Chapter 7 of Dear Life, I Hate Chuck Bass
Author: Isabelle
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Blair wakes, the last thing she can remember is falling asleep the night Serena came back to New York. But apparently it's 18 months later. She's no longer Nate's girlfriend, Serena is remorseful, and Chuck Bass… is in love with her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl.
A/N – My BETA, Tati, deserves an award because she BETAs super fast and never complains. Love her!
--
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
Mother Theresa
They say that time behind bars is time to reflect. Time to see what you can change about your life. Dear diary, that is crap.
The 59 minutes I spent behind bars served as a time to get angry. To boil all that anger and repressed emotions at myself and at the world and just stew with it.
I'm so angry at him, at me, at the Amazonian on his bed, at the world. I just wish everything would explode. I can't think of enough bad things to call him.
I got a bit creative, so I began to experiment with his name.
Mother-Chucker (hehe)
Basshole (love it!)
At the same time, I avoided the hairy large woman next to me. She kept eyeing me, but I just glared ahead.
I'm not going to lie, I got very inventive during those 59 minutes.
Ways to kill Chuck Bass:
Run him over with his limo
Tie a permanent cock-ring on him
Strangle him with his scarf
I kept going. It made the time go faster, dreaming of his face filled with pain as these things happened.
"Was it because of a man?" The hairy woman asked.
I stiffened. Why was she talking to me? Why couldn't I have gotten a private cell? I heard about solitary confinement being a bad thing – that would so not be a bad thing.
I ignored her. I pretended to be French.
"Or a woman?" She was sneering.
Ugh, dear God, I HATE Chuck Bass.
"Excuse me?" I snapped.
"You heard me." She sucked on her teeth. Ugh.
I rolled my eyes. "A man. A boy. A bastard."
"All three in one?" She asked.
I nodded stiffly.
"They usually are. My man left me for a one legged Hungarian," she commiserated.
That's awful! I grimaced.
I looked over at her. Maybe the one-leg was shaved?
"Blair Waldorf?" The guard came and I let out a loud breath. "You're out – no charges pressed."
No charges? I tried to kill a senior citizen!
I blinked at him, confused as hell, as they lead me away to get my belongings.
After I argued with the man that handed me my things (because they had totally scratched my new purse), I stepped outside to find The Basstard lounging outside his limo. He stared at me as he attempted to not be amused.
"Don't you dare say a word," I snapped as I came closer. I was limping because I lost a shoe. I still don't know where it is.
He studied my appearance.
Granted, if I hadn't had a hissy fit as they attempted to cuff me, I wouldn't have ended up looking so disheveled. I stopped the hissy fit once they threatened to charge me with resisting arrest.
"Eventful day?" He asked.
I swear I will kill him.
"I will kill you," I hissed.
"I'm guessing you think this is my fault," he drawled, still amused.
"Of course it is!" I yelled. People stopped to stare.
"You're welcome. For getting the woman to drop the charges," he replied.
"What are you talking about?" I demanded as he opened the door to les me in the limo. I got in, of course. I can't get in a cab – God knows they don't clean the carpets in those things.
He slid in after me and gave my address to his driver.
"The poor old woman you nearly killed," he smirked.
"What, did you sleep with her, too?" I snarled.
He laughed and I glared.
"So, today I slept with lesbians and senior citizens… Wow. There used to be a time when I slept with women who actually wanted me." He looked at me sideways. My stomach jumped. "You've ruined me good."
I let out a breath. "Please, you've probably slept with how many women since we got together?"
He brought up his hand and made a 'zero' gesture. I stared at his hand and then smacked it away. "Don lie to me! I just went to prison because of you!"
"You were not in prison-"
"I had a hairy woman tell me about her one-legged boyfriend!" I yelled.
"They're quite friendly in there." He was still smiling and looking at me with something akin to pride and admiration. I blushed.
Gosh darnit, why did I have to blush? I was supposed to fume and attempt the hit and run with the limo.
"You would know!" Was all I could manage.
Because I found myself buying the story about the lesbian and the granny and DAMMIT!
The limo stopped. "Get dressed, I'll pick you up in two hours, we're all having dinner."
"All we who?" I demanded, crossing my arms.
He began counting off. "Serena, her leech, Nathaniel, his leech, and you and I."
"That's a lot of leeches," I answered.
"Not everyone can be as incredibly perfect as you and me."
I should've blown him off. I spent 59 minutes inside a cell next to people who don't shave because of him.
But he called me perfect, so I reconsidered.
--
"So you went?"
I really don't like this woman. She always begins with 'so you went', 'so you kissed him', 'so you like him'. She's entirely one-dimensional. No one is that perfect. Unless they're fictional.
