She hears voices. Familiar voices.
"I'm afraid you all will have to leave."
"But Headmaster-"
"This is not up for debate. She needs rest."
"Sir, with all due respect-"
"I understand your concern, but I cannot-"
"She is my fucking sister!"
Yang. That's Yang, isn't it? She wants to call out to her. To tell her everything's alright. But her eyes are glued shut and her limbs filled with all the lead in the world. She is frozen in darkness, nailed down by gnawing fear.
The monster under her bed crawls out of her nightmare. She can feel it slowly dragging its formless body on top of hers. It has been waiting for years. After the first taste of her weakness, it's decided to claim her.
"That's precisely why you are kept out."
They must be mere meters away, yet all she can hear is the wolf howling in the back of her head. The ashen taste of flaming wood and fear, fear, so much fear in the air. Claws sharper than knife cutting through her soul, drawn by the smell of her despair.
"Professor Ozpin, she's slipping!"
"Glynda, with me. Port, escort them out, please."
She can feel it burrowing its way through her nostrils, her ears, even her closed eyelids. Like smoke. A darkness only she can sense.
"It's okay. You are okay now."
She is cursed. Everything she touches withers. Don't they understand?
"Hear my words, and come back."
They don't understand. They can't help her.
She hears a horrible scream. It sounds like her own voice. But how can she scream without opening her mouth? How can she do anything when she is buried deep within the beast?
"Come back to us."
The voice is persistent, patient, and commanding. It is a lightning cutting through the storm. It is a hand that pulls her out from the belly of the beast. She is a leaf twirling in the current. There is nothing she can do, fighting it or following it.
Another horrific scream, and is that explosion she hears? The sounds are all confused and distorted. A tree falling to the ground. A house crackling in the night. A sweet lullaby half-remembered and half-imagined. A lighthouse in a cave.
"Come back."
I'm so sorry. Her mother kneeled by her bedside when she was fast asleep. It was raining in their home. A kiss light as petal rested on her forehead. Raven needs me.
She had known she would never return. Yet she made the choice. Cloaked with the moonlight, she had stole into the night, leaving everything and everyone behind.
Come back. She had pleaded thousands times since. Into the forest where they used to traverse, into the stars who listened to her gentle lullaby, into the fading scent of clothes that would never be worn.
And who was ever there to answer?
A gentle light touches her. It is foreign, but not at all unfamiliar. It is a picture blurred by time, a song long forgotten, but one taken root so deep in her heart she cannot deny. She crawls up against the warmth and let it comfort her.
"Poor girl." As she drifts off, she hears a woman's voice. It is stern but gentle. "All these years… Ozpin, this is cruel."
"I know."
She feels a large hand pushing hair out of her face. Callous, hard, and cold.
"But what else is there to do? She is Summer's daughter."
She wants to open her eyes and ask him what he means by that. But she is tired. So tired…
"Do you intend for her to take her mother's place?"
"I hope she doesn't have to." The man replies softly. "The others haven't forgiven themselves."
She tried to be what her mother was supposed to be. The hero in storybooks. That night, years ago, when she sneaked out of bed and wandered into the forest. She thought it was bravery, but it was foolishness.
She has forced herself to forget, all the pains and despairs. And in the process she has buried the truth of herself, crushed it under the boulders of ignorance.
But she has always known it's there. Like she has always known what happened that night in the forest. It isn't just the distraught faces of her father and uncle that she remembers, not just the dancing shadow from their flame and the cold metal that bites into her limbs. She knows it like she knows her own shadow.
She knows the black wolf is still howling inside her, waiting to break free. It has tasted the thrill of the hunt, the glory of battle, and it wants more. She's afraid if she doesn't keep it in the darkness, it will rip the world to pieces.
She knows this. She knows all these all along.
"The strength within you is strong, whether or not you want it, child."
She just doesn't want to remember.
"One day the time will come…"
The words fade away like static from a snowy television screen.
She is reading when she hears footsteps coming down the corridor.
She knows she isn't supposed to be up. The nurse told her so. Even Professor Goodwitch, with a rather terrifying glare. So she hides the book under her pillow and slips into the cover as quietly and as quickly as she can.
The footsteps stop before her room. She tenses in anticipation.
Come on. Just open the door and get this over with.
Instead she hears voices again.
"This is decidingly a bad idea." Weiss hisses. "We shouldn't be here! The Headmaster said so."
"Well, you can go back." Yang shoots back impatiently, and receives a quiet reprimand from Blake to not wake up the whole school. She lowers her voice, but not her anger. "I am going to see my baby sister."
Ruby hears the handle turning.
Then it stops, like someone is stopping Yang from opening the door.
"You can see her after she's well again." Weiss argues. "You can get her and us expelled over this."
There is a small pop, like a firecracker going off inside a stone cup. Ruby imagines Yang's eyes turning red. She can swear she feels heat seeping through the door.
But before Yang can lash out at the interruption, Blake interjects.
"Well," she doesn't sound all that annoyed with the heiress, like Ruby normally expects from their interaction. Instead, she appears curious, and perhaps a little perplexed. "Then why did you come with us?"
The silence stretches on.
Ruby waits in the darkness, holding her breath. She wants to open her eyes, maybe even tiptoe to the door to hear better. But the fear of them finding out she is awake and aware of their conversation comes out on top.
What Weiss says, or doesn't say, will likely decide the team dynamic. As a leader, Ruby feels obliged to either be in on the secret or disrupt any further complication.
Also, she is extremely curious about what Weiss will say.
Weiss clears her throat uncomfortably. "I-" she begins.
Alas, another voice appears. A lower, calmer voice.
