Johanna held a lot of characteristics that shaped who she was. Her abrasive attitude, her sarcastic wit, her honor, her untrusting nature, her wholeness that she gave to everything she did. Much of who she was forged in the heat of the arena. She never stopped looking over her shoulder, she never stopped using her anger as fuel, she never thought the best of people.

Most glaringly of all, she was proud. An element of her character that had been apparent since the first time she opened her eyes and saw the fires burning outside her windows. Her father named her Johanna after her grandfather, John. Other people had names reflecting the district's trees, mountains, lakes, rivers, oceans... But Johanna Mason had a proud, firm name. A name passed down from before the Dark Days. One that you could etch it stone and no amount of erosion would wear it away.

In the Capitol it was etched in stone. A pillar in the main lobby with all the names of the victors on it. Hers was there along with six others, including Blight. There had been a big ceremony of carving her name into the stone after she won. A truly over-the-top affair with wine and roses and the overwhelming smell of blood in Johanna's nose.

But also, there was pride.

Only seven people from 7 could count themselves as victors. Only one other woman, who died years before Johanna was reaped. She stood alone, a warring goddess amongst men, a proud member of an elite group of people who all wished they were dead. What sort of pride can one hold when it stands on the piles of children's bones?

They had attempted to break her pride in the Capitol during her torture. Shout the names of her family members at her, the names of the people she had sworn to protect and didn't. They told her she was nothing. She was useless. She was as good as dead. But if she was, they would have killed her. Every day she lived, the pride in her heart stayed constant. A reminder that she was not any of the things they said. She was a victor. She could handle anything they threw at her.

Within her pride was her power.

So as she stood in the doorway in front of the field, she grasped her hands tightly. They had integrated her back into training under the promise that if she passed the exams, she could go to the Capitol. But the training was done rain or shine, and that day the sky was nearly as gray as the inside of 13 itself. The rain pounded against the ground in relentless sheets, unbroken and powerful.

Johanna had jumped into a rushing river beneath an exploded pipe. Why couldn't she take a little rain? She had gone through her baptism by fire and had expected to be able to handle the water now. She stuck out her hand and watched the water puddle inside her palm. Quickly she shook it off and returned her hand to her uniform, rubbing it furiously against her thigh.

"You don't have to do this, you know." Johanna didn't turn around. She'd recognize that voice in the middle of a screaming Capitol crowd. Johanna's pride had taken a few too many flogs to it recently, and this was another strike. Now that Katniss knew about her torture, about her aversion to water, she knew why Johanna cringed when the pipes shuddered in their compartment. She knew why Johanna couldn't step foot in the rain. She knew how brave her actions had really been back in 7. Hell, even Coin had given her a compliment when she came back. Though the compliment was nestled in an insult, like one of Snow's thorny roses. ("I didn't think you'd do anything that brave or that stupid if it wasn't for Katniss.")

"I know that," she snapped back, her face still looking out into the rain. The other soldiers were muddily jogging along, their boots sloshing in the water. They almost looked thankful for the rain; it cleaned the sweat and grime from their faces. She knew she didn't need to be so proud around Katniss. The gray-eyed girl seemed to look right through her anyway. But she had to have something. If she wasn't a fearsome protector, what was she? Just another ill-fated idiot following blindly behind the beleaguered, hesitant leader of the rebellion.

"You didn't let me finish." Johanna finally turned halfway around, leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. "You don't have to do this, but you should. Your test is in two weeks and this," she pointed to the pounding rain, "this is going to be why you fail."

"What are they going to do, toss a bucket of water on me? Wouldn't be the first time."

Katniss flinched at Johanna's quick reminder of her torture. Johanna knew the casual way she spoke about it irked Katniss. After they had woken up from sleeping in the same bed, Katniss had wanted to hear about what happened. Not so much about the logistics, but about how Johanna felt. In the early morning light, delirious from sleep and from the fuzzy warmth of Katniss's arms, she had told her.

She had felt powerless. She had felt abused. All she wanted was warmth and dryness. To be home. To murder Snow. Confusing, conflicting feelings of anger, sadness, desperation and pride. She didn't tell her how often she thought of Katniss. How sometimes, just thinking about how she was supposed to be helping Katniss win this rebellion would keep her alive.

