If only for a moment

We were back in the staff meeting waiting for Dumbledore to arrive, Harry walked in and I was relieved that he didn't look too upset over the situation.

"I'm sorry about Din yesterday." He bent his head down, taking on responsibility that was not his own.

"It's O.K. Harry I can take care of myself, besides it's not your fault. Did you find any evidence that was helpful?"

"Everyone's stories jibe so we didn't find much there." He leaned closer and pushed up his glasses. "We recovered the snitch, or what was left of it, one of the wings was missing and there were many broken pieces we have started to put together."

"Did you pick up any magical activity?" I lowered my voice as well, thinking now that all this information would not be part of the staff meeting.

"That's just the queer thing about it, there was no energy…but we could see some sort of residue all over it, a thin film of we are not quite sure what." He had turned round to face me full on, he had grown in the last year, odd for his age, but because of what I suspected as mistreatment by the Dursley's, his physical maturity had been delayed.

"Maybe Snape and I could have a go at it, puzzle out if we can detect any ingredients." I offered.

"I suggested that but Din went ballistic, he said that would be a conflict of interest and he convinced Tonks that only the Ministry lab could test."

"Well, in any other case I'd say he was probably right but knowing the way they bungle things and how they feel about Snape at the Ministry I'm suspicious that they might see something that's not there." My stomach started to burn with the thought of Snape's innocence being left in the hands of the Ministry. I looked to Harry to see what his thoughts on the matter where when I saw him reaching into his pocket.

"I agree." He smiled and pulled out a small golden chunk. "I brought you this for analysis.

Dumbledore walked in with Snape following behind and I pocketed the evidence.

As I knew, none of what Harry had told me was part of the staff meeting. Dumbledore concluded with the vague statement that the incident would remain under investigation while the Aurors continued to gather evidence.

Snape glanced in my direction, but then looked the other way and when Dumbledore finished he followed him out.

It took all my patience to wade through my classes but finally I stole away to the lab, hoping that we could find a clue from the shattered snitch. I knocked but no one answered so I let myself in, silence told me that he was either still in class or possibly meeting with Dumbledore. I approached the bench and saw a note in the usual spot.

Miss Granger,

I am off to see my friend and I have a feeling won't be back until quite late. The stores of beetle wings and mushroom caps are running low; you know where to find them. 10 and 50 grams respectively should be ample for tomorrow's fourth years.

Snape

The instruction, although less impatient than usual seemed perfectly ordinary, save for using the word 'friend' as a code word for Voldemort, it was instead the post script that made me pause.

P.S.

Please do not linger, I know that your project awaits my perusal but I find myself fatigued these last few days, perhaps the weekend will allow for some time.

S. Snape

Admitting to exhaustion, caring over my project this was indeed out of character, but as Snape had stated yesterday things would be different now. I cast the note aside and began the tedious work. A quarter of the way through the beetle wings I had already decided to 'linger', my curiosity over Voldemort's reaction to the substance was too strong and I was sure Snape's interest would be piqued by the piece of snitch.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

It was eleven by the time I had stacked the ingredients in boxes near the door to be brought up to the fourth year's classroom tomorrow.

I took out my notes on the Wolfsbane and a book that I had managed to find in London called "The Chemistry of Time Release" and settled on a stool behind the bench. I was halfway through the third chapter when Snape opened the door. He had his deatheater robe slung over his arm, positioned to hide the mask as before and after seeing me at the bench he crossed the room to the locked cabinet where he stored them.

"I thought I told you not to stay?" His voice was quiet and slightly less bass.

"I was just researching a bit before I left." I closed my book, thinking that I should probably leave as it sounded as though he would be uncommunicative about the evening.

"Something is happening." He murmured this to me as he slumped down on a bench against the sidewall, that until now I had never noticed. He looked exhausted and his eyelids drooped ever so slightly.

I came across the room quicker than I had wanted to and sat gently down beside him.

