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POV: Bella, Edward
Chapter 8: Black and White
"That which is escaped now, is pain to come."
-Proverb
BPOV
Luckily, for the sake of my sanity, before I woke up in the strange house, I really had just been having a nightmare and nothing more. Of course, I wished it was all a nightmare – what Richard had done to me was still very real. I discovered that the person in the room with me when I woke up happened to be none other then the breathtakingly handsome Edward Cullen. You can imagine my surprise at that discovery, and it took me an entire five minutes and the help of Dr. Cullen and an oxygen mask to simply regain my composure and to steady my breathing.
Breathless. He still managed to leave me breathless. I swear it was a gift he had, charming women, stealing their sanity and then their control over their bodily functions, namely breathing.
I guess I must have looked completely shocked by his presence, because he immediately launched into reassurances of my safety, explaining he wouldn't hurt me, and that I was safe with him. Had I not been in so much pain, I might have laughed at him right then in there. He didn't seem to understand that I truly wasn't afraid of him – I was amazed by him. And were my condition permitting, I think I would have started jumping for joy at the thought of no longer being Richard's prisoner. I didn't delight in the idea of being saved by anyone, but I guess this was what I had hoped for. And I was desperate, and in my desperation, the idea of a saviour was manageable.
It took me a while to be able to form words, my throat had a constricting burning feeling in it, and I found it very painful to even open my mouth. Dr. Cullen had joined us, and explained that most of my normal day to day functions would be more difficult, he clarified that I had some extensive injuries that would make most things more complex, but in time I would heal and things would become easier again. He attributed the vomiting to a combination of shock and lack of sleep and proper nutrition. He gave me pain medication, and told me it would help me sleep. I figured I had been sleeping for the past few hours, but I was still incredibly tired.
After a brief examination, Dr. Cullen left Edward and me alone again, and I couldn't help but notice how uneasy Edward seemed when it was just him and I together. It wasn't long before I was nodding off to sleep, and it appeared that Edward wasn't going to be leaving my beside anytime soon.
I had questions, but they would have to wait. For now, I needed to regain some of my strength, and sleep seemed like the perfect remedy.
EPOV
I was sure she would have been terrified to see me, and given all she had gone through, that reaction would have been sensible. But as I was discovering, there was nothing sensible about this girl, she was the only person who had ever managed to completely mystify me. When she first saw me in her room after she awoke from sleeping, I could tell by the look in her eyes that she recognized me, and I was searching for the fear I was sure I would see, but I couldn't see anything beyond amazement. Still, I figured it best to assure her that I wanted nothing more then to keep her from harm, and that I wouldn't bring her any harm.
Out of nowhere she started gasping for breath and grasping at her throat. Without even needing to call out to him, Carlisle was in the room, at Bella's bedside rectifying the situation. Carlisle and I both knew I was capable of attending to Bella and caring for her and her injuries, given that I certainly had the qualifications. However, we had both agreed not to test my self-control any further – so the medical aspect of things was left to my father.
It wasn't long before Carlisle was gone, and Bella and I were alone again. Each time I was alone with her, it felt as though a magnetic wave was pulsing through my body, drawing me even more to her. That feeling was always there, however, when she and I were alone together, it was stronger then I ever thought possible. As Carlisle closed the door, I was overwhelmed with the scent of her blood, now flowing through her body at a steadier pace. It was intoxicating – the rich aroma filled my every sense, and soon my thoughts began to wander to places forbidden.
I had to control myself. I had to keep reminding myself of what Alice said.
"You aren't going to hurt her, Edward. I can see that much." There was such confidence and pride in her voice. I wondered how she was capable of being so sure of me when I couldn't even begin to trust myself.
I resolved to hold my breath, and keep a reasonable distance away from her. I wouldn't stand too close to her, but not too far either, I didn't want to arouse any suspicion, especially since as a family we had all decided that for now, Bella couldn't know what we really were, and she couldn't know what Richard really was. It would be too much for anyone to handle, and especially after all she had endured.
"How are you feeling?" I mused as she awoke from her sleep. She smiled at me half-heartedly, and reached a hand up to rub her eyes, before recoiling, I assumed from pain. I had to keep myself from growling – the sight of her in pain was enough to send me into a killing rampage.
Control yourself! You cannot allow yourself to compromise her safety like this, so get a grip! Self talk always helped calm me down, the more self-deprecating it was, and the better it seemed to work.
"I'm fine."
"Ah, so you're speaking now. Are you experiencing any pain when talking?"
"A bit. But like I said, I'm fine."