"Yes."
And I always answer with a 'yes'.
So something is definitely wrong with me also.
--
He was there two hours and five minutes later. No, I didn't spent five minutes waiting for him. I wisely spent those five minutes listing ways to ruin his night, like he'd ruined my day. And to think that I went to his place with the specific purpose of re-enacting our own Breakfast at Tiffany's. Trench coat, cat masks and all!
This time he did bring flowers. I shifted as I stared at them.
"I figure, I have to keep you happy – I heard you had a bad day," he smiled, handing me the bouquet. It was all white and it reminded me of weddings and dancing and apologies.
A spark hit and I looked at him, stunned.
In the face of… and then the memory was gone. Flitted away.
"Did you…"
"Blair?" He was looking at me with concern.
"I… I think I just remembered something," I said softly.
His eyes were wide, a panicked excitement shining in them.
I stared at him. He looked good in purple. "I miss your bow-ties," I told him, touching his ascot tie. He was looking down at me.
"You remembered something," he said.
I turned, smelling the flowers happily before giving them to Dorota. "By my bed," I told her.
When I turn to look at him, he was slightly happy. As if he were restraining himself.
"You said something to me…" I said softly, coming closer. "You were…" I grasped for it. "… in a tux and it was a wedding."
He was studying me, being patient, for once.
"You said… 'In the face of'…."
"True love," he continued, becoming excited once more. "You don't just give up."
My breath left my body.
"Even if the object of your affection is begging you to," he finished softly, his eyes a soft hazel brown, his lashes long and inviting.
Dear life.
Oh, dear life, I'm so in love with Chuck Bass.
--
"So-"
"Yes, I love him. Ok?" I snapped.
"So you love him," she smirked, and I fumed.
My revelation would be a dream come true for some girls. Not for me. This is a disaster. He's so going to break me.
"You seem more terrified than ever," she observed.
"Did you love your husband?" I countered.
She flinched for a millisecond, but I'm Blair Waldorf and I quickly caught it.
"Then you understand my apprehension," I explained.
--
Now I don't know what to say to him. I had a Cher-like revelation, and I have no idea what the hell to say to him. How to act. What to wear. Should I be more friendly? Smile more? Call him 'baby'? Somehow, I think he would hate that.
"Why are we doing this again?" I asked neutrally. That was a good way to start. Nothing different. Stay cool, Sodapop.
"Mingling with the masses?" He asks, inspecting his cigar. "Because Serena is my sister, and Nathaniel is my best friend, and they have odd taste."
"Don't smoke," I told him. "The smell will get in my hair."
He raised his brow and chuckled, putting the cigar away. My heart fluttered happily when he listened.
"Does anyone know of my afternoon of un-traditional activities?" I asked, shifting ½ inch closer.
"Everyone," he stated plainly.
I was chill. Stay cool, Blair. Stay cool.
"WHAT?!" That thought went out the door.
"Gossip Girl blast. I must admit I downloaded the pictures of you getting cuffed."
I smacked him.
I don't love him any more. It's right back to disgust. All's right in the world!
--
"I have been trying to call you all afternoon!" Was the first thing Serena said to me as she hugged me and held me to her.
I couldn't see and I was pretty sure I swallowed a blonde hair.
"Serena, I need to breathe!" I gasped. Chuck was the one who pulls her back.
"Where you really arrested?" She asked.
I groaned, rolling my eyes. "It was a misunderstanding – all cleared up now."
'Dan' seemed amused, along with 'Vanessa'. I avoided Nate like the plague.
"Where's your phone?" Serena asked.
"I got rid of it," I said with a straight face despite Chuck openly showing off his own smirk. "It was time for a new one. I gave it to charity."
"To some senior citizen' organization." Chuck put in. That bastard!
By now the entire group was staring back and forth between us – completely lost. I liked it that way.
--
By nighttime, we were sitting close to each other in the VIP area on a black love seat.
"Are you ever going to tell me the story of Cassandra?" I asked snippily.
He smirked. "Are you sure you want to hear it? I mean, I don't see your target choice here, but I'm sure you, in your rage, can find a senior citizen."
I smacked him.
"Fine. Ok. Over a year ago – before you and me, I did have sex with Cassandra, one of the Victrola managers. That's when I realized she was a lesbian and told her so – she hadn't come out of the closet herself. I ran into her while I was with another woman some months later, and the other woman, Kelly and her ended up hooking up. They let me watch once. So they were my friendly lesbian couple… It's because of them that I got involved with Victrola. She showed up today because they've broken up so she went to me for advice."
