AN: Thanks for all the fantastic response to this story - I'm still trying desperately to finish and post it before I leave!!!
Also, I used a line from Bones in here (which I DO NOT own). :)
Chapter Eight
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah, I think that I might break.
Breathe Me – Sia
--
Sarah was screaming, struggling, beating Casey with her fists. "Let me go! For God's sake, Casey! CHUCK! CHUCK!"
Casey was blocking her from pushing past him, back to the panel Chuck had wedged in place, and unsettling weakness pounding in his chest. That stupid geek – Chuck – the Intersect…his couldn't lace his thoughts together. All he could hear was Sarah screaming behind him and the water pushing through the cracks of the vent. The metal below them was covered in an inch of water and it was rising quickly.
"We have to go, Walker," he heard himself say, his voice sounding distant to his own ears, and began pushing on her legs. When all she did was aim a punch at his already sore shoulder, he lost his temper. "Walker, if we don't get out of here, we're going to drown and then what Chuck did will be for nothing."
She looked at him with wild, unseeing eyes, dripping wet and out of her mind with fear and anger. "What the fuck are you talking about, Casey? We have to go back and get him!"
"No, we have to get out of here alive," Casey yelled over the sound of the water. He took her shins and pushed, hard. She slid forward on the slick metal, looking at him in angry disbelief.
"How can you just leave him?" she yelled. The water was now lapping around his elbow as he lay there.
"We have to get out, we have to get Beckman and we have to fix this," growled Casey, his gut twisting at the thought of leaving Chuck behind. Still, it had to be done. John Casey was nothing if not a survivor. "We. Have. To. Go." He pushed her again and when she stopped, there was a sort of dull, empty look in her red-rimmed eyes.
Without a word, she turned onto her stomach and began crawling as fast as she could down the vent. Casey paused for a moment, wrestling with his conscience yet again. It wasn't until there was an incredibly loud bang behind him that he sprang into motion, racing after Walker on his elbows.
Some ways down the vent, after countless twists and turns he could barely keep track of, he found Sarah undoing the screws on another vent panel and shoving the metal down into an empty cell. He was going to question her, but looking at her face he thought that this time, he might as well just have her back and not question her unless she did something really stupid.
She flung herself down into the vent and he followed. When he landed, she was already kicking the door, which was unlocked on account of the empty cell, open and rushing out into the hallway. Lit by dirty greenish yellow lights, the hall was empty except for a few guards, who Sarah took out before Casey could get into the fight to help.
He watched her in the instants it took her to take down the guards as if underwater. Her face was contorted fiercely, her teeth bared, angry grunts tearing out from her throat as she felled one man with a sharp roundhouse kick. There was a fury driving her actions that wasn't hard for Casey to guess.
One of them got in a lucky punch, throwing Sarah back into the wall with the force, and for a second she just stood there, blood dripping from her cheek, looking stunned. Casey punched the guy in the stomach and then gave him a knee to the face, making him drop like a stone.
"Thanks," she said quietly, panting. Touching her cheek gingerly, she winced. "I wasn't paying attention."
"Looked pretty attentive to me," said Casey. His fingers twitched lightly, itching desperately for a gun. The guards had taken his from him, obviously, and he wanted it back at some point. It was a favorite of his.
Sarah was shaking her head, looking dazedly at the floor. "No. I think my eyes were glazed over the entire time." Casey watched her closely and saw the air leave her lungs like she had just been punched in the stomach. Raising a shaking hand to her mouth, she leaned on her knee with one arm. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
And she was. Watching her retching up water and bile on the ground, Casey didn't make a move to comfort her. There was a weird aching in his chest as he looked at her, but there was no way he was going to show pity for her. Not that she'd let him, either.
When she was done, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and took a few deep breaths before standing up.
"Ready?" asked Casey.
Nodding, Sarah set her mouth in a grim line and looked at him. "Let's go get Beckman."
"You know where to find her?"
"We passed her cell on the way to yours, but it was pitch black in the tunnels and I wouldn't know the route from here."
Casey smiled grimly. "Well then let's find someone to talk to."
It was about five minutes later when they came upon an unsuspecting guard. Sarah went for him, but Casey pulled her back, practically throwing her behind him, and went for the guy himself. It wasn't that he was worried for her safety – come on, now – but more than he wanted some action himself. He didn't take to being held prisoner. His muscles needed to be used after being tied up for hours.
When Casey fought, it wasn't as if the world slowed and he was able to see each move his opponent made and then block or hit accordingly. It was more like the world sped up and his mind was slower to react than his body. Everything was fierce, innate instinct.
In second, the guy was on the floor, but not unconscious. Casey grabbed his collars and hauled the man off the ground a little, but his head rolled to one side, his mouth open and bleeding. "Where is General Beckman's cell?" When he didn't get an answer, he shook the man, hard, making his head snap back and forth.
"Casey," said Sarah in a warning voice.
"You know kidnapping an agent with the National Security Administration is considered sedition, right? And kidnapping a General…well, let's just say you're your future doesn't look too bright right now."
"I didn't do anything!" the man slurred, starting to panic and struggle a little. "I'm just a guard!"
"If you tell us where she's being kept, we'll be sure that gets taken into account during your trial," said Sarah. Casey turned and shot her a glare over his shoulder. She shrugged.
"General Beckman. Where is she?"
The man swallowed. "Cell 3147. Take two lefts, a right and then another left and you'll be there. It's heavily guarded."