I was completely stunned at how together she seemed. After all she had experienced, she had every right to crumble to pieces, to cry, scream, rage, yell – anything she wanted to just find a release for her pain. It wasn't difficult to recognize just how much she was repressing the memories of what happened, and the thought of what happened. It's a common human response, to repress emotional reactions to traumatic situations. Finally there was something mildly human about this girl, aside from her gracelessness.
"How long was I sleeping for?" She began slowly pulling herself into an upright position with a great deal of pain. I fought with the urge to run to her side and help her, because I knew it was probably best to keep my distance and give her space for the next little while.
"About 6 hours."
"Were you sitting there the entire time?" A small smirk played on her pale white lips, and her eyes lit slightly with humour.
"Well – no-"
"Oh, Edward, don't lie to the girl! Yes, Bella, he was there the entire time and didn't move an inch. Kind of creepy, if you ask me!"
"Surprise, surprise, Alice"
"Oh, you could hear me coming a mile away, Edward!" Bella remained completely silent and watched Alice and I interact. I was annoyed that Alice had made slight reference to our exceptional hearing and even more annoyed that she had done so in front of Bella. Yes, I did hear her coming a mile away, but I couldn't do anything about it without rousing suspicion in Bella.
"Hi Bella, I'm Alice, Edward's sister!" Alice twirled gracefully and skipped to Bella's bedside, a smile lighting up her face. Bella didn't appear to be afraid, which was unusual for a human. Most of them had a natural sense of self-preservation that subconsciously told them we were dangerous, predators by nature and they should stay away. If anything, it appeared as though she was… drawn to us. So many things about this girl were unusual, and it was actually succeeding at making me feel relatively 'normal'.
Bella and Alice carried on a short conversation about our family dynamics. It appeared that despite the pain she was experiencing, and despite the trauma she had suffered, Bella was still abnormally perceptive, and immediately picked up on the strangeness of the situation of my family. I explained it to Bella as I would have explained it to anyone else, although I could hear through Alice's thoughts that she wasn't happy with the idea of lying.
I really don't like having to lie to my future best friend, Edward. This is a rocky way to begin a friendship! I don't understand why we can't just tell her.
Alice and I would have to talk later, because there was no way I could discuss this with her with Bella here, especially because to Bella's knowledge, I wasn't capable of reading minds, and Alice wasn't omniscient.
"So, how are you feeling?" Alice questioned, pulling a seat up to Bella's bedside.
"I'm fine."
Bella's answer was simple, and straight to the point. And she was quite convincing, especially for a human – especially since from what little I knew of her, she wasn't very good at lying. A human would have never picked up on how she really felt, because humans aren't perceptive enough to do so.
The corners of her lips turned down ever so slightly when she responded, and a light glassy film formed over her eyes, something vampire vision would only be able to catch. I could sense the way her body stiffened at the question, and the way her breathing became shallower and carefully precise.
But the most telling sign was the unforgettable look in her eyes, the pain that lingered behind her beautiful swirling russet-coloured eyes. It was as if a deep torment settled within her, barely contained, ready to reveal itself at any moment. That pain was so vivid, so real and so tangible that it roused in me for the first time a better understanding of the pain she must have experienced. And consequently, it awakened in me my own response.
Alice noticed immediately. She stopped speaking to Bella mid-sentence, and stared off into the distance, clearly seeing something. And then her head snapped in my direction, and her golden eyes were locked on my own, a sense of worry clear in her thoughts.
Edward, you need to find a release, but you can't do it here. I don't know if Bella would be able to handle it – and I know you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if you revealed yourself to her like this. Go! Go now! I'll stay with Bella, just go and do what you need to do.
I nodded, a gesture only Alice would have been able to notice.
"If you'll excuse me, I have some errands to run." I explained, my voice softening, a silky undertone evident. Bella looked at me, her eyes heavy, but smiled her understanding. If I wasn't mistaken, and I usually wasn't, I could have sworn she almost looked sorry to see me go; it was as though my presence was soothing to her. Again, I found myself cursing my luck for not being able to read her mind – it was frustrating, infuriating and magical all at once.
As I left the room, I looked back at Bella, and realized, once again, that she was beautiful beyond explanation. If I could have been left breathless, I would have been.
BPOV
I had already spent an entire week with the Cullen's; during most of it I was drifting in and out of sleep. My mind seemed to be extremely restless, and I found it impossible to stay awake longer then two hours at a time without being overwhelmed by exhaustion.
