"I ended up helping out with an SVU case while in Computer Crimes and I missed it so much that I went back at the end of the case. It was short-lived, though, because we caught another case soon after and worked it with the FBI."
"This is where Dana comes back in," Amanda guessed.
"Right," Olivia confirmed. "And what I thought would be a one-day undercover gig turned into six weeks… In Oregon."
"How long after you went back to SVU from Computer Crimes was this?"
"A few weeks."
"Did you go to get away from Elliot?"
Olivia shook her head. "No," she said. "I went because it was a last-minute, brash decision and I wanted to help, but there was definitely a part of me that thought some distance would be good for us. I was okay being around Elliot at that point, but things were still hard for me. It hurt to be around him sometimes. I thought Oregon would help me get over him. It didn't. But I learned how to bury my feelings even more. It's also where I met my case agent, Dean Porter."
"It's not T-bone," Olivia told Dean as she slid her pants down to her ankles. "He's a passionate activist but, UGNH!" Dean pulled her hips back into his naked pelvis, then slid his hands under her shirt to feel her breasts. "He's an idiot, not smart enough to pull off terroristic threats. He—oh god—couldn't possibly be a member of EDGE."
Dean's hands were everywhere and Olivia braced herself with her hands on the bathroom wall. "He knows something," Dean said. "You just need to dig—" he thrusted his cock into Olivia. "—deeper."
Olivia rolled her eyes at Dean as he fucked her… quick, but steady. "We've pointed you in the right direction, given you the leads… it's up to you to follow them," Dean said. "God you're so fucking hot."
She shut her eyes tightly, trying to drown out the childish compliments of the federal agent, and she reached down to rub her clit vigorously. "Yes," she whispered. She just needed a couple more minutes. Just like this.
He leaned in and tweaked her nipples as he thrusted. "Who do you think about when we do this?" he asked quietly.
The question caught her by surprise and her eyelids popped open in a flash. After recovering from feeling like she was caught, she responded. "Porter, just stop talking and fuck me."
A few minutes later she was bringing herself to ecstasy while he fucked into her from behind, biting her tongue from saying that name—she had already said too much in her sleep. Dean pulled out moments after and turned to the toilet to cum into it.
Olivia pulled her pants up, washed her hands, then opened the door. "Your donuts are gonna get cold. Don't forget the case file on the sink."
"So, Porter was just a warm body for sex, basically," Amanda summarized.
"Usually, yes" Olivia replied. "But at the very end of my assignment we learned to respect each other and ended up deciding to keep talking and possibly date after despising each other for six weeks."
"How were things with you and Elliot when you went home?"
"Icy, to say the least. When I left we were already in a strange place, so when I got back from Oregon we weren't sure how to act around each other. We were probably most comfortable when we were fighting. I mean, there were a couple moments here and there that reassured me of our friendship—"
"I'd give you a kidney."
"—but mostly we were either taking cheap shots or walking on eggshells around one another. Finally, we caught a case that put things into perspective for us and we talked everything out. I went to his apartment and we sat on his steps at four o'clock in the morning and found us again. He explained that he needed the space to disagree with me without fearing the loss of our partnership again, and I really needed to hear and understand that. Then we decided to grab a bite to eat.
They made their way to the same diner they always frequented when they worked weird hours. New York City was relatively quiet for once; few cars roamed the streets and no pedestrians were in their way. Olivia felt like their conversation on the steps was good. It was open and vulnerable. She needed it, but there was so much more that needed to be said.
"You know I would have called if… if I could have… right?" She met a blank expression. "When I left, I mean." He nodded his head back as though he realized what she was saying. "I… If I'd known how long I'd be gone, I wouldn't have just… I wanted to call and tell you, but—"
"I know. I get it." He seemed genuine.
"You do?"
He shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah, you were undercover with the feds. What's not to get?"
"Then why… why has it been so strained between us since I got back if you're not mad that I left?"
