South Park With An Odd Twist
The characters, events and references to persons, places or things in this fanfiction are nearly entirely fictional. There may be some portions of the aforementioned articles that are reality, however the majority is fiction. This fiction may have some qualities that appear to be slanderous, however no slander is intended with these pieces of writing.
Also, serious situations and circumstances may be dealt with in this fanfiction in a sense that may seem demeaning or naïve. All these things have been written with full understanding of the seriousness of the situation/circumstance and have not been taken lightly.
In conclusion, this fanfiction, much like the television show it is based off of has been written purely for humerous reasons. If one cannot deal with aforementioned appeared slandering and supposed naïve dealings with serious situations, it is advisable that one does not continue reading.
Due to such, as well as coarse language and potentially detailed horrific scenes, reader discretion is advised.
Episode 9: The Gothman Prophecies
"Hello, children," Chef greeted his young friends in the same manner he always did. He bore a grin on his face, but when he saw that the boys did not bear the same happy attitude, he wondered what plagued their lives now.
"Hey, Chef," they returned the greeting even with their low dispositions.
"How's it going?" Chef inquired though he already knew, or he thought he knew anyway.
"Bad," they replied, still in unison.
"Why bad?" Finally, now it got to the point in the conversation where he got to listen and find out what was troubling them. It was usually something trivial like the time they got in trouble for swearing.
"There are strange phone calls that keep coming every night and they keep us awake all night." Stan was the one who replied first to this. It was usually either him or Kyle, but Kyle seemed to be zoning out at the moment.
"So you've been getting them, too, huh? I got five in less than ten minutes and I was yelling at them, but they kept calling and saying that I should kill all the white people because blacks reign supreme." Now that he looked at the three boys, they did look like they'd been up all night. "So what'd they tell you?"
"For me, it kept saying that all Jews would die. At first I thought it was Cartman-" Kyle began, suddenly tuning into the conversation.
"Aye!" Cartman protested, but it sounded almost half-heartedly.
"-but then I figured Cartman wouldn't be smart enough to pull something like that." Kyle told them, barely even noticing as Cartman cut him off.
"Dude, for me it said my sister was going to hack me to bits with a machete." Stan said as he thought his was worse, considering that it was more likely, due to his sister's personality of course.
"Well, haha you guys. This creepy person hasn't called me!" Cartman thought himself perhaps the most special person in the world since Kyle, Stan and everyone else (especially Kyle) were getting prank calls from someone they didn't even know.
"Cartman seems to be the only one who hasn't been called yet." Stan added after he let Cartman get in his two cents.
"Well, that's very lucky for you, Eric because this caller is a real pain." Chef started hand-talking, as he tended to do at times, to show that this wasn't to be taken lightly.
"The world loves me, that's why they don't even bother with me. Either that or they know I'll smack em down!" Cartman pretended to smack someone and then continued, "And then when I smacked em, I'd say, that's enough of your shit, you fucking bitch!"
"That sounds familiar…" Kyle mused quietly to himself, thinking that that was nearly the same thing that Cartman had told him to do to his mother when she started M.A.C (Mothers Against Canada).
"Whoa, Eric, none of that language. You know what happened last time you started swearing like that." Chef warned, not really noticing as the lunch line started to get impatient with the wait.
"Yah, I kicked Saddam Hussein's ass!" Cartman finally took the tray from the counter now, signalling that he was probably going to go somewhere and stuff his fat face with it.
"See yah later, Chef." Stan said as the other two boys grabbed their lunch trays as well and they all left.
"See yah, children." Chef waved slightly before returning to serving the now impatient people waiting for food.
"You guys think that this has anything to do with that new kid?" Stan inquired as they sat at a vacant table.
"What new kid?" Kyle asked, looking alarmed at the thought that someone new was joining the school again.
"Well, that chick that Cartman put his fork through her hand." Stan told Kyle, noting the alarm, but not really understanding it.
"Oh, that girl. I don't know. She doesn't seem like the type who would want to waste time phoning people as a prank." Kyle shrugged and ate whatever the hell was on his plate.
"Yah, besides, she's obviously really dumb because she got stabbed in the hand by Cartman," Kenny's said through Cartman's body and since this happened a lot, the boys merely nodded and didn't think it odd at all.
"Kenny! Shut your goddamn mouth!" Cartman snapped in return, taking the insult.
"Who could it be there?" Stan asked, looking at his friends though he only received shrugs in response.
Suddenly, Butters walked over to them, as he usually did, to start up some conversation or another. Half the time, the three boys barely paid attention to him, but this time, there was some interest in what Butters was saying. Apparently, his family, too, had been called by this prank caller and Butters got in trouble for it.
"This guy phoned my house in the middle of the night and sounded exactly like me! He kept saying things that would get me in serious trouble with my parents and now I'm grounded because they think it was me!" Butters complained.