I hadn't thought I could eat anything and hold it down, so Dr. Cullen kept feeding me intravenously, hoping to help me gain my strength back. He said that I was probably tired from lack of sleep, as well as under-nourishment. I was grateful for his help, and I was grateful that I could just sleep here, without feeling unsafe.
I couldn't really explain why I felt so safe with the Cullen's, people I hadn't known for very long, but people that had saved me from a fate worse then death. I wondered often, while awake and while dreaming why I wasn't more affected by what had happened with Richard. It didn't seem to make sense.
In the week I had spent in the Cullen household, I had met with everyone already- Rosalie, Esme, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Of course, I already knew Edward and Dr. Cullen from the hospital during my first visit. Dr. Cullen insisted several times that I stop calling him Dr. Cullen, but it came so naturally to me, and I felt as though calling him anything but would rob him of the respect he so deserved from me. However, to appease him, I made a conscience effort to start calling him Carlisle, although I found that challenging.
When I first met Esme, I was immediately comfortable around her. There was something peaceful and serene about her nature that instantly left me feeling content. She was motherly, concerned, and it wasn't difficult to tell that she was genuinely pure of heart. She reminded me of what I had missed for so long – my own mother.
Emmett had been somewhat intimidating at first, given his size and his obvious strength. But after only a few minutes with him, I felt safe and happy. He was definitely like comic relief, and he had an uncanny ability to make everyone around him laugh, even in the most tense of situations. Although, that did seem to get him into trouble with his siblings, Carlisle and Esme from time to time.
Being around Jasper was a calming experience. I immediately felt at ease around him, and my ability to open up and trust, for some reason was intensified when he was around. Of course, I hadn't shared anything personal with the Cullen's, but I felt as though if I had wanted to, it would have been okay when Jasper was near me. He was polite, although he spoke very little, and his relationship with Alice was uncanny – unlike anything I had ever seen before. They were madly in love, and it seemed as though they completed each other. I still couldn't understand why I felt so emotionally charged around him, but I didn't mind – he gave me a peace of mind, even if only for a short while.
Alice was nothing short of a pixie. She had more energy then would ever be possible for a human to have. Everything seemed to make her happy, although, occasionally, she would stare off into space like she was lost in a trance, but nobody in her family seemed fazed at all by this. I figured it was quite normal behaviour for Alice. She seemed very connected to me, like I was an important part of her life already. I hadn't spent a great deal of time with her, but she as a magical person, her spirit contagious, and her optimism endearing.
Rosalie was the most troubling of everyone. She seemed to purposely keep her distance from me, and said very little. I felt she resented my presence, but I couldn't help but notice that it also appeared as though she sympathized with me, as well. When she looked at me, there was an understanding in her eyes that was almost agonizing. It was as though she knew of the pain I was masking, no matter how prevalent it was. She could feel it, and I could tell that if anyone would understand, she would. There was such a depth to her eyes – it wasn't difficult to tell that she had demons of her own in her past.
Edward and I spent very little time together. After leaving Alice and I alone my first day there, he had been gone for three days straight, and when he came back, I was asleep, something I did a lot of during that week.
Edward had explained the dynamics of his family to me, for the second time, as best he could, although I knew he was concealing something from me. He explained that Esme wasn't able to have children, so she and Carlisle adopted kids: Jasper and Rosalie Hale being brother and sister, and Edward, Alice and Emmett all being related by blood as well. When Esme and Carlisle adopted them all, they had all found respective mates in their adoptive siblings. It was a match made by fate itself, nothing could break that bond.
He kept reassuring me that it was completely legal, and that none of them were related, and I had to explain several times that I didn't see a problem with it whatsoever, and that it truly didn't bother me.
"Honestly, I don't think it's weird at all!"
"Well, you must understand that none of the couples in this family are related by blood. The only thing that makes us related is a piece of paper that says that legally Esme and Carlisle are our legal guardians."
"Really, Edward, I'm not at all creeped out by your family. I really don't get what makes you think you're all so strange. You're really not."
"Oh, Bella, you truly are a special person. Most people… well, most people tend to keep their distance from us as much as humanly possible, but you, however, seem to be drawn to us – despite how strange we are." I scoffed at the last part of his comment.
"You're no stranger then anyone I've come across!" A now familiar grin played across his lips as he cocked his head toward me, smiling brightly. He seemed to find me fascinating, strange and unusual all at once.
"Edward… can I ask you something?" His expression softened, and he smiled slightly, a comforting gesture.
"Of course. Anything"
"Why…" I couldn't continue. I knew what I wanted to ask him, but I also knew that this was territory I hadn't ventured into the entire week I had been here with the Cullen's. I didn't want to open this up now, because I wasn't sure I could handle it, I wasn't sure I was ready.
