A/N: I have nothing to say.

Shocker. I'm serious this time.

Mickie was being especially chipper and giddy towards Maria during RAW.

"Mickie, do you have to use the bathroom or something?" Maria asked, seeing as Mickie was smiling a lot and hopping up and down.

"Nope," Mickie grinned.

"Then why are you jumping around like the fucking Easter Bunny?"

"I told you that you liked John."

Maria's head snapped back to look at Mickie. "What?"

"Well…"

"Spill it, James."

Mickie thought about it for a moment, and then decided to explain. "Kenny and I were going to go to Denny's, and we pulled up to the window and saw--"

"You saw us?" Maria asked, realizing what Mickie was so excited about seeing. Her face turned red, and Mickie took it the wrong way, as Maria expected.

"Oooh! He so is your boyfriend! I knew it! I knew that you liked him!" Mickie squealed.

"Mickie, don't you have a match to get ready for?" Maria asked as her face grew even hotter, trying to distract Mickie.

"No," Mickie frowned. "You're thinking of Candice."

"Yeah, just like everyone else…" Maria whispered.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing," Maria said, completely disregarding her comment. "So, anyways, what's up?"

"Don't you get off the subject, little lady. Is John your boyfriend or not?"

Mission failed, Maria thought to herself before answering. "No, Mickie, he is not."

"Liar."

"Truth."

"Lie."

"Truth."

"Fine. Truth or dare?" Mickie asked, determined to find out the truth from Maria, even though she had already given it to her many times.

"Truth."

"Ugh! Fine. Is John your boyfriend?"

"No."

"Fuck! Maria…"

"I told you, Mickie. John and I are just friends."

"Then what did me and Kenny see at Denny's?"

"You saw two friends out for some breakfast, enjoying each other's company."

"Whatever," Mickie said, standing up from the bench they had been sitting on. "You know, I still can't believe that you like Randy. John could totally help you get over him."

Maria looked up at Mickie. Finally, the damn girl says something useful.

After RAW had ended, Mickie searched the halls for John. She found him talking to…

Candice.

"Maria! I haven't talked to you in forever!" Candice shrieked as she saw her best friend approach her.

"Candice, I talked to you this morning," Maria laughed, hugging Candice. Maria really didn't want to say what she had to say in front of Candice. Luckily for Maria, Randy came up to them. For once, she was happy to see him.

"Candice, baby, let's go," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders.

Candice giggled, "Maria, I don't know if I'll be back at the hotel tonight."

After Candice and Randy walked away, Maria let out a disgusted huff. "Ugh! I hate her!"

"No, Maria, you don't," John sighed.

"I know. Who could hate her? She's fucking perfect!"

"No, she's not, and you know that. Getting off the subject of Candice, I take it that you were coming over here to see me, right?"

"Well, we're about to get back on that subject just as quickly as we got off of it. And yes, I was here to see you."

"What about?"

"Mickie still thinks that we might be an item."

"That's ridiculous. Doesn't she know that you like Randy?"

"Yeah! Everyone does…except for Candice, and that's my biggest problem. Look, I was wondering…"

"Uh-oh."

"No, it might not be as bad as you think. I was wondering if you and Randy can make each other jealous."

John pursed his lips in thought. "No, not really. I mean, I think that I could get him jealous if I really wanted to but--"

"Pretend to be my boyfriend," Maria blurted out.

"I can't do that!" John contradicted.

"Why not?"

"Because he likes you, and you know it. You like him, and he knows it."

"Yeah, but maybe he'll think that I got over him or something and I've moved on from his pathetic little games."

"Maria…"

"Please?"

John rolled his eyes, but finally agreed. "Yeah, I'll do it. But I'll have you know that I wouldn't do this for anyone else."

"Really?"

"Yes, and you better realize that before I change my mind."

"Thank you!" Maria squealed and giving John a tight hug.

"Who are you going to 'tell' first?"

"Mickie."

"What about Randy? Candice?"

"Psh, Randy will know when he sees. He'll…yeah. And Candice? Well…I don't know about her either."

Happy with her devious plot, Maria skipped back down to the Divas locker room. "Why are you so happy?" Mickie asked.

"I have a new boyfriend."

"John?"

"Yep."

"I told you, Maria. I fucking told you."

"I know."