The Curious Case of Dean Winchester

Crowley is seated at a table in the main room when the rest of the group wakes up.

"Morning."

"Good morning," Juliet replies cheerily.

"Oh, God, you're a morning person," Balthazar groans.

"Why do you care? You're an angel; you're an all-the-time person."

"I still hate morning people," he replies. "Where do your brothers keep the scotch?"

"Balthazar..."

"They don't keep anything good," Crowley interrupts. "Craig?" he offers, creating a glass and extending it to him.

"We're going to get along fine, you and I," Balthazar says, sitting across from him and the glass. He raises it in a mock toast before raising it to his lips.

"It's a little early, isn't it?" Adam asks.

"Have you met them?" Ariel replies.

Adam opens his mouth to respond, but is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"What now?" Juliet asks.

"One of yours, Crowley?" Ariel turns to him curiously.

"Oh... holy Hell, I'm in trouble," he murmurs, turning to the door and crossing himself.

"That's blasphemy," Cas reprimands.

"If you were in my position, you'd want help from all sides too," Crowley snaps.

"Should I let them in?" Gabriel asks warily. Crowley draws in a deep breath, then nods. The woman at the door is wearing jeans with a button-down and a blazer. Her hair is blonde and curly.

And she's glaring at Crowley with so much anger in her eyes it makes even the ultra-confident King of Hell quake.

"I should have known I'd find you here. Anytime you go missing, it's always, 'Winchesters. Winchesters. Moose. Winchesters. Sam. Dean. Castiel. Moose'," the blonde snarls. "Anytime Hell can't find it's leader, it's a safe bet the Winchesters are behind it. Them and their pet angels," she adds, marching down the stairs.

"Liza-" Crowley says, but the woman makes a noise that stops him dead.

"You disappear into the blue, with no word, and didn't come home all night. There were demons crawling the earth searching for you everywhere. I led several search parties myself. Then, about five minutes ago, this lower-class chaos demon tells me he heard you were going to the bunker. Imagine! Me having to hear your whereabouts from a chaos demon. So I headed straight over her to see if the Winchesters had you locked up again, even though I know they're over in No-where-ville, Oklahoma."

"Liz..."

"And what do I find?" she asks over him. "You. Getting all chummy with three Winchesters and four of Heaven's greatest hits. Drinking scotch with the Titanic angel. Did I miss anything?"

"Elizabeth..."

"Any excuse? Any?"

"Not a one."

"Well, you're not an idiot."

"I have a question," Ariel announces. "Who are you?"

"This is Elizabeth... she's my wife."

"You have a wife?" Gabriel asks. Crowley nods.

"Not that it seems to matter anymore," Elizabeth replies coldly.

"Doesn't matter? Lizzie, it always matters," Crowley protests.

"Then why didn't you tell me where you were going so I didn't have to wonder if you were lying dead somewhere?"

"We'd had a fight. I figured you didn't want to hear from me."

"Coward. You were afraid to call me," she replies, but some of the venom has drained away.

"I am a coward. I'm always afraid that one day, you're going to realize you deserve better."

"I do deserve better."

"I know."

Elizabeth glares at him for a moment.

"Smooth talker," she tells him, like it's the rudest thing she can think of. "Once a salesman, always a salesman."

"Force of habit, love."

Elizabeth continues to glare, but her anger is rapidly fading.

"This always happens, you know. You do something stupid, I get angry, then you pull out some smooth line and I forgive you like the idiot I am."

"You have too much heart for a demon, love."

"See, there it is. There's the line," Elizabeth sighs, shaking her head. "Meet me at home. We'll finish this conversation once I tell Hell you're alive."

She disappears and Crowley sighs in relief.

"You have a wife?" Balthazar asks in disbelief.

"Don't go spreading that around. Bad for business. Ta," he replies, snapping his fingers, and disappearing.

"Did you know about this?" Gabriel turns to Juliet.

"Sure. None of you angels knew?"

The angels shake their heads.

"You're besties with the King of Hell?" Charlie asks in shock.

"Sure. He gave me a dog once," Juliet answers fondly.

"Crowley breeds dogs?"

"Hellhounds," Juliet replies with raised eyebrows and a smirk. Charlie is ready to respond when her phone beeps. She pulls it out and checks it.

"Oh shit."

"What's wrong?"

"My girlfriend. She's starting to worry. I should go. Say 'hi' to Sam and Dean, okay?"

"Sure. Glad we could help, Charlie," Juliet tells her. "Stop by and visit sometime. Leave the vampires at home next time though, alright?"

Charlie starts laughing.

"Definitely. Bye, bitches."

"Is 'bitches' a term of endearment?" Cas asks.

"When Charlie says it, yes."


The humans are eating lunch in the kitchen with the angels milling about when Cas looks up alarmed.

"What is it?" Ariel asks.

"Sam is praying to me. Urgently. I'll be back," he says, disappearing.

Cas appears in front of Sam in his motel room in Oklahoma.

"What is it? Where's Dean? Is he alright?"

'Well, he's alive..."

"What happened?!"

"Calm down. It wasn't a werewolf here. Get this, it was a witch. And guess who got mojo'd. Again."

"What did she do to him?" Cas bellows, shoving Sam against the wall.

