Chapter 8 We wait,we change
A few days later
"We don't have to do this you know, or more accurately you don't have to do this. Jeff will understand if you didn't want to work the show tonight." Alex said from his spot behind me as we both hurried across the parking-lot in the back of the arena while he tried to get me to turn around at every step we made. He had been doing it the whole ride here and I knew it wouldn't let up until I stepped through the door into the building. And he knew it too but it didn't stop him from trying. It was sort of sweet to see him go so overboard into convincing me to go home because he thought it was for the best and it was for that reason that I hadn't gotten annoyed at him just yet. Alex reached my side and pulled me to a stop right before I reached the door. "Savannah come on, do you really think you're up for the taping tonight? Especially with everything that happened in the last few days?"
"I know where you're going with this and I'm going to stop you before you get more worked up then you already are." I placed my hand against his shoulder to keep him from tugging me in the other direction toward the car. "I am fine with wrestling tonight. I'm not going to mess up like I did the last time because I'm not distracted. In fact, I feel better then I have in a long time because I'm not holding it in anymore. Now I can actually be more focused on work then before. So this is a good thing."
"I'm glad you think that but I'm still concerned that you're jumping back in before you're ready. You just divulged a secret you've been keeping to yourself for 2 years and I watched the toll it took on you these last few days. After seeing you like that, it's hard for me to accept that you can just jump back into work without any ill effects." He explained, his forehead wrinkling into a frown as he looked down at me. It was a look that had taken place over the pitying look he had been wearing that first night and I was glad for the change. At least this look of concern meant it hadn't changed how he looked at me which had been one of my biggest fears. Alex's fingers squeezed my arm to get my attention back on him. "Look, just go back to the house and relax and I'll talk to Jeff. He was the one who said you could take tonight off and I …."
"Alex, you're sweet for being so worried but I am fine. And I want to be here." I placed my hands on either side of his face so he knew I was serious and he would stop questioning me on this. "I can't sit around the house anymore like I did this weekend. I need to get out and start my life again. And TNA is my life, so please just let it go."
"I guess I don't have a choice in the matter do I?" He asked with a slight smirk before he rolled his eyes and nodded to the door behind us. "Alright, let's go get this show started."
"That's the spirit." I kissed him quickly on the cheek before rushing through the doorway before he could take back his submission and entered the dimly lit back hallway of the backstage area. Alex let the door slam shut behind him before he reached my side and we started walking again. I glanced at him to see that he was still studying me curiously. "Alex, relax already. I swear you're more worked up about this then I am."
"I just can't believe that you can be so ok. I mean, I've never seen you that low before and..." Alex didn't finish his thought but I knew what he meant. I had been to the lowest depths I had ever been at and he had been witness to it. So it was probably impossible to him that I would be bale to get back up again to where I was before and come into work like nothing had happened. "I just don't want you to feel pressured or anything."
"I've learned how to put my pain behind me so I can get back to living my life. It's how I operated so well for the past two years, by keeping myself moving forward so it wouldn't catch up to me." I told him with a tiny shrug as I thought of my behavior since the rape. It wasn't that I never thought about it since then, but I refused to dwell on it so much that I became depressed all the time. I had wanted as normal a life as possible with everything that everyone else had. And the only way to do that was to keep pushing through so the bad things couldn't catch up. And I was still trying to apply that to now. "It's a habit for me, I was sad enough the first few days after the rape. I don't want to feel that way anymore."
"I guess I understand that but...Oh great." Alex stopped in mid step and I watched as his eyes suddenly narrowed as if in annoyance and when I followed the direction of his gaze, I saw the reason for his sudden mood swing. Bobby Roode had come in to the hallway in front of us and I saw his eyes dart over to where we were standing, a look of concern in his normally stern face that Alex obviously did not appreciate judging by his response. "Move along why don't you."
"Alex, don't be rude." I said under my breath, feeling my face burn from his sudden flare of jealousy that was as obvious as the sky being blue. I smiled apologetically at Bobby, seeing that he had no idea what was going on. "Ignore him, he's had a rough few days."
"Apparently so." Bobby replied a little testily, being the one who was irked when he got an unwarranted look from someone. He fortunately chose to move along and forgo any further interaction with us. He nodded his head at me. "Nice seeing you Savannah."
"Yea, you too." I waved at him, watching him head down the hallway before turning to face Alex with a raised eyebrow. "You want to tell me what that was about?"
"Not really."
