A/N: Hi! Hope your well. Thank you again for all the lovely reviews, PM's and follows and favourites it really does mean a lot that you all like this story.

Okay just a quick note. I know Edith and Anthony hug a lot in this story. But who doesn't like hugging? Besides I wouldn't want to give poor Anthony a heart attack. No seriously let me explain I am far to English and prudent to even write a love scene between them. Really its pathetic I know but I don't write things like that very well. Maybe if I feel more confident about my witting later on I might write one. I don't really write kissing scenes very well either so I'm sorry if it's rubbish. Seriously I'm so English I feel terribly embarrassed for even writing this so I'm just going to apologise profusely whilst drowning my head in a large cup of tea!

Anyway I'm going to shut up, here is chapter 8. Not so depressing hopefully?

Thanks for reading!


Edith laid in bed next to Anthony unable to sleep. She didn't know what time it was but she presumed the middle of the night as it was still dark. She glanced over at her husbands back feeling guilty. She hadn't told Anthony the news and she wasn't sure why. Would it be too much pressure? Anthony's health was still in question and she was so very worried not really sure how it had all happened. Was this a sign that they were meant to be together? That he would get better? Everyone would say Anthony was too old and she wouldn't make a good mother, if only she could silence those thoughts for a minute. How would her and Anthony fair in all of it? Would she lose the baby again? She closed her eyes hoping the answer would come to her. At first she thought she had fallen in love with him because she was so alone but now she knew it was so much more than that. She knew now it was because they needed each other and now she was ready to let someone love her for the first time in her life. Not getting any rest she sighed turning over in bed. Anthony had been sleeping very lightly when he felt the mattress shift slightly. She had been tossing and turning for a while and he turned to her. She was sat up on the edge of the bed, her head resting in her hands. Something was on her mind and he spoke sleepily unsure of how loud his voice would be in the silence.

"Are you alright dear?"

"I didn't mean to wake you I'm sorry.

Edith said almost jumping as she turned to face him, she thought he was asleep. He looked ever so tired and she felt guilty knowing how much he needed to rest. He reached across and touched her arm lightly feeling the last moments of sleep slipping away. Feeling cold Edith turned back into bed fussing with the blankets not feeling comfortable. She knew she was really distracting herself to not look at him. He knew something was wrong and she sighed laying on her side to face him as he spoke smoothing out the blankets.

"I do wish you'd tell me whats on your mind."

"Oh it's nothing."

"It's not nothing if it's keeping you awake."

He said his eyes, adjusting to the dark he saw her watching him. He knew she was worried about having children, he didn't really have to ask. She had seemed distant and jumpy ever since her return from the village that morning. They could have children and he was happy but slightly worried. It's not that he didn't want to be a father he always had wanted to be but it just got pushed to the back of his mind and the thoughts of a family were happy ones but ones that were glossed over with fear. How would they ever raise a child if he was unwell? Would he even be able to raise it right if he was well? He had never been very good with children when ever he had looked after them, why would it be different with his own children? What if he died before they even got a chance? His head felt like it was going to explode with all the questions and the room was spinning as he meet her stare wondering why she didn't want to talk about it. Clearly the visit to the doctor had brought it all up again and he watched her with sad eyes hoping that soon they could just be happy. Edith sighed twisting her hands together under the blanket. She had to tell him. Why was she even so worried?

"Anthony do you still want children? I know it's difficult but do you?"

"Of course I do more than anything but clearly now isn't the right time that's why we are having problems."

"But what if we have a child at the wrong time? How will we know?"

"My dear if we are blessed with children then how can it ever be the wrong time?"

Seeing she was still unsettled he turned on his back and opened his arms that she crawled into gratefully. She had felt so alone and unsure but now with his arms wrapped around her she had never felt so safe before in her life. Anthony kissed her forehead feeling her arms round him their breathing slowly becoming in sync. He looked up at the ceiling as the sound of thunder could be heard in the distance, a flash of lighting filling the room before the sound of rain pelting the window broke the silence. He stroked her hair as she rested her head on his chest just listening to his heartbeat. It scared her so much and she knew she should make the most of their time together and looked up at him.