"Why are you telling us this, Butters?" Cartman asked, clearly bored.
"Because you can sound exactly like me! Just like that time when I had to go to the City Wak when I was supposed to be grounded and you got me in trouble with my parents!" Butters told him, pointing aggressively.
"Oh yah," Cartman reminisced for a moment before falling back to the real world. "It wasn't me this time, Butters. I swear."
"Well," Butters thought for a moment, but then concluded with, "Okay," and walked away.
"So, the prank caller can mimic our voices, according to what Butters just said." Stan told them and they nodded in agreement.
"In Butters's case it was a bad thing, but what about for us?" Kyle questioned, "The caller could probably get me in some serious shit with my mom."
"Same here." Stan was the one to nod now.
"Well," Cartman stretched casually, "since I haven't been called by this prankster, I have nothing to worry about!"
"I bet they're saving you for last, fat boy." Kyle sneered with hatred in his voice.
"Why would anyone challenge my superior knowledge and strengths? Nope, I think they know they can't beat me, unlike you weak Jews." Cartman told Kyle in response.
"But I'm not a Jew…" Stan told him.
"And Jews aren't weak!" Kyle insisted.
"That's what you think, Kyle, that's what you think. How come you couldn't stand up to Hitler then, hmm?" Cartman challenged.
"I didn't face Hitler! Or I would have!" Kyle shouted in return.
"Sure, sure. Hitler would beat your ass." Cartman chuckled in a way that sounded evil.
"Enough, you guys. This isn't about Hitler! This is about the prank caller!" Stan snapped at both of them, startling them at least a little. "We're going to have to plan against this guy."
"Nah-ah. I'm not in this because I have not been called. Screw you guys, you're on your own." Cartman shook his head and signalled that he would leave if he had to.
"Fine then, fat ass, we'll plan without you." Kyle scoffed.
xxx
Cartman sat on his living room couch eating Cheesy Poufs as he normally did while he was watching Terrance and Phillip. This episode seemed particularly funny, though it was basically the same as all the rest were. All the same, he was sitting there, stuffing his face and laughing his ass off every time the Terrance and Phillip farted for seemingly no particular reason.
All was well in the evening of Eric Cartman, until the phone started to ring. He thought nothing of it, but yelled for his mother to get it. There was no response from her and the phone was annoying him, so he jumped up off the couch and yelled up the stairs to her.
"Mom! Get the goddamn phone!" Cartman shouted at his mother, yet he was up and could have just as easily have got it.
"I'm busy, pumpkin! You'll have to get it!" she called down to him. Who knows what she was doing, but then again one can guess.
"Damn it!" Cartman cursed and headed to the kitchen to get the phone. "I'm coming, damn you!" he told the inanimate object that wouldn't stop ringing. Finally, he was able to answer it after dragging a chair over to the phone so he could reach it, "Who the hell is this and what the hell do you want?! I'm missing Terrance and Phillip for this call, you know!"
"Hello, Eric Cartman." The voice replied on the other end. It was all distorted and creepy and it even sent shivers down Cartman's spine.
"Who the hell-?" he started, trying to act as if that voice had no effect on him.
"I am the 'prank caller' as you call me." The voice replied and Cartman determined that it was definitely a male's voice; a young male's voice.
"Ha, ha, Kyle. Nice try! It won't work you big dumb Jew! You're just jealous that that freak hasn't called here!" Cartman was so sure that it was Kyle who was calling him, though he couldn't figure out why Kyle would want to miss Terrance and Phillip. "Now, go away, Jew boy, cause I'm going to go watch Terrance and Phillip again!"
"Don't hang up! I'll just call back!" the voice told Cartman.
"Fine then, be that way, bitch." Cartman merely dropped the phone and went back to watch Terrance and Phillip.
He sat back down on the couch and ate his Cheesy Poufs again. Laughter filled the room again as he watched the rather ridiculous show once again. It was a good thing that the show didn't really have a story line to it, or else he would have really have been lost. A commercial came on though a minute after he sat back down and he cursed at the television and at Kyle since he was convinced that he was the caller.
During the commercials though, Cartman began to hear that voice again and it sounded like it was right around him. He panicked slightly and started looking around the room to see who was trying to scare the shit out of him. No one was there though, yet the voice continued to grow louder and louder. Once it got really loud, he was able to determine what the voice was saying.
"Eric Cartman! Pick up the goddamn phone!" The voice was shouting this very loud, and even with all the power that needed to be put behind this shout, the distortion was still there.
Apprehensively, Cartman returned to the kitchen, peering around the doorframe to see if anyone was in there first. He saw no one, but the phone was still dangling off the receiver, just as he had left it. The voice was still yelling for him to pick up the phone, but he really didn't want to. Of course he would never admit it to anyone else, but he was pretty terrified.