"They ferret out a soldier's weakness. Mine was not being able to follow orders."

"Surprise surprise."

Katniss glared at her. "Yours will probably be water. They'll likely make it rain or flood the street. Something to put you off your game."

Johanna suddenly became angry at the water. All those years swimming in the lakes in 7, or learning how to sail boats with Finnick in 4, all for what? So she could barely even touch a bathroom sink without throwing up? This water was not going to defeat her. "I'll pass even if they try to drown me."

Katniss took a tentative step toward her. How did she always know when Johanna's doors were opening slightly? "Would you be... open to letting me help you?"

Help? Johanna Mason didn't ask for help. She didn't ask for help when she was ten and stuck up high in a tree. Her father wouldn't have come for her anyway. He had always told her not to climb the tall trees if she couldn't get back down. She had figured it out and climbed down herself six hours later, shaken and hungry. She didn't ask for help when she was reaped and in need of allies to stay alive. She had won herself. She didn't ask for help when she was tied to a room in the Capitol, soaking and hurt.

Uncertainty flashed in her eyes before she plastered on a smirk. "Is this just a ploy to see me naked, Mockingjay?"

Pre-Thirteen Katniss might have been rattled by that. The same way she had totally rattled her in the elevator by stripping nude. That had been a display of pride and power, too. Prudish, too-good-for-you Katniss forced to stare at the body Johanna had built herself over years of murder and anger. "Please, like you haven't shown me everything there is to see already."

Challenge accepted. Johanna moved toward Katniss, invading her personal space in a way she knew would make Katniss uncomfortable. Their bodies nearly touching but separate, her hair hanging over her face as she leaned in closely. To her surprise, Katniss barely even blinked. "Oh there's a lot of things I haven't shown you yet."

Instead of parrying her come-on Katniss simply looked annoyed. Her thinly veiled sexual innuendoes were always a defense mechanism, but when the person she was defending herself against realized that, Johanna knew she was in trouble. "Are you going to let me help you? Or are you going to fail this test and make me go to the Capitol alone?"

"Dramatic much?" Johanna asked, not moving from her spot. Shy of fighting, the verbal banter with Katniss was as close as she was going to get to some release. "You'll have Finnick and your best friend Boggs. Even Cressida, the Avox and his brother. Even your boyfriend is going."

Cressida had conveniently left out the part where Peeta was going to the Capitol, too. Not that he didn't deserve it - he was tortured just as much as she was - but it irked Johanna to think she'd have to compete for Katniss's attention. It would wound her pride to see Peeta protecting her. Especially protecting Katniss from her. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Could've fooled me. I watched the games. Getting him medicine, kissing his boo-boos. That cute little suicide pact you had after that District One boy got eaten to death." Johanna knew she was getting close. She was getting close to the point where Katniss would snap. She didn't know why she insisted on doing this. But she knew she always would. Getting Katniss to emerge from her safe little bubble was something she liked to do. "I was in the second one. Sitting on the beach, wondering if that shellfish was going to be my last meal, while you and lover boy were off getting each other gifts and swapping spit."

Like magic Johanna suddenly felt herself getting pushed backward until she hit a wall. Katniss's forearm was at her throat, applying a gentle but firm pressure. She suddenly wished she was a little bit taller so Katniss wouldn't seem so imposing, or that their lips weren't so close. "Fuck you, Johanna."

Johanna bit her lip. "That's more like it, girl on fire." Johanna didn't know when she and Katniss had begun riding on the same wavelength. Somehow though, Katniss seemed to know what she meant. Push me, don't pity me. Johanna wanted her help, not her sympathy. Katniss blinked a few times as this realization seemed to dawn on her and she slowly let go of Johanna, but kept their bodies flush. The pit of Johanna's stomach began twisting as Katniss stared without a break into her eyes. This was far too much, like the moment they had before the hovercraft. Johanna averted her gaze, looking back outside at the rain. "What did you have in mind?"


