A Lost Cause
Chapter 8; Name
"A name is something you are given, something that you have to either live up to, or shy away from."
-neongiraffe
The silence fell again upon us. I was pretty sure Alex was going through all the things I said, finding that I was more right than he ever thought.
"We never did what we came here to do." I said.
"You're not banging me." he answered and I laughed and rolled over to my stomach on the bed.
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh I thought that you used whatever the weak and shady excuse was to get me alone and do me."
"You're so romantic. No wonder I fell in love with you." I said sarcastically and he laughed.
"No I asked you about Lena." I said and his face fell immediately.
"oh okay."
"What's the deal with her? I mean every time she does as little as shows up or I say her name, everyone go all silent and dark." I said and Alex looked at his hands.
"I mean, what does she do to people here?" I asked. I saw Alex physically collect himself and look at me but his eyes were sad. He looked at me for a second before he started typing. His fingers didn't move as fast on the screen as before, he was slowing down on purpose.
"One thing you have to understand is that she is very smart. I mean she has the IQ of four normal people or something." the voice on the phone spoke and I waited it to continue but nothing came.
"And?"
"Well... You asked what she does to people here. Well it's individual really, depending on the person. " The voice went silent and I kept starting at Alex.
"I'm very smart too Alex, I have the IQ of five normal people. And right now you are just telling me a whole lot of nothing." I said and Alex sighed.
"People are sent here because something is wrong with them, they can't behave, have problems. But not that sort of problems that you can see, they're hidden underneath layers of money and good suits."
"Wait wait wait. So are you telling me that everyone here are rich and come from good families?" I asked.
"Yes they do. They don't send just anyone here; this is a special place for special people." he typed and I nodded and took everything in.
"Go on."
"The people in here all have done bad things. Really bad things. Your car theft thing is nothing, and I mean nothing. Some people in here have…done some things people don't even want to talk about so they get shoved here" I looked at him curiously.
"And we have a silent, unspoken rule in here; you don't ever ask what someone has done. It's their own business, and unless they want to tell, you don't ask. Do you understand me? You do not ask. You'll only get beat up." he typed and as I listened, he held my eyes, and I saw just how serious he was.
"Okay I won't ask."
"Good. You may be smart but you still have a lot to learn."
"So what about Lena?"
"Why are you so interested in her?"
"She thinks she's so smart. Like she can figure and break me and make me a good golden boy." I shrugged and was surprised to hear Alex laugh. It wasn't a genuine laugh; it was more hollow, empty, and almost evil.
"And you're convinced she can't?"
"Positive."
"You'll be disappointed." he typed but I only held my chin up and lifted and eyebrow.
"We'll see then shall we."
"Yes."
"You still haven't told me anything about her. What does she actually do here?"
"She is the main teacher kind of thing here. She is in charge of your and everyone else's treatment and it's her job that after the time that you are spent here, you'll walk out of here as a person who can fit the society again."
"And what is that in practice?"
"She holds the therapy lessons. Well we call them PL:s, private lessons, we have some group things too. So basically you are in a room with her and you talk." I waited him to elaborate but he didn't.
"Just talk?"
"Yes."
"Nothing else?"
"No."
"So you spend a certain amount of time in a room with her and then she just magically turns you in to a normal and good behaving citizen?"
"Yes." I huffed dismissively and rolled my eyes.
"You don't believe she can do it." Alex more stated than asked. He had an expression on that looked a mix of disbelief and amusement.
"No I really don't."
"Any why's that?. Oh wait, let me analyze you for a second." he said and sat up straighter. I lifted a brow and told him to go for it.
"You think you are really smart, and I won't deny that you aren't, I know you are a lot smarter than me and that I went to a lot more school than you did. You'd beat me in any activity that required any brainwork. You think that nothing and no one can beat you, no one can figure you out, no one can make sway and lose your balance, you are rooted to the ground, no one can brake you. You think that she can't get to you, that she can't get inside your head and change you. You think that you'll be able to cheat her, be able to lie to her, maybe even fool her. But you can't. No one can." Alex finished. I stared at him, wondering. He was looking down, frowning, lips pressed together and I saw that he was biting the inside of his cheek. I realized something just then. I leaned closer and asked with a small voice, begging him to tell me. I needed to know what was going on in this house. I knew I wouldn't get that many chances, Alex was a person who knew how to act right and hide whatever he felt he needed to hidden. I wouldn't get opportunities to see him open, vulnabrle like this. I needed to use this moment.
