Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama or any of its related seasons. They belong to Teletoon and Cartoon Network. The alphabet theme isn't mine and is property of Frank15. The 52 OC's in this story however are mine so do not steal them.

The Warning: This chapter contains idiocy, grossness, mud, a singing toaster and a bar of soap called 'Steve'. You have been warned!

Note: I can't really think of much to say … so I'll just say Toffee Pancakes because I feel hungry. Enjoy the chapter!

I want a nice toy for Christmas!


"Welcome back to Total Drama Letterama." Smiled Spider to the camera. "If you are just joining us then allow us to bring you up to speed on what you have missed. Today's challenge is toy building; each team will build three toys and Jimmy and Eleanor will be judging them. The team with the most points wins; the opposite can be said for the team that gets the fewest point."

"I think Team Mongolia might do pretty good at this one." Said Quana opinionatedly. "Opal's really bouncy and fun so she might think of a decent toy."

"I think that Team Everest might do pretty good; Max is a robotier after all." Pointed out Spider. "But maybe Team Savannah could surprise us; I bet Winnie will think of something to do with cats due to her liking for them."

"This sure will be a challenge to remember no matter what happens." Agreed Spider. "I just hope nobody gets hurt."

"I doubt anyone will; it's just toy building." Assured Quana sweetly.


Confessional: Bob the builder!

Quana: I really hope I didn't just jinx it by saying that…

Kasimar: I hope somebody hurts their hand with a nail gun! Yahahahaha!


"This shouldn't be such a hard challenge; I mean; we've all played with toys when we were little right?" Said Rheneas as he sat on the overturned empty crate his team had claimed.

"Ahem." Frowned Donny.

"Oh … sorry about that Donny." Apologized Rheneas.

"Does anybody have any ideas for a toy? Brainstorming always helps me when I create robots." Said Max.

"Let's think of something gross!" Grinned Nina. "Like a giant woopie cushion."

"That's been done; we have to be original." Pointed out Imanda. "Maybe we make some sort of doll … but make it a sort of cutesy monster; I hear that's a popular trend nowadays."

"Perhaps we should see what materials we have." Suggested Jill. "No use thinking of something if making it isn't a possibility."

"Crayons are fun … maybe we should make a cake!" Suggested Fripp.

"This is a toy building challenge; not a cooking challenge." Frowned Jill while rolling her eyes. "Do you even have a brain?"

Fripp was silent for a few seconds.

"Are spoons toys?" Asked Fripp dumbly.

Jill sighed.


Confessional: Spoony Moony!

Jill: I'm torn between voting off Fripp for being an idiot and voting off Nina for stinking like a swamp.

Fripp: Hello! My name's Fripp!


"How about this." Suggested Imanda. "We could split into three groups and brain storm together. That way we'll be multitasking and thus we will save time. I've already got my 'time saving' badge."

"That sounds like a good idea." Agreed Max. "What do you guys think?"

"I'm all for it." Shrugged Donny. "As long as we don't lose I'm game."

"Fripp agrees." Said Fripp dumbly. "… What's a group?"

"I'll work alone; I have a great idea, but I want it to be a smelly surprise!" Grinned Nina before she began farting with her armpit. "Music to my ears!"


Confessional: I don't have ears!

Nina: (She is about to eat a sandwich but drops it in the toilet). Hang on a moment. (Nina fishes the sandwich out of the toilet and takes a bite). Tasty! Hahaha! (Nina burps).

Donny: I get the feeling something vomit inducing just happened … maybe I'm just being paranoid or something.


"So what are you going to make anyway Nina?" Asked Rheneas curiously. "And please tell me it doesn't involve bodily functions."

"My lips are sealed; who knows, it could be clean or it could be gross!" Grinned Nina as she grabbed an armful of supplies from the pile and ran off.

There remaining six members of Team Everest were silent for a few moments.

"… Does anybody want to bet it'll be to do with something gross?" Asked Donny.

"It's practically a given so there is no point in betting really." Replied Jill. "Anyway; shall we split into groups?"

"Got a preference who you work with?" Asked Max.

"… I'll work with Rheneas and Imanda." Said Jill after a moment of consideration.

"I guess that leaves me with Donny and Fripp … unless anybody has any objections; some of my friends had objections with the Dungeon Master every now and then." Remembered Max while laughing rather nerdily.

"I'm ok with it; as long as I'm not near Nina's bad smell." Shrugged Donny.

"Ok everyone; we've got some toys to build … let's make some children happy." Declared Rheneas in determination.

"… Renny's funny!" Laughed Fripp.

"Just go collect some toy parts." Muttered Rheneas.


Confessional: Pull my voice box and hear one of my hundreds of catchphrases! Ack! I didn't mean that hard!

Jill: I have confidence that Max can think of a decent toy; he's smart enough. As for my group … maybe some sort of spider? Naw; that's a bad idea.

Rheneas: I have an idea for a toy; it combines fire with a household object while making it suitable for kids. A singing Toaster! I can record my voice onto it since I can sing a bit.