Before her Games, Johanna had not been one for taking baths. Wasting water in such a way seemed like it was breaking a rule somehow. Hot water was rare to begin with, so why waste it? Instead Johanna had always preferred to just strip off her clothes by the lake and scrub herself clean in the waters there. Sometimes she'd grab a bit of oils and lavender, mixing it in her hair and washing out the sawdust from the logging.

The feel of the bathtub pressed against her back felt foreign. Katniss hadn't even turned on the water yet and Johanna felt herself shivering. The drain, only a few feet from where she sat, sat open-mouthed and gaping at her. She knew it would make that awful gurgling noise as the water got sucked into the abyss. She pulled her feet up, sitting in a fetal position against the back of the tub.

Katniss had grabbed a footstool from a classroom and brought it into their compartment, as well as ushering Buttercup into the room for "moral support" as she had called it. He didn't like water either. Scruffy, unbathed thing. Just like Johanna herself. Katniss crouched next to the tub. She plugged the hole in the drain, alleviating some of Johanna's anxiety. At least she wouldn't have to hear that sound. "Okay, I'm going to turn on the water. Warm. Just kind of coat the bottom of the tub, okay?"

Johanna shivered. Not just from her nudity, but from the anticipation of the water hitting her skin. Katniss quickly jerked the faucet, pre-empting the pipe's groan by forcing the water out quickly. Johanna watched the clear line crawl toward it until it hit her toes. She sucked in a deep breath and caught Katniss's eyes. They were steady, unwavering. The water moved upward from her heels, coming in contact with the bottom of her butt. It pooled around her and settled behind her, lapping at her lower back.

Katniss shut the water off. She sat down next to Johanna, opening one of the training textbooks. Johanna clenched her teeth. There was no way she was going to be able to quiz her on the terms with the water touching her skin. "Don't," she said, as Katniss opened the book. "Can we just ...talk about something else?"

Katniss nodded, placing the book on the tile floor next to her. Buttercup assumed the text as his bed and sat on it, giving Katniss a purr. She placed her elbows on her knees, clad in her sleeping wear. Her bare feet touched the tile as she stared off into the distance. Johanna watched her carefully. There was something she wanted to say.

Same wavelength.

"Who was that girl from Seven?"

Katniss didn't seem to have the courage to look at her directly as she asked. She stared at the tile wall, the towel holder, the small garbage can. "Which girl?" Johanna ventured the question, barely hiding the smirk on her face as Katniss tilted her head and gave her an indignant stare. "She's a friend of mine."

"I gathered that." The ice in Katniss's tone was almost colder than the water that was vibrating at Johanna's feet. Katniss leaned forward and pushed the faucet again, adding another inch to the water and giving it some warmth. Johanna shuddered hard but didn't move. "I meant, what is she to you? How do you know her?"

Johanna closed her eyes and tipped her head back, leaning it against the wall. Her hands still gripped her knees as they hugged her chest. "She was a Peacekeeper from Seven. She grew up in Two. She used to kind of look out for me when I was growing up. I wasn't exactly an easy preteen." Katniss chuckled. "She used to get me out of trouble a lot."

"So she was a Peacekeeper and now she's a rebel?"

"I guess. I wasn't exactly around for her transformation. I was a little busy protecting you and your boyfriend on a spinning island of death." Katniss looked down at the tile, sufficiently chastised. "I hadn't seen her since just after my family was murdered. She told me she joined the rebellion pretty much right after I did. Was fighting in Two until Gale blew it up."

Katniss seemed very interested in the loose thread on her pants. "And you two were, are ...involved?"

Johanna laughed. Involved. What a truly Katniss way to roundabout ask if they were having sex. "If you mean, 'Are we fucking?' The answer is yes." Johanna stared down at the water. "She was my first." Katniss leaned forward, probably in an attempt to not have to make eye contact with Johanna, and pushed more water into the bath. It now was just covering the tops of Johanna's feet. "I was young. It was before I was reaped. After that, everything changed. I mean, you saw the propo. I wasn't exactly in the best shape to be having a relationship. And she had gone back to Two."

"Do you love her?"

