Chapter 8
Monsters
Two months.
It had been two months since Starfire first heard the two girls saying lies about Starfire to each other. It had two months since Starfire had first hurt herself. It had been two months since Starfire thought that Robin was going to tell her about his feelings for her. It had been two long months.
Although she was her cheery self when she was in the presence of others, Starfire would usually spend the rest of her free time on the roof, in her room, or walking around the city in civilian clothes with her two holographic rings. Unbeknownst to her friends, Starfire's body had developed more light pink straight lines painted across her body that was covered by her uniform. Unfortunately for Starfire, she noticed that it was taking longer for the scars to heal and it was beginning to agitate her. Many times recently had she wanted to yell at her Tamaranian anatomy to hurry up the healing process but it wouldn't comply with her. In fact, the time it took for the scars to heal affected Starfire's fighting skills.
There would be times when she knew that she would have to raise her arms and throw a starbolt, mostly because it would be the most helpful way to rid of the enemy, Starfire feared that one of her pieces of clothing would ride up a little and it would show the times that the glass was against her body. Too many times would she get a lecture from Robin and she would always give the same answer of, "I shall do better next time. I am sorry." Then Robin would soften a little and believe her.
Starfire admitted that Robin would sometimes treat her differently than the others. How he always had to have the seat that was next to hers, the way his arm would accidentally brush with hers, and how he would congratulate her on doing a good job when they came back from a battle. But what seemed the most noticeable was how he always caught her when she fell. True, Robin also caught Raven a few times but he knew that she would always pick herself right off of the ground.
Does he think that I am useless? That I cannot take care of myself and that I am rutha, weak?
Please Starfire, you cannot believe such lies can you? Of course he does not think of you as weak, no one does.
Is that so, because I cannot remember a time when Robin let us fall? Think Starfire, he does believe that you are weak. He does not trust you when you say that Tamaranians are resilient and feels that the fault will be his if one of his teammates gets hurt during a battle. He does not care for us. No one cares for us.
I must agree with her. Robin doesn't care for us. He never did and never will. He wants someone that is strong, beautiful, smart, someone that is able to blend in with others and is considered "normal", and he most definitely does not wish to have someone that is a Troq like you.
Starfire is not a Troq! Stop telling her these lies at once!
Please explain to us why you speak about us in the third person? Is it because you are embarrassed about us as a whole? We are a whole after all. We all make up one person.
No! Of course not! I merely thought that she, I meant, we need to speak to Starfire as if she is another person. We are all part of her. I am considered her conscience while you all do not help her at all.
Well we all believe that you do not help us. Help Starfire! She must know the truth! She must accept the fact that we are not thin.
We are not beautiful.
We are not strong.
I am none of those things. Robin deserves someone better than I. He deserves someone like Raven. She is better than I will ever be. I am nothing compared to her. I truly am a Troq.
"Starfire? Are you alright in there?" Starfire gasped and planted her hand atop of her mouth, as if it would make her quiet. She turned to her door where Robin was on the opposite side of and fought with her body to stop and act like she was sleeping. She couldn't stand to see him at the moment.
"Star?" Unfortunately for Starfire, her body won and before she knew it she had punched in her code and the door slid open to reveal Robin.
"Hey," Robin seemed to be relieved and showed her the smile that she adored so much.
"Greetings friend," the way Starfire had rolled the word "friend" off of her tongue surprised Robin. There were times when she would call him "friend Robin" but that only happened when she was upset at either him or at something else.
"C'mon Star, I know that something's bothering you. Can't you please tell me? We're best friends and best friends are supposed to tell each other everything."
If he is truly our best friend then why does he not tell us anything about his past? Do you wish to know who is the only person on this team that knows? Raven, she knows about him.
"Then why have you not told me anything about your past?" Robin looked taken aback as his eyebrows furrowed.
"What? What are you talking about Star?"
"Why haven't you told me anything about your past before? If we were best friends then you would have enough trust in me to tell me more about yourself."
"Why are you asking me this now? Besides, it's not like you've told me anything about your past! Why does it even matter?!"
Do you see how he is attempting to turn this on you? You have your reasons of to not tell anyone about yourself. But why must he hide? What does he have to hide?