20 minutes later
"OK Jeff, what the hell is your problem?" Savannah's slightly annoyed tone filled his ears as he pushed the young blonde girl into his office and closed the door behind him. He watched as she crossed her arms around herself, looking almost like an older version of his eldest daughter with her blonde hair and blue eyes. But there was also a trace of weariness in her eyes that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else except for him. It had been the reason why he had intercepted her in the hallway just minutes ago and asked to speak to her in the privacy of his office and she had come willingly even though he hadn't told her the reason why he wanted to talk to her. It was a delicate subject that couldn't be spoken out loud in the openness of the backstage area and he knew if he even hinted at it, then she would never forgive him. But now that they were alone, she was sending him a look that said she was quickly losing her patience. "Are you going to tell me why you dragged me into your office or are you going to make me guess?"
"First off, I have to say I'm surprised that you showed up today. I was sure that after the last few days,you would have taken my suggestion and just stayed at home." He admitted to her as they both sat down on the sofa set against the wall across from his desk. He observed the way her face twitched slightly and he was once again overcome with a wave of harnessed raged when he thought about what she had gone through but he had to hold it back or else it would take over. And that wasn't even taken into account the reserve rage he had built up over finding something else out. He laid his arm across the back of the couch and watched her. "No one would have thought anything of it if you had, I would have come up with something to tell the rest of the team."
"Look, I appreciate what you were trying to do but I'm going to tell you what I told Alex when he brought this up." She cut in, running her hands through her hair with an expression of quiet frustration that made her resemble her father almost. She didn't realize it, but Savannah was more like Vince then anyone could see. Granted he would never say that to her since it was obvious that any mention of her family was painful for her, but he often just sat back in amazement of how this little girl had grown up so very different from her crazy family but still developed her own version of their traits. She stared at him with intense eyes before she said. "I am fine to be working here tonight. I am more focused then I have been in a while, thanks to all the unloading I did these past few days. So please stop second guessing my choice to be here."
"Alright if that's what you want." He relented, knowing there was no point in prolonging this concern since it was so apparent that she didn't want to hear it anymore. He wasn't surprised that Alex had been the first to question her about it, that kid cared for her more then she wanted to acknowledge and of course he wouldn't not bring it up today. Savannah was lucky to have him at her side, especially now that her secret was out. But there was something even she didn't know, something that had been between him and Alex since last night. "Savannah, I feel the need to mention something to you and I'm not sure how you are going to react."
"Oh boy that means its something that I'm really not going to like to hear." She rolled her eyes into the back of her head and rubbed her small hand down her face. "Just tell me and get it over with."
"I talked to Alex last night and he uh...he told me about...Randy." Jeff felt his hands clench when he said that name, feeling the same fury and rage he felt when Alex had told him who the rapist had been. But this time, he was able to keep it from showing on his face when Savannah's eyes snapped open to stare at him in shock. He couldn't look away from her even despite the storm that was raging inside his chest that begged him to go hunt down that asshole and beat him to a bloody pulp. He wanted to do that so badly and it had been all he dreamed about all night. He knew that kid, heard about the way he was behind the scenes but knowing that he had been the one to rape Savannah, it just made him more of an asshole then he had been before. Savannah was like his daughter, he felt like her second father her entire life. And he wanted to hurt the bastard who hurt her. But he knew he couldn't. He looked at her angry face and said. "I'm sorry, he just thought I should know..."
"That wasn't his place to say anything. I told him not to say anything." Savannah's hands curled into tight balls in her lap, her bright blue eyes turning dark and stormy but she didn't let her anger come out. "And just so we're clear, you're not going to say a word about this to anyone..."
"I won't I promise." He held up his hands to show his sincerity even though he wanted nothing more then to kill Randy as he was sure Alex wanted to do as well. But the last thing Savannah needed was either of them in jail for assault. He watched her study him and he was once again struck by the sense of how much he felt like she was one of his children. But she wasn't, she may have felt like it but she had her own family that she needed to reconnect with more then ever. "Savannah, you really should tell your family about this. Randy needs to be punished for what he did..."
"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't thought about wanting to get revenge on him for raping me? Of course I want him to pay for what he did. He's the fucking lowest form of scum on this planet, he should have repercussions for his actions." She snapped, the fire flaring up in her eyes in a way it never had before. It was the first time in the last few days that he had seen her look angry rather then sad when talking about the rape. It was an odd but refreshing change, he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her sad one more time. "Jeff, I know Randy deserves to be punished but I also know that it will never happen. There's no evidence of the rape and too much time has passed to prove the truth. So there's no point in trying, nothing can be done and it will only cause unneeded trouble."
"You should still tell your parents, they may be hard asses but they would believe you if you said something." Jeff tried to point out but Savannah was already shaking her head no. He knew how stubborn her parents were and how unreasonable they could be about everything. But this was their daughter, their youngest child. They wouldn't just let this go without consequence. Savannah had to know that. "Hun look, I know its..."
"Jeff, I'm not discussing this with you or anyone. It's done and over with and talking about it won't change anything." She stood up with her arms crossed over her chest and moved towards the door just as he got to his feet. "Look, I have to go get ready for my match. I'll see you later."
