Author's Note: Hey! It's been a bit. The book this is based off of is going through a weird middle section that feels mostly pointless, but I'm also not sure where everything is going, exactly. So, trying to play it safe and not get too far from the source material. But also, the source material is REALLY illogical. Like, I'm just here, seeing where this train of pure chaos is taking me... Choo-choo!
P.S. Send help. My brain can't take much more of this.
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ANDROID10_15425S, also known as Jody, had opted to go for a software upgrade before implementing /SEDUCE_COOPER. There was no way she would confuse addition and multiplication during the mission now! Jody was wearing a short, glittering evening dress for the evening. It had been Kadar's suggestion. If it had been up to Jody, she would have taken what she knew about conservative Christian fashion and dressed in a jean skirt and a baggy t-shirt with the name of a summer camp she had presumably volunteered at, or something. From her research, that was the sort of fashion men in Cooper's sect praised. But, she dare not go against the whims of her superior, no matter how little any of what she was doing made sense. So, late one evening there she was pretending like she couldn't get into her hotel room that she had made sure was right next to Cooper's, waiting for him to show up so he could 'help' her. She had stood there, pretending to get in, for the better part of two hours before he had arrived. During that interim she had had to rebuff the help of twelve other men, four women, a family of six, two maids, and one surprisingly intelligent raccoon who turned out to be an alien.
Finally, Cooper arrived. Judging by the increased blood flow to his face, the short dress had been a good choice. There was much she still had to learn about human males. Cooper spoke, "H-hey Ambassador Easler! Come to this hotel often?"
"Oh! Yes. I come here often." Jody answered in a honeyed voice. "And there's no need to be so formal! Whenever we are alone, please just call me Jody."
She barely needed to have the enhanced diagnostic capabilities of an android to see that she was having the desired effect on him. If only Kadar could be so easily manipulated. Maybe then, she'd be free to properly explore humanity without the constant threat of being disassembled hanging over her – and be free of partaking in ridiculously illogical schemes.
He got to work on her door. The door clicked open on his fifth try. It was surprising it took so long, considering there was nothing actually wrong with it. But Cooper seemed to be profoundly ignorant on how locks work. Still, Jody's mission currently overrode her basic functions to be generally helpful to humans, and she bit her tongue before she was tempted to offer him any.
Once the door swung open, Jody exclaimed with glee, "Oh, you did it! I didn't want to have to traipse down and get a bellman to come up here. Thank you so much." She pressed hard up against his body and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Would you like to come in for a moment? I mean, if you are alone, that is. I can't stand the idea of another movie in another hotel room all by myself."
Every muscle in his body seemed to be trembling. Surely, he wouldn't be able to say 'no' to her. But, he got closer to it than she had anticipated. "I've got an alternative suggestion," he said, "Why don't we go for a ride in one of those horse-drawn hansom cabs? I have always wanted to do that, but I never had anyone to do it with. I can't come into your room, Jody—that's just not me. But come for a ride in the park with me."
"Of course! I would do anything you want to do with me, Cooper." She said, running her hand down his arm, then holding his hand. Jody mentally texted the photographer and told him of the change of plans.
When they got to the horse-drawn cab, Cooper asked, "Would you like my jacket?" Naturally, being an android, Jody hadn't even thought about the cold. But after checking the temperature, plus wind speed, and noting the amount of synthetic skin she had exposed, she concluded that, yes, she ought to feel cold. She recalled what Kadar said she ought to do if she found herself in this situation.
"No, Cooper, just put your arm around my shoulders. I would like that a lot better," she replied, with a voice as sweet as any. She thought, that if she really were a cold human, she would have preferred both the jacket and the arm. Cooper put his arm around her and as he did she turned and kissed him passionately. He didn't break away. With her enhanced hearing Jody could hear the clicks of a camera from the fourth floor. That was the only kiss she had needed that evening. Surprisingly, Cooper seemed fine with that, and he declined another invitation to her room when they said their goodnights.