"Why are you so scared to her? What did she do to you?" His eyes snapped to me and for a moment there was utter honest fear in his eyes. He looked absolutely terrified, a small boy sitting on his bed, clutching to a pillow, beginning for someone to help him. Then he realized his slip. He collected himself just like a son of some big corprerte that had been told how to act right his whole life – how to stay tough, how to hide everything and stay silent even when you are screaming inside. The fleeing moment of weakness, the slight crack of the door was gone. The door closed and just like I expected he'd answer, he typed:
"Nothing." I knew that the moment was gone and that he wouldn't tell me anymore. I looked at him a second longer before let it go and got up from the bed.
"Fine. I think it's time for evening counting. I will see you tomorrow." I said and nodded. He did the same and I walked out. I closed the door and looked at the knob for a moment. Then I lifted my head and walked to my room. When I reached it, the clock was just about to hit 9 and I just sat on my bed and waited for some kind of sign that the counting was about to start. Soon enough a bright light caught my eye. It was a small lamp, the size of a butter jar and it burned blue. It reminded me of the lamps on top of police cars. I looked at the lamp, I haven't noticed it before. I got up from my bed and walked under the lamp and examined it. I smile appeared on my face and walked out from the door.
I saw that every boy was out from their rooms, standing in front of their doors like soldiers. They looked straight forward, face blank. I followed their example and stood in front of my own door. There were 6 rooms in this floor, three on my side of the hallway and three on the other. The doors were opposite of each other, so I found myself looking at Jaden. He smiled and I returned it.
There was a fifteen minutes of just silence and I presumed it was because of Lena was checking the downstairs rooms first. Then there were heals clicking on the wooden floor and I saw Lena's slim figure. She walked past Jaden first not even looking at him, only clicked the counter, but then stopped in front of me. She eyed me for a while, saying nothing, just looking at me. I knew what she was doing, she was looking at every detail on my body, clothes, expressions, body movements… I did that too every day, on almost every person I came across. I could find out ten things about them in ten seconds. And that all before they uttered a word. I was kinda like Sherlock Holmes. And I loved it.
The brilliance of knowing and being able to do something really well –this applies on kissing, having sex, stealing, etc.- is being able to tell when someone else doing it on you, and if they are doing it well or not. And when you know someone is doing it to you, for example stealing, you know how to avoid them actually getting anything from you.
So when Lena stood there in her black shining leather heels, she got nothing out from me. Well nothing important. She learned very little about my clothing choice, from the styling of my hair, my facial expressions. And I saw that it infuriated her. I smiled a bit and she returned the polite smile.
"Have you been enjoying your stay Mr. Simpson?" she asked. I nodded and smiled.
"Yes I have."
"You've been treated well I presume?"
"Yes. Very well." I purposely glanced at Evert, who stayed in the room 4, on the left of Jaden's.
"Very well indeed." I said and moved my eyes back to Lena. I knew she saw who I looked at. She glanced at Evert and I saw that he ducked his head, down avoiding her eyes, blushing just slightly. She looked back at me and I saw the smallest frown and tithing around her mouth. She was mad. Really mad. She knew that I had something with Evert and that something wasn't just holding hands and it was very much against the rules she made. She smiled and I was impressed by the way she made it look very genuine.
"Very well then. Good night." she said, clicked her counter and moved on. I felt how Jaden and Evert were boring their eyes at me, but I just looked forward.
Lena reached the end of the corridor and stopped in front of a boy. I leaned forward on my heels and to my surprise saw that it was Justin. I didn't know he lived on the same floor and hallway as me. She leaned to say something to him, he nodded and she clicked her counter and walked past me again, down the stairs.
"In to your rooms." she said and disappeared. As soon as she was gone, Jaden jumped the couple steps separating us and stood right in front of me, shoulders tense, hands in fists, breathing hard.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked in a low voice so the other boys wouldn't hear us.
"What do you mean?" I asked calmly. He huffed very irritated and then pointed at Evert.