Max: Maybe Fripp could be helpful; he's got childish innocence so maybe he'll know what the children of today like.


"Ok everyone; we've got toys to build and I think that the first thing we should do is appoint a suitable leader … me." Staid Alice. "Any objections?"

"I'd like to lead." Said Opal while standing on her tiptoes.

Alice scoffed and smirked.

"I doubt you'd be able to; you're completely insane, I don't see how you would know the first thing about leading." Said Alice condescendingly.

"But I like toys." Reasoned Opal. "Toys are fun as a flamingo tea party! Hahaha!"

"That's precisely my point; you're insane. I doubt that you'd win it for us." Smirked Alice with a note of absolute finality.

"Hang on there partner; I reckon we should give Opal a chance, she's a nice lady." Spoke up Zed. "I don't mind having her lead us."

"Me neither." Said Cherry.

"But she doesn't have the skills necessary; skills that I have." Insisted Alice.

"Do you know how to build toys?" Asked Bishop.

"Well … no, but I want to lead." Whined Alice.

"Being the leader isn't everything; a video game is a team effort, much like this challenge." Spoke up Sasha.

Alice stayed silent, defeated for the time being.

"I guess Opal is leading us then. That's fine by me." Said Eddie as he adjusted his sunglasses. "And I think I have an idea for a toy we could make; if you want to hear it."

"What is it?" Asked Opal. "It's it a purple bar of soap?"

"Not quite … I was thinking a detective doll." Said Eddie. "So far there hasn't been enough detectivness for my liking; this should fix that problem … if Opal will allow it."

Opal was distracted by a passing butterfly and looked at it in interest.

"Huh; did you say something?" Asked Opal.

"Never mind." Chuckled Eddie.

"Let's get sorted into groupie whoopies!" Grinned Opal widely. "Eddie can work with Sasha and Cherry. Alice … you're with Kim and Bishop."

"What?" Screeched Alice.

"Not a chance." Muttered Bishop.

"As for me; I'll be working with Zig Zag Zed!" Squeed Opal while not noticing how unhappy Alice and Bishop looked with the team arrangements. "Let's get to it!"

Opal picked up a large armful of random toy parts and dashed off with Zed trying to keep up. The remaining six members of Team Mongolia looked amongst each other.


Confessional: Until recently the author though Mongolia was rather swampy. Turns out is like a desert instead.

Zed: Opal's a little oddball … but I can tell she's got a big heart.

Bishop: … Am I the only #bleep# sane person here?

Kim: Rather Zed than me.


"Is it just me or does Opal fancy Zed?" Asked Eddie.

Alice looked repulsed at the idea while Bishop laughed.

"Yeah; a crazy obnoxious girl and a hick; that'd certainly ruin the future." Laughed Bishop.

"Oh shut up you." Said Sasha while playing on her DS. "Do you have to be as krabby as a Crabby all the time?"

"What's a Crabby?" Asked Cherry.

"It's a type of badnik from the Sonic the Hedgehog series; it first appeared in the original Sonic for the Game Gear … or the Mega drive depending on your preferences. Video games sure have evolved drastically since then."

"Can we get on with the challenge?" Asked Kim. "Only that I don't want us to run out time before create anything."

"Kim has a point; arguing will only waste time." Agreed Eddie. "I'm sure we'll work well together."

"I can work just fine with Kim … Alice on the other hand, not so much." Said Bishop haughtily. "But for the sake of team work and getting closer to the million dollars I'll make do."

"Good to hear it; I'm sure the rest of us will get along vroomingly." Said Cherry with her trademark grin.

"Don't you mean swimmingly?" Asked Sasha while she raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a racer, not a swimmer." Replied Cherry.


Confessional: Make a splash!

Sasha: I wonder if Cherry would be interested in playing Mario Kart Wii online with me after the contest.

Alice: So Opal is in charge? … Goodbye winning streak.

Opal: Me and Zed are gonna make the biggest, baddest, funnest and toyiest toy that ever was a toy! Woohoo!


"Ok Team; we've got to create three toys capable of impressing two weakling so, I hate to say it, we'll have to think like weaklings." Said Quarla as she paced before her team. "That means you'll be useful Paul."

Paul looked a little upset by Quarla's insult but kept a straight face.

"This challenge is far too exciting; I hate toys." Scowled Helen.

"That makes you a good candidate for elimination then, if you aren't going to try." Said Ulric coolly while crossing his arms.

"I'll try; I just hate toys. Doesn't mean I don't know what to do though." Shrugged Helen.

"Are we going to work in groups?" Asked Winnie. "Because I'd like to work with Yannis … if that's ok with him."

Yannis smiled and gave a nod of agreement to show he was ok with this.

"Can I work with you two?" Asked Paul.

"Shut up! You don't get to talk!" Snapped Quarla aggressively.

"Chill out dudette; this is getting way too harsh." Said Tyson in an attempt to diffuse the argument.

"True; arguing creates a lot of emotion and emotions are too exciting." Drawled Helen.

"Xyly thinks you should all stop arguing and try to get along." Said Xyly firmly.