"Anthony?"

"Yes Edith."

Not hearing an answer Anthony finally looked down at her but her but she didn't seem sad and he was so very confused as she shifted slightly to look at him better without straining her neck. She was so very unsure of how he would feel. She took a breath and spoke again as calm as she could manage watching his face, watching for an expression.

"I didn't exactly tell you the truth earlier."

"About doctor Clarkson? Was he not sure?"

He considered putting the light on to see her clearer but then she laid back down and he didn't want to disturb her. Why had she not told him the truth? Edith wanted him to be happy. She wanted them to be happy. This is what he needed something more to fight for and she knew he could do it. They both could. As she rested her head back on his chest he held her tighter. Yes, now was the right time.

"Oh no he was quite sure. He said... well...Anthony he said I'm pregnant."

He felt shaken to pieces. He couldn't look after her. Would she understand that he couldn't be a father, that he was too unwell, should he even try? Closing his eyes he thought about it all. If he went away and left Edith's family to take care of her then she would never have to worry about him and she wouldn't be stressed. She needed peace and she needed a strong husband. He could feel his chest going tight realising he could never be the man she wanted and he had been foolish to think otherwise. What a silly game he had played with them all. Her family would hate him and he would be shut out forever. What kind of man leaves his family they would say. A dying man. No one had said it out right but he could almost hear their thoughts, the sad looks. Oh god. Edith needed her family and...he stopped him self. He was her family now and he should start acting like it no matter how scared he was. Feeling everything spinning again he lifted her face to his and kissed her tenderly and the relief on her face was evident as she settled back down in his arms shutting her eyes as he spoke in an almost whisper.

"I think we should take this as a sign that things are going to get better and we're going to be alright."

"Are you happy though?"

"Oh Edith you've made me the happiest man in the whole world, the happiest man amongst all the planets and stars..."

He trailed off closing his eyes too, listening to the rain and feeling Edith's warmth next to him. Yes, he had to be well again. To be the man she needed. It was with a smile he realised there was no longer two of them but now three of them and he was so very excited to meet his child, their child. To meet this new person they had created wondering if it would look like Edith, whether it would be like him. It would not be easy but nor did he want it to be, how then could you appreciate it all? It was such a heavy price to pay to sacrifice him self, to be so selfish to shut everyone off, it wasn't worth it. He would not let his illness destroy his life. Letting his thoughts die away he soon fell asleep. Both dreaming about their future family, both sleeping well in each others arms waking in the same position when the darkness turned into day.


Mary wasn't exactly sure how she found herself alone with Anthony in the dinning room over breakfast but she wasn't really bothered about making an effort. He was ever so boring and things had seemed tense between him and Edith. She knew she didn't even have to try to make trouble because Edith would destroy it all without even trying. She spoke quietly, aware that Carson was lingering behind the screen at the end of the room.

"I heard your dinner party in London had a few problems."

He looked up from the paper that he had laid over the table. He had barely heard what she had said and then realised that cold icy stare on her face. This was an attack but he knew he had an advantage. She would not expect him to know what happened so he looked up her pretending not to know a thing as she smirked bringing the tea cup to her lips. He had at first not believed all the stories Edith had told him about Mary but now staying in this house for the first time saw it all. It made him feel awful to even consider what Edith had been through. He wasn't sure why she had to keep trying to ruin things and he decided that he should find out. Maybe he could help to put it right.

"I'm sorry?"

"People talk you know? Apparently Edith did not exactly behave as she should."

"Some people had too much to drink yes but Edith handled it very well. She told me what happened and if you think for one minute that you..."

"Oh well your very trusting Anthony. I mean you were upstairs resting with a headache was you not? Most husbands would not be so trusting. So understanding."

