sOk…..I got get this outta the way before anything else, I am not a sexist or racist person, like the previous chapters, the jokes made in this fan fiction, are made for comedic purposes only, and if you believe there is something really offensive, don't hesitate to tell me.
Disclaimer: what makes you think that anyone apart from SEGA would ever own Sonic and co.?...apart from drugs
Chapter 8: Time For A Change
"TAILS…FOR GOD SAKE, YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE" yelled Sonic at the two tailed fox who stood defiantly in front of the blue hedgehog
"Look Sonic" said Tails "I've made my decision, and that's what's gunna happen……nothing else"
"Yeah……but a sex change…..don't you reckon that's just a bit too much"
"I agree with dipshit on this one" said Sonic's conscience "what's so wrong with your life that makes you wanna get a sex change anyway….did you kill someone or something?"
"No" said Tails "women just live better lives than men, and I want a better life"
"For god sake" Sonic said again "AMY!"
A loud "WHAT!!!!" came from the kitchen
"Get out here Amy" called Sonic "I need your help"
Amy emerged from the kitchen, "what's wrong?"
"Tails" said Sonic's conscience
Amy looked at Tails, "what about him?"
"he wants to get a sex change Amy……talk him out of it would ya?...I'm getting no where with him"
Amy glanced at Tails, who just nodded to confirm Sonic's statement, she then walked to the couch, sat down, and patted the spot next to her to tell Tails to sit there
Tails sat next to Amy and looked at her, waiting for her to ask the question he knew she was going to ask
"Ok Tails" said Amy calmly "why do you want a sex change?"
Tails was silent for a moment "I'm envious of your lifestyle Amy"
"Envious?...why"
"Girls just have it better off than boys do Amy……and you know it"
"Oh come on Tails. Don't be stupid……..how is a woman's life better than a man's?"
"You really want me to tell you?" asked Tails
"Sure I do, because I'm an expert on living a girl's life, so I could point out any mistakes you make"
"Yeah………well….to begin with Women can get sex anytime they want"
"Oh come on Tails" said Amy "is that all you got?"
"You got all day?" asked Tails, indicating that he indeed have more
"Sure do"
"This should be interesting"
"Well………
Women never have to buy their own drinks at the bar
Women urinate sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when they're drunk
Women get out of speeding tickets by crying
Women get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage
Women can sleep their way to the top of the class
Women can marry rich men and then not have to work
Women never have to pay when they go out on dates
Men take women on all expenses paid trips and all women have to do is sleep with them
Men light cigarettes for women
Men hold the door open for women
Women are cuter
Women pout better
Women lie better
Women are better manipulators
Women always end up sleeping in the bed when they fight with their other halves. The guy gets the couch
Women always have food in the fridge
Women don't worry about losing their hair
Women always get to choose the movie
Women don't have to mow the lawn
Women don't have to take out the garbage
Women don't have to paint the house or walls
PMS is yet another excuse to bitch at men
Women can dig their way out of anything, not just dig themselves deeper into a hole
The men unlocks the women's side of the car first - a real bonus when it's cold
PMS as a legal defense for murder
Men are like tiles: lay them right the first time, you can then walk all over them forever
Women can masturbate more times in one day than men
Multiple orgasms
Women don't have to constantly adjust their genitals
Cosmopolitan
Sweat is sexy on women
Women never run out of excuses
Guys may get to think about sex 200 hundred times a day, but women could be having it that often
Doggy style – that way women get to watch the movie too
Women get expensive jewelry as gifts that they never have to get back
And women get any candy and jewelry all the time because men screw up so often
Women are cleaner
Women have more than one erogenous zone
Women are better arguers
Women don't always have to think with their genitals
Massage!
Women are better parents
Women never have to sit alone on a weekend night
There is never a shortage of ready willing and able men
Women are flexible
When women get mad they don't destroy property or people they just take it out on the world in general because women can
Menopause – thank god women are not capable of having children after the age of 50
Menstruation as just another excuse for women to say no to sex
Men in uniform
There is no penis envy
Women can roll over and go to sleep after they masturbate because there's no mess to clean up
It generally takes less to get women drunk
Women have a higher tolerance to pain
Women often get to cut in line
Most women actually look good in short shorts – men don't
Women don't wear underwear are considered sexy and while men do and it's considered rather disgusting
Women have mastered civilized eating. They don't embarrass friends or make loud bodily noises in public
Women can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting – thank god for long pants and perfume!