Elliot gave her a quizzical gaze before he huffed. "You mean aside from the fact that I'm an ass?" He joked. She noticed that he took a moment to hear her chuckle before deciding to be honest. "Just because I get it doesn't mean it didn't suck… And a lot of things have sucked in my life recently that I… I don't know… kinda wished you were there for."
Olivia's heart sank. He'd lost his family, then his best friend without any warning. "You felt like I abandoned you."
He hesitated before he said it. "You did." Her chest prickled, and he must have noticed her guilt because he immediately tried to relieve her of it. "I don't blame you for it. You were doing your job and we were… You and I… We haven't been us in a while. So, I don't blame you for leaving or for my feelings of abandonment, Liv. It just… sucked…"
"I miss us," Olivia said.
He nodded, which she hoped meant 'me too'. "Maybe catching up over breakfast at 5am will help," he said as he opened to the door to the diner for her.
Her eyebrows raised. "Catching up…" she repeated with a smirk. She was loving this chatty side of him, wondered how long it would last. "So, what the hell have you been up to the past couple months, Stabler?"
He shrugged again. "What do you want to know?" he turned to the waitress briefly. "The usual, please."
"Same," Olivia told her, then turned back to her partner. "Um…" she pondered. "I don't know…" She'd wondered so many things about his life since she got back. Hell, she wondered them when she was gone too. But there was only one blaring subject she could think of. "How was, uh... how'd you really get along with Dani?" She blurted it out before she could stop herself.
"We got along fine," he answered flatly.
"The others say you two were… close."
Elliot eyed her, probably attempting to gauge what she was really asking.
She answered his non-verbal question. "I heard a rumor or two."
Elliot rolled his eyes. "The same type of rumors people spread about you and me?" he fired.
"Yeah." She looked around the diner and lowered her voice. "Rumors that aren't completely false."
He took a beat, his face stoic, but studying. "I didn't sleep with Dani."
She wouldn't show how relieved she was. She just held his stare and nodded. "Okay."
He looked down at his coffee cup and ran a finger over the rim. "I kissed her." Olivia's stomach churned, but when it came to Elliot, she decided to bury her emotions in a deep, unattainable well. Elliot kept his focus on the coffee when he explained. "I was lonely… And had a couple beers."
"You don't have to justify your kiss to me, Elliot," she said, trying to be more supportive than defensive.
"I've been trying to justify it to myself since it happened."
The waitress placed a plate of pancakes in front of both of them.
"What about you?" Elliot asked as he stabbed the pancakes with a fork. "Meet anyone in Oregon?"
Olivia's eyes involuntarily widened as she took a bite. Her heart sped up. Elliot didn't usually ask about her love life. "I met a ton of people," she said, recovering and skirting around the answer.
He wasn't buying it. "So, I'm guessing the real answer is 'yes'."
Olivia swallowed her food and subconsciously tapped the plate with her fork. "I got lonely too," she said quietly.
"A tree-hugger in your bed, Liv?" He quipped, taking another sip of his coffee.
"My case agent."
Elliot coughed and gasped lightly after inhaling his drink. Once he got the liquid out of his airway he found Olivia's unconcerned face. "A fed?" he asked. She nodded. "Doesn't the FBI have rules against fraternizing with coworkers?"
"They do. Same as NYPD's."
For much too long, they held a heavy, knowing stare.
"I'm not very hungry anymore," Elliot said. When he realized how it sounded, he continued. "It's probably too early to eat this much."
Olivia agreed, and they left the diner after settling the bill. Elliot walked her to her apartment, which she secretly loved was only a few blocks from his.
"You happy to be home? Or did you like the assignment?" Elliot asked after a block of silence.
"The assignment was interesting," Olivia answered. "I liked learning about eco-terrorism, but like I told you the other day, I didn't like working alone… And it was hard to be someone I'm not for so long." Elliot nodded in understanding. "And yes," she said. "I'm happy to be home." After another pause she added, "Oregon is beautiful, though. You'll have to visit someday."