"With him." he said. Evert looked up and walked over to us.
"Well I recall we had sex in the closet where most of you have sex too." I said and Evert rolled his eyes.
"I know that. I meant why did you tell Lena?" Jaden asked angrily.
"Why not?" I asked and Jaden took a deep breath.
"You know what mate? Do what you want. But just remember that you still have over 60 days here and you are well on your way to make them very difficult." he said and Evert staid quiet next to her. Jaden walked back to his own room and Evert staid there standing next to me.
"He's right you know." he finally said.
"About what?"
"About what he said. 60 days is a long time. Even longer if you go on the wrong side with Lena." he said and looked up. I saw a hint of worry in his eyes. I took a step closer and laid my hand on his chest. I pushed him back on the wall so he was pressed against it. I leaned closer, hovering above his lips. I breathed out a couple of times and I saw how his chest started to move faster up and down.
"But blondie, the way I see it, its 60 days more time to have sex. Incredible, mind blowing, hard and fast, or slow and bone aching sex." I whispered to his ear. His eyes slipped close before he quickly snapped them open again. I smirked, pushed away from the wall and walked to my room. Thirty seconds later the light started to blink above my door again, the door closed itself and then I heard the lock make a click, securing me in.
Night came and went and morning arrived. I got up feeling half happy and half irritated. I knew I had another day sitting on that stupid pink stool but in the other hand I was glad that I didn't have to do any actual work.
I got up and started to get dressed. I pulled on a pair of jeans and roamed my drawers for a shirt. I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." I said without looking up.
"Hey mate." I heard Jaden's voice.
"Hey." I said and dug deeper on the drawer.
"Lost something?"
"Nah, just looking for my shirt." I said and finally found it. I took it out, a plain white dress shirt. I turned around and pulled the shirt on.
"You dress like you're going to some important dinner with the president or something:" he said and nodded towards me.
"Nah, I have a tie for that." I joked and he laughed. I walked over to him, closing the last two buttons. I took my cardigan and put it on. Jaden shuffled awkwardly with his feet and looked down. I knew he was about to say something, but I didn't push him.
"Um hey sorry about yesterday. Didn't mean to be rude." he said and kept looking down. I was surprised at least.
"It's alright. " I only replied and he looked up. He was biting is lower lip and looking worried.
"I mean you seem like a cool dude and there's not a whole lot of them here. "he said and laughed.
"You're saying that I'm the kind of guy you want on your side on this house." I said and he shook his head and smiled.
"Yes, basically. Just trying to watch out for you with the whole Lena thing and all." he said and I nodded.
"I'll watch you back too from now on. Cool?" I asked.
"Cool." he answered and smiled. I slapped him on the back and we left my room. Jaden was the kind of person I wanted to have on my side. He had something interesting about him, and I knew that I'd figure it out soon enough. We walked down the stairs without saying anything.
"Hey Jaden." a boy I have not met yet greeted Jaden at the end of the stairs. He was bold and had big nose and blue eyes.
"Hey mate." Jaden answered and they did a handshake.
"Can we talk?" the guy asked but glanced at me nervously. Jaden nodded and turned to me.
"I'll see you at breakfast." he said and I knew that was my cue to leave. I nodded and started to walk towards the dining room. I glanced back and saw that the two boys were walking bit further away, under the stairs. I stopped where the wall started and counted to five before poked my head from behind it. It was no surprise when I saw that the bold guy handed a brown packet to Jaden, who slipped in under his shirt, between his stomach and jeans. I smiled to myself and walked to the dining room. I had been right, but now wasn't the time to tell Jaden that. I'd catch him later.
Justin arrived couple minutes later, looking like he did yesterday. He wore an expression that told me nothing, his clothes very little and his movements nothing. It was quite frustrating and odd how he was so apathetic. Like there was nothing inside.
He sat on the end of the table, got food, ate it and then pushed the plate away. He waited in silence, staring at one place, not having any kind of contact with anyone in the room. And everyone else treated him the same. It was almost as he was invisible. Nothing could touch him and he could touch nothing.
Lena came and told everyone to go to the main hall. Morning info was over in two minutes, there were no new information, Lena only said good morning and told everyone that their daily jobs would be the same as yesterday. She let us go and I looked for Justin. He was still sitting down, waiting for other people to leave first. I waited with him, since we'd go out the same time.
