AN: Sorry this is late, it took me several goes to write which, considering its a bit limited in terms of plot progression, is a bit odd. Anyway, I hope you like it and please let me know what you think.
Thank you guest reviewer! No idea if you're reading this, but your review was really appreciated.
Previously: Lucius Malfoy is planning something with a mysterious woman, something's woken up under the ministry and muggles are disappearing. Remus and Tonks have teamed up to get the bottom of it. Remus has been researching a strange creature that chased the pair through London with little success whilst Tonks has been stealing files from the ministry pertaining to the disappearance of the muggles. The duo have also been questioning the families of the muggles and found that they all live similarly isolated lives. They also discovered that whatever took the muggles bore some similarities to a dementor.
His light was on but he wasn't answering. That was her second clue that something was wrong. The first was when he hadn't shown up for dinner, despite promising her he would.
It had all started a couple of night before when Tonks visited her friend Claire.
"So Tonks… you've been mysteriously busy for the last week. Am I to understand you've got someone new in your life?" was the first thing Claire said to her with a teasing grin.
"Merlin, let me get through the door before the interrogation starts." Tonks muttered, pushing past her best friend and putting the bottle of wine down on the table.
"If you must know, there is."
Claire's grin widened.
"I bloody knew it!" she said, the excitement palpable in her voice.
"Oh calm down Claire… it's not like that. We're just friends."
""We're just friends" Now there's a phrase that's rarely true. Come on Tonks don't hold out on me. I haven't seen you in ages and when I do, you look all… happy. The pink hair is a dead giveaway. Sickening really."
Tonks rolled her eyes and toned her hair down. Claire was absolutely right. She'd always been terrible at hiding her feelings, her metamorphosing always revealing her emotional state. She surprised Remus hadn't figured it out yet, actually. Then again, Claire had always been a smart one, particularly where Tonks was concerned. They understood each other on a particular level. Tonks had battled her way through the prejudice against her family in the ministry and Claire was in the process of doing a similar thing.
She came from an unassuming, friendly pure-blood family with parents that adored her and who she adored. Life was good for the Ravenclaw until one summer when it all fell apart. Her father killed a boy. He was a shopkeeper in Diagon Alley so dealt with his fair share of opportunistic shoplifters, most of whom dropped whatever they were nicking when he challenged them. Not so with one teenager. The lad sprinted out of the shop and Claire's Dad gave chase. When the boy wouldn't stop, Claire's father shot a blasting curse at him in the hope to knock the boy over. He put too much power behind it and the boy was thrown against a wall. He smashed his head and died almost immediately.
It was an accident but the Wizengamot didn't see it that way. This was in the days after the war where paranoia pervaded everything; Voldemort's atrocities fresh in everyone's mind, and pure blood man had just killed a muggleborn boy for shoplifting. Claire's father was kissed.
It had always been something of a mystery to Tonks why Claire had wanted to join the institution that had punished her father like that. She supposed it was for the same reason she did. To deliver true justice to those who really deserved it.
She studied Claire who was still looking at her expectantly.
"Come on then, who is he?"
Tonks glanced down at the table, a small smile at the corner of her lips.
"He's called Remus. He's a… family friend."
Tonks was being very careful about exactly how much she revealed about what her and Remus were doing. She trusted Claire completely but the less people that knew about what her and Remus were doing, the less likely Moody was to find out.
"And? Come on Tonks. What does he look like? What's he like? Have you made a move?"
Tonks laughed.
"Oh, we're not having a girly chat are we?"
Claire shrugged.
"Come on, spit it out. You're dying to tell someone."
She wasn't wrong, Tonks thought with a sigh.
"Fine. He's tall and thin, brown hair, blue eyes. You know… nice looking. Not a knockout or anything but yeah…" Tonks said with a blush that she unsuccessfully tried to morph away.
"And he's nice and funny. All of the… erm… good stuff."
Claire looked triumphant.
"You're completely smitten! I knew it!" She leaned forward, pouring Tonks then herself a glass of wine. "Now, would you like to tell me how you ended up fancying the man you thought not a week ago got you fired?"
Bollocks! She should have made up a fake name. Of course Claire would remember Tonks' near breakdown after her disastrous interview with Remus. She had to get out of this.
"Bumped into him at the pub actually. Turned out he wasn't such an arsehole after all."
And he really wasn't. The more time Tonks spent with him the more she came to value his little insights and jokes, his kindness and warmth, his intelligence, his deep blue… Merlin, what was happening to her?! Since when had she, Nymphadora Tonks, the auror of all things, been sappy? He was a nice bloke and that was the end of it, she told herself. Nothing would complicate their investigation more than her falling for Remus. No, it was a harmless crush and wouldn't go further than that.