Johanna paused on that thought. There was a time in her life, when she was a teenager drunk on whiskey and youth, when that answer would've been yes. It felt a lot like love. Or what Johanna assumed love would be like. Like being devoured in flames from the outside in. "I think I did, then. This whole time, even with the two Games and Snow attempting to break me, I still kinda thought that I'd come out of this. Different, but I'd come out. I'd be okay. She was kind of my way of confirming that. A little bit of who I was before all this shit. But being with her in Seven.. It didn't feel right."

Katniss looked over at Johanna, eyes a little glassy but otherwise intent. "Because you don't love her anymore?"

"No," Johanna said, looking down at her knees. "Because I'm not capable of love anymore."

The pipes above their head creaked, obviously someone in another unit was using the shower, and the noise made Johanna squeeze her eyes shut. She gripped the sides of the tub as a few droplets of water came out of the showerhead above her and she was about to take flight. Katniss leapt over the tub, landing softly in front of her. She placed her hands on Johanna's arms and held with her with a gentle pressure. "No, no, stay with me."

"I can't, Katniss..the noise...The water..."

"Yes you can," Katniss urged, holding her tightly. Johanna began to tremble uncontrollably, tears slipping from her eyes without her permission. Johanna shook her head and Katniss took her chin between her fingers and held her head still. "Look at me." Johanna didn't. She couldn't. She was supposed to be protecting Katniss and she was rendered immobile by a few droplets of water? "Look at me!" Johanna opened her eyes to see Katniss's firm stare. "You are a victor. You can take anything they can throw at you. You're Johanna Mason." Her voice softened. "And you're capable of anything you put your mind to."

They weren't talking about just the water anymore.

She placed her other hand on the side of Johanna's face and held her cheeks in her hands. "You are safe here with me. Do you understand?" Johanna nodded numbly, teeth chattering and body shaking. "I won't let anything, anything, happen to you." Katniss held Johanna in place until she stopped trembling. When she did she stood up in the water, seeing how much of the water had dampened her pants. She held her hands out and pulled Johanna up. "You did really well."

"Yeah right up until I couldn't stop shaking." Johanna tip-toed out of the tub and grabbed the nearest towel, rather furiously making herself dry again. She pulled on her sleeping uniform, immediately missing the freedom of 7 where she could just sleep in the nude, and trudged out of the bathroom. The lights were off when she got into the compartment and she blindly made her way to her bed.

It creaked under her weight as she got underneath the thin sheet and tried to make herself warm again. She was freezing. She heard Katniss undo the drain and let the water out, as well as gather up Buttercup. He skittered across the floor and Johanna felt him make himself home by her feet. Katniss seemed to move to the middle of the room, then stop. She padded to her own bed and laid down.

Johanna shivered, grasping the sheets tightly with both her hands. She felt like someone had turned on a cooling unit and was blasting it all around her body. She didn't realize her teeth chattering was making so much noise until Katniss spoke out into the blackness. "Is that noise you? Are you cold?"

"N-no, I'm f-f-f-ine." Johanna mentally cursed at herself for stuttering, but she couldn't help it in the cold. "F-fuck." Johanna rolled her eyes at how she sounded. No wonder Katniss probably preferred to be around Peeta. He was warm and not broken by the Capitol. Even in his state of being a walking grenade, he was still probably better equipped to protect Katniss than she was.

Within a few moments she felt Katniss slip in the bed behind her, spooning her and holding her close. "Johanna, you're freezing."

"It's fine. I-I'm fine. I don't want to make you cold." Katnis began rubbing her arms and Johanna had to bit her lip to physically prevent herself from moaning out loud.

"That's not how heat works, brainless," she replied, and Johanna could hear the smile in her voice. "We're keeping each other warm."

"Feels like you keeping me warm. Just like it feels like you protecting me, not the other way around." Katniss tensed behind her and Johanna sighed into her pillow. "Fuckin' protect you unless there's a rain storm. Then bye-bye Katniss, you're on your own. Can't get wet like the dumb cat."