"Hey Justin, Cody." Evert's voice spoke. I looked up and he was the round leather shaped awo.
"I'll let you out." he continued and Justin got up. We followed Evert to the door where he showed the awo to the reader and after a metallic buzzing noise, the door clicked open. Justin walked straight out but Evert took me by the wrist. He looked me in the eyes and then glanced at Justin's retreating back.
"Just play nice okay? " he said and I only chuckled.
"Worried about me now are we?"
"Shut up. Just don't want you to get in to any kind of stupid trouble and get sent to the Box. "
"And why's that?" I asked and leaned closer
"I'd miss your cock." he said and pushed me out. I smirked and walked towards the carnage, not looking back. I heard Evert's laughter, soon muffled by the thick door.
Justin got his overalls on and went straight to work. He opened the hood of a car and started to stare at the engine. I stood couple meters away from him, leaning to the concrete wall. He kept staring, his eyes darting between all the metal and rubber components of the car. I knew nothing about cars so I had no idea what he was looking. But I could tell that he was looking for something.
Suddenly he sprang into action and collected some tools from the table. Then he walked back to the car and started to unscrew something.
"Need any help?" I asked, not expecting him to answer. He didn't even flinch and staid quiet.
"Thought so." I sighed and walked to the pink stool and sat down.
The next three hours went okay. After that I was really getting bored. If you are as smart as I am, you need something to use that mind for. I need something to occupy myself with, I can't just sit and do nothing for long period of time. The three hours I spent thinking about stuff then cataloguing every plant, peace of fence, stone and mud puddle on the yard I could see. When I seriously started to consider counting every grain of sand, I stood up and walked back to Justin. He was deep inside the car, hands working fast. I studied him for a moment.
"I am going to be bluntly honest here. I am going crazy. I have the IQ of -well a lot, and sitting around and doing nothing doesn't work with me. So I'll just do my thing and you can do yours. I'll talk and you can stay silent and keep doing whatever it is you are doing in there. You don't need to answer me, I won't expect you to. Okay?" I said but he didn't react.
"I'll take that as a yes." I said and hopped on the table that had all kinds of tools on it.
"So… when I said that I'll do my thing, I meant well.. .It's hard to explain. I analyze people pretty much. I try to find out everything there is to find out about them. Well interesting things. And all this by just looking at them. And since I have nothing to do and you are a human being whose communicating skills are below zero, I'll just do what I do best." I went on but there was no reaction, not any kind of sign he heard or minded what I was about to do.
"Okay so… Starting from your appearance. I'd say that you are very rich, a lot richer than all of the boys put together here, and their parents for that matter – but you don't want to show that. But you do appreciate the good things in life, the bit more expensive ones. No matter how much you want to be invisible and go unnoticed, you still have your vices and cave in with some things. You're left handed but learned to use your right as your main hand. You're short sighted and a bit allergic to p
Polyhydroxyethyl Methacrylate." I finished but he didn't react in any way.
"Good damn you're worse than Alex." I huffed and jumped down from the table. I started to walk towards the big folding doors when I heard a snicker. First I thought I stepped on something but after a quick glance at my feet I determined that I didn't.
"Did you say something?" I asked.
"No." he replied shortly "I laughed."
I spend a good thirty seconds staring at him.
"Well this is new." I thought to myself. I slowly walked back to him, but he didn't look any different from a minute ago when he wasn't talking.
"And why's that?" I asked, half expecting him not to answer.
"Because you are wrong." he said and came out from under the hood of the car to pick up a tool from the floor. He pocketed it and dived back in.
"I'm wrong…?" I asked.
"Yes." he said shortly, still not sharing a glance at my direction.
"And why's that?"
"Well you're so smart, you'll figure it out." he said in a tone that wasn't sarcasm. It was a bit like a challenge, but he sounded like he didn't quite care if I figured it out or not.
"Okay. " I said and then he stayed quiet.
I walked back to the little pink stool by the door and sat down.
Dinner came and Evert walked down the carnage, smirking at me.
"Had a good morning honey?" he asked.
"It was alright." I answered and stretched out my legs which had become cold and stiff.