Jeff watched her leave the room with the sense that just because she said it was over, that it meant it indeed wasn't over. Not by a very long shot.
55 minutes later
"Nice match Savannah...You were great out there."
"That was awesome, good to see you back on your game."
"Entertaining, pure and simple as that."
"Thanks guys, that's really nice of you to say." I waved at a group of male wrestlers as they passed by my spot in front of the monitor and smiled gratefully for their compliments on my match with Velvet Sky which had ended without any mishaps or mistakes on my part. I didn't win, but I didn't end up hurting myself like I did the last time and that could only count as a victory for a week like this one. After I had gotten backstage, I didn't even bother going back to the locker-room to change as Alex and Chris had their match right after mine and I didn't want to miss it. So I went to the nearest monitor backstage and stood in front of it to watch them walk down the ramp to the ring with smirking, charming looks of theirs that only made me shake my head with a small smile. "You guys are one of a kind."
I had always enjoyed watching Alex and Chris wrestle together, not just because they were my friends and I was involved with Alex, but also because they were just honestly a great tag team together. I guess when you have a friend just like those two then its impossible not to be good in the ring together. Alex and Chris had been working with each other for so long throughout their careers that they knew each others next move before the other even executed it. It was truly fascinating to watch, not to mention it made their victories all the more awesome because of their close friendship. They really were more like brothers then just best friends and it amazed me even to this day that I had been accepted into their twosome as easily as I had. Most of the time a friendship like that is unwilling to change for new people, but it must have been fate because I blended into their goofy and crazy world as if I had been there all along instead of just the past few years. And as I watched them both dive over the rope onto their opponents, it struck me just how much the three of us had become a family. It hadn't occurred to me until lately just how much I leaned on them for support and it was apparent after this week that I needed them more then ever. Even when I wasn't totally ready to face the past.
I focused my eyes on the screen just as the camera caught the devious look Chris and Alex were sending each other and it was obvious to everyone looking at the both right now that there had been no other team lately that was as close as these two were. I don't think I ever met two guys who were this comfortable with one another, they had a bond that was as tight as if they had been family. There were no two people like this.
Except for the two that I hadn't thought about in the same thought in a very long time. John and Randy.
I nearly cringed when that thought passed through my head but once it was there, it was stuck and I had no choice but to see it through. John and Randy. Yea, those two were exactly like Alex and Chris and I couldn't believe I hadn't been reminded of that fact until now. But it was so appallingly obvious that I felt like a moron for not remembering it, even though I couldn't be blamed for not wanting to think of Randy. But John on the other hand had always been my friend and I had barely thought of him at all in the last 2 years. Except for when I ran into him at the gym, that was the most contact we had since before the rape. We weren't the best of friends,but we were close enough that he had tried to contact me a dozen times that first year I was gone and I had always ignored every attempt.
But now that I was watching Alex and Chris wrestle together and being as close as they were, I couldn't help but remember that John and Randy were exactly the same way. So close that they were more brothers then friends. John had befriended Randy years before he came to the WWE and it was often commented on by the other wrestlers how close they were. I didn't like to think of someone as nice as John being best friends with a guy like Randy but John had no idea what his supposed friend had done to me. He was still under the impression that Randy was a good guy and I hated to think how devastated he would be if he ever knew about this. But then again, it just occurred to me that even though John had been my friend and I had never lied to him before, if he ever knew the truth then he would more likely believe Randy over me any day. Simply because Randy was his best friend and he had probably never had any reason to doubt his word. And knowing that I would already have one person not believing me about the rape made me fill up with an overwhelming sadness that kept me cold for a few minutes as I tried to gather my composure again.
"Hey, what's with the sad look?" Bobby's voice came from the space behind me and I turned my head just in time to see him step up beside me with his arms crossed and his chin motioning to the monitor. "Your boys just won, shouldn't you be like jumping for joy?"
"Oh shit, I totally missed the ending." I slapped my hand to my forehead and returned my eyes back to the monitor just to see Alex and Chris climb to opposite turnbuckles with their arms raised. They had won just like Bobby said and I had been so consumed with my thoughts that I had missed their ending. There would be replays but it was very rare that I missed a victory of theirs the first time around. I turned to look at Bobby with a frown. "This has just not been the greatest week for me."
"Yea, I kind of figured that." He replied in a semi heavy tone as he kept his eyes trailed on the monitor but I could tell he really wanted to say something that was unrelated to the match that had just ended. "So..since you brought it up,how have you been doing since...everything.."
"Um, it's been tough and really sad. And I'm, not going to pretend like it's not still an issue. But I'm ok." I said quickly, not wanting to get too into it like I had with Alex and Jeff. Not that it mattered since I had basically fallen apart in Bobby's arms only days ago, but it still didn't make it any more comfortable to be talking about it again. And still I was painfully aware of how much he had been there for me and I wanted to show my gratitude. "Look, I don't think I ever said thank you for talking to me that night, so I'm going to say it now..."