"Xyly's right." Agreed Ulric. "We're a team and that means we're all in this contest together through thick and thin."

"Well Xyly's thick and Paul and Yannis are thin so you're right I guess." Said Quarla indifferently as she crossed her arms.


Confessional: Together through thick and thin ... that's the scout's code of honor.

Quarla: Am I the only person who knows it's important to segregate the strong and the weak? Honestly; why is my team so stupid?

Xyly: Xyly treats her friends with respect … and she thinks Quarla isn't a friend of Xyly's. But we may need her strength in future challenges; Xyly can't carry the team by herself.

Ulric: I'd hate to be on the receiving end of Quarla's wrath … good thing she doesn't exactly hate me. Why does she hate Paul so much anyway? I don't really get it.


"Getting back on track; we've got to make some toys to have a chance at winning immunity." Said Paul.

"Paul's right; we need good ideas and we need them now." Agreed Winnie. "I think that I'll work with Yannis and Paul."

"Xyly will work with Ulric and Tyson." Said Xyly with a smile.

"I'm working with you; the strong have to stick together." Said Quarla.

"But what about Helen?" Asked Tyson.

"Don't worry, it's too exciting. Besides; I can work fine by myself, I've got an idea." Stated Helen simply as she scooped up a clump of rubber and a set of paint from the pile of toy supplies.


Confessional: Rubber duck!

Helen: Those awful exciting kids said to be original; I have a good idea that's never been done before so I'll be just fine.


"Ok guys; see you later!" Said Winnie is a sing song voice as she, Yannis and Paul picked up an armful of toy parts each and left to find somewhere they could work on their toy.

"So dudes; got any idea for a rockin awesome toy?" Asked Tyson while looking over to supplies they had.

"We should make it durable." Said Xyly. "It might get tossed about."

"Good thinking … but it should also be a lightweight material; I guess that rules out metal." Pondered Ulric. "Say; I have an idea."

Ulric walked over to the pile of toy parts and picked up a boxing glove.

"Maybe this could be the 'chassis' of our design; thoughts?" Asked Ulric.

"Not a bad idea dude." Nodded Tyson.

"Xyly approves." Agreed Xyly.

"… Whatever; we'll see how it goes." Shrugged Quarla. "But we're not painting it pink; I hate pink."

"Fine by me." Said Ulric.


Confessional: Boxing in the ring …not a wedding ring though!

Winnie: Maybe I could talk the guys into making a cuddly kitty toy. Then again; that's more of a girl thing generally.

Yannis: (He seems to be thinking; possibly about what type of toy to make).

Tyson: Toys are cool; but Sharon is my prized possession. (Tyson holds up Sharon the guitar and begins strumming on 'her').


"Honestly; that's your suggestion." Blinked Jill.

"Well yeah; I think it's pretty cool." Nodded Rheneas.

"It's a flippin singing toaster! Though I will admit that it is original." Said Jill in amusement. "But don't we have any better ideas?"

"I say we go for it." Said Imanda as she polished the toaster that had been with their toy parts. "I haven't earned my 'build a Toaster Toy' badge yet."

"How many badges does your scout troop have anyway?" Asked Jill curiously.

"Over nine thousand." Replied Imanda.


Confessional: Meme alert!

Imanda: Well; actually it's about eight thousand nine hundred and sixty two … but nine thousand sounds better. (Imanda giggles)


"Ok then; what angle are we going with? What types of songs will we be putting on it? I can't really sing very well so I'm not a good choice for that." Admitted Jill.

"That's fine; I can sing a bit." Assured Rheneas.

"Really; well, what sort of songs?" Inquired Jill.

"London underground; You Fat Bastard, all the god ones." Smirked Rheneas.

"A… Any without swearing?" Asked Imanda.

"Yes; I'm no potty mouth." Said Rheneas. "But before we choose songs we should start getting the toy itself built."

"Greta; I'll get the googly eyes!" Declared Imanda cheerfully.

"Is there a 'gluing googly eyes on a toaster' badge?" Smirked Jill sarcastically.

"Yep; that's badge number five thousand forty nine." Nodded Imanda.

Jill blinked and looked confused.

"Why would any scout troop offer a badge for that?" Asked Jill in a very puzzled sounding tone.


Confessional: Maybe there's a badge for falling down the stairs.

Imanda: There are a number of pretty weird badges; one of them is for watching a marathon on Johnny Bravo.

Rheneas: (He is flicking his lighter on and off). … Maybe I would have been a good scout. … Nah; I'd have probably burnt the Mess Hall down if I had to cook breakfast.


"We need to think of an idea." Said Donny as he sat next to the large pile of toy parts.

"Why?" Asked Fripp.

"Because we need to build a toy." Replied Donny.

"Why?" Asked Fripp.

"Because that's the challenge." Sighed Donny.

"Why?" Asked Fripp again.

"Because Spider and Quana said so!" Growled Donny.

"Why?" Asked Fripp dumbly.

"Shut up you idiot!" Yelled Donny in great annoyance.

"… Why?" Asked Fripp with a dumb grin.

"Gah! I can't take this!" Shuddered Donny in anger.