"Sammy?" a soft, childlike voice calls from the doorway. "Why is the man yelling?"

Cas turns to the little blonde boy in the doorway. His confusion lasts only a moment before he recognizes the freckles and bright green eyes.

"De..? Sam... is that..?"

"Yep."

"Sammy?" the little boy asks again.

"It's okay, Dean. This is Cas. He's a child and lifting him up. "Come say 'hi'," he adds, walking back to Cas.

Dean looks up shyly at Cas through his eyelashes.

"Hi," he whispers, before burying his head back in Sam's shoulder.

Castiel looks at Sam in confusion. Sam nods encouragingly.

"Hello, Dean," Cas replies uncomfortably.

"Cas is an angel," Sam tells Dean. Dean looks up excitedly.

"Do you has wings? An' a hawo?"

"I have wings."

"Can I sees dem?"

"You can see them later, Dean. Right now, you need to go to bed."

"Otay, Sammy," Dean says. Sam sets him on the ground. "Can I has a goodnight kiss?"

"Night, Sammy. Night, Cassie," Dean choruses after Sam kisses his forehead. He darts over to the bed and climbs in.

"Let's talk outside, Cas," Sam tells him.

"Wait! Sammy, what about da monstwers?" Dean calls, his eyes wide and his lip trembling.

"I'll be right outside, Dean. I won't let the monsters get you."

"Otay, Sammy."

Sam gestures Castiel out the door. He closes it quietly behind him and turns to the angel.

"Well, this is... unusual."

"Tell me about it," Sam sighs, running a hand through his hair. "What the Hell do I do? I don't know how to raise a kid! And now I'm responsible for raising my older brother."

"There's a simple solutions. We just need to find the witch who performed the spell and make her reverse it."

"She's dead," Sam snaps.

"That's vaguely problematic. Alright, then we find another witch."

"Oh, sure, I'll just go through my Rolodex of friendly witches. That'll go fast."

"Unnecessary sarcasm, Sam."

"My older brother is a toddler! I think this is the perfect moment for sarcasm."

"Remain calm. Let me see if there's anything I can do," Cas tells him, returning to the room. He touches two fingers to Dean's head. He pulls his fingers away.

"Let me guess: wild magic?" Sam asks gruffly.

"Yes. But it should wear off. Like when we became women."

"We don't speak of that."

"I can fly us home. Maybe Balthazar knows a spell."

"Balthazar?"

"Oh, he dropped in. Flirted with Charlie, helped kill a vampire."

"Wait, what?"

"You missed some plot points. Let me fly us home, and we'll talk it over and figure out Dean's problem."

"Don't forget the Impala," Sam reminds him.

They appear in the kitchen, Dean cradled in Cas' arms, fast asleep.

"Hey, Cas, what was it?" Juliet asks, glancing up. "Oh, hey, Sam. Where's Dean?" she takes in the child. "Who's that?"

"It's Dean," Cas explains shortly. "Brothers, sister?"

The angels move quickly to the trio.

"Lay him out, Cas," Gabriel tells him. Castiel moves to the table and gently lays the sleeping Dean across the table. The child shifts and murmurs without waking. The four resident angels gather around.

"Tell me about the witch," Ariel says to Sam.

"Uh... young woman, mid-twenties maybe? Black hair-"

"No, Sam, her magic. How did she work her magic?"

"Oh, right. Hex bags? Magic words? Is any of this helping?"

Ariel rolls her eyes.

"Humans," she scoffs. "Never mind, Sam."

"Wild magic," Balthazar groans. "We're no help," he says to Cas and Gabe.

"Ari?"

"Don't rush me, Gabe. I'll get there when I get there," she snaps. Finally, she draws back from Dean. "I can cure wild magic, if the spell is cast with malicious intent or a violent spell. This is not a harmful spell, and, from what I can tell, the witch cast the spell defensively."

"So, he's stuck?"

"Not necessarily. If you can find a witch, they could reverse the spell," Balthazar tell him.

"The let's go find a witch," Sam says.

"That's not so difficult. Just call your resident witch," Balthazar replies. "Summon Crowley."

"No," Sam says firmly.

"Sam," Juliet says warningly.

"I don't trust him, Jules. I know you two are all buddy-buddy. But I don't trust him around a defenseless baby Dean."

"So you're going to leave Dean like this?"

"I'm going to find a witch to fix him."

"Sammy?" the quiet voice asks, blinking confusedly at his surroundings. "Why you shouting?"

"Hey, buddy. Sorry I woke you."

"Where'd we go?"

"This is our home... Let's get you to bed, okay?"

"Otay, Sammy.:

Sam picks him up and carries him to his bedroom. By the time he lays Dean down, the boy is unconscious again.

Sam is about to leave the room when he notices Dean's porn box.

"I should definitely hide these."


At midnight, the bunker is silent, aside from the normal creaking and settling of an old place.

That's when a scream rings out.


A/N: Chapter title is season 5 episode 7, when Dean and Bobby have a run-in with a he-witch that ages them.

SO, what's the opinion on married Crowley? I'm kind of excited for Queen of Hell.

Oh my goodness! What's going to happen? Will Dean be okay? Who's screaming?

Who knows?