"Tell me." I implored, wanting to know for myself but hoping that in the retelling it would give him back some little energy that the lonely knowledge of what transpired seemed to be sapping

He looked up but focused on some point on the other side of the room.

"I didn't know where I was at first, it had been so very long since I'd been. It looked grand in the darkness; the chandelier in the front hallway illuminated the first floor rooms like an elegant doll's house. I could feel the energy of other apparitions and knew that the front entrance couldn't have possibly been meant for us, after a moment I gathered my wits and put my mask and robe on in the shadows of a long needle pine. I made my way along the perimeter, the boughs and brush cloaking my path, my legs guided me from memory, Malfoy manner always had unequaled grounds."

"The Malfoy's?" I murmured in surprise.

"We used to meet there, long ago, before the deatheaters even had a name." He put his head in his hands, smoothing out his hair.

"I entered through the trap door basement as we had done so long ago… "he snorted derisively… "like young boys hiding from their parents. No one was wearing their masks or robes; instead they had exchanged them for glamours…enchantments for youth. Each one looked as if he or she were in their early twenties, Voldemort included. I was off put by the whole scene, let alone meeting in a house, we haven't met inside for years." He raised his eyebrows… " it seems the monster feels no cold. He moved forward, the Dark Lord, from the crowd, young and handsome, curls framing his face, he insisted I dispense with the mask…and be myself. This request frightened me more than any Cruciatus curse ever could." Snape rested back on the bench and swallowed hard.

I wanted to get him a glass of water…anything to soothe him but I couldn't break the moment, it was rare that I was included in on all the details and I was greedy for information. I turned the chunk of snitch in my pocket and wondered if his tale would give insight on who had sabotaged it. He resumed his story,

"I obeyed." His body relaxed now, succumbing fully to the memory. "Not so taken aback as to forget my purpose I made a flourish with my robes and mask, almost throwing them to Voldemort, faking a sense of excitement. I know we both must have inhaled more than an evenings shareof the substance. He tossed them in the corner and pointed his wand at me, incanting a youth spell and fixing the glamour, everyone cheered, as I know it must have had a dramatic effect. They reached out for me and pulled me to the other side of the room where a full length mirror was inlaid in a chifferobe."

Snape paused and turned his head so that I could only see part of his profile.

"I was young and…handsome, my old 'friends' were surrounding me and at once it filled me with a deep joy and sorrow…for I knew that it was all false,… the glamour, …the evil that had pulled me in with smiling faces…it was the first time Tom had truly wounded me and it took every ounce of my strength not to breakdown."

The tears had reached the corner of my eyes and out of instinct I placed my hand on his arm. "Oh professor…" it was all I could say.

"We drank and talked of old stories, no one was punished and it seemed the evening was to conclude as a pointless trip back in time, until everyone was making to leave. I was retrieving the cloak and mask where they had been discarded, thinking that I would counteract the glamour in the back woods before I apparated away, when I was summoned by Voldemort from the hallway.

"Severus, do come join me in here, he motioned to another room just next to where we had our meeting. I struggled to drain my mind of all thoughts of the Order, the substance…all my feelings, he had alluded at the last meeting that he was suspicious that the teachers of Hogwarts were organizing and I had no doubt that his plan was to use Legilimancy on me. I walked towards him, uneasy over the fact that his features did not match the commanding mature stance with which he waited for me.

"He motioned to some chairs in a room filled with books, they were unorganized on the shelves and I assumed it must be an overflow from the family library. Although presumably storage space, it had been outfitted with a few comforts and I wondered if Voldemort came here often when he wasn't being 'the Dark Lord'."

Snape turned to me then commenting on his own feelings.

"The last few days have brought a clarity that has eluded me, for so long that I had almost forgotten it existed. I have been so caught in this man's insanity, the plotting of the Order, playing my role as 'Professor Snape' that I had forgotten there was anything else…for myself as well as other people, circumstances have existed for me as only a means to an end."