"Ask him out." Claire said, causing Tonks to splutter into the wineglass she was drinking deeply from.
"Are you mad?! Look, Claire, I haven't told you everything… I can't tell you everything, you have to understand that, but me and Remus being anything more than what we are now would be a horrible, horrible mistake."
Claire's eyebrows raised in shock.
"Right. Wow. Okay, I don't know what shady past or whatever this guy's got but there's no harm in having him round for dinner or something is there? Doesn't have to be a date. Pass it off as a friend thing if you want. It's just… I haven't seen you like this before. Blushing over some bloke like a fourteen year old, I mean. Give it a shot maybe, after whatever it is you're up to-" Tonks looked ready to interject "Yes I know you're up to something Tonks, you're terrible at anything requiring stealth. I won't ask though. What I'm saying is get to know him better. There might be a time when being more than mates is a possibility."
And that was when Tonks decided Claire was right. As soon as she got home that evening she penned a quick note to Remus inviting him over the next night under the guise of discussing what they had learned from their interviews of the families of the missing muggles.
He responded quickly and enthusiastically and Tonks couldn't help but grin.
Until he didn't show up.
She'd spent the previous hour tidying up her flat and doing her best to follow her mum's lasagne recipe, only breaking one dish. She was pleased with the result and sat down to wait for him, combing her fingers through her pink hair in attempt to neaten it, straightening imagined creases in her bright yellow Weird Sisters t-shirt. But he hadn't turned up.
She'd been unconcerned at first but once she'd watched forty-five minutes go by she was slumped on the sofa, pretending not to look at the door. After an hour she slowly got up from the kitchen table and put the bottle of wine she'd opened, missing one glass's worth, back in the cupboard and stopped worrying about her hair.
Half an hour later her hair was flaming red, her eyes were flashing and she was striding towards her front door.
She apparated straight to his house. It was a small cottage in the middle of nowhere, the house itself crumbling slightly but the garden well maintained. And the light was on. She didn't know whether Remus had forgotten or decided he didn't want to come but either way, he was clearly in.
She knocked loudly on the door but no one answered. She knocked again, harder. Again no answer. A slight forboding filled her, working its way up her spine, slowly replacing her fury. It was out of character for Remus to not show up. Of course she hadn't known him long, but what she knew of him was that he was almost painfully polite. The more she thought about it, the more she realised something wasn't right.
It took her twenty minutes to break through his wards, her anxiety increasing with each charm she gently unwound. Remus was going to kill her if nothing was wrong and she'd broken into his home. If that was the case though, he deserved it for standing her up. She was becoming increasingly certain that wasn't it though.
Wards broken, she entered the house. It was simply furnished, almost sparse. She scanned the kitchen. There was undone washing up in the sink which didn't seem like the kind of thing Remus would leave.
"Remus?" She called loudly.
There was no response. She took a calming breath and slowly worked her way further into the cottage. Although the lights were on, Tonks was convinced something was lurking round every doorway, behind every cupboard, just waiting for her to put a foot wrong. It was in moments like these that Moody's training came into its own. Her progress through the cottage was slow, careful and methodical, as she checked each room first for intruders, then for Remus. She wouldn't be much good for him dead, would she. That was one of the most important things Mad Eye had taught her.
Be impersonal lass. If you lose your head you're dead. Doesn't matter who you're trying to help. You distance yourself from them and act logically. I've seen better than you forget that and end up dead when they could have saved themselves and their families. Remember that girl.
And she did.
But then she reached the basement.
She could sense it as she stood by the door- the vestiges of something terrible and painful. Something compelled her to reach out and touch its thick wood and as she did something jolted through her.
Wards. She thought so.
She knew then, without any doubt in her mind that Remus was down there and in that moment she had no thought for subtlety. The wards were strong but didn't survive the blasting charm she hurled at them.
She sprinted down the stairs, wand at the ready, thoughts only on Remus.
She stopped in her tracks when she saw him.
He was curled up naked, facing away from her, shaking from the cold and pain. Deep gouges ran along his back and legs and she could see the pool of half dried blood and sick he was lying in.
And that was when she worked out that it had been the full moon the night before.
She reached him in two strides, turning him onto his back to better survey his injuries. His whole body was covered in scratches and bruises but it was the head injury that concerned her. The blood around the bruise had congealed and he was no longer bleeding from it but it was clearly that which had knocked him unconscious.