I eyed him. I mean, I knew about Chuck and his sexual adventures. Everyone did. So this didn't really surprise me. What surprised me was how nonchalant he was over the entire thing. Most guys would be drooling at the prospect of a lesbian beauty casually going to them for advice on their ex-lover. Not Chuck.
"And you're not turned on by all of this?" I asked, skeptically.
He smirked, touching my chin. "No."
"Why not?" I demanded.
"'Cause I've got you, babe," he said softly, and I melted into a puddle of goo.
We lounged casually next to each other, watching Serena and Vanessa dance a bit as Nate and Dan shared a beer, and I turned to study his profile.
"What happened next?" I asked.
He stared at me. "After the random sexescapades and make-outs?"
I nodded, smiling.
He swallowed, looking towards Dan and Nate. I instantly felt his body stiffen.
"You went back to him," he finally said.
I followed his line of vision and spotted Nate, laughing at some joke Dan had made. I studied Nate for a moment. I thought back on our relationship. I honestly believe I haven't had as much fun with Nate in all the years we were together as I've had with Chuck in the time I've been with him. He made me feel light and beautiful and free and cherished, and I decided that I loved myself at the moment.
Dear life, I love myself.
I love me. I love how I laugh, how I'm free, how I flirt, how I bitch, how I seduce. I turned and stared at the man next to me, who was looking at me curiously.
He made that happen. I realized at that very moment that since the moment he kissed me all those weeks ago in the hospital and told me he loved me, I've been unable to think of anyone else other than him. His eyes, his mouth, his smirk, the way his eyes turn a warm honey brown when he stares at me with admiration and encouragement.
I thought back to the day he took me on our first 'date', when he ordered for me even though I refused, the confession in the limo, the way he took me back to the beginning when everyone was unwilling to do so, the way he held me after he found out I hated my body, his jokes in the church, the way he made love to me—in an elevator out of all places! The way he graced my mother with compliments, the way he sits, the way he laughs, the way he can make me laugh and smile, the way he brings out the best and the worst in me.
"I love you," I said, and the moment I did, it registered on his face. I realized this was the very first time I had said these words to him.
I touched his face because he had turned into a living statue.
"Say something," I whispered.
He kissed me then, wild and passionate, burying his hand in my hair and I was grateful we were on a couch because once more I was melting and rising all at the same time. And then my hands were on his hair, his shoulders, his back, his face, and I'm pulling him into to me – regardless of who was watching, who was around – and just enjoying him and the feeling of ecstasy that he incurred in me.
That's when I felt a figure looming over us.
He was the first to notice and pulled me up, glaring back at Serena.
"Sister," he growled, very annoyed, as I attempted not to smile. I was still holding onto his jacket, evidence of being ravaged written all over my face.
"We're leaving," She said.
Chuck looked at me and smirked. "Shall we stay or shall we go?"
"Blair's sleeping over, remember?" She snapped to Chuck. "Though I'm sure you planned it that way."
We looked innocently at her, and I decided that this was a fun game to play. Annoy Serena by making out and then outsmart her by involving her unknowingly into our little plots.
"Of course you did." She rolled her eyes and then walked away.
Chuck and I shared a devious smile that made something funny happen to my stomach… Like butterflies.
--
When it happened, it happened in a very calm manner. We were all piling into the limo as we left the club and Chuck turned swiftly to kiss me once more so that we wouldn't make everyone else nauseous. I was once more so flustered and slightly dizzy from his mouth that as I got in the limo, I banged my head. I banged my head the way he had banged it some days before.
I blinked and, before I knew it, it was all dark and I heard people talking over me. I could definitely tell it was Chuck who was holding me, but all I could say was 'ouch'. And then I was out.
--
I debated over my outfit five times before I decided on a navy blue gown, which in the back of my mind I hoped he would like. But never out loud. Never.
Never mind that we had been avoiding each other since we woke up together. We were avoiding each other like the plague. Because he hadn't said what I needed him to say and because he was deathly afraid I would demand it from him. And he was right.
We had actually gone back to being quasi-friends. Having dinner, talking, involving each other in out plots, etc. Then, one stupid night that we were feeling especially needy, it happened. Everything was right; we had even made it on the pages of US! New couple alert, it had said, and the butterflies in my stomach had fluttered happily.
But now he was avoiding me. Granted I was avoiding him too but I preferred to say that it was all his fault.
Yet all this avoiding and closed-mouth on his part was flooding my mind as to what exactly he felt towards me. I had paced, talked to no one because Serena was too busy being a bitch and Queen S to listen to me and my doubts. Jenny was the only person I had who was even remotely close to a friend at this moment, and she was having 100 issues of her own.