"There's no need to, I already knew what you meant." Bobby shook his head at me, cutting me off from going on with my thank you which I appreciated it more because any mention of why I had to be thankful in the first place was tough for me. But I was holding it together pretty well in front of him. He reached over and pat my shoulder with a grin. "You'll be fine. I have a good feeling..."
"What the heck is this?" Alex's voice called out from the opening of the tunnel and both Bobby and I turned to see Alex and Chris stepping down to the backstage area and walking towards us. And while Chris just looked indifferent at the sight of Bobby, Alex looked pissed.
"Alex, calm down. We were just talking." I said before either of them reached us because I knew if Alex got the first word then it would turn into an argument and I wanted to avoid that if possible. Chris stood back from the three of us, not wanting to get involved unless I asked him too but Alex came right up to and sent Bobby a glare so dark that the Canadian frowned and stepped back in confusion. This was not good. "Uh Bobby, maybe you should go."
"Yea, I think that's a good idea." Alex practically snapped, causing me to look at him sharply for his tone. He never spoke to anyone like that unless he had a reason to. And as far as I could tell, Bobby had done nothing to him to warrant this. But still the taller man took notice of Alex's attitude towards him and left us alone to disappear down another hallway before Alex turned his eyes back on me. "And what the hell was that about?"
"Oh Alex, shut up."
1 hour later
"I'm just saying that I don't like how much Bobby has been popping up in your life that's all." Alex said to me later that night as we were pulling out of the parking-lot on our way home after the show and he continued his tirade on Bobby like he had been since he had walked away from us just over an hour ago. I thought he would give it a rest once we had left the building and were alone in the car together but not once did he stop to take a breather. He just went on and on about how Bobby never had crossed paths with me all that much in the two years I had been here and now just because he was the first to know my secret that it gave him some sort of right to try and be around me more. Alex was off on a tangent and I knew there would be no getting a word in until he stopped, so I just sat in the passenger seat with my elbow on the window ledge and stared at him as he sent me a wild look. "He's just become friendlier and I don't like it."
"Oh for God sakes Alex, he is not trying to pick me up or anything so just stop it already." I exclaimed, rolling my eyes at this ridiculous claim he had come up with today just like I had thought when I first found Bobby staring at me. But unlike Alex, I was open enough to talk to Bobby to find out that he wasn't interested in me that way. "Yes, Bobby and I haven't exactly interacted all that much while I've been here but he was able to reach out to me in way that neither you or Chris could have done. His sister was raped just like I was and he is only trying to be a good friend because he knows what I'm going through. And your jealousy is starting to get on my nerves..."
"I'm not jealous!" Alex snapped a little too harshly and only solidified my claim that he was, but I knew he would never admit it. His hands gripped the wheel tightly as if holding on to it would control his rage. "And even if I was, I wouldn't be jealous over him. He's not that impressive."
"Actually he is impressive, at least to me." I said smartly, knowing it would get under his skin and I was right when his eyes left the road for a moment and widened in anger at me. "Just kidding. But seriously, he's not that bad. He's actually a nice guy."
"He seems more like a dick to me." Alex grumbled, turning back to the highway and leaned back in the seat with more force then was needed. He was silent for a few seconds before he said. "I'm not jealous."
"OK fine, you're not jealous." I agreed with him only for the sole purpose to get him to calm down for the first time all day and just sat there watching him out of the corner of my eye. I knew without him even saying it that he was jealous of Bobby, he was just too proud to admit. But it did show in his face and he wasn't afraid to let it out in that way. I couldn't be entirely annoyed by this because deep down I knew he was only acting like this because he loved me and hated the idea of me being paid attention by any man besides him, Chris or Jeff. He cared so deeply for me and it didn't matter if he made a fool out of himself in the process as long as he knew he still had me. And it dawned on me right then and there that despite the heaviness of the last few days from remembering the rape and all the pain I had suffered in the years after it, I had still managed to fall in love with this crazy jealous man in the car next to me. The thought filled me up with warmth and put a bright smile on my face.
"You think this is funny? My thoughts and opinions about this are funny to you?" He growled when he caught sight of my smile and it only seemed to irk him further. "How can you think this is funny?"
"I don't think it's funny...I'm just happy to be going home." I told him, trying to dim my upturned lips and turned my attention forward so he wouldn't sense my stare on him as we headed towards home. "Just drive."
A/N: So Alex is somewhat jealous of Bobby...how cute is that even if it is nothing to be worried about...but his jealousy continnues into the next chapter which leads him to making a confession that is 2 yeaars in the making...stay tuned for more, this fic is only starting to get heavy