His confession undid my control and my tears flowed freely. I understood full well what he spoke of, " I know…when I visited Neville the same feeling had struck me, he was living his life and I was only reacting." Snape nodded his head in assent. He went back to the evening's events.

"We talked of a great many things and in the span of two silences I could feel him try to penetrate my mind, his attempt was markedly weaker than usual and I easily blocked both."

I was so relieved to hear this from Snape, his exhaustion the other day had worried me.

He heard me sigh with that relief and furrowed his brow.

"It is a good sign that he can not read my thoughts but I am worried over his new demeanor, it is more calm, the rage that characterizes every meeting was definitely diminished but he has a sharpened focus, much in the same way I have described my own change, and I fear that his plans may become more effective if he wishes to carry them out."

I swallowed and shook my head in understanding, saying a small prayer to myself , hoping that we had not made things worse by trying to make things better. Snape cleared his throat and went back to his recant.

"I had forgotten how intelligent he was, we talked about potions, business, and at one point charms…he could have been anything..." he shook his head in disappointment. " Tonight he was the man that had lured me in, charmed me with his brilliance and had made me feel that I had belonged."

This was too much and now I wanted to flee, leave his side and forget this plan. I wanted Snape back, with all of his bitter anger and stealth. My spine shivered as I admitted to myself how I longed for his protection. He didn't notice my reaction but went on;

"If I could keep him talking as we talked tonight I think there maybe some hope, his body and skills are superhuman but his mind retains a certain understanding of the world. If I could make him see, if I could make him enjoy something…anything, he might back off."

"But how? How could you do it with only words?"

"I don't know Hermione…but I've got to try…can you help me?" He looked at me so earnestly, that my heart constricted. I felt selfish at my last thoughts, I was afraid without his usual aggressive presence but as he had asked me the night before we presented our plan to the Order, I would keep my promise and not abandon him.

"He wants another meeting with me alone…that is strange and the fact that we're are at Lucius' house and he is not invited in must be killing him. We must be careful with Luscius, his treachery knows no bounds and he is one snake when provoked will definitely strike back." I agreed and was somewhat relieved that he had not lost his ability to consider all possibilities.

He rose from the bench and walked to the door. "I must tell Albus of our meeting and set him to thinking as well…I am to meet him again after the weekend and by then I'd like to have a plan."

My thoughts and emotions were in an upheaval, but at the last minute I remembered the snitch.

"Oh, professor wait. Harry retrieved part of the snitch." I drew it out of my pocket and walked to him, hand outstretched. "They are going to analyze it at the Ministry but Harry thought we might like a crack at it as well. There seems to be a residue on it and the Aurors found no magical energy.

He took it from my hand and pocketed it. "Good work, we can test it tomorrow after classes."

He exited. I must have turned and retrieved my things, made my way out and up to my room but I saw nothing…my eyes were blind to my physical world instead my mind worked feverishly on how I could help Snape. The task seemed insurmountable; he was planning on what, making a case for life? We had to convince Voldemort that something, anything was worthwhile…would it even work? At that moment I could have turned on the idea, I could have gone to Dumbledore and convinced him Snape was no longer fit, that the substance had worked in such a way that he no longer could fulfill his duties…

But I couldn't…this had become more than a way to save the wizarding world, or Harry Potter or Hogwarts even, it had become a way to salvage our humanity. If Snape could sway him, make him pause for the slightest moment to reconsider his actions, even if it was as he was bringing a wand down upon Harry, there in that second Voldemort would reveal his human frailty and it would give us the advantage to defeat him…my fear was that Snape's change would be so complete that he would no longer be able to kill him. It would have to be Harry in the end…as the prophecy had stated.

AN: Thank you for the very detailed reviews. I take to heart all the great advice and editing tips that all of you suggest. I hope that you find things moving a little faster.