Hephaestion

I am told by Clitus that I must attend the wedding party tonight

Alexander demands it

Gods why does he torture me

It is the first time I have seen Clitus since last night

I do not know how to act

I am ashamed

I have betrayed Alexander

I want to do it again

Clitus was probably telling everyone that he had finally fucked me

If word ever got to Alexander

My heart picks up

I feel hot

It's hard to breath

Clitus looks at me

"Whatever you're thinking in that head of yours STOP" he exclaims

"Alexander will not know Hephaestion"

"I will take it to my grave"

I run to my water bowl and throw up

He hands me a towel

"I will meet you by the entrance, like I always do"

"Please do not cut yourself, you can do this"

He walks out

There is no way I can go without cutting myself first

Anxiety

My hands are shaking

He will know

You have betrayed Alexander

I kneel on the ground

Sitting on my feet

My knife in hand

My arms look horrific

Slashes on top of scars

I need to stop

There is no way I can hide these

One more time

I straighten out my arm

Holding my arm in place by my hand under my knees

I feel excited

I push the tip of the knife into my flesh

I exhale

Pulling down to create a line

The blood flows

The pain is what I deserve

Unlovable

I cry out

Releasing the feelings of guilt, anxiety

I wrap my arm with cloth

Containing the blood within its fibers

I dress in Persian clothes

Long sleeves, pants

I try to brush my hair

I have been neglecting it again

Mats are forming

It had finally grown some

Resting on my shoulders

I use my knife to saw away at the mats

Doing damage to the back

I do not care how I look I just want this night over with

I am ready now

I walk down to the wedding party

I see Clitus waiting for me at the entrance

He meets me half way a look of concern on his face

"Hephaestion, your hair" he says with concern

He takes my head and hugs it to his chest

Running his hands through my butchered hair

Holding my head in his hands he looks into my eyes

Questioning my frame of mind

I push his arms away

I look down at the ground

"I am well" I lie

We walk to the wedding

Every once in a while I feel his hand on the small of my back

Guiding me

"You are expected to greet her" Clitus leans down and informs me

"Then I can go?" I whisper

He squeezes the back of my arm

I walk up too them

Sitting together smiling

I bow to her not looking her in the face

"Who this" she asks, her Greek is primitive

"This is Hephiasion, my love he is one of my General's" he informs her

I cringe when he calls her "my love"

"He is also one of my closest confidants" he adds

I look at him, he is smiling

He winks at me

I smile a crooked smile

I do not have the strength to form a full smile

"You will stay till the end" he informs me

"I need to speak with you"

I nod "Of course"

My heart sinks I cannot sit here all night

I feel the panic rising

I walk back to Clitus and wait for the night to be over

Alexander

Roxanna is leaving

I tell her I will be there soon

Kissing her good night

I search for Hephaestion

He looked like shit when he introduced himself

His hair seemed shorter again

His eyes wild

I am reminded of his breakdown

Does he do this on purpose?

This drama every time he does not get my full attention

He knows I need an heir

He can be so selfish and demanding

I see him standing near Clitus

Jealousy takes over me

I do not like them being friends

I am all Hephaestion needs

I wanted to comfort Hephaestion he looked so distraught when he came in

Now I am angry

I walk to the circle of men talking and drinking

They congratulate me

I ignore them

Taking Hephaestion by his arm I pull him out from the circle

"Come with me" I growl at him

Pulling him off to the side

I see Clitus walk towards the edge of the circle watching us

This only pisses me off more

I am the son of Zeus, the King of Asia

Hephaestion is mine and I will do as I please

I shove him away from me almost pushing him to the ground

He stumbles

"Alexander?" he looks at me questioning my aggressiveness

The men are watching

"I invite you to come celebrate my wedding with me to and you show up looking like you are attending a funeral" I shout at him

Anger flashes across his face

"You did not ask me here Alexander, you demanded it, why do you need me here to witness your love of another" he screams back at me

I look over and see the surprised looks of the men watching

How dare he embarrass me in front of them

I punch him in the mouth

He looks at me with those eyes full of hurt

Spitting out the blood

I feel rage building inside me

I walk over to one of the men watching, leaning on a walking stick

I take it from him and turn back towards Hephaestion

His eyes widen with the knowledge of what I am going to do to him

I swing the cane and hit him across the back of his legs

He falls to his knees covering his head with his arms

I cannot see straight

I swing over and over until someone takes the cane from me

It is Clitus

I look down at Hephaestion

He is curled up protecting his head and face from my blows

I am immediately ashamed

What have I done?

