Part 10 – Shattered Pieces of a Broken Heart
"You okay?" He asks tentatively, unsure of whether he should touch her or not.
"Would you stop asking me that? That's like, what? The eighth time in the past five minutes?" Maggie blew up, exhausted with Jamie's questioning. Although she loved the guy and thought he was great, at times he was more aloof than anyone she ever knew.
After the run in with Kendall in the hallway of the apartment, the two had gone they're separate ways after exiting the apartment building. Jamie had gone to his parents' houses to grab his own stuff, while Maggie had gone to attend Bianca's baby shower. She had gone, fully knowing that the chance of running into Kendall there was very likely because of the fact that Kendall was Bianca's sister and the-soon-to-be aunt of Bianca's unborn child.
Luckily Kendall had not pursued a conversation of any sorts during the baby shower; Maggie surmised that it must have been because Kendall didn't want to take the attention away from Bianca and her child. Though, if anyone was going to take that honor it would have been Erica.
Once the baby shower had ended, Maggie had been the first one out of the Chandler mansion. Wishing Bianca farewell, Maggie had claimed she had a standing arrangement to meet Jamie afterwards and here she was; sitting at BJ's sulking in the emptiness that was her love life.
"Uh-oh, don't look now." Turning to look where Jamie was looking or at who had caught his attention, Maggie felt herself sinking lower in her seat when she saw Kendall walking through the door of BJ's.
"Geez, did she put a tracking device on you or something?"
"Or something." Maggie mumbled, hiding behind her menu as best as she could. Though, she knew when she saw Kendall that the other woman had immediately saw her and was making her way towards they're table.
With Kendall, nobody could get away with looking at her without being caught.
It had been apparent that Kendall had come into BJ's looking for her, if her intent stare was any sort of hint.
"Maggie, we need to talk." Kendall's voice was stronger this time, she wasn't about to back down without telling Maggie what she needed.
"Hey, down sparky." Kendall snapped, taking her attention off of Maggie for the first time since she entered, and directed a heated glare at Jamie.
Puffing up his chest, Jamie was about to say something back to Kendall when Maggie shook her head.
"Jamie, just go…get us a drink okay?" Maggie asked softly, hoping that he wouldn't put up much of an argument.
Waiting for a few moments, Jamie finally conceded to the idea. "Fine. I'll just be over there, okay?" He asked, pointing to an empty barstool.
"What?" Maggie asked, turning to look at Kendall once Jamie was on his way to the bar.
"Just five minutes, please…"
"Five minutes?"
"Yes. That's all I need."
Either Kendall come up with the shortest apology ever and was banking on her charismatic personality to win Maggie's affections over again or Kendall was acting on desperation, Maggie was unsure of which.
"Fine, you have five minutes." She allowed, part of her was wondering if Kendall had the capacity of being sincere.
"Or what? You'll sic you're lap dog on me?" Kendall joked, nodding her head at where Jamie was scowling at her from where he sat at the bar.
"Sorry, bad joke." Kendall apologized, noting no reaction at all from Maggie at her attempt of lightening the situation.
"Maggie…I know I hurt you somehow…" Kendall started, stopping at Maggie's scoff at the obvious.
Maggie's arms were folded across her chest, her eyes darting from Kendall to the tabletop to once again Kendall. All the hurt, all the pain of being rejected from someone's bed was beginning to build inside of her and threatened to release itself.
Kendall wanted to desperately reach out and console the hurting woman, but she knew it wasn't her place. After all, she was the one to inflict this pain onto Maggie, what gave her the right to pretend she could get rid of it?
"And I know that nothing I say can make it go away. I don't even know how you're feeling right now but I shouldn't have done what I did. If I could, I would re-do it all over again. I thought I would never find someone who would relate to me on so many levels, but you make me feel happy. More than I've ever been…and I threw that friendship away with a stupid mistake on my part."
They had both grown up with tough childhoods. Kendall, the child of rape and her existence practically ignored by her mother of all people. Maggie, whose mother couldn't give a damn for her or her sister's existence and who had done things to them that she would never be able to forgive her mother for.
Two lonely women who only wanted to be loved and shown the same love that they bestowed upon they're friends.