Her advice was 'Well, you know him better than anyone.' Yeah right! No one really knew Chuck Bass, what he was thinking, what he wanted, what he loved.
Naturally, I hadn't told her that I had a five-day pregnancy scare. I missed three days of school, avoided all human beings and decided if I was left with his love child, I would move to India and never come back. Ok, India was a bit drastic. Perhaps Australia?
When I arrived, I skimmed around for a few of the girls that I still spoke to and I spotted him talking to Serena on the other side of the room. His eyes immediately found mine and I looked away, sharply.
I avoided him for as long as I could until Serena found me.
I rolled my eyes and waited patiently for her to say her piece.
"You've hardly been in school this past week," she began worriedly.
"Don't concern yourself with me," I told her and turned, but she grabbed my arm.
"B, please. I don't want us to fight anymore," she said, and I could hear the plea in her voice.
"That's rich!" I snapped. "I already apologized to you, and you threw it in my face. Now you expect me to accept your apology?"
"Dorota called me, she's concerned." She was in my face now, but I stubbornly avoided her eyes. "Says you were… you know."
Yeah, I know. I know all too well.
"Everyone is worried about you, Blair. Nate is, Jenny is, Chuck is-"
"Tell him not to worry," I said before I could stop myself.
She paused and studied me.
"You two care so much about each other. Why don't you just talk it out?" She pleaded. I shifted because I had so much riding on my shoulders the past few days that I felt I was close to breaking.
"He and I don't matter anymore. Besides, I finally got my period today, so any connection we might've had is severed," I said, again, before I could stop myself. Because the truth was that I desperately missed my best friend.
She was staring at me, wide-eyed. She pulled me out onto the patio and turned me to her.
"You thought you were pregnant?" She asked, clearly in shock. "Why didn't you come to me?"
I wrenched my hand from hers.
"Why do you care, anyways?" I growled.
"You're my best friend, of course I care!" She hissed.
We were staring at each other.
"Chuck?" She finally asked. I nodded, looking away, and that's when I noticed she wasn't asking me, but asking him. He was standing behind me looking… shocked, hurt, vulnerable, and completely and utterly pissed off.
"Chuck!" I said, turning to glare at Serena. "You knew he was here!"
"I didn't!" She defended herself.
I didn't care, I didn't want to talk to either of them, so I began running through the party – trying to get out, trying to get as far from there as possible. Australia was sounding nicer and nicer.
It wasn't until we were outside that a strong hand grabbed my arm and pulled me to him.
I pushed myself off him.
"Get off me, Bass!" I cried out to him.
"You thought you were pregnant?" He hissed.
"What do you care?" I yelled, pulling at him.
"You said you were on the pill –"
"I didn't think I was going to make another mistake with you!" I spat, and I regretted those words the moment they left my mouth.
"A mistake?" he growled.
"Yes! Because I was weak, because I gave into you and your emotional growth stump!" I yelled.
His face shifted, and I saw pure, unadulterated anger emanating from it. Before he even uttered a word, I knew he would hurt me beyond repair. "You know what? Get pregnant! I don't care! I don't care what happens to you! My life was much simpler and happier before you ever came along! I'd like to forget you and never think of you again! I wish I could rewind my life to before I ever kissed you, before I ever held you, and before you broke me! Then I'd find some peace."
His words burned me, burned in my eyes because I loved him. I loved him more than I had probably ever loved anyone, and now he didn't want me back.
"Which explained why you've been avoiding me." I spat.
"Oh, that's rich! Me avoiding you." He countered.
I felt like barfing.
"I thought things were different," I said, blinking back my tears.
"Well, things change. You obviously don't care about yourself – and I'm not going to wait for you forever." He turned from me.
"Chuck-" I started, because my throat couldn't work anything else out, and he wrenched himself from me, not even bothering to look at me, stalking away and getting into his limo.
I watched the black car drive off and there went my heart.
"Blair!" It was Serena.
"You and your family stay away from me," I told her, my voice low and dangerous.
That was when I began walking. My feet hurt, but they were not as crushed as my soul. I just walked and walked. Until I thought I was going to pass out.
I can't remember honestly if I crossed the street without looking, or if I looked and welcomed it, but the next thing I knew, I was in a hospital.
--
So it must come to you as no surprise that finally, after weeks of no memory, I blinked and stared ahead. He was there once more, watching over me, and the only thing that I could think of telling him was "I remember."
His face fell and so did mine.
Dear life, when did you become so very complicated?
--
To be continued
A/N - The next chapter is the last so do let me know what you think - I always appreciate hearing your thoughts on the story :)