Elliot smiled. "You can show me all the hip places to protest."
He made Olivia laugh. "It would be my pleasure!"
They rounded the corner to Olivia's apartment and Elliot surprisingly walked into the building with her. She didn't think much of it though, sometimes he just liked to see her get home safe. She stopped at her door when she got there and turned to say goodbye, but she noticed his face was downcast.
"What's wrong?"
He shook his head. "Nothing… it's just, something's been weighing on me since you left, and… Since we're here, talking about shit…"
"What is it?"
He shuffled hit feet and stumbled over his words a bit as his gaze hit the ground. "I don't, ah… I don't expect, or, I don't think we should, but…"
He was scaring her, unsure of what the hell he was trying to tell her… shouldn't be partners? Shouldn't be friends? Spit it out!
"Maybe it can wait," he said.
"El," she placed a calming hand on his arm. "It's just me."
He finally looked into her eyes and she could see a moment of clarity. The next time he spoke, his words were calm, clear, and even.
"Liv… you're my best friend. I don't want to change that or screw it up in any way."
"Me either."
He sighed loudly. "I know we shouldn't…" He stopped, changed his mind to something that explained his concern a little better. "When you left and I didn't know when or IF I'd see you again, I couldn't get it out of my mind that the last time we…" He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "The last time I kissed my best friend was when I was angry at her. The way I dealt with you that night… It's been eating at me."
One side of Olivia's mouth curved upward and she forced herself to stay present and not get wrapped up in him more than necessary. He was just fixing a wrong, like he does. "You apologizing or asking for a redo?" she asked.
The lightness of her tone allowed Elliot to relax and he exhaled as his shoulders dropped. "I don't know. Maybe both?"
She honestly wasn't expecting him to say that. She was joking about the redo. She could feel her heart beating in her fingertips, but she kept reminding herself that he was just trying to fix their friendship. "Okay," she said, objectively. "Well, are you mad at your best friend now?"
He smiled, the most authentic smile she's seen on him in a long, long time. "No, I'm not."
"Then it's as good a time as ever."
She tried to conceal her anxiety, excitement… whatever it was she was feeling… as Elliot stepped right in front and above her, looking down, taking her face in his hands. Her arms instinctively slid up his sides and around to his back. He smiled slightly just before he moved in and pressed his lips sweetly to hers. It was the most innocent, unassuming, gentle kiss they'd ever shared. He sucked her bottom lip lightly into his, then the top. He went slow, stepping in again so his body was connected with hers, his hands raked through her hair. He was still kissing her, and she was doing a damned good job of holding her moans in. She was melting. She breathed harder and pressed back into him, opening her mouth and welcoming his tongue. He swiped her tongue with his and she noticed his breathing start to increase as well. Her back hit the door behind her. She didn't even notice him push her into it. But now he was pressing her against the hard surface and she wanted more. She moved her hands down, pulling him closer, encouraging his hips to meet hers.
Then he pulled his lips away and leaned his forehead against hers.
The abrupt ending pulled Olivia out of her daze and she regulated her breathing, hoping he didn't notice how labored it got. She blinked, her head still intimate with his, and she told herself for the fifteenth time that morning that this was about Elliot fixing their friendship the way he needed to. It wasn't anything else. At least she didn't think so.
She brought her hands to the front of his body and pushed on his chest ever so slightly to get him to back up. Once she could see his face, she smiled. "Better?"
Elliot stepped back, at first seeming a little disoriented, but soon found himself. He met her smile with his own. "Better."
"Good. Get some rest, El. Thanks for breakfast."
"I will. See you tomorrow, Liv."
She waved goodbye, walked into her apartment, and headed straight for the vibrator.
"Something about that night, that talk, and that kiss put us back on the right path and our friendship became stronger than ever, and it only grew from there. Sure, we still had some hiccups along the way, but we started fighting for each other more often than with each other, and when the sex started again, somehow it only strengthened that friendship."
