As usual, sorry for taking forever to update! I have no idea how long the next couple of chapters will take as they are yet to be beta'd.

Thanks to Nicky, Foxie Roxie and XXBestFriend1XX for reviewing!


8. Almost Unreal

Gwen looked at her watch, "Nine o'clock." She said aloud. She and Morgause had been sat Morgana's bedside for two hours now, but with the events of the last three days running through their heads, it seemed as though hardly any time had passed at all, "I thought that the visiting hours closed at eight."

"Paying for your healthcare can have its perks. I don't want Morgana to wake up alone." She had barely taken her eyes off her sister while she had been sleeping. Dr Taylor had told them that she would send someone down from psychiatrics when she woke up. Morgause doubted whether Morgana would speak to someone she didn't know when she wasn't even opening up to her closest friends and family.

Gwen looked up to see Arthur standing at the door looking solemnly down at Morgana. He didn't look like he had slept or shaved over the last three days. His eyes also had a dark look to them, though they were nothing compared to Morgana's. Gwen walked over to the door and placed her arms around him, "I'm so sorry Arthur." She noticed Merlin stood beside him.

"You're back? How is she?" he asked.

"Yes, and not good." Gwen replied looking down to the ground.

Arthur walked towards the bed, "She lost the baby?" Morgause looked up at him, "Merlin told me that she was pregnant."

"She is." Gwen told him, "She still is. She was… you were having twins, but she lost one." She had never been overly close to Arthur, she had always known him as Morgana's annoying little brother up until not long ago, and to be honest she had always found him rather arrogant, but then so had Morgana.

Arthur didn't know how to react to this news. He tried to imagine how he'd be feeling if they were still together, if things were still right, but he couldn't, "I… has… has she said what she's going to do?"

"She doesn't want to get rid of it," Morgause told him, "But at the same time I don't think she wants to keep it either." She was worried about Arthur being in here, scared that Morgana would wake up and it would just make things worse. She looked back down at Morgana,

Arthur had always liked to watch Morgana sleeping she had always looked doll-like, her beauty almost unreal, and now she just looked so fragile, "I understand that, I think. When's she being discharged?"

"We don't know. She might not be for a while yet. They're sending down a psychiatrist… she's had some sort of breakdown."

"I know." Arthur said forlornly.

Morgause's head snapped around, "You know? How do you know?"

"Shit" he thought; he had learned the hard way to never get into an argument with Morgause, "I… I," he decided just to tell the truth, "I saw her this afternoon."

Morgause could hardly speak through a mixture of anger and bewilderment, "Y-you saw her?" She stood up, "What do you mean you saw her, you came around to my house? How could you be so stupid?"

"I had to see her!" Arthur defended himself, "I hadn't seen her since we found out and… I'm struggling with all of this too you know!"

"I think Morgana's gone a bit beyond struggling Arthur!" She glared at him, her voice becoming increasingly raised. She was sympathetic to him, of course she was, but she couldn't let anyone underestimate how this had affected Morgana, even if no one knew the extent of the damage yet, "What happened when you were there?" she demanded to know.

Arthur turned and look out of the window. How could he admit what he had done? He took a deep breath, "The front door was open… I found her in her bedroom. She had broken a mirror and she was screaming at her reflection, picking up bits of the glass… She lay in it and… I took her to the bathroom to try and get out some of the glass… I… it's hard, you see! I still love her, I can't just stop loving her just like that!" He cried.

Merlin looked over to him, "We know Arthur." He said sympathetically, Arthur had already told him what had happened, and he knew that things weren't about to get any easier for Arthur.

"I… I couldn't help it… I kissed her and… and she kissed me back. After a few moments I realised what we were doing and…" he choked up, "And I pushed her way… she fell into the bath… she cried out in pain, but I ignored her… I killed my own child!" He looked back towards everyone.

No one was looking at him as though they blamed him. He imagined that Morgause wanted to tear lumps out of him, but she knew that she couldn't even begin to know how hard it was for both of them.

"It was just a horrible accident." Merlin reassured him.

He walked towards the sleeping Morgana, "I caused her physical pain and increased the amount of mental pain that she's suffering. I put her in here."

"She'll get the help that she needs here Arthur." Morgause looked up at him, tears in her eyes; it was her way of saying that he was forgiven for what he did. She wanted to blame him and scream at him, but that would in no way, shape or form help anything.

The ward sister came into the room, "Look, I let two of you stay here past visiting hours, but you're pushing it too far now. Please, you need to leave. Miss le Fay will be okay until the morning; we'll be keeping a very close eye on her."

Reluctantly, one by one the left the room; Merlin left first, closely followed by Gwen. Morgause kissed her sister on the forehead, "Come on Arthur," she gave an encouraging yet mournful smile, "We have to go now."

When they reached the door Arthur stopped and looked around, "I'm so sorry Morgana."

"You've never liked me, have you?" Arthur asked. He and Morgause were sitting together in the hospital gardens both of them reluctant to go home.

Morgause knew that home would mean having to clear up the glass and blood; she wasn't prepared for that yet, "Not really, no." She replied bluntly.

Arthur wasn't quite sure where home was at the moment; he had been staying with Merlin, sleeping on his sofa for the past couple of nights. He could easily stay in a hotel, but he knew that he would have just spent the last few days sucking the mini-bar dry. If it was possible, his encounter with Morgana might have had much more severe consequences if he had been drunk at the time, "You'll look after Morgana for me, won't you?"

She nodded, "Of course I will." They both knew that Arthur would have to leave Morgana's life all together if either of them were ever going to recover from this.

"What do you think she'll do? About the baby?" He asked, looking into her eyes for answers that she didn't have.

"I don't think anyone can tell what she'll do in regards to anything until she's got her head sorted out a bit." Was the best answer that she could give.

"I've always wanted kids. Morgana and I talked about it a few months ago… I think she was a bit freaked out by the idea if I'm honest! But I knew that she wanted it too." He laughed under his breath, remembering better times, "I don't know how I'm going to live without her."

"I know." Morgause had been through nasty breakups before where she thought that things had been near-perfect, but it had turned out all to be lies, so to some tiny extent she knew what Arthur was feeling.

"You will look after her? I've already asked that." He realised, "Has she been eating?"

She shook her head, "No, not really."

"Make sure she eats," He nodded. An image came into is head of his father giving their childminder instructions on how to look after them years ago, "I sometimes struggled to get her to even when times were good… well as good as times get with Morgana."

She furrowed her brow, "You weren't happy?"

He smiled, "Of course I was happy! She just… well you know her, you know that she's troubled. I don't think she ever got over her parents' deaths. I think she needed some sort of counselling even before any of this. I wonder if she was ever happy before."

"Oh she was," Morgause said instantly, "She was so happy with you… she was so in love."

He looked up across the garden at the window of her room, "I guess the question is, will she ever be happy again? Will any of us?"