Women can connive me into doing their homework; writing their papers or carrying their books anytime they want
Men walk on the side of the footpath closest to the road, so if a car swerves onto the footpath, he gets hurt first
Women sweat less
Women smell better
When a women makes their boyfriend mad. They don't have to spend money on flowers or cards – sex fixes all
Men are more often the serial killers and rapists
Women don't get the humor in the three stooges
Women have 3 accessible holes
Women don't get embarrassed when buying tampons
Women are better gossips
Women have better fashion sense
Women are better shoppers
Women don't have to make a fool out of themselves to impress a man
Women's friend don't pick on them if they aren't sleeping with anyone
Women know how to fake it
Men don't know what 'girl talk' is all about (and never will)
When women are sitting on a goldmine, they know how to use it to their full advantage
Women don't have to drive when on a date
An ugly woman can use make up and get a new hair-do and become presentable. Ugly men are just ugly men
Women can use that old 'that mark on my neck is from a curling iron' line
Women look better naked
Women know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing
When women are short, they are petite. When men are short, they are just short
Women do less for violent crime
Women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up
An oblong vegetable is all women needs for a good time any night
Women's conversations consist of more that just: 'uh huh, yep, ok then, bye'
Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood
The remote control is not an extension of themselves
Women are sexier
And finally……….. Women can get sex ANYTIME, ANYWHERE and ANY WAY they want it"
Amy sat there stunned. As did Sonic and his conscience
"Wow……I never knew my life was so……………..so………………so………….."
"It's PERFECT" shouted Tails throwing his hands into the air "now you know why I want to be a girl"
"Look Tails……just think about it for a second……a man's life isn't all that bad either. I mean…………you've been a guy everyday of your life so far……….why change it?"
"Yeah Tails" added Amy after Sonic's conscience "there's gotta be plenty of great reasons to be a guy……….uh…….right Sonic?"
"Of course there is"
"Oh yeah." Said Tails "like what?"
"Ok then…well……….
A 5 day vacation requires only 1 suitcase
You can open all of your own jars
You don't need a support group to go to the bath room
You can leave a hotel bed unmade
You get extra credit for the smallest act of thoughtfulness
Sex means never having to worry about your reputation
You don't have to shave below your neck
If your 34 and still single, no one notices
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat of your car
Chocolate is just another snack
Flowers fix everything
You can eat a banana in a hardware store
One mood all the time
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
You never feel compelled to stop a friend getting laid
The world is your urinal
With 400 million sperm in one shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 loads, in theory at least"
There was a short pause
"Is that all you got?" asked Tails
"Well……at the moment….yeah.. That's it."
"That's nothing compared to what I just said Sonic"
"Yeah……I know"
"You wanna know what sucks about being a guy?" asked Tails
"Not really" said Sonic
"I do" said Amy "I might understand your problem better"
"Ok then" said Tails
Tails begun his reasons as to why a man's life sucks
"External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs
Even if you get your head stuck in an industrial wood chipper, you not allowed to cry
Ribbed for HER pleasure…..not yours
You have to wear ties
You can't flirt your way out of a jam
Women and children first
"Wow…..I never thought a man would have so many problems"
"Come on Tails…don't do it…………who am I gunna hang out with?"
"You can still hang out with me Sonic…I'll just be a girl"
"But I don't hang out with girls" said Sonic
"You soon will be" said Tails "I'm having the sex change"
"Tails…." Said Amy softly
"Huh??"
"Whatever you do……….. I'll stand by your decision……..besides………….I could always use some girl company around here"
"Thanks Amy" said Tails who then gave Amy a hug
"God dammit Tails" said Sonic's conscience "you might as well get your self a new nationally while you're at it"
"…….actually Sonic……that's not such a bad idea…………Amy……..wanna help me decide what nationality to be?" asked Tails
"Sure……….I've always wanted a foreign friend"
"Uh……ok…….what about French?"
"French?"
"What are some good reasons for being French Amy?"
"Uh……oh…….well:
When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
Experience the joy of winning the world cup after the first time, after drugging the competition
You get to eat insects
If there is a war you can surrender really early
You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films
You can test your nuclear weapons in other people's countries
You can be ugly and still be a famous actor
And people think you're a great lover, even when your not"
"Hmm….that's ok…….what's another nationality?"