Casey let the man drop to the ground. "Thanks," said Sarah before running after him.
"You're thanking a treasonous NSA security guard?" growled Casey as they ran.
"You really think that kid had anything to do with the actual kidnapping?" she yelled back over the sound of their pounding feet. "He was just following orders."
"No excuse," grunted Casey in return.
They were there in minutes, and without any sort of plan, they ran at the mass of guards. In his head, Casey knew it was stupid to just attack like this. In his heart, he was thrilled at the possibility of a serious fight where he and others might obtain serious or life-threatening injuries.
The world was a blur of feet and arms and faces as they though. Casey saw Sarah twirl and kick and smash the butt of her gun into the face of a guard. Again she was fighting with that all-consuming ferociousness that made her blind to the world, and as he kept an eye on her while head-butting one of the guards himself, he saw another guard land a kick in her ribs that was sure the crack a rib or two.
She staggered back, one arm wrapping around her torso, again looking stunned that she had been hit. She didn't notice the man coming in for more. Throwing himself in her direction, Casey kicked the man in the groin and then the face, sending him flying.
All of a sudden, they were alone in the hallway, surrounded by unconscious bodies. "Snap out of it, Walker. We have to get out of here alive, and the way you're going now, I'm not sure you'll make it."
"Right." Her voice was distant, dazed. "I know. I know."
"Walker," he growled warningly.
"I know," she said, snapping back to attention and meeting his eyes sharply before dropping her head. "I just…can't believe…"
"I know," Casey said, this time his voice gruff but much softer.
Not looking at him, she pushed herself off the wall and began searching the men for keys. They quickly found them and unlocked the door.
General Beckman was seated on a chair, her hands tied behind her, an expectant look on her face.
"Took you long enough," she said briskly.
Sarah felt a jolt of surprise, but Casey just chuckled quietly and went to cut the ties holding his boss in place. "Sorry, General, we got a little held up when I was kidnapped as well."
Her sharp eyes assessed his wounds and she hummed in a thoughtful way as she stood and rubbed her wrists. "Well, I suppose Saunders is trying to clean up this mess as we speak. He really bungled it, and – "
"Chuck is dead," said Sarah suddenly, the words seemingly ripped out of her throat.
The General went still and then slowly rotated to look at Casey. "Is this true?" she said quietly, after one moment.
Casey considered the words and, for the first time, truly felt the weight of them. He had to clear his throat before he spoke. "Yes, ma'am, that is true. The asset was killed a short time ago. He sacrificed himself to secure our escape."
For a while nobody said anything. Then the General nodded and said, "He will be honored accordingly." Casey could feel Sarah's hackles going up, but he gripped her arm tightly and she kept her mouth shut. "Now, we have to get out of here before any more trouble arises."
"Where do we go?"
The General raised an eyebrow at him. "I know places inside NSA headquarters you've never seen, Colonel."
--
The walk, or run, to the secure room, felt like an eternity to Sarah. Or the blink of an eye. She couldn't decide.
She was pretty sure Casey took out two guards with only his fists and feet while she was three paces behind, her gaze blank and unfocused. She barely saw it – just blurs and noises. It felt like nothing would be in focus again.
There was the General in front of them, and Casey right behind her, his broad frame almost blocking the tiny woman from Sarah's view. There was a dull light flickering on the wall to her right and a thin skin of water on the grimy cement floor beneath her feet. There was the dripping of her hair next to her ear and the aching, empty thud of her heart echoing in her chest.
It was impossible. It was impossible, wasn't it? Chuck couldn't be dead. That was just…impossible.
Of course, it wasn't impossible. When he'd chosen to put the Intersect back in his head, to become a real spy, it had been one of the things that had sent her into a panic. He could die if he were a real spy, because she wouldn't be there to protect him. But for some reason that hadn't seemed as important as the fact that he could lose himself…lose himself in the metaphorical sense. Lose his humor and his goodness and his clueless charm and everything that made her so stupidly, wildly in love with him. Crazy, stupid, over-the-moon in love with him. Lose himself metaphorically.
That had been was consumed her mind and made her so furiously, idiotically angry at him. It hadn't been on her radar in months that he could…die.
And he was dead.
It wasn't until they stopped running and seemed to be in some sort of a brightly lit room with no windows and the General was saying something that Sarah realized she wasn't breathing too well. She leaned against a wall and braced her hands on her knees, gasping for air that never seemed to get deep enough in her lungs.
"Walker? You need a medic?"
She couldn't respond. There was something blocking her throat.
"Walker?" This time Casey's voice was much closer, and much softer. He didn't touch her, but his large, solid presence next to her was unmistakable. "You okay?"
After a minute of calming her heart rate just the way she had been taught, Sarah straightened again. The General was looking at her with a steady gaze.
"All right. If you don't require medical attention, then we can get to work on bringing down Saunders."
"What about Chuck?" asked Sarah dully.
"What about him? He's gone – there's nothing we can do for him except make his sacrifice worthwhile by bringing down the man who put him in that situation."
Some sort of pit opened up beneath Sarah's feet. She felt wildly dizzy, as if her eyes couldn't focus on a single object. "That's it?"
"What more do you want, Walker? He's gone."
The pit was an abyss, gaping and wailing and deep, and right underneath Sarah's feet. She felt her heart racing, adrenaline making her limbs tremble. "That's not good enough."
"Excuse me?"
"I know you're not my boss, General, but you've been as good as for the past year and a half." Ripping off her badge, Sarah threw it on the ground. "And I quit."