He stopped every idea in his head, his blood running cold. Edith had told him the truth he was sure but what had she really said. He looked away into his tea that had now gone cold trying to remember the conversation. It was just a kiss. Was it though? Like he had said it was enough for her to hide it from him. He wanted to get the thoughts out of his head but he couldn't. Anthony's devastated face met hers and she knew she had won. Anthony felt sick about it all. Edith had made love to him that night, that's how she got pregnant surely but what if...no he wouldn't. Still the thoughts crept in weaving the web of doubt in his mind. What if this baby, his only hope for something more wasn't his? He glared angrily at Mary who just seemed perfectly normal with a look of peace on her face. She had no idea of the magnitude of what she had just done. Edith entered the room feeling blissfully happy until she felt the atmosphere, something felt very wrong about it. Before she sat down she went to kiss Anthony's cheek but he stood up abruptly before heading towards the door not looking at her. Unable to not only because of the doubt but because of the guilt for not believing her.

"Excuse me."

He said before slamming the door. Edith stood horrified. With Anthony it always seemed one step forward two steps back. Though she knew this wasn't about Anthony anymore. She glared at Mary as she stood calmly and made her way to the door. Edith was pretty sure she had never felt so angry before in her life. Mary wasn't really paying attention making her way out of the room too busy thinking about the look on Anthony's face. She felt someones cold hand on her arm that violently pulled her to one side. The look in Edith's eyes scared her slightly but she just held her head high trying not to look too afraid. Why did Edith even care for Anthony so much? Edith spoke in a whisper fearing she might actually kill her sister.

"What have you said?"

"Nothing that isn't true. I wouldn't feel too bad Edith it does run in the family."

It was then in that shocking moment Edith felt everything fall away. This is what it always came down to and now she saw the full picture. Mary wriggling free of her tight grip made her way towards the door. Edith felt sick, is that why Anthony couldn't look at her? She sighed wanting to just go back to bed. This would not happen. Her and Anthony were just about getting there she wouldn't let it go. Mary was now at the door when Edith spoke again freezing her to the spot. Scared wasn't a word she word normally use when talking about Mary but it all had become clear and she had never felt so bad in all her life.

"I'm sorry about Pamuk. You must have been really scared. I was foolish and I didn't know any better. I mean that I really do."

"You've made your bed Edith now you have to lie in it just like you made me lie in mine. I hope it's just as uncomfortable for you as it was for me."

Mary shot back with an icy tone and a dark stare before she slammed the door. Edith lent against the wall feeling everything spinning. She knew now Mary would never accept her apology but suddenly she didn't care. The anger, the fear had blinded everything and she knew she had to find Anthony before the thoughts had a chance to become more than that, before they became doubts.


"I'm going to pick them up from the menders for you today sir."

Anthony's valet said not meaning anything in particular as he watched his master nod thoughtfully as he looked in the mirror. Anthony turned to him for a moment trying to remember what he really called him for. The tiredness seemed to cloud everything but not only that but Edith. God he was so foolish, the look in her eyes. He was sure he had ruined it all but he just had to get away. Poor Edith how she had ever managed Mary he wasn't sure and how he stopped himself from saying something terribly rude he wasn't sure either. Suddenly remembering what it was he wanted to talk to his valet about he went to speak but was unable to when the bedroom door flew open his wife marching in hands on her hips. He pondered it for a moment hearing her speak, there was something strangely attractive about it.

"Brown will you leave us for a moment please."

Doing what he was told not wanting to be told off he quickly left the room shutting the door on his way out. Edith suddenly lost all the confidence she had earlier and was feeling tired from running up the stairs. She couldn't let him think all the terrible things he was thinking. Anthony watched her carefully she didn't seem her self and she seemed awfully nervous. Why he wasn't sure. He felt so bad, of course he knew she hadn't done anything but something had happened that had shook her so badly. Was it the thought of losing him? Surely not. He looked down at the carpet hearing her talk but it almost didn't sound like her. She was rushed and nervous, unable to get her words out.