"What about American?" suggested Amy
"Hmm…….ok……..let's see………good reasons for being American……………………………………
You can have a woman president without electing her
You can spell the word 'colour' wrong and get away with it
You can call Budweiser beer
You can be a crook, and still be president
If you have enough money you can get elected to do anything
If you can breathe, you can get a gun
You get to be really obese
You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made, and no one ever notices
You get to call everyone you've never met buddy
You can think you're the greatest nation on earth
When you're not
At all
Beats being Canadian
"They're some pretty good reasons I guess" said Tails
"How bout English" suggested Sonic's conscience
"English……you mean British English"
"Yeah"
"Hmm…….what's good about the English Amy?" asked Tails
"English………uh let's see:
Warm beer
You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
Spotted dick
You can accept defeat graciously after losing major sporting events
Union jack underpants
Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
You can live in the past and still believe you are a world power
Bathing once a week – whether you need it or not
Ditto changing underwear
Beats being welsh
Or Scottish"
"English doesn't sound too bad…………but what else is there?"
"How about Italian?" suggested Sonic
"Hey……yeah…Italian…….Whad'ya think Tails" asked Amy
"Hmm…..Italian" pondered Tails "lets see……..what's good about Italians?...oh….I know:
Italian
In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
Not embarrassed to wear fur
No need to worry about tax returns
Glorious military history prior to 400 AD
You can wear sunglasses inside
Political stability
Flexible working hours
Live near the pope
Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
Country run by Sicilian murderous"
"Italian doesn't sound bad either" said Tails
"How bout New Zealand?"
"Uh……ok……….what's good in New Zealand?" asked Tails
"……………………………………………………………………."
"……………………………………………………………………."
"Ok………..how about Indian?" asked Sonic
"What's good about India?" asked Amy
"Too easy" said Sonic's conscience
"Ok then…..please explain"
"Well………..there's
Dosai
Chicken madras
Lamb passanda
Onion bahji
Bombay potato
Chicken tikka masala
Rojan josh
Pappadams
Chicken dopiazza
Meat boona
"I think you should go have some lunch Sonic" said Amy
"…….what about welsh then?" suggested Sonic
"Welsh"
"You're kidding right?"
"Uh….of course I was…….heh heh……….what I meant to say was…………..uh……………..I…………I uh…………………….oh, Irish"
"All right then" said Amy "know anything good about the Irish?"
"Let's see" said Tails "well……….there's:
Guinness
18 children
You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
Pubs never close
No one can ever remember the night before
Stew
More Guinness
Eating stew and drinking Guinness in a pub at three in the morning after a large bout of sectarian violence
"Eh……that's more for men" said Amy
"Sounds good to me "said Sonic
Amy and Tails ignored Sonic's comment
"What's something different?" Asked Tails "something………uncommon"
"South African?" suggested Sonic's conscience
"Hey………now that is good……..there's some cool stuff about South Africans" said Amy
"There is?" said Tails "like what?"
"Well….." began Amy
"…………Being able to win the world cub rugby the first time you enter the competition
Get to eat raw dried meat, and call it a treat
Stable and politically safe economy
Think that gays only live outside the country
Having a flag that looks more like Joseph's Technicolor dream coat
Having 11 official languages and only being able to speak one
Having an ex-convict as your president
Having one of the most honest postal services in the world
Being able to charge tourists to visit places of unrest
You can drive drunk
"Uh…….I knows…………I like to be surrounded by technology……..South Africa just isn't right for me"
"How's about Canada then?" asked Sonic sarcastically
"Yeah…you could be Canadian"
"Well….might as well think about what's good about them then"
"Allow me" said Sonic's conscience
"It beats being American
Where else can you travel over 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
A political leader can admit to smoking pot, and his/her popularity will rise
Kill grizzly bears with huge 'fuck off' shot guns and then hang the skin all over your house"
"uh……..I don't think I wanna be a Canadian either………" said Tails "I don't know what nationality I wanna be….maybe I'll just stay the way I am………..I'll just get the sex change…..I'll be happy then"
Tails got up and headed to the door……….but was blocked by Sonic…..holding a very familiar handgun, which was pointed right between his eyes
"Wait a sec…….." said Amy "that's shadow's gun!"
"Tails…….you get that sex change……….and I'll put a bullet right between that genius brain of yours"
"God dammit"
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Author's Notes: now for this ending. I'll let you use your imagination as to what happens next……….once again…I'm not a racist or sexist person………I just use certain things for humor…….as would everyone else to some extent………now……. I may be making another chapter………but I might not…..you see I'm working on something new……..the first chapter should be up soonish………so watch out for that one……….. Until next time……..either in this fic….or a different one……SEE YA LATER…….TKW.