Buttercup hissed in protest, as if he understood the insult. "We protect each other." The soothing way she rubbed Johanna's arms was slowly putting her to sleep. Katniss abandoned her one arm in favor of running her fingers through Johanna's hair. The hand that had been stroking her arm moved farther down her body, tracing the edges of her thighs and her calves which were curled against her. The coldness wasn't an issue any longer. Johanna's eyes fluttered closed as she surrendered to the comforting feeling of the light touches. They stayed that way for a while, with Johanna floating in and out of consciousness. Every time Katniss's fingers brushed against her neck or hip she'd be awakened again by her libido, then soothed to sleep by the fingernails against her scalp. "Feel better?"

Suddenly something as stupid as pride seemed to be pushed far back into the reaches of her mind.

The back-to-front sleeping they had done together so far seemed safe. Johanna didn't want that anymore. She wanted to feel Katniss's heartbeat. She wanted to possess Katniss in the small way that she did. She turned over and buried her face in Katniss's sternum, wrapping her arm around her waist and holding them close. She could feel Katniss's heart pound in her chest against her lips, even though the cotton material.

"You don't have any idea," Johanna mumbled, half asleep. The warmth of Katniss's pulse against her and the heat of their bodies touching made her woozy and comfortable. "You don't have any idea how you make me feel."

Johanna's mind began to wander off into her subconscious, finally giving way to the sleep her aching body needed. But she could've sworn, as clear as the night sky that hung thousands of feet above them, that she heard Katniss whisper and place a kiss on her forehead. "Yes I do."


Johanna was the only one taking the test three days before they were set to leave for the Capitol. Everyone else had already been tested and filed into their groups. Between sharpshooting lessons with Gale and the water lessons with Katniss, she felt like she actually would pull this off.

She sat with Katniss in the waiting room as they prepared for the Block. She had blazed through the obstacle course, passed the written tactics exam and the weapons proficiency had been a joke. All that was left was her "weakness" simulation. She was expecting water. She knew it, they knew it. So maybe they'd do something else like jabberjays or fire.

Katniss held her hand tightly as they waited for her name to be called. Her knee bobbed up and down nervously and Johanna unclasped their hands and placed her palm on her knee, steadying it. "You more nervous than me?"

Katniss blushed and nodded. "Probably." She put her hand over Johanna's. "You've been working so hard for this. I don't want you to have to stay back. I want you to be there when I kill Snow."

Johanna grinned widely. "Oh I will be. Even if I have to kill a crew and fly there myself." Her name was called loudly over the speaker in the abandoned room. She stood up, smiling down at Katniss. "All right, Mockingjay, wish me luck."

Katniss stood up slowly, then quickly pulled Johanna into a tight hug. Her fingers rubbed the nape of Johanna's neck and she had to firm her legs to keep herself from swooning slightly. Katniss's lips brushed her ear. "I'm proud of you." Johanna lifted her face from Katniss's embrace and pulled back to look at her. Her gray eyes were stormy, darting down to look at Johanna's mouth with startling speed. The air, which had before seemed thin it its manufactured chilliness, suddenly hung thick around them. Katniss leaned close, so very close that Johanna could feel the heat of her lips. Her head tilted just so that their noses wouldn't bump should they make contact. Her eyes closed.

Nothing. Katniss backed away with one silent step, unable to look Johanna in the eyes. "Good luck," she mumbled, quickly making for the exit. Johanna blinked a few times in rapid succession. Had they almost kissed? Did she imagine that held breath of Katniss's as they got that close? She physically shook her head to clear her mind of those thoughts. There stood one obstacle between herself and watching Snow perish at the end of Katniss's arrow and she could not think about her lips and her eyes and how fast her heart was beating in anticipation of something she didn't know was even coming.


Her head doctor sessions were going much better especially since Katniss had begun helping her get over her fear of water. They'd sit in the tub after Johanna's training sessions and she'd let the water fill a little higher each time. Johanna couldn't quite tackle the shower head yet, but the tub water was okay. They'd talk about growing up in their respective districts, talk about what Prim was learning. It was the closest to a real friendship she had ever had.

On her way back from a particularly easy meeting the day before she was leaving for the Capitol, she literally bumped into Peeta. He looked uncharacteristically angry and Johanna had to swallow down the immediate defensive reaction she had. If someone approached her with that face she assumed they were hiding a weapon. "Got somewhere to be?"