Why in the world was that so easy!? Was the thought that spun through Jody's mind all throughout the night. Had he really forgotten that they were on opposing sides for a very important case? When had they even seen each other in a non-professional setting before tonight? And Cooper had gone so far as to let himself be kissed with not even an attempt at a protest? Or did he know that there would be photographs, and was hoping to switch the narrative in order to try to compromise her? Surely, it would look just as bad if she were seen kissing the enemy, right? Was the name of Jody Easler still not associated with this case? How would it not hurt her to be seen kissing the opposing lawyer? She needed to be free of Kadar before the illogical actions Jody was forced to partake in short-circuited her brain.
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The Devil, the Lord of Chaos, Prince of Darkness, and all-around Bad Guy had turned his full attention onto the Thomases. What that meant, for Laura, was that she was ordered to make it her primary mission to pry as much as she could into their lives. It was easiest to get information out of Deanna. She was naturally talkative with a low filter, and, now that Laura was looking for it, Laura realized that Deanna wanted to connect to her like she had as a child. Back then, Deanna wanted to cling to any sympathetic adult figure, and that clinginess had never left her. It had been useful to Laura in the past to get her to spy on other students and report to her on their behavior with one another, and it seemed as if it would be as useful to her now. She had learned many things about Trent's health, Nikki's obsession with performing autopsies on her dolls… She had even learned secrets, like how Cooper had gotten funding from someone who worked at the Washington Star for the case. Why that was a secret sounded fishy as anything, but as long as it all went to help the children, Laura wasn't going to complain.
Laura had been looking forward to bit of a break. So when Terry had suggested an evening of going to the theater for a movie she had once mentioned wanting to see, Laura had jumped at the idea. But then, Cooper came to her school. Why he didn't just call was beyond her, as was why the Today Show would try to contact her through Cooper in the first place. Was she not a grown adult who could make her own decisions outside of her lawyer? She had decided to let him lead the conversation to see where it would go. Instead of even acknowledging how weird it was for Cooper to even be at her school, he had begun the conversation by asking her about her engagement. She voiced that, yes, this was the first time they had talked about the engagement, and Cooper had assured her that he hadn't felt like she had led him on. Well, duh. Why even say that to me? It was all in your own head! Then, then he got to why he was there, told her about the Today Show interview, had said, "Since we are all settled with each other, why don't I drive you to the show? I don't see how it is wrong for a lawyer to drive a witness to a television interview."
"Yeah, sure. Sounds good, Cooper." She had said it sarcastically. He didn't hear it that way. She thought about spelling out what sarcasm meant, but then thought that, if it wasn't her on the show they might get, the Dark One forbid, someone like Deanna; and Laura couldn't trust Deanna to not be a blubbering mess in front of millions of TV viewers.
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Laura was dead tired when Cooper came to pick her up at 5:30am the next day. Yeah, maybe she should have cancelled plans with Terry, but she had really been looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening with her boyfriend. Why should all of that be cancelled because some crazy TV exec couldn't give her even a 24 hour notice that they wanted her on air?
Cooper had bought himself a nice, new car with what Laura could only assume was the money he got from the Washington Star guy. "Nice car." She said without enthusiasm.
Cooper heard it anyway. "Yeah, after that old thing of my aunt's, this seems like a whole new world. But it's just a car." He was obviously lying. Laura didn't have to be a demoness trained in every form of lies and deceit to see how proud he was of his new car.
Truthfully, Laura liked the old one better. This one just said its owner was pretentious and shallow. It's not even about the car! She realized, He used the money that was meant to help the children to buy himself something selfish! How is buying a CAR supposed to help with the case!? He ought to have used it to, I don't know, hire help – something! At least wait until after the case to buy something nice for yourself! How long did he deliberate on THIS when he should have been deliberating on the case? …If we lose this I'm placing the blame solely on him! I'll feed his soul to Father's dogs! Laura fumed inwardly. Outwardly, she very politely said, "Well, that was really great what that guy did from the Washington Star to underwrite the case."