"Calm down Donny; getting that angry isn't very good for your blood pressure." Said Max with his back facing Donny and Fripp while he worked on something.

"You're right; losing my temper is a big problem for me." Agreed Donny as he took a few deep breaths. "What are you working on anyway?"

"Our toy." Replied Max. "I was thinking of making a Robotic Funnytron a robot that tells jokes, I think it'll get us a good score."

"… That's genius!" Said Donny while sounding impressed. "But it better not tell jokes about people's height."

"I've already taken your completely understandable sensitivity about your height into account; rest assured there isn't a single joke like that." Promised Max.

"… How come you are so good at robotics?" Asked Donny.

"I'm a prodigy in electronics and the like." Explained Max. "I'm also a survivor as I was the only person at D&D club to survive the encounter with the red Dragon. I got all its treasure and a +4 sword of Orcsbane."

"You seem to know what you are doing." Noted Donny. "Should I do anything?"

"I may need some suggestions for some jokes." Answered Max.

"What about Fripp?" Asked Donny while gesturing towards Fripp.

Fripp was making a small pile of dirt into a sort of dirt castle while hanging his tongue out.

"Leave him be; he's in his own little world." Stated Max simply.

"Good idea." Agreed Donny.


Confessional: Dirt fight!

Donny: I'm beginning to wonder if Fripp even realizes he's in a competition on TV.

Max: I always loved Robot Wars when I was a kid, still do today. Killertron was my favorite robot. Not because it was pink … but because it had a giant pick axe!


"Alright Zed; before we build a toy we've got to ask ourselves … what is a toy?" Said Opal as she stood before Zed.

"Err … something children play with to have fun, like a teddy or a cork gun." Guessed Zed.

"Correct you are Zig Zag Zed." Nodded Opal rapidly. "And the toy we are going to be making … is a morph!"

"… A morph?" Repeated Zed. "I reckon I need some more information."

"A morph; you know, like that cutesy wootsy woo blob in Treasure Planet!" Grinned Opal.

"I've never seen that … I've seen TUGS though." Added Zed.

"We're going to make a toy that can change shapes and become anything be it a flamingo, a hotdog or a gorilla eating ice cream. Hahahahaha!" Laughed Opal cheerfully.

"I didn't know Gorilla's ate ice cream; you're really smart Opal." Smiled Zed.

"Thank you Zed." Said Opal sweetly; being called smart wasn't something you was used to hearing. "Now; let's getting making some toys for tweens! We're going to need some rubber, some goo and a bit of elbow grease."

"Should I take my shirt off then?" Asked Zed.

"You're funny! Hahahahahahaha!" Laughed Opal as she fell onto her back laughing.

Zed didn't quite get what Opal was laughing at but quickly 'eeped' when he saw accidently saw Opal's purple and green spotted panties up her skirt.


Confessional: Panty shot!

Zed: I didn't know you could get undergarments in that color … I shouldn't have said that.

Opal: Did you ever wonder why mice like cheese? … Because it comes from the moon of course! Hahaha!


"This isn't so hard." Said Eddie as he gently sewed an arm onto the doll he was making. "I think this should impress Jimmy and Eleanor at least a little. It's all in the accessories."

"I like the cute little hat he's got." Agreed Cherry while holding up a small magnifying glass. "Is this good enough?"

"I'd say so." Nodded Eddie while looking over the doll. "We still have to add the face and we have to make it comical yet cute; this is for kids after all."

"When I was a kid I loved hot wheels cars … I still do actually; they're highly collectable you know." Stated Cherry.

"Too bad the hot wheels video games weren't very good." Said Sasha while she sat playing on her DS. "When it comes to racing I prefer Mario kart; I usually play as Koopa Troopa in case you wanted to know. My favorite kart is the Daytripper"

"Any chance of you pausing your game?" Asked Eddie. "Only we've got a challenge to do and we could use your help."

"Sure." Said Sasha as she paused her game. "How's the detective doll coming along so far?"

"So far so good; it's a good thing I'm pretty good at sewing … my Grandma taught me how." Explained Eddie quickly. "We'll need to give the toy a name though."

"How about Detective Grimoire, like the popular online game made by The Super Flash Bros." Suggested Sasha helpfully.

"… I like it." Smiled Eddie. "Detective Lynmoire it is. This takes me back to my younger days when I used to play detective."

"When I was little I'd ride my tricycle at over fifteen MPH … that's fast when you're a three year old." Giggled Cherry.

"I've been playing video games since I was knee high to a gecko." Said Sasha metaphorically. "In other words a long time; I've attended several conventions and the Holy Grail of my sizable game collection is a copy of Paper Mario the Thousand Year Door signed by Shiguru Miyamoto, you can't put a price on something like that."

"Whoa; the creator of Mario sighed your game … that's vroomingly cool." Gaped Cherry.

"Well; I won it in a contest to be fair." Said Sasha modestly.

"What was the first video game you ever played?" Asked Eddie curiously.

"Rayman." Said Sasha in fond memory. "Gosh it was a hard game but I loved it so; I've got it at home in a frame."


