loving sibling hug she needed. Lily climbed up into her lap and smothered herself into the rock star's chest.
Luna's frown was raised, unable to keep herself from smiling so widely and giddily. Her wounded heart absorbed the warmth emitting from each of her sisters and brother, overpowering the pain she endured most of all. Friends were limited, but family was forever; never to take for granted. The contented rock star closed her eyes and nestled into everyone's arms.
"Thanks, everyone~" she sniffled, wiping her eye. "I'm starting to feel a lot better now. Now that we're all good, I think it's time we get ready."
"Get ready for what?" Luan asked, tilting her head.
"Tonight's show, of course!" Luna was pummeled with blank stares from each sibling. Lily's, however, was only mimicry as she glanced up at her big sister with bulging eyes, trying a little too hard.
"Are you sure you're still up for that?" Lincoln asked with a hint of worry in his voice. "You think we can do the show without Ja-" He was cut off by multiple glaring daggers aiming towards him ready to thrust. His face turned pale and as a cold chill ran through his frightened veins. The boy slapped his hands over his mouth, his eye twitched from the slight pain he inflicted upon himself unintentionally. "I-I mean without… you-know-who…" he finished.
Luna took a breath, putting Lily down on the bed. She stood boldly before her family with determination ablaze in her eyes.
"I know our show won't be as exciting like we had hoped. We may have lost our most valuable member, but the show must go on! I refuse to back down from a show we've been working hard at for the last month! For now, this gift to Mom and Dad is from all of us, and I have no doubt they'll be more than grateful for it. We all know this won't fulfill Mom's dream without that special voice, but at least she'll be pleased that we're doing this. So, what do you say? Are we gonna give Mom and Dad the best first date anniversary present ever?"
"YES! WE! ARE!" her siblings exclaimed. As one unit, they rose to their feet and saluted the rock star; the sole commander of their operation.
Luna smiled proudly, eager to get the show on the road. She was prepared for this day. One of the four pillars of her foundation was demolished by the worst obstacle she faced, but she stayed strong with the remaining three. Though her words and actions were bold and filled with hope, a part of her remained crippled. Within the deepest and darkest void of her mind, she wished her front man was with her to help.
3:20 P.M.
"You really should eat something…" Rosalita urged, tenderly placing a small bowl of salad before the crestfallen boy.
Jamie said nothing while staring at the bowl in front of him with no intention of eating at all. His stomach was already full; full of the sadness and loneliness he'd been swallowing all morning and afternoon.
Rosalita could only watch with a sunken heart, seeing the young man she helped raise since he was four sit there, wallowing in his own misery. Just as she was on the verge to giving up, she noticed his empty eyes drift in the direction of the fork next to the bowl. She took in and held her breath. Jamie lifted a hand and brought it towards the silverware hesitantly, like the protagonist in a horror film nearing a door where the killer was obviously standing on the other side. Rosalita's frown slowly rose to a hopeful smile. It grew bigger the closer Jamie's hand was towards the fork, near to the point of showing her teeth. Perhaps there was some hope… until he halted and lingered his hand over the fork. Her smile froze for a moment, only to be shot down as he abandoned the utensil and shifted his hand towards the bowl. In one smooth and heart aching gesture, he pushed it away, averting his soulless gaze from both Rosalita and the salad.
"I'm not hungry…" he muttered, leaning on his elbow on the counter.
A few knots sat in the pit of Rosalita's abdomen. The woman was left powerless to do anything to help this boy. The last time she saw him this upset was when he was teased and bullied, just from his changing and cracking voice during puberty.
"Please, dear… is there anything I can do that might cheer you up…?"
Jamie shook his head, still averting his gaze. "There's nothing you can do… This is all my fault…" He buried his face in his arms, running his fingers through his hair before grabbing several locks. "I screwed up big time…"
Rosalita sighed dolefully. "Jameson, it's going to be alright-"
"No, it's not gonna be alright!"
She stepped back with a wide and startled glance from his sudden outburst. Jamie's arms dropped to the counter as he looked up at her. More knots tied within her, no longer seeing emptiness within his eyes. They were now fueled with anger and frustration; not towards her, but to himself.
"Luna was counting on me to do this show with her! Everyone was counting on me! And because of my mistake, I let her down! I let them all down! And after tonight, Luna will probably never speak to me again! She's the first true friend I ever made, and I'm gonna lose her! And for what?! A stupid piano recital! I just-! I can't-!" Letting out a bitter groan, he took his leave from the kitchen to the basement.