Cooper turned white. "Guy from the Washington Star?" he asked innocently.
Oh, now you're trying to play games with me!? "Yeah, you know the publisher's brother or something. Deanna told me about the situation." She smiled sweetly.
"Deanna told you, huh? It was supposed to be confidential."
"Yeah, she told me that, too, but I was asking her about the case one night … I guess I was pretty persistent." If she had said what she just said to Gula in the voice she just used, Gula would have been running for the hills.
Instead, Cooper lightly chided, "Well, as long as it doesn't go any further."
"Oh, I promise not to tell anyone at all about it," Laura said in an almost sing-song voice. Truly, she was pissed. But, what she hadn't told Cooper was that Terry had been there too. Laura was sure that Terry would tell someone if she didn't tell him not to. Laura was counting on it. In the meantime, Laura would need to add, 'look for a new lawyer' to the growing list of things she needed to do. It was obvious that Cooper was insane.
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Laura had done her makeup at home. The less people in her face, the better – especially after the short night she had. Besides, if she were alone she could just demon mojo the right looks on her face. Naturally, Cooper didn't realize her face was already caked in makeup when they were driving up. At the studio he looked on admirably as the makeup artists could do nothing more to her than to reapply some powder. What an idiot. She thought disdainfully. When she overheard Cooper asking the makeup artists if they could take off all the makeup as soon as they were done filming, she added childish to her descriptor.
The 'interview' was a sham. They only asked her one question. Of course she answered in a way that wowed the interviewer. But, honestly, for that one she had to use some of her demon mojo. She had merely stated that she taught what she did because it was the truth. That was the logical answer – the answer most people would give. If he hadn't been prepared for that answer without her using demon mojo- well, that would have been pretty pathetic.
Maybe he felt something was off about his reaction to her answer; maybe he had only intended to ask her one question. Whatever the case, for the rest of the interview Laura sat there and fumed while Cooper fumbled through the other questions. Phrases like 'political correctness' and 'the founding fathers' were brought up and totally derailed the conversation.
The only other person who continued to make sense to her was Jody. Something she said kept replaying in Laura's mind: "When we teach a child that one's religion is truth, I think everyone benefits. Faith is such a noble thing. But when we teach children that their religion is the only truth, an insidious change takes place. Such children learn to look at others as lesser in value. Such ideas lead to disharmony, and potentially conflict, and ultimately violence." Laura couldn't have summed up her hellish mission better if she tried. And when put like that… But Laura stopped herself from thinking about it anymore. Besides, it was adults that caused conflict and violence. Yes, her children grew into those adults, and then those adults hurt the next generation of her children, and didn't it always pain her to hear of her children being hurt? But, didn't all of that play into her father's plan to bring more people into hell? He needed an army, after all. Just, look at the big picture. And it's not your father's fault that The Enemy decreed that those who sin be brought to hell. Father is just using the rules that HE made towards father's own advantage.
One other thing Jody said stood out to her: "I think." Laura could sense every soul of the hundreds of beings in this room – both visible and invisible. From the TV execs overshadowed by Gula's oldest sister Cupiditas, to the woman in the green silk suit who had two shoulder angels, to Cooper's oddly bright soul. But Jody had no soul. Laura was staring right at the woman and could sense nothing from her. And yet, she said, "I think" as if she were a person. Who are you, Jody Easler?
She tried asking Cooper about Jody after the interview. She knew that Jody had been flirting with him. Could Cooper tell if her interest was genuine? "What's with that ambassador woman?"
"How do you mean?" Cooper quickly stuffed a small piece of yellow paper in his pocket.
"Well, you two seem really friendly with each other, so I thought maybe you'd know what her deal is."
"I can't tell you because I can't figure it out myself," he answered honestly.
