iMind-Reader

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

Chapter 8: wrong choice

Sam's POV:

"What?" he asked. It was clearly an 'I couldn't hear you' and not an exclamation. I had been speaking more to myself than him.

I wriggled out of his hold and got up, fixed the back of my shirt and made my way towards the kitchen as if I was on a death-walk. Savoring every moment and every step towards the fridge I usually run to. I opened it up. A heavenly glow radiated off of the tiny light bulb at the top.

My keen and recently starved nose picked out exactly where the ham was hiding.

I reached down and put a hand on the chunk of meat. I stopped when I heard his voice.

"Why is it that… why do I stop you from needing meat?" he called out to me.

I stood there for a moment, perplexed. Then I shook it off, "It doesn't matter anymore." I told him, and myself.

"What?" this time it was the exclamation kind of 'what'.

"I'm eating meat again." I said turning around. I lifted a slice of ham to my mouth and bit in as proof.

I swore I saw disappointment cloud his face before I was completely sucked into the meaty world I hadn't visited in a long time.

Satisfaction flooded through me. I closed my eyes as I let the sensation spread from my taste buds out through my entire being. I was relieved, exhilarated, fulfilled all at the same time. It was the best feeling ever.

well, the second best.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the ham, studying it, then up. My eyes adjusted as I studied the boy on the couch. Suddenly the satisfaction I felt was drained.

I just never make the right decisions, do I?

Like when I told everyone Freddie never kissed anyone, then when I went out to see him on the fire escape, and then when I agreed to… and we… then he said… and I felt…

what was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah, bad decisions. Like when I was so hungry I ate that can of garbage goo! Wait, noting happened, so never mind.

"Sam?" I heard Fredweird's voice and I realized how long I had been drifting off into my own thoughts. I hoped I hadn't made some weird faces or anything.

"What is it Fredwad?" I asked, rather harshly.

He looked down, dejected. A wave of guilt hit me, but I did my best not to let it show.

"Nothing" he replied defensively.

Hummmmmmm…

He got up, "Well, the movie's done." He announced.

Hum………hum…

He turned to look at me, "So, I'm gunna head home."

Hum…hum…hum…

"Yeah, Okay" I said in monotone.

Hum…humhum…she doesn't care…hum…hum…

The inside voice which I had grown unfamiliar with made me jump a bit. I stepped towards his retreating form to hear more.

"You're welcome." He practically whispered, pained sarcasm layered each syllable.

I don't know why I even try…

"Freddie…" I couldn't make myself say it loud enough to be heard. I don't know why I'm always held back when it comes to him. Why do I always do this? Push him away…

She won't ever know…

"Freddie" I said a little louder, but he was too focused on opening the door.

how much she means to me…

"Freddie." This time I knew he heard me, he had to, but he kept going.

and how much I wish we could be…

The door closed, leaving me begging for answers. The weight of what he had just thought hit me like a ton of bricks, making me literally fall to my knees. I stared at the door, wide-eyed.

It was as if I chose meat over Freddie.

And he was so… upset.

I looked down at the ham I still had in my hand. For a second I felt like throwing it on the ground and stomping all over it. My familiar coping emotion, anger, subsided quickly as I gazed at the innocent meat slice.

I let out a mournful sigh, still on my knees I sat all the way down, slouching where I was. I felt like I was falling into the floor with the emptiness I thought this meat was supposed to get rid of.

I raised it to eye level.

"Well… you're all I have left." I told it before taking an unsatisfying bite.

I know! Sad! But now Sam heard something REALLY important! And when there's a low point that means there's a farther way up to reach the high point right? And that's all the more rewarding. YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE DEPRESSINGNESS OF THIS CHAPTER!! YAY!!

Well, to say the least, you guys are awesome. Oh, and also SO DRY ICE!

I fell predictable for saying that… oh well, I'll just go with dependable, how 'bout that?