"Its okay, Bella, you really can ask me anything." His expression was soft, inviting. I gazed into his swirling topaz eyes, and I realized that he was being sincere.
"Why did you save me?" I asked simply, my hands intertwining with the blanket that was covering me, my fingers tracing the pattern of the comforter. It was a moment before he spoke, and he seemed to be formulating a response in his head, thinking about the question intently.
"You're special. Whether you realize it or not, you're unlike most people I've met in my life, and you're special. And nobody deserves to be treated that way, nobody." He finished quickly, staring at me with such concentration that I felt as though I would melt under his gaze.
"But… you risked so much for me. Your entire family did. I don't even remember when you came to get me. I don't remember how you managed to get away from… him. The last thing I remember was humming to myself, trying to calm myself down. And then someone else was humming, too. And I felt like I wasn't alone anymore." I explained, my voice shaking, and my heart pounding loudly in my chest. I hoped I had made sense, and I hoped I hadn't made Edward uncomfortable. This was the first time since I first came to the Cullen's house that he had been alone with me – the last thing I wanted to do was scare him away.
"You don't realize it, but you're worth the risk. You're worth so much more then that, Bella. You can't tell, but you're special. I've known you for a short time, but I can already tell that you're different." His voice was low, but just loud enough so that I could hear him. My heart began skipping at his words, and my body was buzzing with nerves and anxiety.
"T-thank you." That was all I could manage. I had realized that I hadn't thanked any of the Cullen's yet for what they did for me.
"Bella, are you feeling alright? Your heartbeat is really erratic…"
"H-how do you know that?" I questioned, mentally trying to calm myself down, so I could properly carry on a conversation. There was something so strange and different about this family. There was something special about them, too. Even in the way they referenced themselves, or the slight euphemisms or jokes they made about themselves when they thought I wasn't paying attention. I didn't know what it was, yet, but I was determined to find out.
They all had the same golden-eyes that darkened sometimes, and lightened after they returned from 'errands'. They were the most beautiful people I had ever come across in my entire life – all of them so breathtakingly gorgeous that it was sometimes difficult to even look at them – Edward especially. And they seemed to know things most people wouldn't. Alice seemed to be a walking meteorologist, and Edward seemed to carry on silent conversations with various members of his family, and whenever Jasper was around, I felt my emotions shift dramatically.
I didn't know what it was yet, but there was something about these people that was different. And strangely enough, I felt as though they reminded me of someone I knew… I just couldn't figure out who, yet.
"You still didn't answer my question" I quipped, cocking an eyebrow at Edward expectantly.
"Your face flushes when your heart rate increases. You're forgetting that I've grown up with a father for a doctor. I notice these things. And you really don't see just how transparent you are. It's funny, really. You're physical reactions are so easy to read. It's your emotional reactions, the deeper and more internal reaction that I just can't comprehend." I gritted my teeth and scowled in his direction, folding my arms across my chest in mock anger. He chuckled and smiled his brilliant smile at me, sending my heart soaring, yet again.
"Hey, do you think Carlisle would let me have some solid food, today?" I wondered aloud, as my stomach grumbled loudly. My face flushed pink, and Edward began laughing again.
"Hm, you'd have to discuss that with him. He should be in momentarily, for your daily check-up."
Moments later, there was a soft knock on the door, and Carlisle walked in, as Edward exited, giving us some privacy.
"How are you feeling today, Bella?"
"I'm actually feeling better. Well enough to hopefully try some solid food today?" I said, although it was more of a question. Carlisle chuckled, pulling out his stethoscope from his medical bag.
"We'll see."
Carlisle began by checking on each of my injuries, ensuring that I was healing well, and progressing appropriately. He then began checking my vital signs, stopping occasionally to ask me questions about how I was feeling.
This had become a somewhat familiar routine, and as I healed, it became easier.
But I definitely wasn't prepared for what he was about to discuss with me. Truthfully, it hadn't even crossed my mind.
EPOV
"See, Edward, I knew you were capable. You just have to start trusting yourself. And honestly, stop doubting the psychic!" I couldn't even manage to smile at Alice, no matter how much I wanted to appease her. I didn't have it in me.
I had spent three hours with Bella today, two while she was asleep, and an hour with her while she was awake and alert. It had been a wonderful three hours, being in her presence, hearing her musical voice, and watching her live and breathe. Watching her live was fulfilling, and it meant so much to me to see her smile, laugh and simply exist. But I couldn't help the heavy dread that guarded me. It wasn't even my shame surrounding my bloodlust right now, either. It was the overwhelming sense that she couldn't continue being 'okay', that she wouldn't continue to function the way she had been.