"Fuck me, Remus, what have you done to yourself?" she muttered as she conjured a blanket to cover him and began casting spells to stitch his skin back together and mend his bones. She'd had to learn basic healing as part of her training and never had she been more grateful for it than at that moment.
When she was satisfied that he was out of danger, she levitated him upstairs and onto his sofa where she conjoured him some pyjamas to preserve his modesty and covered him with every blanket and duvet she could find in the house and cast a warming charm. He was freezing, clearly having lain naked in the icy basement for a day.
She went to his kitchen and heated up some water in a bowl and grabbed a tea towel from the side. It would have to do for now.
After returning to his side, she dipped the rag in the hot water and began to clean the blood and vomit from his face so she could better see the head wound. One of the things she'd learned in training was that when someone was injured, especially a head injury, it was best to minimise the magic used on it; the mind was a delicate thing. Once the blood was cleared from the wound, Tonks let out a sigh of relief. It was a nasty bump certainly but not deep. He'd be ok.
She'd wait with him until he woke up to be sure but the fear that had filled her when she'd seen Remus bleeding in the basement had left her.
She went to the overfilled bookshelf and helped herself to one of his tomes on defensive magic, settling herself opposite him in an armchair to keep watch over him.
He felt warm and comfortable and would happily have lain there all day. He snuggled into the blankets, vaguely aware of a dull ache in his head and joints. Of course! He'd transformed last night. He found that didn't bother him as much it normally would because he was comfy and safe, cocooned in warmth. Yes, he'd lie here a bit longer and then go over to Tonks' house for dinner. He smiled to himself. He'd be happy to see her.
As he drifted further into consciousness though, something began nagging at him. Something was wrong. But what could be wrong though when he was so comfortable?
But that was it. He shouldn't be comfortable. He should be on the hard, cold floor of the basement like he was on the morning after every other full moon. He'd been moved.
He willed his eyes open. It hurt at first, the artificial light of the room temporarily blinding his unadjusted pupils. But slowly, the blurry room came into focus and so did she. All thoughts of the aches that tormented his body left him in a breath as he took her in. Oh, but she was a vision, Remus thought. Curled up in his armchair, playing absently with her hair (a pleasant dark blue) as she read a book; he felt his heart hammer out his need.
"Tonks?" He murmured, his voice coming out as a hoarse rasp.
She looked up at him, a grin lighting up her face, hair turning pink and knelt by the sofa.
"Remus! You're awake!"
He had to will his hand not to reach out and touch her, to confirm her reality because he couldn't for the life of him get his head round why she was there.
"What… What are you doing here?" He questioned, pausing to cough.
"You didn't turn up this evening and I, assuming you'd stood me up, came over, wand blazing and yeah… here we are." Tonks replied with a smile "How are you feeling?"
Remus dragged himself into sitting position, still feeling slightly confused.
"Fine, fine. What time is it?"
"10."
"pm?" He replied, eyes widening.
"Yup."
He sat up straighter, looking vaguely panicked.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Tonks, I never normally sleep this late, I thought I'd be alright by this evening but-"
"Remus." She stopped him mid ramble with a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine. You whacked your head and knocked yourself out. You were half frozen when I found you. I'm hardly gonna blame you for that am I?"
Well, now he thought about it, of course she wasn't going to blame him. But that wasn't really the point. It came rushing in how she must have found him. How she must see him now. Every other time Tonks had seen him, he'd been normal, just like everyone else, but now his condition was inescapable. She'd found him naked and bleeding in a basement. Shame and humiliation consumed him. She should never have come. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than for her to leave.
"I think it might be best if you left now Tonks." He said tersely, unable to meet her eyes.
There was a long, painful moment of silence.
"Why?"
Could she not just leave? He wanted to get dressed and for her to not see him lying on the sofa covered in his own blood, vomit and Merlin knows what else. He wanted her to look away.
"Just go Tonks!" He blurted, anger in his voice.
He looked up at Tonks and almost apologised right then. She looked so hurt. But there was steel in her eyes.
"No. I won't. Not until you tell me what this is about. We're friends aren't we?"
"Exactly! We're friends. And I would like to keep it that way. I will not have you hating me, or worse, pitying me. And you will if you don't leave now." He responded, voice rising, desperation seizing hold of him, breath coming faster.
He'd seen it before. Friendship turning slowly into that patronising sympathy that he couldn't stand. He couldn't bear to see Tonks start to think that way.
"The only one doing any pitying here is you!" Tonks snarled, standing up. "I helped a friend who was hurt and rather than a simple 'thank you Tonks' he tries to kick me out because he's a bit embarrassed. Christ, Remus. I'm an auror, I know what being a werewolf bloody entails okay? It doesn't shock me or make me pity you."