Still with apprehension, he walked over to the dangling phone and quietly pushed the chair away from it now since it was low enough to reach. He grabbed it and pulled it closer to his ear, only to receive a yell in his ear since the voice was still shouting at him. He pulled the phone away and scowled at it before returning it to his ear when it fell silent.
"I'm here, you piece of shit! What do you want?!" he demanded of the voice forcefully.
"I want to tell you who I am."
"Well, who the hell are you then?" Cartman snapped, thinking now that it wouldn't be Kyle since Kyle wouldn't want to sit there that long, yelling through the phone.
"I am called Gothman!" the voice told him proudly.
"So what?" Cartman was unimpressed.
"I am powerful!" Gothman told him with annoyance in his voice. The annoyance was clearly because Cartman didn't seem to understand the situation.
"I'm sure you are. Good bye." Cartman snorted and jumped up to hang up the phone (which miraculously worked).
xxx
"Okay, children, today… Ah, hell, I don't have anything planned for today. I was up all night because of that asshole prank caller that's bugging everyone." Mr. Garrison sat down at his desk and laid his head on it as if to sleep and Mr. Slave joined him in doing so.
"Whoa," Stan and Kyle said in awe with a lot of the rest of the students in the fourth grade class.
"Hey Cartman, still no calls?" Stan inquired after a moment of silence in the room. Him saying something got the rest of the class talking as well.
"No, I got a call. I thought it was Kyle being a stupid ass, but then I figured out it wasn't. Stupid Gothman, made me miss Terrance and Phillip." Cartman sighed.
"Gothman?" Kyle questioned.
"Yes, dumbass, that's what the prank caller calls himself." Cartman snapped irritably. "Don't you know anything?"
"You're the only one whose been told his name, it must mean that he thinks your important." Stan deduced from what Cartman had said and from what he knew.
"Shit, well that's great." Cartman said sarcastically, "Maybe I'll invite him over for tea."
"What was that about tea?" Pip popped up out of nowhere.
"Fuck off, you British piece of shit." Cartman told the annoying foreigner.
"Right o." Pip replied and scurried away.
"That guy's a freak." Cartman said and they all nodded in response.
"So what are you going to do about Gothman, Cartman?" Kyle asked inquisitively.
Cartman thought for a long moment before thinking of something. A grin appeared on his face as he sat in his desk and he seemed to tune out the rest of the world as the plan unfolded within his mind. Yes, it was a perfect idea. It would certainly prove that Gothman was not as powerful as he said he was. It would prove that he was just some idiot kid.
"Cartman?" Kyle asked after a moment of silence from the boy and seeing the grin on his face, "Cartman?!" There was still no reply, so he just gave up.
xxx
Cartman sat on the couch, eating Cheesy Poufs and watching Terrance and Phillip yet again. This time, he was prepared for that phone call though, for he'd somehow managed to bring the phone into the living room and place it on the side table. How he'd managed to pry the phone off the wall and then make the cord extend to the living room was a mystery, but he'd done it all the same. He sat close to the phone so he could pick it up immediately if it rang, which he was so sure it would.
Right on cue, the phone rang during Terrance and Phillip. Cartman picked it up and answered it in a sweet, innocent voice that sounded unsuspecting of anything peculiar to happen.
"Hello?" he asked in that voice and waited for the response.
"Hello, Eric Cartman." The same greeting as the previous day came through the earpiece.
"Oh, my! Who could this be?" the same voice emitted from Cartman's throat as he continued.
"It's Gothman!" that voice shouted at him as if he were the stupidest being on the planet.
"Gothman, Gothman, Gothman…" Cartman pretended he didn't know what the dude was talking about and then said, "Oh! Gothman." He grinned, "The stupid ass who keeps phoning everyone!"
"Wipe that smile off your face!" Gothman ordered.
Cartman gasped and looked around to see if Gothman was spying on him. He came to the conclusion that no one was there and became rather frightened yet again. How could Gothman have possibly known that he was grinning? Oh, he got it. It was his tone of voice that set him off. He calmed down again and spoke to Gothman.
"You had me scared there for a minute, ass wipe." Cartman chuckled, "You make it seem like you can see me-" Cartman begin to say.
"I can see you though…" Gothman cut him off. "You are sitting on your couch, with the phone in your hand."
"So what? A lot of people have the phone in their living rooms." Cartman insisted.
"Yes, but your phone is normally on the kitchen wall. And before you picked up the phone you were eating Cheesy Poufs and watching Terrance and Phillip."
"Shit, how did you-?" Cartman commenced his fearful demand, but was cut off again.
"I can see you, Eric Cartman." Gothman told him again.
"Oh yah?" Cartman challenged.