Confessional: Frame = fame = Totaal Drama Letterama!

Sasha: Yes, I'm a gamer addict … nothing wrong with that. I once played Pikmin for eight hours straight and I went through six strawberry milkshakes."

Eddie: Apparently the most hated video game character is Jasper Batt Jr … do any of you guys agree?

Cherry: I love how the fastest racers in Micro Machines V3 has the same name as me; it is … an omen!


"Spider and Quana never said that we had to make our toy one single object; that's why I think a set of action figures would be a good idea." Said Bishop as he carefully put together a miniature red skinned rectangle headed man in a green dollar print suit.

"You're actually trying for once?" Blinked Alice.

"I happen to be quite good at making action figures; I have a very valuable mint condition X-Men collectable set at home, it is worth more than you could ever hope make in twenty years." Explained Bishop. "You're just jealous I'm succeeding at a challenge you are performing pitifully at."

Alice made a sound that was like a hissing platypus mixed with a buzz saw.

"You're a bastard!" Growled Alice as she stalked away.

Bishop looked irritated but inwardly grinned when Kim began massaging his shoulders.

"Don't listen to her." Cooed Kim softly. "She's just jealous of you; you're rich, talented … and rather handsome."

"Why thank you Kim m'lady." Replied Bishop politely while inwardly feeling turned on.

"You're welcome; I'm sure you can make us a winning toy. I'd like to help but I might get in the way … you are concentrating very hard after all." Smiled Kim.

"Yes … thank you." Said Bishop with a grin.


Confessional: Shoulder rub mobster bub!

Bishop: Kim sure is air headed and dumb; but she's hot so who cares?

Kim: Sucking up to Bishop's ego is a great way of getting him to work hard and not have to do anything to help. And now to turn him and Alice permanently against each other.


Out of the corner of Kim's eye she saw Alice returning and also entering hearing range so she loudly, but not too loudly, began talking.

"So Bishop, why exactly do you dislike Alice so much?" Asked Kim curiously while making sure Alice would hear.

"Put simply Kim m'dear; she's an ugly skank. She's arrogant, hardly backs up her ego, talks the talk more than walking the walk and quite frankly is just plain hideous." Explained Bishop.

At that moment Alice ran up and uppercut Bishop to the ground.

"NEVER talk about me like that! You might has well have been describing yourself you prick!" Snarled Alice. "If we lose I'll make sure you get voted off tonight!"

Alice stormed off while Bishop weakly got to his feet.

"If there is one good thing to say about Alice it's that she's got a strong punch." Winced Bishop in pain. "… This means war."


Confessional: War for the poor is such a bore! That rhymes!

Kim: This is as fun as seeing a dirty movie; turn my team against each other and they'll never vote for me. (Kim smiles very insincerely).

Alice: Bishop is going down!


"I would have liked to have made a cuddly kitty; but this is pretty fun too." Said Winnie as she took a large bar of soap, about the size of a loaf of bread, out of a mold. "This is a pretty good idea Paul; a bath toy that can clean you while you play with it."

"Thanks Winnie." Smiled Paul. "Anything to do with cleanliness is a good thing to me."

"I can tell; where do you keep all your cleaning stuff anyway?" Asked Winnie curiously.

"I have big pockets." Shrugged Paul.

Yannis took two soap eyes out of a mold and stuck them onto the main bar of soap. He looked satisfied while as he took out a small chisel and gently, with great precision, carved a small mouth onto the soap.

"Good work Yannis." Complimented Paul.

Yannis gave a thumbs up before continuing his work.

"It's a shame each on of the Soapy Steve's will only last one bath time before they go all icky and gloopy." Said Winnie while looking at the so called 'Soapy Steve'. "I wonder what the others are making."

"I bet Helen is making something boring … though I don't see how you can make a toy boring." Said Paul while scratching his curly fringe. "As for Quarla and the others … I'm not sure but I wouldn't be surprised if Quarla wants to make a voodoo doll of me."

"Why doesn't she like you anyway?" Asked Winnie. "She's a bit of a mean person."

Yannis nodded in full agreement.

"She's a bully pretty much." Replied Paul. "If we lose I'm voting for her … for my own safety."

Yannis nodded in agreement.

"I don't know; she's mean … but Helen is no fun at all and she's not really that useful." Said Winnie opinionatedly. "But who says we're gonna lose? We could be the Top Cats!"

Yannis wrote something in his note pad and showed it to Winnie.

"Why eyes; Top Cat was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid, how did you know?" Asked Winnie sweetly.

Yannis just smiled as he made some hand motions.

"Care to guess what my favorite book series is?" Asked Winnie.

Yannis though for a moment and wrote something down and passed it to Winnie.

"Correct again; Warrior Cats is the right answer." Said Winnie cheerfully.

"Do you like cat fights?" Joked Paul while he sprayed his air freshener to cleanse the air of germs.

"… Ha, ha, very funny." Said Winnie sarcastically but playfully.


Confessional: Crookshanks the cat kneazle thing!

Winnie: Yep; cats are my reason to live, they're cutie patooties!