But you're not even going to tell me what you DO know? "I think that she has a crush on you." Laura tried.
Cooper said nothing, but just shrugged and rolled his eyes.
What kind of an answer was that!? "Cooper? What's going on? Does she have a crush on you?"
"Oh … I am sorry. I didn't realize you were serious. How would I know that? But come on, you heard what she said. How could I ever be attracted to a woman who is so … so, I don't know. Liberal … I guess that word is the only way to describe her."
What the actual… "Did I ask if you're attracted to her? No, you know what?" She laid her hand on Cooper. "Don't worry about it. I'll talk to her myself. You just go along and worry about the case. The case, Cooper. Not your shiny new car."
"But you have to stay by me!" He said simplistically.
"Why?" She snarled.
"Be- because you rode with me?"
"I'll take a cab." She deadpanned.
"But-!"
"Go!"
Cooper scampered off. Now, it was time to find Jody. This was exceptionally difficult, considering she couldn't just sense Jody's soul. But after asking a few demons if they saw a woman without a soul, she found Jody in a park watching some birds fly around. She looked happy and a bit wistful as she watched them. So she doesn't just emote when people are watching her. That indicates that she has genuine emotions. But no soul? "Jody Easler?" Laura asked cautiously.
"Oh! Oh, it's… Laura Frasier. You're the schoolteacher." Jody stated mechanically.
"Um, yes. That's me. Hey, I know we're supposed to be on different sides, but, I really felt your concern for the children during the interview. So, I admire that. Maybe one day we can work together for the children."
"That would be nice, Laura Frasier."
"Please, just Laura. So , how did you come to care so much for children? Do you have any of your own?"
"No, but, it would be nice to have children. Someone else like me."
"Like you? Human?"
What emotions Laura could see on Jody's face shut off like a switch had been flipped. She said automatically. "Yes, of course I am human! What a strange thing to say! Why would you think I am not human?"
"No… Reason." Laura got a feeling of déjà vu. This feels just like that conversation I had with Cooper. Is that why they're friendly? Are they from the same place? But, no. Cooper had answered honestly when I asked if he knew anything about Jody. If they are from the same place, then Cooper doesn't know it.
Just then they heard a wolf-whistle. A group of young men were walking towards them and leering. Emotions came back to Jody's face in the form of abject terror. Laura just groaned. This is why I keep Terry around.
"Why are two such lovely ladies doing out here all by your lonesome?" The one with the most acne said.
"We are not alone. We are together." Jody said, confused. Laura facepalmed.
"Ooh! Together eh? Could you kiss for me? Even though I am Canadian?" The one with the tattoo of angel wings asked, making a kissing face.
"What does being Canadian-" Jody started.
Laura stopped her. "Not the time." She turned to the group. How to deal with them? We are in a public park; what if I just screamed?
But before she could, all of their phones started ringing. Some of them tried to turn them off or silence them, but they couldn't. One man threw his phone to the ground and tried stomping on it. But his was a Nokia and he barely even scratched it. Their mothers were on the other end and they were all screaming on speaker phone. "Leave those nice ladies alone, eh! I raised you better than this! You come home right now even though we are Canadian!" The other mothers were yelling basically the same thing. Most of the young men looked ashamed. Some shuffled off.
The one with the most acne, however, continued to advance on Laura and Jody. "Don't you want to know how your mother knew to call you?" Jody asked. She pointed up at a giant screen just visible through the trees. The acne'd young man's face stared back at him.
"You're broadcasting them?" Laura asked, impressed. I definitely need to make sure I don't show off my demon mojo around her.
Jody smiled at her. "I have a few more tricks besides this."
"Could- Could you show me even though I am Canadian?" The angel tattoo'd young man asked abashedly.
Jody and Laura rolled their eyes and walked away. They agreed to go out for lunch together before Laura went home. Even though she didn't have a soul, Jody was pretty cool, Laura decided. Maybe I'll try to learn her secrets another day.