Peeta eyed her up and down, and Johanna felt she was being sized up. She and Peeta hadn't interacted much since coming out of the Capitol with conflicting stories. It didn't take a man like Beetee to figure out Peeta probably resented her for telling Katniss that she thought he was programmed to kill her. They could have been sharing a compartment, starting the life together that Peeta wanted.

Inside Johanna's gut though, she felt it wasn't what Katniss wanted. Living within that feeling was a little bit of Johanna's pride.

She chose me.

In a manner of speaking, of course. "You gotta problem, Bread Boy?" Johanna crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

Peeta compressed his lips and shook his head no. Johanna huffed a short laugh and turned away from him, continuing down the hall. "You know what? Yes. Yes I do." Johanna whirled around on her heel and motioned for him to speak with an open palm. "I'm not going to the Capitol anymore. Seems that they only had room for one more person and they chose you." Johanna bit her lip to prevent a smug smile from reaching her lips. "I don't know what you've been saying to her. I don't understand why she doesn't believe me. Most of all, I don't understand why she went to Seven to get you back."

Johanna was both impressed and appalled by his words. "I should've just stayed there with a big target painted on my back, is that right?" Johanna took a step toward Peeta, not close, but the predatory intention was clear. "I saved your life. Yours and your girlfriend's. Do you have a problem with me being here?"

Peeta looked confused. "What? What target? Nobody knew you left. Well I mean Coin did. Katniss and Boggs. Cressida eventually. But nobody outside of Thirteen."

Johanna narrowed her brown eyes at Peeta's blue ones. How, if no one knew she had left, did Nova know to come find her? She had assumed some Capitol spies had seen her training the recruits in 7 and that's how Nova knew. Who would have spread that around? "Plutarch sent them to come get me. Because of Snow eliminating the victors."

"Is that what Katniss told you?" Peeta sounded less than impressed. Johanna nodded her head numbly. She felt like she had just gotten high off morphling. "Katniss threw a fit when they said they were doing a propo and they wouldn't let her go. Insisted that you were not safe there alone." Johanna's mouth opened and closed a few times but no response, witty or otherwise, emerged from her mouth. "You didn't know, did you?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't have come back if she hadn't said I was in trouble." Johanna felt the little balloon of pride begin slowly seeping air inside her chest. Katniss had lied to her. Why? Just to have her back here? So she could be a useless cog in this stupid rebellion? "Why do you care anyway? You still think I'm the big bad wolf here, don't you?"

Peeta firmed his stance and nodded his head the affirmative. "I know what I saw, Johanna."

"As do I."

Peeta shook his head. "No you don't. And I don't trust you in the Capitol with her."

Johanna tilted her head to the side mockingly. Her lower lip protruded in a menacing pout. "Oh no? Afraid I'm going to steal your girl?"

Peeta pursed his lips, looking as if he was trying to hold something back. Words. Words were this boy's weapons. Sure he had a few splatters of blood on his hands, but words were how he fought. Johanna didn't. "I'm afraid you're going to kill her. But I know how I can stop both those things from happening." Peeta leaned back, never breaking eye contact with Johanna as he shouted. "Hey Haymitch, can I see you a second?"

Haymitch appeared in a doorway, his bedraggled hair hidden beneath a 13 issued beanie cap. He looked at Peeta tiredly. "Can I help you?"

Peeta stood in front of Johanna, sizing up all his height, just a hair taller than Katniss, and smirked. "Nova." He pronounced the name so clearly, with such emphatic dictation, that Johanna was almost amused.

Johanna furrowed her eyebrows in surprise. How did he know her name? Haymitch looked at her with panic in his eyes and rushed forward. He pushed Peeta against the wall roughly. "Are you crazy? What would you do that for? Do you have any idea what you've done?" Peeta had the humility to look down at his feet as Haymitch approached Johanna slowly. "Are you all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be all right?" The way he circled her, like she was a bomb about to explode, made her angry. "What the fuck is going on?" Haymitch suddenly grabbed around her arms and held her arms behind her back tightly. She struggled against him in rough, sharp movements. "What the fuck are you doing? Let me go!"