I rush towards him kneeling beside him

"Hephaestion, Phai, I am so sorry Please forgive me I did not mean it" I cry

He is rocking back and forth and does not look at me

He is somewhere else

"Please Alexander, leave him be" Clitus pleads

I am ashamed

I look around and everyone is watching

I will talk to him tomorrow

He will forgive me then

Tomorrow he will forgive me

Hephaestion

I hear Clitus saying my name

He is kneeling in front of me his hands on my shoulders

"Hephaestion get up, can you get up?" he asks

I nod and stand

The back of my legs and my back are screaming

Everyone is staring

Clitus takes me by my arm leading me out quickly

He takes me to my room

Slamming the door behind us

I jump

"How dare he treat you this way" he screams

He comes towards me

Pulling my tunic up off my back

He lets out a breath

"Oh Hephaestion" he cries

I know what my back must look like

I have suffered this before

"I am all right Clitus" I try to comfort him

Pulling my tunic back down

"What can I do?" he asks

He has been so kind to me

I think of our night together

Does he love me?

I am overwhelmed with need

I need him to love me

I kiss him on the mouth

"Hephaestion you can't be serious" he exclaims

I do not understand what he is saying

Sex is love is it not?

Sex is everything

Alexander has taught me this

Sex is I am sorry

Sex is I trust you

Sex is I need you

Sex is I love you

Sex proves it all and says it all

It is the only thing I have to give

I kiss him again on the mouth lingering waiting for his response

I wait…Does he love me?

Clitus growls and pulls my tunic off

Reaching down my pants he pulls me to him

Running his hands up the back of my legs and up my back

I inhale sharply as he manages to touch every bruise Alexander inflicted

He stops

Taking me by my upper arms pushing me away from him

"I can't Hephaestion" he says sharply

"There is nowhere I can touch you that is not bruised or cut from your own hand"

"I do not want to hurt you"

I do not understand what he is saying

I lean forward towards him trying to kiss him again

"Stop" he barks

"It has been a long night we both need to rest" he says more gently

I blink as it registers what he is saying

He does not want me

Unlovable

I nod

"Go to bed Hephaestion it has been a long night" Clitus tells me as he walks to my door

I remove my clothes and crawl into bed face down and I am asleep within minutes

Alexander

I wake up with an instant feeling of guilt

I go directly to Hephaestion's room

He is lying on his bed still sleeping

His back and legs are covered in bruises

Long bruises

I am overwhelmed with guilt

I walk over to his bed sitting on the edge

Waiting for him to wake

It is not long before he stirs

"Alexander?"

He sits up slowly sitting on the edge of the bed with me

His forearms are wrapped in cloth his thighs have multiple slashes

He is still cutting himself

I take his hand in mine

"Can you ever forgive me Phai? I ask

"I do not know what came over me" I beg

Hephaestion takes my hands in his

"Alexander, I will always forgive you" he whispers

He is looking down at our hands

I do not know what I did to deserve him

"Why do you forgive me I do not deserve it" I tell him

He looks me in the face now his blue eyes reaching my soul

"Because I love you Alexander, I am nothing without you"

I touch his face

I kiss him

Slow

Sucking and nibbling on his lips

I hold the back of his neck with one hand

Holding his mouth to me

Kissing him

I stand without breaking the kiss

As I stand in front of him he takes my cock and circles his tongue around the tip

He spits on his hand and runs it up and down my cock as he sucks on the tip

Gods he was good at this, better than Roxanna

Not as good as Bagoas, I need to get them together

Hephaestion and Bagoas

I almost cum

I pull my cock from him then move towards him again

Herding him farther onto the bed

He lies on his back and I lay next to him on my side

He faces me and I pull him closer

Hugging him

"Show me you love me" I tell him

He kisses my mouth running his hands over my body

Sucking on my neck under my ear

Working his way down to my chest

Licking my nipple sucking it, licking it

He moves to the other doing the same

Working his way down

Taking my cock again in his mouth

Moving his mouth up and down my cock

He sucks on one of my balls

Then the other

Back to my cock

I lay on my back watching him work

Groaning as he sucks harder, faster

I sit up moving towards the edge of the bed

He follows me with my cock still in his mouth

We stand together, kissing

I lead him back towards the wall

Running my hands up the sides of his body

Aware of his bruises but not caring

"Face the wall" I instruct him

He turns around holding himself away from the wall with his hands

I encircle his waist and push into him

He grunts as I shove my cock in to the root

Pulling out then thrusting back in

His hands are clutched into fists as he holds himself away from the wall

Taking each thrust

Proving his love for me

I take his cock in my hand and begin to stroke it as I pump into him

Building speed

Building

I cum

He leans his forehead onto the wall

I pull out turning him so he is facing me

He winces as his back touches the wall

"I do not like how close you are getting to Clitus" I inform him

His face goes from shock to despair

I touch his face he can hide nothing from me

"He is my friend Alexander He protects me" he says softly almost to himself

"Protects you from who Hephaestion? Me?" I ask feeling the anger creep in

I see tears building in his eyes

Why the tears for Clitus

It makes me angry

"I will have no one Alexander if you take him from me" he pleads

"You only need me Hephaestion, I will protect you, I will comfort you, I will satisfy you"

"I am the only person you need, you will separate yourself from Clitus" I say this with a tone of finality

I take a handful of his hair pushing his head into the wall

My face inches from his

"Will you defy me" I ask bouncing his head off the wall to make my point clear

"No Alexander I will not defy you" he submits

"Good" I smile and kiss him

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