Rosalita stood in forceful silence, taking in the boy's verbal discharge before he disappeared from her sight. The last thing she heard was the loud and brutal slamming of the basement door that even made her heart almost jump out from her chest. She was left alone with only her thoughts, knowing that even she couldn't help him.
Was this recital really worth losing a friend?
Jamie locked himself in the sound room and plopped down before the piano with a heavy huff. The weight of guilt grew heavier on his shoulders, regretting his lash out towards Rosalita. But how could she understand what he was going through? There was nothing she could do for him at this point. He was alone to suffer the consequences he brought upon himself. The fissures of his inner being let out the steam of his heated anger, only to be left with his misery. Staring down at the black and white keys, the urge to play out his loss and turmoil took control. The boy found it difficult to express his feelings through words, but he found a better way to let out his frustrations: through music.
The first coming to mind was Queen's It's a Hard Life: the song of a man who blames himself for his own heartbreak for falling in love with a woman. She didn't love him back, and he knew it. Although his predicament had nothing to do with heartbreak from love, Jamie felt it was the closest and relatable song by the band he idolized.
Pulling himself together with a few deep breaths, he positioned his fingers on the correct keys. Just as he was about to start the song's strong and dramatic beginning, his fingers slid off the keys and fell into his lap as if his hands went limp.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to play. After backing out of performing one of Queen's most iconic songs with Luna, her friends and her family, Jamie no longer felt worthy to use one of their songs to let out his lament. If the man he looked up to and shared the same golden voice with was looking down at the boy right then and there, witnessing all the pain he's caused, he would shake his head with detest and tell him the same thing.
"It's poetic justice…" Jamie said to himself, letting out an uneasy chuckle to this realization, dropping it back to a deepened frown. He was now lost with no guide.
Without the stride of the band that fueled him, he had to find another song to express himself with outside his favorite. In a regretful recourse, there was one that came to mind. This time, he brought himself to place his fingers back on the keys, no matter how much it tortured him.
Allowing his sorrows take control of his hands, he caressed the keys like a cat kneading, starting with a soft melancholic introduction. His fingers climbed up and down the keys like they were dancing on a grand staircase of musical notes for all to hear, but there was nobody around to hear his pain. Jamie yearned to sing, but was overwhelmed by a strong throbbing lump in his throat. He parted his lips to push out his voice, only for choked up breaths and gasps to escape. He simply stared off at the wall before him, visualizing the words appear before him, letting the piano be his voice.
Yesterday… He heard from the large instrument, each singing key being a lyrical syllable. All my troubles seemed so far away… Now it looks as though they're here to stay… Oh, I believe… in yesterday…
The song was perfect… too perfect.
Going into the second verse, the blend of bass and treble clefs grew stronger as well as the internal torment of Jamie's mistake: prying him to see Luna's tear-stricken face and hear her last departing words. It was as though his rib were closing in on his lungs, crushing them to force out a much-needed cry.
Suddenly… I'm not half the man I used to be… These words rang his heart like a church bell, knowing them to be true. He felt smaller than ever, undeserving to have a friend like Luna Loud or anyone like her in his life. There's a shadow hanging over me… Oh, yesterday… came suddenly…
The guilt was too strong, overpowering him and finally breaking the dams. His vision grew blurry with fat bitter tears. They ran down his face and splashed onto the keys. Though he was blinded, Jamie continued his dance with what seemed to be his only remaining companion to play out the chorus.
Why she had to go? I don't know, she wouldn't say… The singer boy grit his teeth on the verge of emotional exhaustion, keeping the sad melody at the steady but strong forte. He was going to finish, no matter how much it hurt. He had to let it out. I said something wrong… Now I long… for yesterday… His fingers climbed down the keys, settling the song down to a quick diminuendo. With the last few bars of the score, he pawed the last sustaining high notes and let them fade until there was nothing left to hear…
All but his quiet gasps and raspy sobs.
Jamie's trembling hands slipped away from the instrument's teeth. He dropped his head, staring down at what he could see were the keys wet with his tears through his soggy peer. Struck with saddened fatigue, he couldn't bring himself to play anymore. Without the voice of his piano, he was truly alone…