Something had to give, didn't it?
"Everything okay, brother? You're nearly killing me with the emotional response you're having…" Jasper explained, walking into the room and wrapping his arms around Alice's waist, pulling her closer to his form. I merely shook my head in response.
"I just don't understand it… she's been through more traumas then most people will ever experience. The death of her parents, being abducted and then what happened only a week ago. Rightfully, shouldn't she be falling to pieces now?"
"It's never that black and white…" I hadn't heard Rosalie enter the room, likely because I was too distracted by my own thoughts. Alice, Jasper and I were now quiet enough to hear the sound of birds chirping miles away, cars speeding by on the highway – quiet enough to hear Bella's soft heartbeat. It was a sound I had grown accustomed to listening to – it soothed me and reassured me that as long as she was near me, it would keep on beating.
"There is no 'right' way to process that kind of pain. Some people do it right away, and for some, it just doesn't register immediately. Give it time… nobody can experience that and not eventually feel it. Today, tomorrow, next week, next year. Her pain will eventually find a way to manifest itself." Rosalie's voice was slow, meaningful, but full of pain and remorse. I could hear exactly how difficult it was for her to be living in the same house as Bella, how much it reminded her of what happened to her, the very thing that made her what she was today.
If anyone knew the pain Bella was, or would be experiencing, Rosalie did. I couldn't help but wonder if that was why she was keeping her distance from Bella. She had spent an increased amount of time hunting since Bella had arrived, and I think I finally understood why. Rosalie was still in pain, even all of these years later.
Nobody spoke for a long while. Eventually, Emmett came into the room as well, wrapping his arms around Rosalie, and pulling her into a crushing embrace, gently kissing along her neck and jaw line.
We were all congregated in the living room, save for Esme, who was grocery shopping for Bella, anticipating her being able to eat soon, and Carlisle who was continuing his check up on Bella.
Jasper sat on one couch, Alice in his lap, locked in a loving embrace while Rose and Emmett sat on the couch opposite that one, next to one another, their arms entangled as Rose nestled her head in the crook of Emmett's neck.
"How is she doing?" Rose asked, looking at me, her eyes soft – which was a rarity for her.
"She's doing okay. As best as can be expected. She's talking a lot more today, and she doesn't seem as tired. Like I said, though, she doesn't really seem fazed by what happened to her. Although, she did mention it today, for the first time." I explained, trying my hardest to continue to focus on Bella's heartbeat while responding to Rosalie.
"That's a good thing. Opening up to anyone is a good thing. Even about the smallest things, it just means she's closer to being ready to let herself feel what she needs to." Jasper explained, his hand drawing soft circles over Alice's exposed leg.
It was then that I noticed the increase in Bella's heartbeat, the way it radically changed alerted me that something in her environment had triggered a strong reaction from her – but I couldn't be sure what it was. I immediately locked my eyes on Alice's, silently asking her what was going on. Alice's face went completely blank.
"We – we should go. We should leave for a while – why don't we go for a drive into town, pick up some clothes and food for Bella?" She asked, clearly trying to get us out of the house. It appeared the only Jasper, Alice and I knew that something was going on.
"No, Esme is out getting that stuff. Besides, Rose and I want a bit of alone time" Emmett grinned, resting his hand on Rosalie's thigh.
"No. Let's go. Now."
That was all Alice had to say and Jasper, Rose and Emmett were filing out the door, toward their cars.
"Alice… what's going on? Is Bella okay?" I questioned, purposely walking slowly toward the door.
"She's fine… she deserves a bit of privacy today. And that's hard to get with 5 vampires in a house, don't you think?"
"Fine." A quick look into Alice's thoughts, and I understood why.
A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my request, through private messaging or through reviews. I really appreciated it. And, it was the motivation I needed to get the next two chapters written, edited and ready and waiting to be posted!
If you normally are someone that doesn't review, do it anyway! I honestly appreciate any and every review I get.
Thanks to:
gjmb2000- Glad to hear you're enjoying the story!
Huntedbyafreak- I agree, it might become too repetitive, I'll try to avoid that!
TaintedCrys- Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciated it, and it was nice hearing from you =)
Fameotic-, lifeisruff and Twilightaholic1122 – thanks!
I will now be posting the points of view each chapter is written in at the beginning of the chapter, to avoid confusion...
As always, let me know what you think!!!!!