Yannis: (He is sitting down and smiling).


"Hmm, not bad … but it needs the power of rock to go with it." Said Tyson as he looked at the boxing glove toy his team had made.

"Xyly thinks it's pretty good." Shrugged Xyly. "We gave it over twelve catchphrases right?"

"I know … but it's missing something … got it!" Said Tyson as he snapped his fingers.

Tyson walked over to the boxing glove toy and put a tiny miniature guitar on it.

"Perfect; is there any problem the power of rock cannot solve?" Grinned Tyson.

"We don't need a flipping guitar; we need it to be tough. I admit some rock stars are tough but that guitar is too small to matter." Said Quarla irritably as she picked up the guitar and tossed it away. "It's fine as it is."

"Not quite." Said Ulric as he took out a marker pen and drew some angry eyebrows over the googly eyes. "Not a bad look."

"It does add some personality and strength … I like it." Agreed Quarla. "I think we've got this stupid challenge in the bag."

"Not necessarily; it depends on how good the other two toys are." Pointed out Xyly. "Xyly thinks we stand a good shot though."

"Has anybody seen Helen at all?" Asked Tyson. "She's been gone since the challenge started."

"Who cares; existing is 'far too exciting' for her." Said Ulric dryly.

"Good one." Chuckled Xyly.

"She's boring but she's willing to vote with me as long as I don't have fun around her." Shrugged Quarla. "That means it'll be easy to pick off the deadweight. Us four are all this team needs."

"But Winnie, Paul and Yannis are cool." Replied Tyson.

"Are you contradicting me?" Growled Quarla as she got into Tyson's face and snarled.

"… No dude." Gulped Tyson.


Confessional: Mr. Dude, that's me!

Xyly: Quarla has more of a temper than Xyly's Viking ancestors.


Nina was rolling in a puddle of mud since she had finished her toy a while ago; she laughed contently and let out a smelly burp.

"Mucky mud! Woohoo!" Laughed Nina.

"What the hell are you doing?" Asked Helen dryly as she walked by.

"Getting filthy; it's fun!" Laughed Nina while letting one rip.

"… Having fun is far too exciting; goodbye." Said Helen dully.


Confessional: Mud roll!

Nina: (She is covered in mud and probably smells vile). Helen's boring … maybe she'd appreciate me throwing mud at her; who wouldn't? (Nina farts and laughs). Farts are so funny!


A short while later the teams were called to camp center for the toy judging to begin. Jimmy and Eleanor were seated next to each other at a table while Spider and Quana stood before the twenty three contestants.

"Hello again everyone; you've all made yours toys and now it is time for the judging to begin." Said Spider. "Just to give a quick reminder, Jimmy and Eleanor will give each toy a score out of ten, you can get anywhere from a measly two to a mighty twenty. The team with the most points overall wins. The teams with the smallest grand total loses."

"We know; get on with it!" Barked Quarla.

"Erm, ok then … Team Everest, shoe us your first toy." Announced Spider.

Rheneas walked forwards holding a toaster with a robot styled face on it and placed it on the table in front of Jimmy and Eleanor.

"… It's a toaster." Said Eleanor.

"Not just a toaster; a singing toaster." Said Rheneas in a voice akin to a used car salesman. "It cooks your toast and sings songs; name one other toy that can do that."

"… I got nothing; it is pretty original." Agreed Jimmy. "So; what songs does it have?"

"Press the button and find out." Said Rheneas.

Jimmy pressed the button 'nose' on the toaster and it began to sing in Rheneas' voice.

Live and learn, hanging on the edge of tomorrow

Live and learn, on the words of yesterday

Live and learn, if you beg or if you borrow

Live and learn, you may never find your way

Jimmy and Eleanor looked impressed by this.

"Did you make it yourself?" Asked Eleanor.

"No; Jill and Imanda were a big help." Replied Rheneas.

"You're welcome." Said Jill.

Jimmy and Eleanor thought for a moment.

"I give it eight points." Said Jimmy.

"I give it seven; it's good but it's not very colorful. Still, it's a good toy all the same." Smiled Eleanor.

"And Team Everest nets themselves a solid fifteen points." Said Quana.


Confessional: Solids, they have their particles close together.

Jill: Not bad all in all.


"Next up; Team Savannah." Said Spider.

Winnie walked forwards carrying the big bar of soap with the face.

"What's that?" Blinked Eleanor with a giggle.

"It's Soap Steve, the first toy made one hundred percent out of soap." Advertised Winnie. "He can keep you clean AND keep you happy at the same time. Plus he smells like a combination of sixty nine various fruits and flowers."

"That's … quite clever; it is your idea?" Asked Jimmy.

"Actually Paul came up with it; but Yannis and I helped make it." Smiled Winnie.

"It's original and kinda funny looking; it gets a nine from me." Said Eleanor.

"It's cool; but I'd prefer a toy that could be used at anytime rather than just bath time … I give it seven points." Smiled Jimmy.

"Team Savannah takes the lead with sixteen points." Stated Spider.


Confessional: Suds in the bathtub!