"Need any help warming up?" he asked and blew hot air in to my neck.
"Yes, " I whispered and leaned close to him. " I'll just let myself in." I said and pulled back, dangling the awo he'd been carrying in front of his face. He looked at me his mouth open and tried to snatch it back. I was quicker and anticipated his move and took a step back. I smirked at him and started to walk towards the main building. I looked back and saw that Evert narrowed his eyes at me and then started to stomp after me. Justin was leaning in to the wall and looked unimpressed.
Evert caught up with me in the main door and snatched the key back.
"How the hell did you do that?" he asked.
"It's simple really. Divert your attention, take the key and done." I said and walked in as the door opened. He gripped me from the collar of my shirt and yanked me close to him.
"I'll make you pay for that." he said angrily but I saw the hidden arousal in his eyes. I smirked and answered
"I'm looking for it." and walked away to the dining hall.
Lena came and counted us and the food arrived. I sat down next to Jaden. He greeted me and I did the same. Evert sat next to me, a bit closer than necessary. Jaden's eyes flickered from me to Evert but he didn't say anything. I just kept eating and let my eyes wonder from one face to another on the table. Justin was sitting opposite of me, keeping his eyes on the plate. He didn't look like he had just actually spoken to me earlier.
"Hey Jaden?" I asked .
"Mmm?" he said his mouth full of food.
"Does he ever talk?" He looked at me and followed my gaze that rested on Justin.
"Justin? Sometimes." he said and went back to his food, but I saw the slight tensing in this shoulders.
"Are you friends?" I asked, knowing they couldn't be, not the way Jaden was acting. If they had been Jaden wouldn't be so on the edge talking about him. But they knew each other some way, that was obvious.
"Something like that." he answered. I leaned closer so the others wouldn't hear us.
"I presume you do some business together." I said and Jaden stopped the spoon that was half way up going to his mouth. He looked at me, then stopped andput the spoon down and cleared his throat.
"So you know?"
"Of course I know. You were so far from being subtle that it was pretty much the same as shouting to Lena that you're dealing inside." I said and he hissed at me.
"Shut up! I don't want anyone to find out you prick. What do you want?" he asked.
"Oh don't treat me like I'm some sort of blackmailer, we're buddies right? Just tell me about him." I said and nodded towards Justin. Jaden looked at me for a moment, his eyes darting between me and Justin.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Pure interest. Something to keep me busy while I'm here." I answered and took a bite from my sandwich. He looked at me curiously but then took a deep breath in.
"He's not in on it." he said and looked down.
"On the dealing?"
"Yes. Not that I didn't offer. He looks like a guy who could use some….help. He always says no, doesn't want anything to do with it, never complained to Lena about me. He just…is. That's all I can tell about him." he said and I was left there to wonder about this new information.
"Why did he get here?"
"It was some mess with cops and his family..." Jaden said. I knew we were talking about the subject we weren't allowed to talk about, why someone was here and what they've done. I knew it was no of my business and it was rude to ask and go digging around someone else's business. But I had this feeling that I needed to figure him out, what was under that silent, apathetic skin of his?
"What did he do?" Jaden just shook his head.
"You know I can't tell you. I can say something but if he wants you to know then he'll tell you and you just have to ask." he shrugged and I knew I wouldn't get much more out of him. I was already pushing it. I only got that peace of information out from him because I told him I knew about his little business inside here. I wanted to find out more about that too, what he was dealing, how he did it, but there was more than enough time for that later.
"He's kinda like you. Well a lot. You have similar reasons why you are here." Jaden suddenly said. Something clicked in my head. I remembered something but it was like it was hiding behind a thin curtain, thick enough for me not to see the answer, but thin enough so I could see the blurry outlines and hear it mocking and laughing at me. There was something really familiar about his face. There was something, I knew it, I just couldn't get to it.
Then it hit me.
"What's his last name Jaden?" I asked in a rushed voice. He glanced at me curiously.
"Umm Bieber. Justin Bieber." he answered. Then it all became clear.
"Bieber." I breathed out. "yes of course." I said, staring at the table my eyes wide.
Author's Notes.
o m g. For two things, first, the cliff hanger, second the time I last updated. Both are unbelievable.
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