"Peeta go get the guards. Go get Plutarch. Get somebody." Haymitch's voice was hard and authoritative and most of all, laced with uneasiness. "Johanna, try to stay calm."

"What are you talking about? You're the one that attacked me! Let me go!" Johanna tried to wrench free but Haymitch was pretty strong. His years of drink hadn't rendered him as useless as she thought. He was sort of like Peeta in that way. They possessed a strength that was hidden beneath their frail exteriors. Or maybe being dry in 13 had finally gotten him back in somewhat of a normal human shape.

"That was your trigger word," Haymitch explained as calmly as he could. "Your trigger word was Nova."

Johanna continued to struggle as her mind started to piece that together. Nova? Hadn't she said that? No, she realized. She never called her name in bed. She hadn't even referenced her by name to anyone. Shit. She didn't feel any different, though. No murderous urges. "Just let me fucking go!" she yelled, attracting attention from the people nearby.

Then, she saw her. Katniss came into her view and it was like a thousand ringing alarm bells in her mind. Her mind raced without her. Katniss in the arena, killing Blight. Katniss as a mutt, dripping saliva and blood and tearing at her throat. Kill the voice said to her. Kill her before she kills you. Johanna began struggling harder against Haymitch. She felt as if nothing in the world would be right, everything would be suspended and wrong, until she killed Katniss.

But her conscience. "Johanna?" Katniss questioned, looking from her to Haymitch. That voice. It grated inside her head and she squeezed her eyes shut. It felt like a thousand bee stings inside her brain. "Haymitch what happened?"

Haymitch was using all of his strength to hold Johanna back, she could feel it. She could feel the strain of his muscles. He said something. Words. Peeta. Trigger. Katniss's eyes widened in horror and she took a step back. "Let me go Haymitch!" Johanna began screaming, tearing her body and attempting to break free. Tears began streaming down her face as she caught katniss's eyes. Her feelings were conflicted. "I'm going to rip your throat out!" Johanna called to Katniss. "Let me go!"

Kill. Kiss. Love. Hate. Jealousy. Friendship. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Love. Protect her.

"Don't let me go," she pleaded, dropping to her knees. Her body struggled against him in intermittent bursts, like electrical pulses she couldn't control. "Don't let me go. Please don't let me hurt her. Please." Her body began shaking with hard sobs. Tears streamed down her face and entered her mouth as she continued to beg him to hold her back. She looked up through blurry eyes and saw Gale standing next to Katniss, his hand protectively on her waist. Good, Johanna thought. Protect her. I failed.

Failure. Mutts. Blood. Kill kill kill.

From behind her Johanna heard a voice. "Lock her up immediately. Complete isolation." Murmurs, whispers. "Yes, the vault. Now." Coin. Johanna felt large shackles clap around her wrists and the strong hands of two men on each of her arms. They yanked her to her feet. She saw Katniss go for her and Johanna immediately moved aggressively, but Gale held Katniss back.

Just barely, through the din of her anger and the swirling red vortex in her brain, she realized Katniss was not on the attack. She was screaming "no" over and over again. Why was she screaming no? Who was she screaming at? Johanna sagged her body, feeling weighty and boneless as the guards dragged her down the now very populated hallway.

A syringe appeared on her arm as she finally realized why Katniss was screaming as the needle sunk into her skin and flooded her veins. This was more potent than morphling. One word. She didn't know where she caught it. From Coin? From Haymitch?

Execution.


Johanna dreamt entirely in red that night. The intense morphling they had given her did nothing to soften them. Everything felt hot. Her dreams, her brain, her skin, her blood. Everything felt like it was on fire. When she awoke an indeterminate amount of time later, she had to squeeze her eyes to adjust to the lack of light.

Vault was right. The room was thick concrete on all six sides. No windows. The door was a thick steel that had no window to see in or out of. There was nothing on the ground. Not dust, not any dampness, no loose pebbles. Just sleek, cold concrete that seemed endless. Johanna was shackled on both her hands and her feet, reminding her of her time in the Capitol. But this was worse.