Yannis: (He is silently looking happy and satisfied).


"Team Mongolia; you're up." Called Quana.

Bishop walked forwards with a set of four action figures and set them down in front of Jimmy and Eleanor.

"I don't expect you to appreciate the sophisticatedness behind these action figures; but they are personified version of common money phrases such as Penny Pincher, Tightwad, Moneybags and Loan Shark." Stated Bishop condescendingly.

"Cool." Said Jimmy as he picked up one that had the head of a shark but was otherwise a sickly green skinned figure in a suit. "I like it."

"I like it too; these are cool; I give you an eight." Rewarded Eleanor.

"It's a nine from me." Said Jimmy as he looked over the other three action figures.

"Team Mongolia has seventeen points." Said Quana.

Bishop smugly walked back over to his team.

"You're welcome." Said Bishop with a dry smile.


Confessional: Welcome to he … err … hello!

Zed: I don't get why one of them there action figures had a shark head; what exactly is a loan shark anyway?


Max walked up holding a robot that had a jester hat on and placed it on the table.

"I present to thee the Robotic Funnytron." Said Max formally. "It tells jokes. Tell it what type you want to hear and it'll tell you what it thinks of."

"Ok; tell us a joke about helicopters please." Asked Jimmy.

"What do you call a wobbly helicopter?" Asked the robot. "… A jellycopter!"

Jimmy laughed while Eleanor giggled; almost everyone else groaned.

"Ok; how about an animal joke." Suggested Eleanor.

"What do you get if you cross a cheetah and a banana?" Asked the Robotic Funnytron. "…Nothing; cheetah's don't like bananas."

Jimmy and Eleanor laughed.

"It's a ten from me." Said Jimmy between laughs.

"I give it a solid nine." Giggled Eleanor.

"That brings Team Everest's total up to thirty four." Summarized Quana.


Confessional: Everest; it's always asleep … get it?

Max: Excellent; I completed my quest and shall receive a lot of XP for it. Robotics were always my talent.


Tyson bought up Team Savannah's second toy; a boxing glove with a face on it.

"It doesn't look like it does much." Said Jimmy.

"That's where you are wrong little dude." Assured Tyson. "It can be worn as a glove, used in boxing practice, can be a squeeze toy and it has several catchphrases if you whack it."

"Interesting." Said jimmy as he gave the glove a light whack.

"Put em up, put em up!" Do you want to take this to the boxing ring?" Challenged the glove.

Jimmy hit it again and the glove said another catchphrase.

"Greg the Glove thinks you are a hard hitter." Said the glove.

"My turn!" Said Eleanor cheerfully.

Eleanor gave the glove a whack.

"If you hit me again I'll have you shot … just joking." Said Greg the Glove sinisterly.

"… I'll give it an eight." Mumbled Eleanor nervously.

"I however give it a nine." Said Jimmy.

"Team Savannah's score is thirty three." Said Spider. "Time for Team Mongolia's second toy."


Confessional: Was it joking?

Eleanor: That toy was a little weird.

Quarla: Not a bad score so far; we could win this. It all comes down to Helen's toy.


Eddie walked forwards holding the Detective Grimoire Doll and placed it on the table.

"This is Detective Grimoire; a must have companion for any child wanting to grow up to be a detective; he has it all! Magnifying glass, note book, shades, finger print brush and a fedora. The only limit is your imagination."

"I like it; dolls are fun; seven points." Smiled Eleanor.

"I dunno; it's cool, but I was never really much of a doll fan … I'm more of an action figure type of guy. I give it a five." Said Jimmy apologetically.

"Team Mongolia now have twenty nine pints and are currently in last." Said Spider.


Confessional: Time for the last toys.

Kim: It all comes down to Opal and Zed's toy … we're so screwed.


"Team Everest; present your final toy." Asked Quana.

Nina walked up with something rancid smelling in a paper bag; the bag was wet at the bottom and flies were buzzing around it.

"My toy is something all kids will love!" Grinned Nina.

"Eeeeewww! That looks gross; one!" Wailed Eleanor as she covered her nose.

"I'll give you five points if you don't open the bag." Begged Jimmy.

"Deal." Said Nina before anybody could speak.

"And Team Everest finishes with forty." Said Spider.


Confessional: Bad smells indeed.

Fripp: Nina smells like poopies.

Tyson: As long as Helen doesn't screw up we're safe. Cool.


Helen walked forward while hiding something with her hand.

"Terribly and horribly exciting children; I present to you something that is one of a kind." Said Helen dryly.

"What is it?" Asked Eleanor with interest.

"A ball." Said Helen as she placed a small beige ball on the table.

"What makes it stand out?" Asked Jimmy with an unsure expression.

"It makes no sound, it doesn't bounce, it isn't chewy and it's the best color in the world … beige." Explained Helen confidently.

"I give it a one." Said Eleanor.

"I'll be nice and give it a two." Said Jimmy.

"And Team Savannah finishes with a total of thirty six; Team Everest is now guaranteed to be safe." Stated Quana with a smile.