How could she think that? How could she ever think she knew what it was like? And of course it made her pity him. It was almost worse than hatred. How could this girl, this young, inexperienced child have any clue what he had gone through, what it was like to live his life? No, he'd seen girls like her before when he was young and they always, always pitied him. And Tonks would too. He struggled to his feet and grabbed her shoulders as much for support as in anger.
"How old are you? 21? 22? You think you know anything about what my life 'entails'?" He spat. "There is a part of me you never want to get to know. That is why you need to leave. You've seen enough. Thanks for healing me and I'm sorry I missed your dinner but I need you to get out of my home."
Considering she had a werewolf bearing down on her, Tonks looked surprisingly unfazed, serving only to anger him further.
"Oh, do piss off Remus. Who are you to tell me what I think? Yes, I'm young but I'm old enough to know what I feel and what I feel is not pity and it is not hatred. Am I supposed to be frightened of you?" Suddenly, he felt very small. "You need to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously." She said with a sharp prod to his chest. "When someone's offering you friendship, it's tradition to accept it, not have a shouty panic attack at them. It's not fair."
As he looked in to her angry eyes, so close to his own, he began to feel his anger and his shame relinquish their hold on his aching body. His head bowed and his fingers tightened on her shoulders.
She was right. She was right and he'd treated her so badly. Of course she didn't care. It was Tonks, Tonks who was bright and spirited and brilliant in the truest sense of the word. Tonks who he had shouted at.
"I'm… I'm sorry." He breathed out, eyes locked on the floor beneath his feet.
He felt her small hand gently lift his bowed head so he was looking at her. He relished the cool touch of her hand on his still burning face. On her face was a look of understanding in the face of idiocy. It was unmistakable; Lily had directed it at him more than once at the height of his teenage anger. Never had Tonks looked more beautiful to him. Her hair had faded to a calmer pink and he couldn't stop a rebellious hand moving to it, curling a short lock around his finger, the back of his hand brushing her soft cheek.
"Yeah, I know." She said with a quick quirk of her lips. Her dark green eyes didn't move from his as he moved his other hand slowly from her shoulder to wrap around her waist.
He was certain she would be able to feel his pounding heartbeat as her hands ran up his chest to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
He bent his head to the junction of her neck and shoulder.
"Thank you." He whispered, breathing her in as he pressed a soft kiss to the skin he found there.
He waited a moment, expecting Tonks to push him away or tell him to stop but she didn't.
Tentatively, he laid a longer kiss on her neck and felt her hand drift into his hair, guiding him higher. He obliged her, making his way up her neck and along her jaw, enjoying the feeling of her skin under his lips.
Everything felt disconnected somehow, as if they were in a bubble that held only them. He could see only her, smell only her, hear only her and taste only her, and it was perfect.
Her hand pushed him back slightly by the shoulder. He quelled his disappointment and got ready to apologise.
Until he looked at her.
Her eyes were dark and there was no disguising the desire in them as they bored into his. Dear God, Remus thought, she wants me. Somehow, despite everything, she wants me.
He pulled her in by the waist but she was the one who closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss.
A tingle ran down his entire body.
He'd always thought kissing Tonks would be like riding a rollercoaster; intense, exhilarating and terrifying, and he supposed it was all those things but there was also something tentative in it.
A question in every movement of her tongue, a query as her hand ran through through his hair. She was hesitant.
She was as nervous as he was, he realised and there was something endearing about that. How could a woman like Tonks ever worry about kissing a man like him?
He pulled her down onto the sofa with him, running his hands over her back as she started to slow the kiss down, eventually pulling away but still staying firmly in his arms and on his lap.
He was aware of her studying his face intently, so he smiled, brushing a thumb along her cheek.
"This is a really horrible idea isn't it?" She asked, playing with the top button of his pyjama shirt.
"Awful. We're putting an investigation at risk." He replied, allowing the tips of his fingers to sneak up the back of her t-shirt.
"'Unprofessional' is the word that springs to mind." She agreed, running her hand along the inside of his collar.
"Well, it's lucky we're not professionals then isn't it?"
They both laughed at that.
"Seriously though Remus," she said, eyes losing some of their mischief "We will have to talk about this properly at some point, you know."
His hand found the back of her head and pulled her into a searing kiss.
"I know. But not right now. "
He kissed her again.
"Not right now."
AN: Hope you all enjoyed that. Apologies for the complete lack of plot but hopefully there was enough shippy goodness to keep you all happy. Please let me know what you think. I've never written anything like that before and I would really like some feedback. Thanks for reading!