This she had deserved.

How could she have been so blind? She was a monster. All this time she had been living in the same compartment, sharing meals and laughter, when she was just a name slip-up away from killing the person that she cared for the most. She didn't know when Katniss had taken that title, but she had and Johanna couldn't stop herself from thinking it.

There's no one left I love.

The door slid open and Johanna looked up from the ground to meet the reddened eyes of Katniss. She closed the door quietly behind her. Johanna felt her body pulse with the short circuiting she had experienced in Haymitch's arms.

The whispering voice in her brain was screaming. Kill her, kill her, kill her.

She flexed her hands and jerked against her restraints, causing Katniss to pause in her steps. Johanna's jaw tensed and she spoke through gritted teeth. "I know they didn't let you down here." Her voice was hollow. She hadn't heard it since she stopped begging Haymitch to keep her at bay. She must have screamed a lot in the night time. Katniss managed a very small smile and shook her head. She took another step tentatively toward Johanna. "Stay away from me."

"I wish I could." The chains on the wall did not allow Johanna to extend forward. Her arms were kept at her sides, chained to her feet. The chain itself was maybe only a foot or so from the wall. Katniss got close enough to sit directly in front of Johanna, just beyond her reach. "I can't believe he did this to you." Johanna raised her eyebrow, offering just enough sass to make Katniss roll her eyes. "Okay I can. I just ..." She swallowed and looked down at the ground between them. "They want to execute you as a traitor to the rebellion."

Johanna sighed and looked away from Katniss to the corner of the room. A small spider had set up a home there but Johanna figured he'd die soon. There was no way any bugs were getting in there. Just her. "They probably should."

"I'm not going to let them. They promised to wait until after this was all over."

Johanna coughed out a sharp laugh. "When Coin is President? You won't have any power then, Katniss. Think about it. Coin isn't going to let you make any decisions after she gets a hold of this country. All the concessions she's made for you? You think she's going to miss an opportunity to publicly execute another traitor? Especially one as famous as me." Johanna smirked. "She might even have you kill me herself, the sick fuck."

A stinging, pounding headache tore through Johanna's brain and she slammed her head back into the wall. Katniss startled a little but didn't move from her kneeling position in front of Johanna. "Looking at you," Johanna said, wincing, "is painful. I want to hurt you. But I can't. I won't."

"I know you won't." Katniss reached forward and cupped Johanna's cheek with her hand. Johanna trembled a little but she held firm. The voice in her head was screaming again. The pad of her thumb crossed over Johanna's lips, as if she was tracing them into her memory. She ran her hand around the back of Johanna's neck and leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead.

She pulled away and stared into Johanna's eyes, and Johanna could see the intense sadness held within those hues. "Kill him. Promise me you'll kill him," Johanna whispered.

"I promise."

"On something you care about."

"I swear it on my life."

"On your family's life."

Katniss nodded. "On my family's life." She sat back on her heels, creating more distance between them. Which was good because the urge to kiss Katniss had been almost stronger than the urge to kill her. "Why do you think I'm going anyway, brainless?"

Johanna finally smiled a little. "I just needed to hear it."

"I also promise to get you out of here. If I'm in the Capitol anyway, you can't kill me, right? There's no use in you being in this dungeon if there's no possible way for you to hurt me. Probably my last use of my Mockingjay card." Katniss stood up, dusting the legs of her pants with a few swipes of her palms.

"Sure you don't want to save it for someone more worthwhile than a dead woman?"

Katniss looked mildly amused. "We made a deal, remember? I protect you, you protect me. Just because you can't hold up your end, doesn't mean I can't hold up mine." She walked backward toward the door. "I'll see you soon."

Johanna nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat that was battling with the anger in her chest. "Katniss?" Katniss turned from the door and looked at her, eyes conveying the same sadness she had seen when she walked in. "Please don't die."

It was a close to I love you as she was going to get.


Author's Note: Now I made myself sad. But my WORD, all your kind comments? They've put me on cloud nine. Perhaps even cloud ten. Thank you so much! Please feel free to continue to let me know how you're feeling about the story.