Cartman rested the phone between his chin and his shoulder now, his chin almost covering the mouthpiece entirely. He'd prove Gothman was nothing more than a stupid wanna-be that desired attention. He was going to do this through means of tests and the first one was he would reach into the drawer on the side table and, without looking, make Gothman guess what it was.
"What's in my hand, you son of a bitch?" Cartman challenged again as he opened the drawer and grabbed something randomly.
"A knife blade," that voice that sent shivers up and down Cartman's spine told him.
"Yah, right," Cartman looked at his closed hand. There appeared to be a handle protruding from his fist, the same wooden handle that the butcher knife his mother had possessed. He gulped and when he opened his hand he saw the blood and the blade. "Fuck!" he exclaimed, dropping it on the floor where the blood splattered on the carpet.
"What's the matter, poopsy?" Cartman's mother came into the room the moment after he dropped the knife. "Did you cut yourself?" she asked upon seeing the blood.
The phone line had gone dead the minute Mrs. Cartman had entered the room, thus meaning that Gothman had hung up. Cartman looked to his mother and nodded a response to her question and nearly began crying as well. He was scared out of his mind and now his hand hurt like hell too.
xxx
The following night, the three boys stood in hiding at about the same time that Terrance and Phillip was on. Stan and Kyle had questioned as to why Cartman was doing this and didn't believe that he'd actually cut his hand because of Gothman, but Kenny confirmed it since he'd been there as well. He'd just been so damn scared he'd remained silent the whole time, so they believed him.
That didn't mean they thought Cartman's plan would work, but they followed it all the same. Cartman had them wait outside his house, but in hiding because he suspected that the Gothman was merely spying on him and that's how he knew what was going on. However, that wasn't the case.
At the exact time that Gothman had called the previous nights, Gothman appeared in front of Cartman's house. Just poof, out of nowhere! That alone left the boys in awe, but when they saw him walk over to Cartman's front steps and sit down, they slunk further into their hiding place, but so they could still see. Gothman pulled out a cellphone and dialled a number, which they assumed was Cartman's and waited for an answer.
"You guys! That dude has wings!" Kyle gasped as he hid with them.
"They're probably made of cardboard or some shit like that. We should attack him!" Cartman whispered frantically.
"I don't think that's a good idea…" Stan said.
"Are you with me or not?!" Cartman snapped and Stan and Kyle sighed as Cartman moved for the attack.
The three of them used their ever so stealthy ways to sneak up on Gothman and then attacked him. All of them pinned down the one who called himself Gothman, ripped the phone out of his hands and threw it aside. They then proceeded at attempting to rip of his wings, but to no avail.
"Pull harder!" Cartman instructed as Stan and Kyle tried to rip off what they thought were cardboard wings.
"OW! Stop that!" the voice even sounded distorted when he was standing right in front of them. "Hey! Those are real!"
They stopped pulling at once and stepped aside to get a good look at him. The boy was dressed in all black, with black hair and pink slits for eyes. From what they could see, he had no mouth, but instead huge black wings protruding from his back. His skin was pale, which enhanced the colour of the pink eyes even more than they already were. The appearance of Gothman definitely matched the voice, or so Cartman thought.
"Dude, what's with all the prank calls?" Stan demanded.
"It is my duty to terrorize small towns that no one cares about such as your own and then bring upon them great tragedy." Gothman explained.
"You mean kind of like Mothman did in Point Pleasant?" Kyle asked.
"Hey, wasn't that a movie?" Cartman asked.
"Yes, it is a movie, but it is also a true story. Mothman is my father." Gothman told them.
"Well, go see your pansy ass father and get the hell out of South Park." Cartman ordered.
"I cannot." Gothman told him.
"Why, did Kyle and Stan hurt your wings too much?" Cartman taunted.
"No, I have not caused great tragedy here." Gothman told them shortly.
"Hey, I have an idea!" Kyle suddenly spoke up.
xxx
"I don't know how exactly this is tragic, but hey, at least he did it!" Stan grinned as he, Cartman and Kyle stood outside of the school.
Or, rather, what should have been the school. The school was completely destroyed, by Gothman of course. All the children stood outside the school laughing at how it was all ruins and saying how there would be no school for that day.
"Yah, for once you actually had a pretty good idea, Jew!" Cartman praised Kyle who merely nodded with a grin on his face.
"Okay, children. Obviously the school is destroyed," Mr. Garrison stood in front of all of them now.
"You bet your ass it is!" Cartman cheered quietly.
"However, though the school is in complete ruin, classes are still in session." Mr. Garrison told them and began directing the shocked children to where their classes would take place.
"This, this can't be happening you guys!" Cartman looked like he was going to cry.
"This is tragic!" Stan said now, having the same expression as Cartman.
"NO!!" Kyle shouted out in his misery. "This isn't fair!"
"Kyle! Your idea sucks!" Cartman snapped and then began repeatedly shouting, "I hate you! I hate you!"