"I don't imagine Glynda will be too happy to find you girls here."
Ruby winces.
And Weiss lets out an undignified squeal from behind the door.
"Professor!" All the uncertainties melt away into panic. "This is a misunderstanding. We're just-"
"Concerned about Ruby. I understand." Ozpin interjects calmly. He pauses, in what might have been the time he takes to sip his coffee. "Still, I must insist you three return to the dormitory. Immediately."
Ruby has half a mind to jump out of bed and tell Ozpin she is the one asking them here. In hindsight, it's probably not the best idea. Her doing that will only accomplish in adding herself to the list of people who get in trouble that night.
Still, if it could shift the blame away from her team, that is reason enough.
"I just want to see my sister." Yang pleads with the Headmaster. It physically pains Ruby, because Yang never pleads. "I need to make sure she is alright."
"I understand that." Ozpin replies smoothly. "And I have been avoiding saying this, but it has gone far enough."
"Professor?"
"There are two reasons you are not allowed to see her." Ozpin says. "The first one evidently cannot dissuade you. I hope you will reflect on the second, and more important reason."
Ruby sits up on her bed. She does not like where this is going.
"You are all responsible for her losing control." Ozpin tells them. "You did not understand why you are assigned into a team. Being a Huntsman or a Huntress isn't about how powerful you are as an individual, or how well you can control your Light or Shadow trait."
"I understand that." Weiss protests. "But-"
"No. You understand nothing, Ms. Schnee." Ozpin rebuffs her harshly. "You failed at the only lesson that truly matters - supporting one another. It goes for all of you, including Ms. Rose. Have you any idea how many Guardians we lost because of this?"
Ruby's fists ball around the sheet. That's not everything. Her mom wasn't even officially a Guardian, and yet… And yet…
"Professor." Yang's voice is barely audible. No doubt she is thinking what Ruby is. "Did you… did you know? About our moms?"
Ruby shuts her eyes.
"I'm so sorry." Summer kissed her forehead. She still smelled like chocolate chip cookies and pine. "Raven needs me."
"Of course." Ozpin says, softer this time. The sorrow is barely an undertone, like a hint of life in the frozen forest. "The Council and Headmasters choose the Guardians, after all."
Ruby tries to imagine the expression on Yang's face, if only to stop herself from being overwhelmed by the emotion. The details involving Raven's disappearance were kept a secret to them throughout their childhood. They always thought it is something that just happens, like a winter storm.
Yang makes a noise that sounds half like an 'oh' and half like she is trying not to strangle the headmaster.
"Go back to your room. Think about what I told you. One day, it may make the difference between life and death." Ozpin says. "I put you in the care of Ms. Rose, and she you. It is up to you to prove I have made the right decision."
The silence that follows is shorter, but more suffocating.
When footsteps receded down the corridor, Ruby realizes she has been crying.
As she wipes the tears away, Ozpin opens the door and slips in without a sound. He doesn't seem surprised to find Ruby awake.
"How much do you know?" Ruby asks.
"Probably as much as you do." The door clicks shut behind him. "Tai may have tried to sugarcoat a lot of the facts, but I believe he has told you everything we know."
"So you don't know why mom went over?" She is still wiping at her face. She hates feeling like this, like she is five years old again and the monster under her bed is real. "You don't know where aunt Raven is?"
"Last I hear, Qrow is the only person who hears anything from her." Ozpin pauses. "It should go without saying, Summer would never have done it if there is any other way."
"I know." Ruby looks away stubbornly. She knows her mother did it to save everyone she loved. But it never got any easier. It never helped erasing that burning question. "…I know."
He watches her for a while, like he is reading a story he already knew.
"Is that why you never accepted your Grimm form?"
Ruby answers him with silence. It's not exactly because the question offends her. She just feels afraid of what she might say.
"Ms. Rose," Ozpin gives her a wry, but comforting smile. "I know talent when I see one. The fact you can't control your Shadow is not a coincidence."
Because you are afraid. His eyes seem to say. You don't want to repeat history.
Is that what it is? Fear about the Shadow?
But she has no predisposed judgement against Shadow users. Like Blake. Blake is a fantastic fighter, a sensitive friend, and a book-lover to boot. Her panther form is breathtaking, sometimes quite literally.
They will never tell anyone, but Ruby once patted Blake when she was in her Grimm form. She wasn't so fearsome then, purring under her palm and nudging her playfully. Like a cat. A humongous, deadly, but affectionate cat.
What reason does she have to fear it?
Ozpin interrupts her train of thoughts.
"I said your Shadow." He shakes his head. "I have asked before, and now I must do it again. Ms. Rose, why are you here?"
"To-" her words stumbled over one another. "To be a Huntress."
"No, Ms. Rose. That is what you are doing. Not why. There are many paths you could have taken, so why this one?"
"I just want-" she swallows the lump in her throat. "I just want to be a hero. I just want to help."
"Like how Summer was?"
His words grip around her throat, tightening like a python before it devours its prey. She struggles against it, shaking her head and pulling, pulling at air that refuses to leave.
"No."
This feels like betrayal. Because he must know but he is making her say it. And that pill is more bitter than she can stand.
"Because no one saved her."
Because no one saved me.
Ozpin says nothing to that, and gives no indication of what he thinks of her reason. However, he does speak again.
"Summer once tested 70-70. Did you know that?"
Ruby shakes her head, startled.
"It's never published, of course. And she was never tested again." Ozpin continues. "Only a selective few know. And we all would have taken the secret to our graves."
"Then why?"
"Because I am not Tai, and I need to ask you what you want to do with it."
Ruby takes a deep breath, and makes a decision that shapes the world.