"I don't know what she told you...well I do but you can't believe her. You have to trust me I would never do anything like that to you and I..."

She trailed off fearing her point was not getting across. What she would give to take it back. She would give anything to have him believe her. Meeting his eyes she saw the way he was looking at her and she wasn't sure what the look meant. Anthony, fed up of all the expectations and built tension, crossed the room closing the space between them quickly until he was just mere feet away from her. She looked up confused. What would he say now? Would he be ever so angry?

"Anthony I really..."

"You mustn't say another word."

She looked up at him feeling like her heart was beating out of her chest realising how very close her was to her now. He lent froward and kissed her his hands at her waist. She had at first thought after a few seconds he would pull away like he normally did but he didn't. She pulled away leaving them both shocked at how much they had missed being together. The feeling of his hands ever so foreign. Hearing her say his name he spoke quickly his head feeling funny. Why couldn't she see that they were all sorry and they mustn't dwell on it? They must move forward or in some other direction, it didn't matter as long as it wasn't backwards.

"Anthony?"

"Edith please let me try to be your husband."

Is that what he thought? That she didn't see him like that? She stared at him wondering if he had always wanted to kiss her like that, hold her like that. She of course had always wanted him to but could never say so, could never tell him for fear he would feel inadequate or not right in some way. She wrapped her arms round him pulling him closer not really sure what she should do. She wasn't overly experienced even after a year of marriage. The only person that had ever kissed her like that was John and the memory still burned her, what she would give to erase and it and replace with the person that was supposed to be there, her husband. He brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face feeling nervous, his mouth dry. They had been together so very close before but it had never felt like it was truly wanted and he wanted that more than anything. He wanted her to feel wanted, he wanted to be wanted. He watched her hearing her talk.

"Then let me be your wife. We have to stop being so afraid of each other."

The honesty of it all made him feel strange like a whole year of unspoken words and misinterpreted conversation had finally lifted and he was so very glad but surprised that this was all it had taken. Even if they were alone in her bedroom in the middle of the morning he decided that he should stop worrying so much, isn't that what being ill had taught him? Edith knew the old Edith would never let her husband kiss her, not alone in her room when anyone could walk in but she had started not to care, he was so very close to her now and that was an improvement on the miles that had seemed to be between them lately. It was so very quiet and all she could hear was their breathing. He closed his eyes hoping that it would not feel too forced that she would enjoy his kisses more than she had ever enjoyed anyone elses kisses. He opened his eyes again finally meeting hers, only centimeters away.

Edith wondered if his heart was beating as fast as her she felt his shaking hand on hers first before he grazed her cheek with his fingers. She looked up at him feeling his warm breath on her cheek. Why had it always felt so unnatural before now? Is is what it felt like to have someone love you completely? She had seen him a thousand times before now but she felt she was seeing him in a completely different way and for the first time, she saw him as her husband and she felt she might go mad if he did not kiss her soon. Anthony finally pulled Edith to him and covered her mouth with his in a passionate kiss. It was soft at first but Edith kissed him back letting every bit of her doubt slip away. They were husband and wife and if they couldn't even kiss each other than what did that say? Anthony let his hands slip into her hair pulling her ever closer. He felt like he couldn't breath and truly hoped she felt the same for in that moment he was not a sick man and she had not kissed someone else. They were just husband and wife and it had never felt so good before in their lives. It took a moment but both grew braver with their hot kisses opening their mouths. Lasting not even a minute they pulled apart, breathless, shocked at the new feelings and sensations they were experiencing. The moment feeling so unfinished as they gazed at each other wondering what it all meant. He lent froward and placed a quick kiss on her lips before he rested his forehead against hers. Noticing how out of breath he was she spoke quietly caressing his face not wanting to go back to where they had been before.

"Are you alright?"

"Edith my dear I didn't think that I would ever enjoy feeling breathless until now."