That is true; he had just attempted to ask me the same thing.
"It matters because I would like to know that my supposedly best friend has entrusted me with something that is important!"
Starfire, stop this at once, every one of your friends have their reasons to keep to themselves. Do not act like a hypocrite and force him to tell you about himself. What if it was the other way around? Would you appreciate it if he asked you the same question?
Do not compare yourself to him. If he truly cared about you and trusted you then he would have told you already. Not when you confront him about it.
"Starfire, what's going on? You've been acting differently lately and well," Robin rubbed the back of his neck and a light pink coloring was invading his cheeks, "I worry about you."
To be honest, Starfire was astonished when she heard him say that he worried about her. She already knew this but to actually hear it coming from the source himself was enough to clarify her suspicions. "You do?"
"Of course I do Star," instead of standing in the doorway like he had, Robin took a few more steps towards Starfire and reached for her hands, "I always worry about you. When we're in battle and I see you fighting with the enemy, I just… worry that something bad is going to happen… that could affect the rest of us," Robin added in quickly. By now his hands were surrounding Starfire's but after she heard that, she gently pried hers away from his.
"There is no need to worry friend, I am fully capable of saving myself. Now if you'll please excuse me, I believe I had said that I was tired." Starfire put one hand on Robin's upper arm which sent shivers down his spine but she only used that to guide him out of her room.
Robin mentally shook his head and realized that Starfire was forcing him out of her room. He tried to get out of her grasp but she only seemed to grab him tighter each time. "But Star," by the time he had said something to resist what was happening, he was already back at the entrance of the room.
"Goodnight friend." And with that, the door closed shut in front of his face. There was silence for a minute before Starfire heard a sigh and footsteps walking away from her door. She breathed a sigh of relief and stalked back to the bed.
Do you feel better Starfire? Are you happy that you have upset Robin and possibly tainted your relationship with him?
There was never a relationship with Robin. He would never wish to pursue a relationship with me. There is only a friendship and that is all there shall be. There shall never be something more between us.
Starfire felt a tear starting to form in her eye but she took a few breaths before it forced itself back down.
I have not cried in a long time and I do not intend to relapse from it.
She put on a look of determination and made a deal with herself. She was to never cry again, even if a single tear trailed down her face, which would not be acceptable. By now, Starfire had convinced herself-or better yet her monsters convinced her- that crying was a sign of weakness. Being a princess meant that you were to have to weaknesses and that you would be a burden if you did. Not only would the enemy be able to see this and defeat you, but they would be able to hurt every single person you loved. Starfire didn't want that and that was why she made the deal.
No more tears.
No more weaknesses.
No more hurting the ones we love.
We will not be burdens.
For we are a princess and princesses do not fail.
I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! Things have gotten…well, I don't really know anymore. School ended but I need to get a job and volunteer if I want to graduate high school. I swear man, I'm losing my imagination for the stories I'm working on right now. I mean I will continue them, don't worry, but I feel like I already did everything I wanted to do. There are some new stories that I want to write and post but I decided on not doing so. How hard would that be? To be working on twenty-something stories all at once. Hopefully, nobody will have the same ideas and post them before I do.
As I was saying earlier, summer's here and I will try my best to continue writing and everything that I have to do. My laptop is still dead and I'm trying to find time to fix it. Meh! Laziness and procrastination really help me! Please review, favorite, follow, and all that other good stuff! I don't own anything but Warner Bros. and DC Comics do!
Always yours,
light is in the dark
P.S. Sorry about this chapter. I believe that things should pick up soon but please tell me what you thought about this one! And if you're wondering why I decided to update all of my stories today of all days, it's because I was determined to finish them today and give something to you guys instead of the other way around. I doubt you will understand what I just said but if you did them congratulations to you! Not many people can understand me and how I do things or how I say them.
Monsters
They understand me.
They know how I feel and they don't judge.
They tell the truth and don't feed me lies.
I don't want to share them with anyone else because I know how they can be.
No one can understand them.
As helpful as they are sometimes, they can be an annoyance.
As soon as you feel the slightest bit happy, they can tear you down.
If you didn't understand this then you should be thankful.
Not everyone has them and they are nearly different for everybody.
This is just a fraction of what they do to me.