Team Everest cheered while Team Savannah looked despondent.


Confessional: … Was that even a toy?

Ulric: Seriously Helen … what the hell?

Jimmy: I didn't even know a toy could be that boring.


"And presenting the final toy of the challenge is me, Opal Shigeru! Hahahahaha!" Laughed Opal as she ran up to the judging table and dropped a blob of goop onto it which was gradually changing colors.

"What it is?" Asked Eleanor.

"It's morph," Explained Opal. "You can make anything out of it; it can bend into any shape and never gets ruined or horribly sticky like a chicken donut! Hahahaha!"

Jimmy toyed with the morph for a moment and when he finished it resembled a rainbow colored dragon.

"This is cool." Grinned Jimmy.

"Let me try." Said Eleanor as she began filling with the morph.

When Eleanor was finished the morph looked like a multicolored giraffe.

"I give it a perfect ten." Said Eleanor.

"As do I." Agreed Jimmy.

"Team Mongolia now has a grand total of forty nine points! They win!" Announced Quana energetically.

Team Mongolia cheered for their second victory.


Confessional: Toy train!

Alice: Even Opal earned us first place … this isn't fair!


"And so another challenge comes to an end and we have our results." Said Spider as he stood before the twenty three contestants. "With a grand total of forty nine points … Team Mongolia wins the challenge and are staying in the Champions Cabin."

"Team Everest have forty points and as such are second." Said Quana. "You guys get the Middle Place Cabin."

"And Team Savannah; sorry guys, but you scored the lowest, thirty six points. You'll be sleeping in the Loser Cabin tonight and you'll be attending a Bonfire Ceremony later." Summed up Spider. "Barney will be seeing you later."


Confessional: Vote for the president … err ... the loser.

Paul: (he is scrubbing a stain on the wall). I'm voting for Quarla; I just don't much like having my personal safety threatened.

Quarla: I vote for Paul; he's deadweight.

Helen: I'm going to vote for Winnie; she is simply far too exciting.

Xyly: Xyly votes for Helen; she cost us the challenge and is starting to annoy Xyly a little.


The eight members of Team Savannah sat on stumps around the Bonfire Ceremony area while the moon shone down on them and the stars twinkled in the dark night sky. Barney walked up with a tray of seven Golden Letters and set them down on the oil barrel.

"Welcome back me hearties." Greeted Barney. How are you finding the contest so far yaaar?"

"It's cool." Said Tyson.

"It's too exciting." Droned Helen.

"Well; you know how this works yaaar. If I call your name you get a Golden letter and are safe; if you do not receive one then you are out of the contest and must walk the dock of shame yaaar and board the boat of losers and never come back. Just like every season really." Shrugged Barney as he picked up a Golden Letter.

"The first Golden Letter goes to … Yannis."

"Xyly"

"Ulric"

"Tyson"

"Winnie"

"Paul"

Helen and Quarla sat on their stumps without a marshmallow. Helen looked happily bored while Quarla growled in determination.

"Helen, Quarla … this is the last Golden Letter yaaaar … and it goes to…

Quarla."

Quarla grinned smugly to herself as she claimed her Golden Letter while Helen looked mildly annoyed.

"Well Helen; you're out yaaar; the Dock of Shame is down south." Said Barney.

Helen got up looking bored but also a little angry.

"Fine; it was far too exciting for me here anyway. Have fun getting yourselves killed by having too much fun. I was all that was keeping you delinquents in line." Droned Helen in her very dull voice as she walked away towards the dock of shame.

Helen walked the dock and boarded the boat of losers which took off into the night while the remaining seven members of Team Savannah looked amongst each other.

"As for you seven; you're safe … for tonight yaaar." Said Barney dramatically.


Spider and Quana stood on the dock of shame while the waves rippled gently beneath them.

"Another one bites the dust; Helen has become the first female eliminated this season … funnily enough she was kinda funny but I bet she'd be distraught to hear that." Giggled Quana.

"Maybe if she'd used what little imagination she had she could have got her team just into second." Pondered Spider. "But what's done is done. But what will happen next time? Will VayVay ever arrive? Will Team Mongolia lose for the first time? Will anything very interesting happen? And who will be the fourth person voted off. Find out next time on Total Drama Letterama."


Votes

Helen: Winnie

Paul: Quarla

Quarla: Paul

Tyson: Helen

Ulric: Helen

Winnie: Helen

Xyly: Helen

Yannis: Quarla:

Helen: 4

Quarla: 2

Paul: 1

Winnie: 1


Team Everest: Donny, Fripp, Imanda, Jill, Max, Nina, Rheneas.

Team Mongolia: Alice, Bishop, Cherry, Eddie, Kim, Opal, Sasha, Zed.

Team Savannah: Paul, Quarla, Tyson, Ulric, Winnie, Xyly, Yannis.

Voted off: Gordon, Lankston, Helen


And thus ends Helen's time on Wawanakwa. She was a LOT more popular than I thought she would be; that ladies and gentlemen is what we call unintentional humor. She was pretty decent while she lasted but now was her time to go.

Next Time: Chop down the trees!