Anthony ignored the secret glares from Mary as he smiled happily at his wife sat beside him at dinner. Things were finally falling into place and he had never felt happier, now he just had to concentrate on getting better. He was sure he could do it with his wife by his side with the promise of a better life, the promise of a family. He never knew how much it would mean to him. Cora watched the happy couple from the other end of the table. She didn't mind at all that they were having their own conversation almost whispering. She sighed and wistfully looked at her husband. She hoped people still envied their love, their marriage. Tomorrow would be the Charity event and then soon after Edith would leave and go to Anthony's. Her home now. How exciting, she thought, it must be to have your whole marriage ahead of you. She dismissed her thoughts smiling at the couple catching their eye so she could involve the whole table in her conversation.

"I meant to say Anthony there will be a few of your old friends from London coming tomorrow."

"How thrilling."

Mary said rolling her eyes annoyed that no one seemed to be paying her attention anymore. Robert sighed looking at her for a moment wondering if she truly was thrilled or if it was sarcasm. He guessed the latter and looked down at his dinner plate the conversation having stopped everyone unsure how to handle Mary's comment. He spoke looking up at Anthony smiling slightly glad that whatever tension that had been between his daughter and her husband had disappeared almost over night. He did worry about her a lot and he still felt like it was his responsibility to look after her even if she did have a husband now. He guessed many fathers still felt like that and wondered when and if he would ever be ready to let her go and accept she was his wife.

"Yes. Cora said one of your closest friends is coming. It escapes me now, what was his name darling?"

"John Gray dear."

Edith coughed slightly on her water and promptly put her glass back down on the table with a thud. Anthony patted her back slightly wondering if she was alright. Edith gave him a small smile feeling the blush creeping up her neck watching as her parents looked a little bemused. Edith realised Anthony still didn't know who had kissed her, who had said that he was too old. His closest friend. She felt a sense of dread she didn't know they were that close. As Anthony removed his hand from her back she could still feel the heat through her dress making her feel uncomfortable, she had never wanted him to touch her like that before. Why was it so different now and why did they have to be at dinner? She dismissed the thoughts feeling hot as Anthony spoke quietly, a little unsure as to what was going on with his wife. Did she feel it to? Did she want him too? He couldn't think about it now, not when he was looking at her parents.

"Erm...yes. Yes I was good friends with his father for a time but then he had that terrible accident..."

"Thomas Gray? Really, what kind of accident?"

Violet asked as she looked over her wine glass at Anthony sat opposite her. He met her light stare slightly confused as to why she would want to know. He felt far too uncomfortable almost as if everyone in the room knew how he was feeling, how he was feeling about his wife. Clearing his throat he knew Violet knew all the gossip and he really didn't want to be a part of that. Edith and him had enough of it for one day. Robert seeing Anthony struggling exchanged a smile with his wife before talking filling the silence.

"Really mama must you? Anthony do go on."

"There's not much of a story really, I helped him through that, his fathers death, I mean I know what it's like to lose someone. I suppose he looks at me like a father figure."

"Excuse me."

Edith said feeling even more sick then she did earlier. Clearly John did not think him of a father figure and she couldn't sit near him when he talked of him so highly. She quickly left the room feeling the pressure was too much. Anthony looked at her empty seat wondering why she had left so quickly. He hoped it wasn't because he had mentioned Maud or death, she was so sensitive to it now. He guessed maybe it was something to do with the pregnancy and decided he would go check on her if she weren't back soon. Robert stared at the door before turning back to the table mumbling quietly.

"I wonder whats wrong with Edith."

"Maybe she's just excited about tomorrow and Johns visit. I hear they get along ever so well."

Mary said smirking as she raised her wine glass to her lips refusing to look at anyone round the table. Anthony found it strange but thought no more about it. He thought it would be nice to see john again considering they had barely talked last time he saw him. He looked back at the empty chair next to him hoping Edith would be alright and that they could keep the closeness that they had experienced that earlier day. He tried to hide his smile as he thought about it. Yes it would be lovely to have that all the time.