Chapter 8: Clearing the Air
Shepard made her way to Huerta Memorial; she was full of anxiety and anticipation. Was Kaidan going to alive? Would he ever see active duty again? Would he blame her?
The door to the patient lounge smoothly glided open, everything was so surreal. She saw doctors, nurses, and patients milling about. She acted like she'd never been in a hospital before. Who should she talk to? A kiosk caught her eye, a gift, ya that will break the ice. She found a bottle of whiskey, one of his favorites. She continued to amble through the lounge, trying not to look lost.
"Shepard?"
She turned towards the familiar silky smooth voice of Dr. Chakwas. "Doctor! I haven't seen you in over six months. How have you been?"
"I've seen better days. After they grounded the Normandy, I was placed into a lab. Lab work is so droll. I'd rather ride on a sandpaper slide and land in a pool of lemon juice for hours. The only thing that saved me from a court martial was my leave chit.
"Enough about me, Shepard, how are you holding up? "
"Pretty good, being reinstated saved me from a life time of boredom." She chuckled. "Did you hear about Kaidan?"
"Yes, that's actually why I'm here. The second I heard I rushed down to offer my assistance. He's in bad shape, but should pull through. I've given my notes on Kaidan's implants to Dr. Michele."
"Dr. Michele from the Wards Clinic? She's moving up in the world."
"Exactly, she's a very capable doctor; Kaidan's in good hands."
"You know the Normandy is still in need of a ship's doctor. Are you interested?"
"I'd be delighted, the Normandy is my home; I'm not suited for space station life. Where do I report?"
"Docking Bay 24. Joker will be thrilled to see you."
"Ah Jeff, I bet he hasn't taken his meds since I left. Here let me take you to Dr. Michele and then I'll gather my gear and head for the Normandy."
The two women walked over to a small office. Dr. Michele was reviewing patient data pads. Shepard's anxiety had lessened; spending time with Chakwas always had that effect on her. Her voice was so soothing, like a nurturing mother. Her words wrapped around Shepard like a blanket; giving her a sense of safety.
Dr. Michele glanced up, feeling a presence at her door. "Commander, it is such a pleasure to see you. No doubt you are here to see Major Alenko. He has severe head injuries, a fractured shoulder, and cracked ribs. He awoke a few hours ago asking for you."
"He…He did? Will he be able to return to active duty?"
"With a month or so, I don't want to take any chances with his injuries."
"Can I see him?"
"Absolutely, just go down this corridor; he's in Room 3 on your right." Dr. Michele smiled sweetly, trying to ease Shepard further.
Shepard headed to Kaidan's room, tapping her thigh with her free hand as she walked. You can do this Analise, just breathe. Vega's words floated into her head. Smiling she walked into the room.
Kaidan looked horrible. His face was black and blue, the only place he didn't have bruising was his forehead. He breathed peacefully, from all the meds flowing through his system.
"Kaidan," she gently touched his forearm, "it's me, Shepard." Kaidan moaned. "I know we weren't on great terms the last time we saw each other; don't die, we need you on the team. You're my best friend; I don't want to lose you. Please, pull through." She turned and somberly walked out of the room.
Shit, I still have the whiskey. Do I save it? Leave it? Hell, I'll leave a note attached to it. Kaidan was really pissed the last time we talked; at least he'll see I'm thinking about him. She hesitated a moment, then walked back into the room. She gently placed the bottle on his side table and started writing a note.
"Commander?" Kaidan asked groggily. He adjusted himself the best he could, propping himself up on his good shoulder.
"Here I brought this for you." Shakily picking up the bottle. "I didn't want to disturb you so I was just going to leave a note."
"Thank you, we'll have to share this when I get out. You aren't a bother, I'm glad you came. We need to talk."
"Ya, we do, are you up to it?"
"This as good a place as any, besides if we throttle each other there's someone to clean up the mess." Kaidan chuckled then winced, "Ouch, ah my ribs."
"Delighted to see you feel well enough to laugh, Major, so….where do we start?" She casually took a seat on a nearby stool.
"I need to apologize for my actions, Shepard. We've been to hell and back, but seeing you alive on Horizon threw me for a loop. I was hurt that you didn't even try to contact me. Then seeing you with Cerberus, I didn't know what to think."
"Kaidan, like I tried to explain, I was in a coma there was no way I could have contacted anyone. By the time I woke up, I was knee deep in new pile of shit with the Collectors. You were always on my mind; I didn't have an opportunity to breath let alone put out feelers to find you."
"You had time to find Garrus, but not me. I heard rumors you were alive, but Anderson blocked my every effort to confirm them."
"Finding Garrus was a fluke. The Illusive Man had a dossier of people he felt I should group up with to stop the Collectors. Garrus went underground after I died. I thought I was recruiting a turian nicknamed Archangel, it just happened to be Garrus.
"Why couldn't you give me the benefit of the doubt Kaidan? We went through Ashley's death fought Sovereign and the Geth side by side. We even shared a bed Kaidan, I don't just give myself to anyone; you were special to me."
"Were…so I guess there isn't a chance for you and me then. " Kaidan casted his eyes down tears welled in his eyes.
"I'm sorry Kaidan…you turned on me like a jackal. I understand your initial shock, I do, but you still didn't trust not even when we fought together on Mars. The second we saw Cerberus, you practically accused me of being an insider…a traitor to the Alliance! The Alliance is the only home I know, Anderson is the closest thing I've ever had to a father—you knew this, but still you let the accusations fly.
"I still loved you even before Mars; I wanted you at my side more than anything. Witnessing your near death encounter with that thing…Dr. Core…destroyed me. I wanted nothing more than to hold you and care for you, but my heart was shattered. I can't love a man who won't trust me farther than his biotics can throw me. I loved you unconditionally, but you wouldn't do the same for me." Shepard stood up, knocking the stool over, tears poured down her flushed faced; her hands lay over her heart.
"Analise, please, I'm so sorry." Tears streamed down Kaidan's cheeks, he breathed heavily, choking on his words. "Please give me another chance, you're right I should have trusted you, I can trust you whole-heartedly, please." He reached for her, his arm shaking.
"Kaidan, I will be your friend, you are welcomed back on the Normandy anytime. I…I just need time to think about 'us'. I…I have to go." Shepard flew out of Kaidan's room, she ran all the way to the elevator.
Kaidan gingerly lay back down, he sobbed as he looked for solace from the landscape outside. I love you, I always will. Please forgive me Analise. At least you still have her friendship, Kaidan, find peace in that.
"Commander Shepard, how can I assist you?" chimed the elevator cheerfully.
"Take me to Purgatory." She held her breath, trying to stop the tears. She wiped her face, but they still flowed like a river.