They both had built walls around they're hearts, for reasons that differed. Kendall had grown up practically not trusting anyone, and no one could truly blame her. After all, she had grown up in a web of lies and betrayal. Why would anybody leave they're hearts open to the possibility of being hurt?
While Maggie had been too open with her heart and who she gave it to. Unlike her twin sister, Frankie, Maggie wore her heart on her sleeve too much that it had gotten her in trouble on many occasions. Maggie had gotten her heart used and hurt too many times that she was forced to build a solid wall that would protect it from future hurt.
"I didn't mean what I said, please believe that." Kendall pleaded, her eyes beginning to glisten. "I need you to believe that…I do want you to be my friend. I want you in my life, Maggie."
Silence fell between the two women, the tension threatening to suffocate them both.
"Is that all you have to say?" She asks with her head bowed.
"Yes. Yes it is." Kendall says, a little perplexed at Maggie's flat tone.
Kendall watched as the younger woman raised her blonde head, noticed the glistening tears in Maggie's eyes and distractedly remembered that in all the time that she knew Maggie…she had never seen the other woman cry.
Sure, she knew that Maggie most likely had the capacity to cry but Maggie had always been the strong rock in all they're lives. Never one to show any weakness or cease being the supportive role in they're lives.
Sadly, Kendall wondered when Maggie had cried during Bianca's rape. Sometime during Kendall's trial, during a conversation late one night when Bianca could not sleep, her baby sister had told her how Maggie had stood by her side. How it was Maggie who had gotten a gun and had gone to Michael's with all intent of killing him but couldn't, because she didn't want to be yet another person in Bianca's life to complicate her problems.
But Bianca had said that Maggie had never confided in how she felt when she heard about the rape nor had Maggie ever try to broach such a subject, believing that it would only bring unwanted memories to Bianca.
Kendall could only wonder if Maggie had cried herself to sleep when she had learned of Bianca's rape, or if keeping Bianca's secret had torn her up inside?
"Do you know what the really sad part is?" Maggie questioned, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Not knowing what to say, Kendall shook her head 'no' as she was at a loss for words.
"I've only shared a bed with two people in my entire life." Maggie paused, wanting this little fact to sink into Kendall's conscious before continuing. "Henry was my first…the first person I gave myself to. He ended up using me to cheat for his grades."
A sinking feeling began to form in Kendall's stomach; something about the way Maggie was talking gave her the feeling that the conversation was nowhere near okay.
"And the second person I slept with…says it was just a mistake." Maggie spat, her voice trembling when she said 'mistake'. Just looking into Maggie's eyes, Kendall knew who that second person was.
"Do you know what it feels like to be considered a mistake?" Maggie questioned. Kendall nodded, wanting Maggie to understand her and why she said what she did. "Yes, yes Maggie I do. I know what it feels like…" She spoke quickly, hoping to change Maggie's mind.
But the other girl shook her head, "No…no you don't. You think you do, but you don't." Maggie whispered, "All my life I was told I was a mistake. My drunken mother loved to remind Frankie and me that we weren't meant to ever be born. That it was a mistake for me to even exist. Then I…I share myself with you, and I thought…" Maggie trailed off, letting out a disbelieving sigh at her thoughts.
"What? What did you think Maggie?" Kendall questioned, taking a step forward. Slowly inching closer to Maggie.
"I thought that you were different, that you actually cared." Maggie spoke the words with such disbelief that it tore at Kendall to know she had caused such pain with her thoughtless actions.
"I thought you could relate to me…that we made some sort of connection that night." Kendall didn't need to be told what night Maggie was thinking of, she doubted that either of them would ever be able to forget.
"I told you things about my life that I haven't even told Bianca, because I knew you could understand. But I guess I was wrong…that you never did understand."
With that, Maggie grabbed her jacket and ran out of BJ's with Jamie following right behind her.
Kendall remained sitting in the booth, knowing that any sort of attempt to talk to Maggie at the moment would be to no success. She would have been lucky if Jamie would even let her within 10 ft of the other woman.
So she sat, a single tear running down her cheek but she didn't even notice it. Nor did she pay any attention to the customers around her table glancing her way and whispering to themselves.
Nothing mattered to her more than the woman who had fled just a few seconds before.
"I do understand, more than you could ever know." Kendall whispered to herself, watching helplessly as Maggie ran out of BJ's and into the night.
To be continued…
